A/N HAPPY NEW YEAR! New years resolution and all...*smiles nervously*. I know I've been gone for a really long time but I've been stuck with everything but at least something is here. If you read any of my other stories I'm working on them too. I just did a creative writing course at College so I guess you can say I got my mojo back! Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year!
BPOV
Chapter 18 – Selfish
Two weeks later and I was sitting in the plush rocking chair, in my newly decorated nursery, curtsy of Alice. I had long put the twins to bed and Mason and Lizzie were safely snoozing in their also newly decorated rooms. But I just couldn't sleep. I had a small voice, which grew louder and louder each day that I was a lousy mother.
I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years, putting Mason and Lizzie in danger until I gathered the courage to leave. Then I jump straight back into another relationship and even though Edward is an amazing guy, it caused me to take my focus away from my children.
The first couple of months were important in bonding with your new born's and I would be damned if I missed it.
That's why I've almost been avoiding Edward.
And that's why I can't sleep. I've been living with all this guilt and I don't know how to handle it. But I knew I was determined to try and do better with the twins. I had to.
It hit 2 'o' clock when Harry woke up and started to cry indicating that he was hungry. A second later Lori began crying, always following in her big brothers footsteps…or so to speak.
The first time I had to feed the twins, I was quite horrified at the fact that they both wanted to be fed at the same time. But the nurse calmed me down and taught me how to hold each baby to a boob that way one didn't have to wait and each boob would be relieved of the pressure created by the milk.
Two weeks later I like to think of myself as an expert.
I smiled down at my angels as they had their midnight snack; both of them completely perfect.
They were certainly not identical but luckily they both took after my side of the family. Harry was really starting to look like Charlie, with his practically black hair whereas Lori was looking more and more like Lizzie every day. However, they both still had their bright blue eyes, something I think they will keep and both had a light sprinkling of freckles over their noses.
Once they were done, I put Lori down in the bassinet next to my chair solely to help me with burping. When Harry had belched up his snack, I wrapped him up in his white and green blanket, nuzzling his soft baby hair that smelt so damn good. I kissed his forehead and placed him back in his crib, his eyes already starting to close.
Lori started to fuss in her bassinet.
"Its okay baby girl, I've got you." I cooed to her, picking her up. Placing her over my shoulder, it took longer to burp her than Harry but finally she gave a little squeak and dribbled milk down my back. I pulled her back and couldn't help but laugh at her little face; blue eyes wide with surprise at the small but incredibly cute squeak.
"Silly baby." I kissed her nose. Wrapping her in her white and yellow blanket and placed her in her crib parallel to Harry's.
When they were both fast asleep, I turned on the baby monitor and took the other one with me. It was time that I at least tried to get a bit of sleep.
Stopping off at Mason and Lizzie's room to make sure they were still sleeping soundly, I laughed at their newly decorated rooms. Alice had already done the twin's room but while I was in the hospital she decided to treat Mason and Lizzie by remodelling theirs also.
Mason's was a little boy's paradise. Alice had given him a dark wood top bunk bed with a space underneath which was set up like a little den with a desk on the outside. The walls were painted different shades of blue; one wall even had black poke dots on. He had a dark wooden toy box in the far corner of the room, matching shelves and the built in wardrobes doors had been replaced to match with rest of the wood in the room. Alice also managed to get balls from practically every sport and place them around the room along with everything he would need to play any spot along with paraphilia from all the local teams; probably with the help of Emmett.
Mason loved his room and he loved his new sporting stuff. Charlie and Jake had taken up teaching him baseball and basketball whereas Emmett, of course, was teaching him football.
Lizzie's room was designed after Neverland. She had a dark wooden, yet small canopy bed with white wispy curtains. Her walls were green, with silver vines and flowers and black silhouettes of dancing fairies along one wall and her built in wardrobes were painted to look like windows with a small ball of light flying outside. She had large green circled footstalls in one corner of the room, next to a dark wooden bookcase. She had a pretty pink chandelier hanging from the ceiling and fairy lights running around the edge of the room. Alice even went so far as to build a little stage in the far corner next to the window with green curtains and she had obtained at least a dozen fairy costumes.
Lizzie was constantly wearing one of the costumes and Alice had even made her own fairy costume so that they could play together.
Everyone had been helping out and keeping the kids busy while I focused on the babies. It had been hard for Mason and Lizzie too. It was hard for them to understand what happened with James. We never ended up going to his funeral; Victoria understood of course. She had to go out of obligations to her family. Mason understood that his daddy was dead; he never wanted to go to the funeral but Lizzie was too young and became confused when I told her that Daddy had gone to heaven.
But of course, because she was so young, she got over it pretty fast especially when Alice turned up with the newest Tinkerbelle movie. And there was one positive thing that came from James' death. To keep up pretences, James had put my name on his will so everything went to me; our old house, his business and all the money. It couldn't undo all the pain and hurt that he caused me and my children, but it did help me to give them everything they could ever want.
When I found out that he never changed the name I was tempted to go to his grave, dance naked on top while giving him the big ole finger. Rose told me that that might be taking it too far. So I just gave him the finger, aimed straight to hell.
I sold our old house and his business firm, making sure to milk every penny possible from the situation. Laurent tried to weasel his way into my decision with the business but I wasn't going to be taken for a fool. Once all of that was sorted, I had enough money to support the five of us for the rest of our lives and send all four kids to college.
Charlie was thrilled.
"You deserve it after everything that son of a bitch put you through."
I scolded Charlie for speak ill of the dead but inside I couldn't help but think he was right.
Karma is a bitch.
After checking on the kids, I wondered back to my room and passed out on top of my covers. My mind had been wondering so much that I didn't realise how tired I was until my head hit the soft fluffy pillow.
I was rudely awakened by the sound of children's squeals coming from downstairs. Throwing on a dressing gown I walked out into the hallway. Looking in the twin's room, I found their cribs empty, the same with Lizzie and Mason's room.
Making my way downstairs, I followed the noise down into the kitchen. Alice, Rose, Victoria and Riley were there, all having breakfast with my kids.
I never did find out how Alice got a copy of my key.
"Good morning sunshine!" Alice beamed up at me as she fed Harry a bottle.
"Morning Momma!" Mason beamed up at me, his cheeks filled with pancakes.
"Hi Mommy!" Lizzie squealed, chocolate chips from said pancakes smeared all over her face.
Riley just smiled and waved from her seat next to Mason and Victoria.
"Morning Baby's." I said, kissing them each on their heads before making myself a cup of tea. I turned to face the offending women who decided to break into my house.
"What are you all doing here?"
Rose look up from where she was holding Lori.
"Where here for an intervention."
"An intervention?"
"Yes."
I looked at her incredulously.
"What for?"
"For whatever is going on with you and Edward."
"Nothing's going on with me and Edward."
"Exactly." Alice said, jumping in the conversation.
With a sigh I drained my tea before putting the mug in the dishwasher.
"Look guys, thanks for caring but…"
"No buts Bella. We don't know what's happened in the past two weeks but it's obviously something because you've been avoiding him like the plague."
I looked down at the kids who were all looking at us with wide eyes. It probably wasn't the best conversation to have in front of them.
"Mason, why don't you take Lizzie and Riley into the living room and finish your breakfast in there?"
Mason nodded and took his sisters hand and led them into the TV room. Once the door was closed, I took a seat at the table and took Harry from Alice's arms.
"I haven't been avoiding him. I'm just going through some stuff right now and I need to be there for my kids."
"Edward can help you Bella. There was no need to push him out the door."
"You just don't understand."
"Then help us to! Edward has been beside himself because he thinks that he's done something wrong."
"Alice! You and Rose could never understand! You're not mothers, but I am. I've been…"
I went to continue laying into Alice and Rose when Victoria interrupted me.
"You've been diverting you're attention away from your children. First with James; you kept them in an abusive relationship and then tried to save them. Then all of a sudden you meet someone new and it's really exciting because you have a connection but then you can't help but feel like once again you've abandoned those who are meant to be the most important to you."
Everyone stared at Victoria in silence; it was as if she read my mind.
"I know exactly what you are feeling Bella. I went through the same thing with Laurent and Riley. It was one of the things that made me leave in the first place."
Victoria reached over and took my hand as tears began to fill my eyes.
"Bella, you protected your kids by leaving James. You love them so much and would do anything for them. The face that you are feeling this guilt is proof alone that you are a wonderful mother. You went from being married with two children, to a single mother with four. You were with an abusive son of a bitch for so long, and then Edward comes along, your knight in shining armour. What woman could resist that?"
Victoria laughed.
"Everything in your life is finally sorting itself out. James is gone, your set for life, you have four amazing kids and one guy who all he wants is to love you. Don't feel guilty for wanting that."
"She's right Bells." Rose said moving to sit down with Lori. "You just need to chill the fuck out and go with the flow."
Now that did make me laugh. Trust Rose to saw something like that while codling a baby.
"So will you please just talk to Edward? The least you can do is that." Alice said poking out her bottom lip.
All three of them were looking at me with faces I can't even explain but they made me want to agree with anything they said.
"Okay, I'll talk to him." I said with a sigh and a smile, bouncing Harry in my arms.
"Good because he will be here in 20 minutes." Alice said smiling sweetly.
"What?" I shouted, causing Harry to squirm in my arms.
Victoria reached out and took him from my arms.
"Aw, mommy's sorry little man, she's just a bit of a drama queen." She cooed, bouncing him.
Alice rounded the table, urging me to stand up.
"Now you go and get dressed and we will take the kids to the park. That way you can concentrate on your talk with Edward and not worry about the kids. Its kid's day out with the Aunt's anyway."
She patted me on my backside and sent me on my way.
20 minutes later I was sat at the kitchen table on my own nursing another cup of tea; camomile to calm my nerves.
It wasn't working.
My knees were shaking, my feet were bouncing and it felt like my face was on fire.
And then there was a soft knock on the door.
And I almost threw up.
Throwing back the rest of my tea, a placed the cup on the draining board before heading to the door. Taking a deep breath, I checked my reflection in the mirror on the wall next to the door.
I hard dark circles under my eyes indicating my lack of sleep but apart from that, I looked quite put together.
Turning back to the door, I opened it, holding my breath.
Edward was stood there, hands tucked deep into his pockets of his jeans, hair as messy as always and dark circles under his eyes just like my own.
We stood there awkwardly, unsure what to say. It wasn't until he coughed and ran his hand through his hair that I realised that I should be the one to make the first move.
"Hi."
Brilliant.
"Hey." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
"You want to come in?" I said, swinging on the door nervously.
"Sure." He removed his hands from his pockets and stepped into the house.
"If you just want to go into the kitchen…" I trailed off at his nod.
I sighed, closing my eyes as I shut the door, not at all looking forward to the conversation we were about to have.
A/N Hope you enjoyed it :) Edward's POV and their conversation is up next!
Lzielkalollypop
