A/N: I just wanted to drop a quick note for anyone who may be confused about the timeline in this fic before we reach the midway point – each one of Duo's chapters is going backwards through time and each one of Heero's is going forwards. ;-P So there is no actual "present" but you'll see next week what my thinking here was. As always, thanks for reading! :D


13 Days Until Last Communication

Their eyes met in an obvious battle of wills – Duo's brows drawn down in frustration, hands on his hips in an aggressive stance while Heero's arms crossed over his chest defensively, teeth grit to the point of pain.

It had been like this between them more and more lately. Duo just had to fight him about every little thing. Wouldn't listen. Wouldn't let anything go. If he would just –

"Come on. Say it," Duo growled, waiting for the repercussions, waiting for the hurtful words they were both becoming too accustomed to hearing, whether from their own lips or the lips of the man they loved.

And Heero did love him. He didn't love him any less for this, in fact, it was his love that drove them to this every time. His sick imagination, his fear, his insecurity – no, his inability to do anything meaningful to protect Duo from the inevitable.

"I'm not doing this right now," Heero muttered out, trying to be the bigger man as he headed for the door.

Unfortunately, Duo would always be faster than him and he grabbed his arm before he reached it. Heero yanked away from him, throwing himself off balance, falling backwards into the door with a slam. His eyes glared hurt from beneath his bangs, feeling particularly ineffectual in that moment as he tried to regain his balance. How could he hope to protect him when he struggled to walk? He was disgusted with himself. Essentially, he was just a cripple, and he always would be.

The way Duo's eyes widened in fear and apology only made him feel worse and he growled a little, protectively, as he turned the door handle and struggled out, slamming the door behind him and leaving Duo behind.

Cloaking himself in his own dark thoughts he wandered west, towards the coast. He'd never make it there, of course, even on a good day he was slower than Duo's casual pace and a brisk walk took a lot of exertion and mental fortitude but then he was used to it – used to being less than everyone else. And typically that didn't bother him so much. He had plenty of skill sets that placed him well above average but when it came to Duo...

He was forced to wonder if maybe there wasn't someone better for Duo out there, someone who had a better shot at keeping him safe. His heart ached but then he just loved him so much... He would do anything for Duo. And if that included giving him up to someone who could take better care of him, then... Then he would do it. Heero wanted to be man enough to take proper care of him but the fact of the matter was that he just wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't a man at all.

Eventually, he slowed to a stop, feeling uncertain, feeling like he didn't know where he was going – and not just with regards to this particular moment because physically he really didn't know where he was going. He stared up at the stars, dimmed so dramatically by light pollution, and he felt frustrated. Trapped. He was so wound up in his fears, in vague possibilities that he was letting them spill into all his interactions with Duo. He was so afraid of losing him, he really was losing him – losing him to a fantasy of events that might not even happen.

A weary sigh escaped his lips and he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. What the fuck was he thinking? He had a good thing here – he sure as fuck didn't want to ruin it over his all too vivid imagination.

Cars passed by but then it was their car pulling up to the side of the road and Heero didn't bother to look over, just kept staring up like he always did. At this point, Duo understood.

Fuck, Duo understood so much about him it was sick. A little piece of him was disgusted that he brought the car, disgusted that Duo would know he was exhausted, that the walk back would be too difficult for him. He never wanted so badly to be normal again than he did at that moment.

After a few long minutes Duo got out of the car and joined him, stood beside him, staring up with him for a while. It was comforting just to have him there. And that was really the problem, wasn't it? How could he lose this – now that he had it? Now that he knew what it felt like to be loved by someone like Duo? He swallowed a lump in his throat.

"What are we doing here, 'Ro?" The question was soft, honest, and Heero bit his tongue to hold back rare and distinctly uncomfortable tears.

"The stars aren't as bright here as they are from the pier." The statement had nothing to do with the question, which had nothing to do with location, but then it didn't really matter. The silence grew between them until Duo was standing in front of him, putting a hand on his cheek, connecting them.

"I mean, what are we doing?" The smile he offered was weak but organic and it made Heero's heart beat faster to see it. "We don't argue about the best way to freeze chicken. For fucks sake, this is ridiculous."

"I just..." Heero started and stopped, averted his eyes and brought them back. Duo waited patiently but there was so much he could say and none of it would help, none of it would really explain the depth of his fear that he was going to lose him.

And suddenly he was crushing Duo to his chest, burying his face in his neck and his hands in his shirt and dragging him so close he was sure he was hurting him but it was as if he just couldn't get enough of the feel of Duo on his skin, Duo's warmth pressed against his, Duo's breath against his neck. He trembled and Duo's arms came up to hold him back, fingers of one hand trailing in his hair, stroking through it, comforting him.

"I just don't ever want to lose you," he choked out so quietly he figured Duo probably wouldn't have heard him except his mouth was so close to his face. But Duo's grip tightened and Heero knew he'd heard.

"Hey," he breathed, pulling away, big hands cradling his face, forcing Heero to meet his eyes even though their close proximity made it nearly impossible. "You're never gonna lose me. Okay?" Duo smiled then and nudged his nose against Heero's. "I'm not that easy to get rid of."

He saw Duo's smile falter as Heero looked down, nuzzling his way back into his neck, not even Duo's teasing and optimism able to pierce through his depressed state.

"Is this about your last trip to DC?" Duo asked carefully as he stroked his fingers against Heero's neck, kissing his hair. Heero nodded just slightly, arms constricting further.

"Listen, 'Ro, we both got vaccinated, that's all we can do. We shouldn't even know about this shit but we do. And it's driving you crazy, I get that, but that means we already stand a far better chance than anyone else we know. And Mr. Winner is watchin' out for us. You aren't gonna lose me, babe. Ya gotta believe that." His hand stopped. He tilted Heero's head up to face his eyes again. "Okay?"

Heero just stared. Stared into his eyes like he was staring into the stars and he didn't want to lose those eyes ever. He'd never deserved Duo, not from the beginning, but having him... Having him changed his life.

"I want to grow old with you," he stated carefully, words he'd felt but was reluctant to express, even despite Duo's own repetition of them, afraid even after all their years together that he'd jinx it. But once he'd said them, words started falling out of him, tumbling, like a torrent he was unable to dam. "I want to see you every night. I want to wake up to you every morning. Every business trip is worse because... because all I want is to be with you."

He paused, straightened himself, met Duo's eyes head on as he realized just what words were about to come out of his mouth. They surprised him, sure, but then, he knew in that moment that was what he really wanted. That finality. That symbolism. That commitment.

"I love you." His words were pointed and direct, never more sure of himself than he was in that moment. "And I want you to marry me."

Duo's face blanked and for a moment nerves overtook Heero because he wasn't sure what that meant. But then Duo's mouth twitched, lips parting a moment and brows furrowing in confusion even as his eyes scanned Heero's, verifying what he'd said. And then his heart began beating again, and fast, as Duo drew him into a furious kiss, mumbling the word 'yes' against his lips over and over until he was breathless and they were just pressing their faces together, noses smashed, lips touching, breath mingling between them.

And then suddenly Duo was pulling away, a big grin on his face as he held Heero at arm's length, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"No."

Heero blinked, knowing he couldn't really be serious, surely, not with that look, not after saying yes through kisses that left his lips burning.

"No – I want you to do it again. With a ring. On one knee. All that," Duo specified, brushing Heero's bangs out of his eyes so that he could see them better. "I'm only gonna do this once, right?"

"You better only do this once," Heero growled, pulling him into another kiss that more accurately portrayed his passion and the depth of his feelings for his partner.

Duo chuckled as they parted and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Heero smiled a little, amazed that he could produce such a reaction in him, knowing Duo was genuinely pleased.

"It's gonna be okay, you know? We'll figure this out."

Heero nodded, stared down at their feet a moment, suddenly embarrassed by his declaration, by walking out, by arguing about chicken in the first place.

"Even if there ain't a single person left on the planet but us," Duo started, jabbing a teasing finger into his hip, causing Heero to jerk away with a laugh. "I'd choose you every time."

Every thought he had was more than he could say, nothing Duo ever wanted to hear, betrayed the fact that despite what Duo said, he knew he didn't deserve him. So he kept his mouth shut instead, studied the beautiful lines of his face, and smiled a bit sadly, knowing he could never truly express the depths of his gratitude and love without being able to make Duo understand how little he was worth, how much inequality existed in this relationship. Duo was like a meteor, burning his way through the atmosphere, and Heero... Heero just wanted him burned into his retinas.

"Let's go home," Duo suggested, tugging his hand a little as he tilted his head and smiled. "I gotta change our Facebook status to 'engaged.'"

Heero rolled his eyes at his partner. "What about the ring?"

"Oh, you're getting me a ring!" he teased as they climbed into the car together. "I can't wear my Facebook status around with me."

"I'll get you a ring," Heero promised, picking up Duo's hand and kissing the knuckle of his ring finger. He would get Duo anything he wanted, as long as it would make him happy.