Hey guys Murayama Tsuru here. As promised, here is the White Day Oneshot for this strange series of oneshots about dead Gintama characters coming back to life. Yeah, I hope you enjoy it, I tried to make this one a comedy since the other three are rather sad. Well, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama; it belongs to Sorachi Hideaki-Sensei

Hijikata sighed deeply and turned his eyes upwards to watch the smoke he'd just exhaled swirl lazily about his room before disappearing into the atmosphere. He sighed again, reflecting on just how bad today was definitely going to be.

Today was the day Hijikata hated almost as much as Valentine's Day. It was, in his mind, the second worst holiday ever created in the history of holidays. Yes, today, White Day, was one the other times that his mood was worse than if Sakata Gintoki had decided to make his annoying presence known to the vice-captain of the Shinsengumi.

He had always hated this particular holiday, though. And that is because all the men in the Shinsengumi seemed to want to give him chocolate, even though they never got any from him. For some reason, all the men of the Shinsengumi, sans Okita of course, had decided that giving Hijikata the return gifts they would give to the women they didn't have because they equated Hijikata with Mitsuba who used to give them spicy Sembei for Valentine's Day.

Since giving anything to Mitsuba was impossible, and Okita was too scary to give anything to, the men decided to give Hijikata the return gifts instead. And like on Valentine's Day, the demon-vice captain of the Shinsengumi didn't find any pleasure in getting anything from desperate, love-starved guys. It was honestly too weird for him and he didn't want anything to do with this stupid holiday.

And then there was Kondo-san, who always foisted off the presents that Shimura Tae rejected onto him. While Hijikata could easily reject or attack any of his subordinates for even thinking about giving him anything Valentine's Day or White Day related, he couldn't that with Kondo-san. So, on White Day, Hijikata would get a heart shaped box of chocolates, a card, and the occasional bouquet of flowers from his over-exuberant, stalker of a boss.

He could never bring himself to say no to the gifts that Kondo would bring for him, though, because the damn hurt puppy look on his boss's face had him accepting the gifts with an awkward 'thank you' every time (if it had been anyone else, Hijikata was sure he could have said no). It was a little depressing to Hijikata that Kondo-san didn't seem to know how Valentine's Day worked in Edo, but it was even more depressing that the chief of the Shinsengumi would continue his desperate plea for Otae's affections even when he hadn't gotten a gift from her in the first place.

The leader of the Shinsengumi may attempt to give Shimura Tae on every day of the year. But somehow it always seemed the most pathetic on Valentine's Day and White Day. Hijikata could never understand how his boss could even like that gorilla of a woman. But, as the saying goes, love is blind, so Hijikata never said anything, unlike Sougo, who seemed to take way too much pleasure in insulting Otae and Kondo's love for her whenever she wasn't around to kick his ass.

With another sigh, Hijikata waited for the inevitable knock at his door that would signify his "gifts" from Kondo-san had arrived, meaning that Shimura Tae had once again rejected the poor man. It was a time that he both expected and dreaded every year. It had him in the second foulest of moods he was ever in for the entire year.

And after a long morning of biting people's heads off for trying to give him some lousy White Day related gift and being in a generally bad mood, this particular interaction was not something Hijikata was looking forward to at all. Even Sakata Gintoki would be preferable to the pathetic Kondo-san today. And that was saying a lot. Especially since Gin was also in a bad mood on White Day since that was the day he would have to give away his precious sweets (as if, Hijikata thought snidely, that naturally permed idiot probably gave away about as many chocolates as he did, meaning none).

But at noon, right on time as usual, the knock came at his door. With another smoke-filled sigh, Hijikata stood up and walked over to the door with a noticeable slump to his shoulders and a lag in his step. Once he was at the door, though, his back was straight and the look of resignation that adorned his face was all but gone. What replaced the look of resignation was a sort of sad, forced looking smile to greet Kondo-san.

But, when he opened the door he saw not a crying Kondo-san, but an almost mirror image of himself staring at him with an oddly expectant look on his face. Hijikata blinked and rubbed his eyes, hoping that his cigarette smoking had finally caused him to go bonkers and see hallucinations of weird Otaku who should be gone. But, no, when he opened his eyes the shy looking mirror image was still there, looking even shier than usual.

With a slightly irritated noise, Hijikata growled, "What the hell are you doing here Tosshi? I thought I got rid of you a long time ago!"

The Otaku alter ego flinched at Hijikata's tone, making the demon vice-captain even more irritated than he already was; he really didn't want to deal with more ghosts of his past, he just didn't have time for that crap at the moment. Eventually Tosshi seemed to gather his courage and said, "To-Toshiro-shi, I-I just wanted to give you this…!"

Hijikata blinked in confusion as his former alter ego practically shoved a small piece of paper in his hands and then ran away (so much for gaining any of Hijikata's toughness from being locked away inside him for so long). When Hijikata looked at the piece of paper, he turned a few shades redder than he normally did at his angriest; for some reason, his unfortunately Otaku alter ego had decided to give him a ticket to some weird Otaku quest…thing. Hijikata imagined that this was the perfect thing for those hardcore Otaku who didn't have dates (like Tosshi, probably. And him for that matter, but Hijiakta Toshiro was not an Otaku, dammit, so he wasn't into stuff like that).

After glaring at the ticket for a minute longer, Hijikata put it neatly into his pocket (he'd crush it later once he actually knew why Tosshi had given it to him) and started running after his almost clone. Once Hijikata had finally caught up to him, he was out of breath; he'd had no idea that Otaku could run so fast, especially since most of the Otaku he, unfortunately, knew, seemed to have more of a tendency to stay inside rather than go do anything remotely close to exercise.

Tosshi, though, seemed to be tiring as well, so Hijikata was finally able to grab his arm and halt any further fleeing on the part of the Otaku. Once Hijikata had finally caught his breath, he breathed angrily, "What the hell did you give this to me for? I'm not like you, I'm not into this Otaku crap…at least I'm not into it anymore!"

Tosshi looked stunned for a moment, then responded in a voice that was almost a yell, "It's not crap! I thought you'd like to do this since it seemed more you're thing, an outdoor, real-life quest…Also, I-I wanted to give you a thank you for buying the sword my ghost was trapped in all that time ago…I had a lot of fun…"

And then to the demon vice-captain's surprise, tears started shining in the Otaku's eyes. Hijikata sweat-dropped, he hadn't pegged Tosshi as the kind of guy who would cry so easily when someone questioned the present he had given someone…but maybe he should have known better, Tosshi did seem to be more of an emotional type than himself after all.

After an entirely too awkward silence, Hijikata cleared his throat and took out the ticket, "W-well…since these expire today, it'd be a real shame to waste them. W-why don't we go together? W-we can say that we're t-twins…I guess?"

At that, Tosshi's lips spread into a grin so wide that it seemed to threaten to split his face in half. Then, Hijikata's Otaku double took the demon vice captain's hand and started dragging him out of the Shinsengumi complex, "What are were waiting for then, Toshiro-shi, let's get going, we're burning daylight!"


Hijikata was really beginning to regret going on this quest…thing…with Tosshi. First they had gone to some sketchy looking amusement park-like place and talked to a suspiciously hooded man who told them to step on some "transporter" thing, which had teleported them onto some high mountaintop in the middle of nowhere. On the windswept hill they ended up on, Hijikata yelled, "What the hell have you dragged me into?! I thought this was going to be something simple like a scavenger hunt or something. This, this is more like something out of one of those video games we rip off of all the time."

Tosshi swallowed nervously, and said, "I'm sure everything will turn out fine. With you here, we won't be in any real danger...I think."

Then, to make matters worse, large, probably feral Amanto pets, started attacking them. Of course, Tosshi seemed to be able to do nothing but cower in fear as Hijikata took care of the monsters. But the Otaku did seem to have some use on this 'quest'. For some reason, what they happened to be doing was apparently like a video game that Tosshi had once played so the Otaku was able to navigate them through all the traps and other dangerous things to the final boss (why the place he and Tosshi had been transported to had a final boss, Hijikata did not know).

And then, once they reached the final area, Tosshi remembered that he had never actually beaten the boss in the particular video game this quest was based off of, making Hijikata crunch the last cigarette he had with him into oblivion. Basically on his last nerve, Hijikata was about to walk about to leave this dungeon and attempt to find his way back to the real world where he could end this hellish White Day in the relative peace that Kondo-san didn't bring with him. At the moment, even his desperate, crying gorilla of a boss was preferable to this stupid quest thing.

But, as he was about to leave, Tosshi said something that made him stop in his tracks, "Toshiro-shi, I know you think I'm just causing you trouble…but I heard that if we beat this boss, we'll get something that I'll think you'll like…"

"And what would that be?" Hijikata asked skeptically, eyebrow arched high on his forehead

"Well…" Tosshi started twiddling his thumbs nervously

"Just spit it out already!" Hijikata snapped, his patience for this nonsense 'quest' slipping away faster than ever

Tosshi stopped his thumbs nervous twirling and looked straight up at Hijikata, "If we beat this last boss, then I heard we'll be able to get the last pack of cigarettes that the Hamekians ever made."

"All right, let's get going then. Don't need to let those cigarettes rot any more than they already have." Hijikata said immediately, his sword drawn and ready. Even though the cigarette ban had been removed from the Shinsengumi complex itself, Hijikata still wanted to get those damn Hamekian cigarettes, it had wounded his pride that he had gone through all that annoyance and weak enemies only to be denied his last cigarette because of some stupid technicality!

Of course, though, the last boss, thing happened to be a giant dragon-like Amanto which made it much tougher for Hijikata really wanted it to be. And Tosshi had suddenly become useless in this fight since, as he had said before, he had never actually beaten this boss before.

Soon, Hijikata was beginning to tire since all the other fights had taken their toll on him. Just as he seemed about to lose his energy, though, Tosshi came up with an idea to beat the boss; the Otaku and Hijikata would both use Hijikata's sword for an all-out, four-handed attack.

Honestly, Hijikata thought the idea was ridiculous, but he had no energy left to complain (if they both died because of this idiotic idea of Tosshi's, Hijikata would make sure that the afterlife was hell for the poor Otaku).

But somehow, the plan managed to work, because the next thing Hijikata knew, they were back in the run-down amusement park place, a large pack of cigarettes being placed in his hand. Hijikata, too physically drained from the fighting and mentally drained from this whole strange day accepted the cigarettes without a word. He was, amazingly, too tired to even take one out and smoke it.

The two then went back to the Shinsengumi complex where Tosshi thanked Hijikata for spending the day with him, even though they did 'weird Otaku stuff' and disappeared into the evening air after giving Hijikata a figure of that Sailor Samurai character that Tosshi was so fond of.

Hijikata then trudged back to his room and saw Kondo weeping dramatically in the middle of his floor, a pile of sweets and flowers heaped in a messy pile. Hijikata squinted at his boss, not really wanting to deal with him now. Hijikata turned around and started walking back toward the exit of the Shinsengumi complex; maybe Sakata Gintoki would host him for the night if he explained (and begged and bribed with chocolate and parfaits and whatever else that sugar-freak liked) that Kondo-san was inconsolable on days like today.

And that is the end of this chapter. I bet you weren't expecting Tosshi to show up! Except you redguy221, because I told you, but I bet the rest of you were surprised! This oneshot is actually the chapter I was planning to write before Redguy221 requested that I do a oneshot about Jiraia and Tsukuyo. The next Oneshot will probably be updated in May, unless there is a Japanese holiday in April which I don't know of. Well…that's all I have to say this time…so, as always, if you'd like please review I love to know what you guys think. See you in May for Boy's Day (or Kodomo no Hi).

-Murayama Tsuru