A/N
Thanks to all of you for sticking around. We're approaching the end. This is after the Dirty Robber, and now you can all go back to loving Jane.
In my mind, this is how she would've reacted to any friends-with-benefits kind of situation with Maura. But anyone has their own way of seeing things, and analyzing characters. If it doesn't make sense to you, how she can go from cold to hot in one minute, then I can't really help you. Because the story was written in POV for one reason, and Jane's thoughts were far from cold.
I love reviews, and if you have any suggestion please let me know, I'm kinda stuck after this chapter. Enjoy.
Maura's POV
Now I'm driving back home, my vision blurry from tears. I left her at the Dirty Robber and she didn't even try to stop me. This situation is worse than cheap soap operas, I couldn't believe it if I wouldn't be experiencing first hand. I composed myself to look decent enough to go and pick up some sushi, as I didn't have the patience to cook and I was really hungry. I was just pulling off in front of my house, when I saw a person sitting in my doorstep. The moment I got out of the car she was on her feet, looking straight at me, but not moving. I forgot my sushi and just walked on her direction.
"I have something I wanna say." She says when I'm just foots away from her. "No, it's something I need to say actually."
I am trying to be as serious and indifferent as possible, looking into her eyes, almost glaring.
"What?" I ask, like I am not even interested.
"It's true. What you said, that day." She lowers her head, I'm not playing dumb, I really don't get it.
"What day?What did I say?" Now I'm asking for pure curiosity, as my memory fails me, the sight of her so beaten, hopeless, makes me forget why I was even mad at her.
"What you said about the way I look at you. That night … you, um, you said you thought- No wait." It's hard for her to get the words out, and my hands reach out to grab hers as she's picking at the scars on her palm. She looks up to me and smiles, I do the same but she still knows she has to say it.
"You said, there was this way I looked at you, and it's true Maura, I've never seen something more beautiful than you, looking back at me, smiling." Now there is a grin in my face, I'm not even trying to hide it.
"When I touch you … you're always so warm, and soft, and I crave that Maura, I crave the feeling of your skin on mine. If I-" She reached to wipe a tear out of my cheek, then did the same with hers, then reunited both our hands together, intertwining our fingers. "If I ever get mad, or sad or feel restless, one hug from you is more than enough to bring me peace again. And you're like this … uh, I don't know, fragile thing that I don't wanna break. And I know Maura, I know you're strong, and you can take it, but I don't wanna put you through that. So I treat you as gentle as I can."
One of her hands cups my cheek softly and I lean into the touch. "I get scared Maura, I'm scared that I'm not enough, you're so brilliant, so pretty."
She chuckles at how childish that sounds and I do the same, still can't help the tears falling from my eyes. I'm overwhelmed with emotion; this strong headed, tough detective is talking about her deepest feelings, feelings about me. "You are the closest it gets to perfect, even your flaws, like Google-mouth, are somehow cute. I feel like a child when I'm with you at times, because I just wanna smile and run around, don't know, do something stupid that I'll regret 5 minutes after and deny it to anyone else, but not to you. But the only feeling that never fades is that I feel lucky all the time, just to be your best friend." My face changes at that. I thought she was going to … "But I wanna be more, I can't go back Maura. I'm engaged to be married, he's thousands of miles away, and I'm … well, cheating on him but I … God I feel like an awful person."
"Don't." I squeeze her hand, lower my head under hers, to catch her eyes who are staring on the floor.
"I don't feel bad Maura. He loves me and I'm thinking about you all the time but I don't feel guilty, not really. Because you are, you feel … right. With me. I mean, when we are, you know ARE together, it feels wonderful and I wouldn't take it back. Not a single second."
I am, immobile, crying, and she is looking at me like she's asking for permission.
"I do feel bad about the way I treat you. It kills me to be that weak, that I can't resist you, but not strong enough to stand up for you." She tries to smile. Her eyes intense, like she wants to say more, all it comes out it's a request.
"Say something, please." She is insecure now, her voice is low.
"I don't know what to say. Are you done?" It feels so good to hear her talk like this; I don't want her to stop.
"No, I'm not done." She sighs deeply, the look in her eyes tells me this is probably the hardest thing she's ever had to say. "Maura, I'm afraid. I am so afraid to say this, and do what we're supposed to do, because it matters. This time, in my personal life, something, someone matters. I can't mess up, and I thought I could take the coward's way out but it's not working… I … I'm gonna leave Casey. He's wonderful, and he would even be perfect if I would be in love with him, like he's with me. I love him, I care about him but it's not the same." Her brown eyes get teary again, but just a little, and she smiles at me, than it turns to a smirk, that confident Jane Rizzoli smirk. "You, you've been in my life for years now, and you're the closest person to me. The one who knows me more, and you even spend every Sunday with my family and still haven't ran away and that's saying something." We both chuckle at this. "What I'm saying Maura is that, I have no doubts that you know me, and I know you, and we're still here, and I couldn't get away from you Maura, I don't even want to. Because I love you, so I can't spend one more day without you knowing it." I let out a sob and she hugs me, but it only takes a few seconds to get back to my feet again. She backs away to look at me. "I'm in love with you Maura. The past weeks has proven me that what I feel goes beyond innocent friendship and I am really, in love with you."
I'm shaking as she wraps her arms around me, I love the feeling of her warmth, her scent all around me, like she could just form a shield to protect us, what we have. When she thinks I can stand on my own again, she pulls away.
"Now you really have to say something." She smiles to assure me she doesn't meant it to pressure me, just to make the air a little lighter.
"What you said, all of it, it's unbelievable. I am just…" I let out a sigh and rub my arms, has it gotten cold all of the sudden?
"Do you wanna get inside? I mean it's your place and I can't invite you over to your own home but-"
"I did kick you out of yours." I interrupt her as if to say she has permission do to so, and our smiles only last a second.
"Yeah, you … did. But I had it coming, so I can't really complain." She shrugs and tilts her head, and I wanna kiss her so badly, that walking past her, almost running to my house it's the only thing that keeps me.
When we walk in, she closes the door behind us and I turn around to face her. I open my mouth to say something, but a sigh is the only thing that comes. She takes my face in her hands, looks at me, raising her eyebrows.
"Breathe, ok? Just … you don't have to answer right now. In fact I did you so much wrong, I don't expect-"
"I still wouldn't take it back." The words rush out of my mouth, and her eyes fill with joy. "I wouldn't take it back either." I say more firmly, and I put my hands on her wrists, still on the sides of my face. "You are exceptional, and the fact that you feel… that way about me, it's …" Yes the famous Google-mouth doctor was speechless. "It's unbelievable. You are … it doesn't even exist an adjective, or any words for that matter, to properly describe you. You're just, Jane. And you're my Jane." She smiles and her hands tighten just a little in my face. "I adore the person you are when you're with me, is much softer and kind that the Jane most of the people get to know. But I'm not complaining, because I like the feeling of being special, different in your eyes. And I'm a little biased when it comes to you too. I've let down all my walls and I enjoy life more. You give me warmth, when I used to be accustomed to coldness and I feel cared and protected. And it means more to me that I'll ever be able to express that you said those words to me. Not only because the sentiment is unrivalled but because you actually said it, you actually expressed your feelings for me."
We are both wearing a content smile in our face. For my surprise I don't feel as overwhelmed to say this, as I did when I heard her. Maybe because I've know and accepted this feelings a while ago, it doesn't surprise me that much. "So I think it's only fair for you to know that I reciprocate them. I love you Jane, I have for some time now. I don't know when I started to but it's so true now that I can't remember a time when I didn't. I am in love with you, Jane Rizzoli."
She doesn't say anything just pulls me in for a kiss, and a tear wets my hand who has come to cup her cheek. Her hands move to my hips, she pulls my body flush to her and moans. I don't wanna deepen the kiss so we keep it sweet but still needy. She sucks on my bottom lip before backing up, and I can't help a gasp. She smiles against my lips as she leaves a last chaste kiss.
"Wow" Her voice is deep and low.
"Yeah" I chuckle as I know she must have felt the same way I did. I burrow my face in her chest, as we have moved closer to the couch while kissing, and I'm leaning against the back of it.
"I can't believe this is even possible." She says as she's staring into space. I look up at her and tighten her grip around her neck. "Feeling like this. I've always made fun of cheesy love songs, with phrases like 'my heart skips a beat, take my breath away' or I don't know what else. But now, when I kissed you, or when you said those words to me, I had to remind myself to breathe."
She laughs and raises her eyebrows at the last words, like she can't believe what she's saying.
"You leave me breathless too." I can see a hint of surprise in her eyes. "When you touch me, at times even what it may seem a simple touch, makes me wanna gasp for air. And when you kiss me, like you just did right now, my hearts doesn't skip a beat, it goes tachycardic." We both smile at that, but she got a mischievous look on her.
"Yeah?" I nod.
"Like this?" There's that smirk again.
She tugs at the hair on the back of my head and draws me in. She breathes through her open mouth, like she trying to devour me and I'm so grateful for the couch, because my knees go week. Her fingers still play with the hair at the base of my neck, while her other hand has fully wrapped my midsection and she's bending to match our height, her head tilted to the left.
I take of my heels, which changes nothing except giving me more comfort to move. I push onto her and we circle the couch blindly, never breaking the kiss. She seat in the middle of it and pulls away enough just for me to straddle her and move my hair to one side. Her hair is in a ponytail, which I regret because I love running my fingers through it while kissing her. Our kiss has now become more patient, I'm just relishing her taste, and she's doing the same. I don't know for how long do we do this, but I know it's more than enough for me, now that I know she feels the same.
