A/N The flashbacks continue and I am sorry if the tenses of verbs have confused you.
Their first kiss happened 6 weeks before the meeting at the Dirty Robber. The flashbacks on chapter 2 (their first time), happened 4 weeks before the Robber. The events in this chapter (their first date) happen 2 weeks after the first time. So, all their sexual encounters, which are also milestones in their relationship are separated by 2 weeks, if that makes it easier for you.

(That's how long they can manage to keep their hands to themselves).

...

We find our ME and Detective at the Robber again, a continuation of their conversation where it was left the last time, and we have another flashback, of their second sexual encounter. Now from Jane's POV. The few sentences in bold are their thoughts at the moment (if that helps to understand it better). This chapter was the hardest for me to write but it's also my favorite. I hope you enjoy it too, and thank you all for the support. Please remember that reviews are more that appreciated.


Jane POV

"Yes. Yes, Jane, I believe you." I sighed and smiled, but it when off quickly when I realized she wasn't done. "But this doesn't make it better. Actually, I'm afraid it makes it worse." What? What was that supposed to mean? I was as confused and hurt as I've ever been to hear her say that, and it must have showed in my face cause her gaze softened for just one second.

"Don't say that please. Look I know it isn't perfect ok?" I was ready to rip my heart out and give it to her if that meant she would believe me.

She nodded and let me continue. "But it's not worse. I'm trying Maur', really trying and I know it's not enough, that you need more, you deserve more but that's what scares me." I couldn't look her in the eyes when I was about to break both of our hearts. "We can't and we won't be together."

My voice came out firm and she moved her hands from the table and sat up to leave. She stumbled a bit when she got up and I would reach for her if I had the strength to let go after I'd touched her.

So I decided not to take a chance, and let her walk out of the bar, walk out of our friendship, affair or whatever but I couldn't make her walk out from my heart. I owed her that, the devotion of loving her, that came with the devastation of not having her, but it never made me love her any less. I realized this was the first time I was admitting this to myself, let alone someone else. I loved Maura Isles, no, I was in love with Maura… my Maura, as I knew her.

2 weeks ago

I was so angry, Casey and I fought on Skype as he said he would take one more month to come home. At first I was about to yell and get mad but then I realized I didn't care enough to do that.

I hadn't missed him that much so if he needed three more weeks I was ready to give it to him. That way I got mad at myself for being so neglectful of him and the fact we didn't have any lead on the case didn't make it better. This woman had been dead for 24 hours, her killer may have fled the country and we still didn't have any clue who he or she might be.

I decided to work it out, take all the anger out on the leather dummy. 2 hours of sweating later I thought it was time to hit the shower and lay down because I was exhausted. It was 8 pm when the phone rang. Her name flashed and I hesitated for a second before pressing answer.

"Jane?" As I didn't say any word.

"Yeah, Maura. What is it?"

"Nothing important. I was just wondering if you'd like to go out and have a drink."
I did a double take on the phone. It was like she was asking me out on a date. I chuckled.

"Yeah? You were just wondering huh?" My voice a little flirty even though it was not intentional.

"Well, yes. If you can't or don't want to-" Her voice insecure.

"No, no. I … want to." I smiled on the phone, feeling like I was 16 all over again. I could swear she was smiling back.

"Pick you up in half an hour? I'm already dressed." Her voice got a little excited at the last sentence. Typical Maura.

"Ok, see you in half an hour." I hung up and I realized I haven't asked where we were going but since she was picking me up, and mentioned she was dressed, it meant she was fixed up to the nines.


I wore a dress and heels too, no way I was going to embarrass myself or her going to a fancy restaurant looking like I just got off work. I even tried to brush my hair a little but I let them hang over my shoulders in the end.

When she knocked and I opened the door all my bundled self-esteem in the last minutes fell to the floor. She looked breathtaking. Her lazy curls above one of her shoulders making up for the strapless dress she was wearing and the one bare side of her neck decorated with a pair of earrings that I would think are too heavy, but she could pull them off amazingly.

Her dress tight all around but she didn't look cheap as it went to her knees and the material seemed to be high quality and good design too. I was so in awe I didn't see she was almost gaping too.

"You look gorgeous." She said and I couldn't figure out if she was surprised or was just being polite.

"Thanks… Well, that dress definitely does you justice" I didn't mean to but my eyes washed her over once again and I smirked. I was flirting and I didn't even realized it until it was too late.

"Thank you" She smiled and I saw her blush a little even though she tried to be as normal as possible.

"Where are we going?"

"Surprise" And she let out that blinding grin of her, and I couldn't even frown let alone make a sound.


We drove to a fancy French restaurant who's name I couldn't pronounce correctly let alone spell and after I gave her permission she ordered for both of us, apologizing I couldn't have beer with that because "the authentic flavor of it would be spoiled" or something like that.

The dishes came and we sat there eating almost in silence as I waited for her to begin. To ask, to scream, anything.
As if she was feeling my tension she reached for my arm and said.

"I just want to have a quiet dinner now Jane. And I want to have it with you. This place is lovely and I haven't been here before so I'd like to enjoy it." She made sure we were making eye contact all the time. "We can talk later in the evening, if you'd like that."

God, she was being so polite. I spent the night with her and didn't even have the decency to be there when she woke up, or explain myself later and she acted like I haven't done anything wrong. She was giving me a way out, making me feel more guilty. I smiled, a few more seconds passed and as I was appreciating the restaurant, it hit me.
"You had made reservation for today didn't you?"

"Yes, I had." She answered sharply, not wanting to talk anymore about it but I wasn't ready to let go just yet.

"How come? I mean … you called me barely minutes ago, I could have said no. Did you … did you had plans with someone else?"The last sentence came out a little louder that I indented. I saw her switch in defense mode, watching out for hives.

"No. I didn't have plans with anyone else about tonight."Her voice was calculative, like she was giving a job interview.

"So you didn't have any plans?" I was watching her chest for hives. "You didn't have any idea if I would even answer the phone, let alone come. For more, reservations to places like this take weeks, you couldn't possibly …" I stopped as I realized, and her head dropped down a little as she stared at the table avoiding my eyes.

"Maura … when exactly have you made this reservations and for whom?" that was a very direct question she couldn't avoid.

"I have made the reservations 3 weeks ago, and my intention, as previously said, was for you to join me."

"3 weeks ago? That's one week after … oh my! And you didn't cancel even after …" Any guilt I was feeling earlier magnified and now it was like a tight knot on my throat, making it hard for me to even breathe.

"Jane, please. I don't want to have this conversation right now, here. Can we just finish our meal and discuss later about the chronology of the events?"She she forced a smile, and I could never say no to her face like that.

I nodded and in every bite I tried to swallow a little bit of my guilt too, but it wasn't working. She remained calm on the surface, but I knew her. I had spoiled her evening with my questions and what was yet to come would be even more unpleasant.


We drove quietly to her place and she didn't even ask if I wanted to go home. As polite and kind she was, I owed her a conversation and she wanted to be in her own territory as if to win more ground before hand. We stepped inside, took off our heels and when she opted for the couch I followed her. She didn't change her dress or worried about getting wrinkled when she sat on the couch and that was saying something. I sat as away from her as I could and turned a little to face her.

"Maura, I … I don't know where to begin." She had the same puzzled look as I and I knew right there this wouldn't be easy, not even close.

"Maura, I can't even apologize. I don't know what to say, how to make it better and the-"

"How about what you feel?"She straightened up and it was a losing game from then on, I knew it. "I don't want your apologies, I want to know how you feel."

"Well, I … I'm afraid I can't answer that." I had already resigned.

"You are a human Jane. You are capable of emotions and you're intelligent and grown up enough to understand and name them. I don't want an explanation, I don't want reasons, no apologies, I want to know …" She reached for my hand and the look in her eyes was soft, maybe not everything was lost. I met her halfway and squeezed, I needed insurance, someone to tell me it would be okay."I want to know, what you feel."

"I feel …" Terrified, confused, angry, but neither strong enough to compare. She smiled as I began and I smiled back. "Good, this… you … and me … I … feel good."

I couldn't say more than that and I hopped she understood I didn't mean just there in the moment, and that good was too poor to describe what I felt around her. I must have thought out loud or something cause her hand moved to my face and she kissed me.

Soft and gentle, and very short but when she pulled back; I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her leave, I needed her, God, I craved her. I craved the touch of her hand on my shoulder, pulling me closer, her lips moving against mine, her tongue as we were kissing asking for permission that I would never deny, not in this lifetime. Her warmth all around me, her body pressed underneath mine. It was the third time I had her like that and I thought "I could do this; I can spend all my evenings with you all around me."

She reached for the hem of my dress and began caressing the inside of my thigh, just a little above my knee. I grabbed the wrist of the hand that was playing with my curls and took it to zipper.

In that moment, her lips on my neck changed the rhythm, and as she sucked and kissed every place she could reach, I fell my dress being pulled of my shoulder, and left there between us still on me, but now she could move her kisses lower in my chest. I wanted you, I had you but I still wanted you, like this wasn't close enough.

I stood up, and urged her to do the same.
"Take it off, all of it, I want it off." I was screaming and whispering and she shot me one look that I got scared, thinking she wanted this to end, right there and then.

She undressed quickly and I did the same and she took my hand and we almost ran to the bedroom. I was like déjà-vu.

As soon as she closed the door behind us, I pushed her against it, kissing her like I wanted to breathe from her lungs and then let her go stepping back. She is so gorgeous, so absolutely ravishing that I couldn't even find the words. I reached for her and cupped her cheek.

"Maura … you … are … breathtaking." I took a pause to hold my breath between each word, and I didn't have to fake it. It was painful to infuse my lungs with sufficient air as she was looking at me with those eyes, those eyes who got teary so I kissed them, and then kissed her forehead, then her nose, her chin, her throat, her collarbones one by one, her chest.

Each kiss was barely a brush of lips but I was taking my time and my hands in her waist felt her skin get goose bumps. I smiled against her breast and moved my hand to cup them. I was leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses on her soft skin there and when I reached her nipple she whimpered. So I continued to lap and suck and nibble and do anything else it came in my mind as I heard her reaction, to find out what did she like best. I gave the same treatment to the other and I haven't even realized but I was being pulled against her again, in her bed this time.

I acted totally on instinct and reached my hand between her thighs and left enough space if she wanted to do the same, which she did. Her fingers were warm, thin and gentle as she rubbed back and forth and I had to bite her shoulder to stifle a moan.

She whimpered and her touch became fast and more frantic but she stopped abruptly as I used two of my fingers to enter her. I was caught between the feeling of her warmth and wetness tightening around my fingers and the slight discomfort at the lost contact.

I picked up my pace, tried to find what she liked more, and continued my casual kissing and nipping at her neck, her earlobe, her jaw, her cheek, and whispered her name over and over again against her skin. I straddled one of her thighs, my hips moving in sync with my hands. My thumb was running circles over and around her most sensitive spot and she was thrusting against me, clutching at my shoulder blades and letting out soft moans that only made me hungrier.

"Oohh … God … Oh my … aaahhh … Jane… Yes, yes… I'm ... am … so cl… oohhh… Jane" Her eyes fluttered a few times as she was trying to keep my gaze and I didn't need to hear the ending of that sentence.

I thrusted a few more times as hard and fast as I could then curled my fingers inside her. She began shaking and I felt myself tremble too, I slowed down, still inside her. Each and every time I seemed to think she has never looked more beautiful flew out of the window at the sight of her biting her lip, shutting her eyes closed, her mouth slightly opened. As selfish as it may seem I'll admit I feel good for being the one to make her feel that way. My fingers were now still as she was tightening around them, but I didn't move them until I knew it was too much, and she became too sensitive. Now came my second favorite part, when I just held her.

When our breathing became normal, she turned her head and found me staring at her. I bit my lip and reached for her waist rolling her on top of me, putting my lips on hers, breathing her in. She smiled and tilted her head; in that cute way that only she knows how, so that she might be the most gorgeous thing I'll ever lay my eyes on. But she wasn't mine, and I wasn't hers either.

I crawled from underneath her and I saw her face change several times, millions of thoughts, I didn't dare to ask, but she looked calm when I entered the bathroom.

I washed my face and guilt crept over me again. I was cheating on my loving fiancé, who was a good person and cared about me, so he didn't deserve it. I was letting my lust taking the best of me and I was using my best friend. I didn't even have the strength to look at myself in the mirror.

When I came back she was lying on her side, her eyes closed but there was no way she was asleep already. The knot in my throat came again, and I knew she was waiting for me to make a move. She wasn't pressuring me, she was giving me a choice , but I knew better than to think she didn't care. She must have felt me in the room, and when I walked over the door.

"Don't leave." Her voice too loud and firm for her to be sleeping. I wasn't surprised. "Stay."
Her eyes were still closed and if I didn't see her mouth moving I would've thought I was hearing voices.

"Maura, I…" She opened her eyes and turned to look at me, on a sitting position now.

"You can't?" Her voice was soft and pained, but there was so much disappointment in there I thought it would crush me. "Why?" Casey's not home… I heard it in my mind, she didn't need to say it.

"Maura, I'm so…" I didn't know what to say at all.

"Sorry? God, Jane you've apologized so much, I doubt you even know what you are sorry for. Why Jane? Why are you sorry?" There was anger added to the pain this time and she was trying to swallow the tears.

The truth is I didn't really know, maybe because it was a lot of things, maybe because it was everything and nothing. Because this situation was so messed up but 10 minutes ago, there, with her, it felt so right. I lowered my head.

"You can't do this Jane. Not anymore. You are engaged Jane, you belong to someone else." She huffed and stood up. There was silence for a minute, she was trying to gather her thoughts. "I thought you were just confused. I thought you were having cold feet and we got drunk and things got a little out of hand. I don't know. I would've understood that Jane. But this? I can't let you do this. I wanna ask you something. I need an honest answer."

I nodded.

"What do you feel for me? Or no, better, what do you want? From me? From us?"

I bit my lip and I tried so hard to come up with a straight and clear answer but everything mingled in my head.

Your body, your warmth, your touch, your lips on mine, the smell of your hair, your smile, the sound of your laugh … all. I couldn't find the courage to name any of them. Her voice came low but still hard.

"I need to hear it from you Jane. Cause I'm not blind or stupid. But I need to hear it from you."

I got lost. What was she …

"I've seen the way you look at me, like I'm the only one in the room. And other times like I'm the most beautiful thing you've even seen." Her voice shivered occasionally but she managed to keep down the tears. The only thing I could do was stare, not moving. "And the way you talk to me, your voice always gets soft and gentle, and even when you use sarcasm your eyes remain loving and caring and I can't even begin to get mad at you…"

She approached and we were just a foot away. "And I feel the way you touch me, the way you claim me, but yet you seem to get scared. I feel how much you want me, and I feel you holding back, like I'm some glass statue that you can break."

I needed to get out, this woman had been reading my mind and I thought she hasn't even noticed. I turned around, took a step.

"You can't do this Jane." All the gentleness had left her voice and anger was the only thing I could hear. "You come here, you kiss me like your life depends on it, you say you need me, you say I'm beautiful, you take me and ravish me, and I've never been handled that way in my life." She was talking now, but not to me, it was like she was thinking out loud. Too loud.

"Never someone has been so strong and raw yet so gentle and caring, never someone stopped to look at me for minutes, but I wasn't surprised. They didn't know me well enough, I didn't know them either, but you … just… You overpowered every expectancy I had, and in just one night you turned my life upside down. So no Jane, you can't do this, and if you walk out that door, you don't have the right to touch me again."

I was beyond numbness, her anger was so fierce and it scared me. The Maura I knew was gentle and polite, she was kind and chipper most of the time, she smiled and laughed, she enjoyed from the smallest things in live to expensive and refined items. The Maura I knew … I would never hurt her. Tears were creeping down my cheeks, so I did what I knew to do best. I ran away … again.


A/NYes, Jane is a little hard to love, but you have to admit this isn't so out of character. She is not that comfortable being that close to people, letting them in, and Maura is the one who has always been the closest to her. With the physical approach now it seems to be "TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT". Hope that makes sense.