The four boys continued to work throughout the day as I listened and gave my opinion on all their new stuff that they had been working on. We eventually left around nine. I walked along the road lazily chatting with Danny. It was a crisp spring evening as we strolled along the roads near my house. Harry, Tom and Dougie had gone in search of food.
"So you really like the new stuff then ?" Danny asked gingerly. "Course I do, I would have told you if i didn't" He smiled quickly and then looked at me more seriously. " whats up Lolly? you have been kinda quiet all day" I could see him fiddiling with his hands like he would be able to see what the problems was somewhere on his hands. "im grand, just a bit tired." I answered a little too quickly. I should have known by now he never fell for the "Im grand" answer. He figured out years ago that whenever I said that I was just brushing him off. He stopped abruptly and grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the nearby park.We kept walking in silence until we reached the swings in the playground.
This had become a ritual whenever we were walking home. Especially after nights out in our local pub, a group of us would usually drunkenly stumble into the park and play in the playground until we were running the risk of falling asleep on the slides. Danny and I also came here, just the two of us, to catch up and chat as we were both so busy we didn't see as much of each other as we did when we were younger.
"so come on spill- even though i think i know what it is " he said in an arrogant manner. " ya know Dan i love ya to bits and all but you can be a right arrogant jerk sometimes ya know that?"
"stop avoiding the question Lola!" I glanced at him but quickly turned away when I caught his eye. I slowly swung on the swing and stared into the vast space that was in front of me, quietly hoping that he wouldn't persist with his questioning. I was never one for discussing my feelings. I gave off an aura of being reasonably confident but i was actually painfully shy, so discussing my innermost thoughts with anyone even with someone who knew me as well as Danny, wasnot something i would partake in voluntarily.
"its Harry isn't it ?" My thoughts were interrupted again by Danny. He had caught me completely off guard, i thought i had been very stealth like in keeping my feelings for Harry well underwraps from public view. " what about Harry ?" I attempted to say with an airy quality but it just came out as a nervous uttering.
"Lolly i can read you like a book, i know you like him!" I turned to face him and found his piercing blue eyes staring back at me. I felt like he was trying to gain an answer from me just by looking into my eyes. "course i like him he's a great guy! we are good friends." i muttered not really thinking that danny would beleive a word i was saying. He let out a frustrated sigh. " you know thats not what i meant, why can you never be honest with me, you bottle everything up- its like you don't let anyone see the real you ! Im not trying to pry Lolly i just wanna help." Danny seemed to be getting more frustrated with me by the minute
I gazed at my hands guility, not really knowing what to sa. I couldn't deny anything he had just said. A cool breeze blew through park sending a shiver through me. I clasped my arms around my body. I wasn't sure if it was because i was cold or an attempt to comfor myself at the recent public unvailing of some of my biggest personal flawa. I could feel Danny looking at me pleading for an answer. " do you not trust me or something lolly, i mean i tell you everything, probably too much sometimes- and you never seem to let go and just vent or rant about how you are really feeling" I could hear Danny getting upset now, this had obviously been bothering him for a while.
I slowly raised my head to look at him. My eyes meeting his in an honest gaze. " of course i trust you Dan, I trust you more than anyone- i just ... I dunno im just not very good at laying my feelings out there - I guess im afraid of getting hurt or being humiliated" it felt stupid saying it like that but thats pretty much how it felt.
" lolly you never have to be embarassed with me, ill never judge you! I only wanna be there for you, like you have been for me. no-one gets through life without having someone there to help you! so come on tell me how you want to have your wicked way with Harry, i've seen you giving him that look of "i've dreamt about you naked"" I burst out laughing only Danny could turn a heartfelt conversation into a conversation about dreaming of having your dirty way with one of your friends. " ok you got me, i do like Harry but its just a phase or something nothing is gonna come of it" The grin that had been placed on Danny's face changed to look of confusion. " why not ? he's a good guy - Don't get me wrong I don't think any guy is good enough for my Lolly but if you MUST! he isn't a bad choice" I smiled at his overprotective nature, then just shrugged my shoulders. " yeah he is a great guy but we are just friends, he doesn't see me as anything other than one of the lads. Which is grand I value him as a friend, I don't wanna lose that by making him feel awkward" I said honestly. It was weird I never really spoke about my feelings or insecurities but since Danny had confronted me it seemed to just flow out of me like i discussed this stuff all the time.
"Why wouldn't he like you ? - ok look i don't know if he does or not, id probably be the last person he would tell considering he knows how protective i am of you but I really wouldn't be suprised if he did - He thinks the world of you, he talks about you all the time."
" yeah well i doubt it" i brushed him off ."Come on lets go back to mine, mum has probably restocked since your last invasion." we started walking towards my house. " Lolly you shouldn't be so quick to brush away your chances - you're a catch any guy would be lucky to have you!!" he gave my shoulders a squeeze. I leant in and gave him a one armed hug. As we reached my door Danny marched in and greeted my mum with a big hug and proceeded to debate the days football results with my dad. He was like the son they never had. Always the charmer.
