Annie absent-mindedly watched the other girls playing outside. A lot was on her mind, and she was freezing her butt off which automatically put her in a bad mood. The boys had been lucky to stay indoors for gym class, and she envied them. She sat out, after complaining of having a bad leg, not that it was true. All Annie was doing was reflecting on how shit her life was, shivering while she was at it. She felt emotionally exhausted but even so, she did not want anyone's pity. She just couldn't wait until the day was over and she would have her study session with Armin. Thinking about it, she had initially not wanted to spend anymore time than necessary with Armin. One more study session with the blond boy was all she needed to get back on track. She felt like she had caught up enough in her studies to prevent the principal from bothering her about it any longer. After today, that will be it.
The blonde should have been happy about it, but she wasn't. The week had passed by too quickly for her liking. If she wasn't going to be going back to Armin's house after school anymore, she would feel somewhat empty. Annie was disappointed in herself. She had allowed an intruder into her life. What was worse, she knew she had started to rely on him in some way. I can't believe I've let this happen. What's even more unbelievable is that I've actually ended up developing feelings for him. Annie didn't see the point in lying to herself anymore. She figured she may as well come to terms with the fact that she liked Armin Arlert a lot more than she had originally planned.
This did not sit well with her. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would not rely on anyone other than herself, she didn't want to become close to others. People were not to be trusted in this shitty world. She had learnt that the hard way after her mother became ill. When her mother had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, Annie had gone into shock. She was never the chatty, sociable type of girl in the first place, but, she had been more willing to make friends before all of that happened. Her father had been a good dad up until this point, she remembered how he would encourage her when she practised Judo, saying stuff like, "That's my girl!".
That was in the distant past though, because when he learnt of his wife's illness he became depressed. He couldn't handle the situation and turned to alcohol. He backed out and left Annie to cope on her own. She was only fourteen at the time and her world had literally shattered into a million tiny pieces. She missed a lot of school due to looking after her mother, and when she finally passed away, Annie was numb for months. I think I still am, for the most part. Her father threw out everything that had belonged to his wife. He began to beat her, for reasons she didn't exactly understand. On several occasions he complained that she resembled her mother too much for him to bear. How was that her fault, though? Why should she be beaten for looking like her mother? It wasn't fair and Annie couldn't comprehend it. Her father wanted to escape the town completely after a couple of months, stating how there were too many memories there for him to handle. Moving didn't help the situation though.
Armin was sure that he would rather be outside in the cold than inside playing dodgeball. Dodgeball was the absolute worst activity in the history of gym class. One time, he had even received a busted lip thanks to some idiot throwing the ball at his face. In his opinion, the sport was only fun for those who were strong and good at sports in general, it was an opportunity to humiliate the weak, like him.
The gym teacher, Keith was always picking on him, too. He always made an effort to point out how he could be doing better, even when he was at his limit. I just really hate this class. I can't wait for the day to be over so I can spend time with Annie. Armin had found himself thinking about the small blonde girl very often. It was as if she was always on his mind. He hadn't really had a proper crush before until she came along. Sure, he found some of the girls in school to be pretty, but in his opinion they had nothing on Annie.
Suddenly out of nowhere, Armin felt the harsh impact of a ball hitting the back of his head. He let out a yelp and fell to the ground. That hurt…!
Armin clutched his head while lying on the floor and heard Reiner's voice hover above him, "Wow, sorry there Armin, I didn't mean to be throw the ball that hard", although Reiner's apology sounded sincere, he was still pissed off. His head was throbbing and he knew he'd probably have to endure a headache for the rest of the day.
"Arlert get up off your ass, you're out." Keith shouted. Armin groaned and Eren quickly ran over to him, he offered Armin a hand and he accepted it. They made their way over to the bench and joined Jean who was already sitting there.
"As I was saying, I don't think there is anything wrong with me referring to Mikasa as hot. She's not your blood-related sister, after all."
"Shut the fuck up, Jean." Eren ignored Jean and looked to Armin, "Are you okay, Armin?" Armin simply nodded, not wanting to complain that his head was killing him, and took a seat beside Jean.
"You know who's not hot?" Jean continued, unfazed by Eren's comment, "That girl who started here recently. Annie…"Armin felt his heart sink. What the hell was Jean saying? "I mean, that nose of hers is huge…"
Eren shot Armin a glance, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. He knew that his best friend wouldn't stand for this.
"I think it suits her nicely." Armin piped up in Annie's defence.
Jean laughed and put an arm around Armin's shoulder, misunderstanding, "Nice one Armin! It does suit her, it's ugly like the rest of her face."
"Jean that's going a bit far" Eren said quickly, sensing that Armin was angry and aiming to calm him down. It didn't work though. Eren suddenly remembered what Armin had said the other day, come to think of it, he still needs to tell me what the issue is with Annie. It made the situation even tenser for Eren. He didn't like Annie, but he didn't want Jean mouthing off about her in front of Armin like that.
Armin angrily shook Jean off, "That's not what I meant." The blond boy stood up abruptly and began to walk off, as he did, he bumped into Marco Bodt who was walking towards the trio, "Sorry, Marco" he mumbled. He just felt so infuriated. All these emotions felt alien to him, he wasn't used to getting mad at his classmates, or anybody, really.
"Are you okay, Armin?" Marco asked after him, feeling concerned for his friend. He didn't get a reply.
"Is something wrong?" Annie's question made Armin's heart skip a beat as they walked back to his house later that day. Annie had sensed something was off about Armin at lunch but didn't say anything at the time. She wasn't confident in her ability to read people, unlike Armin. It seemed pretty obvious now that something was bothering him, though. He was being unusually quiet. Shouldn't he be bugging me about something or other? Annie felt weird asking, it gave off the impression that she actually cared about him. But I do.
"Huh? I'm f-fine, Annie." Armin smiled, his smile didn't meet his eyes and Annie picked up on this. Instead of questioning him further, she shrugged her shoulders and turned away from him. Armin looked to her, was she angry at him for not telling her what was wrong? Did she even realise that he was lying about being fine? It was probably obvious he wasn't okay. Perhaps he should just be honest with her? "My head still hurts from being hit during dodgeball and, well, I guess people were just jerks today…"
"I see," Annie paused for a moment, she didn't look at him as she spoke, "Well, did you kick their ass?"
"…No" did he look like the type of guy to her who would do something like that?
"Ha, didn't think so," she scoffed "Maybe they deserved it."
It wasn't in Armin's nature to wish harm on his friends or anyone for that matter, but he couldn't completely disagree with her on this. Jean had called Annie ugly. It was one of the most absurd things he had heard in his life, because she was far from that. She was absolutely beautiful.
"He did. But I'd like to be the better person." Armin spoke quietly and looked down. He hoped that people weren't giving Annie a hard time. He doubted she would tell him if they were.
Annie respected what Armin had said. She turned to look at him again and saw that he had lifted his head and was facing straight ahead. For some reason she felt that strange sensation in her stomach for a second time and quickly turned away. Is it butterflies…?
When they arrived at Armin's house, his grandfather was already there. He was sitting in the living room with a newspaper, "Oh, hello Armin, Annie" he nodded, familiar with the blonde girl by now.
"Hey, Grandpa!" Armin smiled.
"Hi" Annie added, she wondered if they were going to do the tutoring in the living room with his grandfather present, they had been doing it in there the whole week, but he had usually been at his bookshop.
"Since my Grandpa decided to occupy the living room, do you want to go to my room to study?"
"Sure." Annie was somewhat relieved. It would be less awkward that way.
His bedroom was very neat and tidy, the complete opposite of hers. The walls were an ocean blue and the floor was pine wood. He had a bookshelf in his room which was stacked full, just like the ones in the living room. This kid sure liked to read. There was a desk in the corner with a laptop and some paper work on it. Annie noticed a teddy bear on his bed. She would have thought that was stupid if it had been anyone else. What caught her attention the most was a huge poster of the map of the world, it covered a large amount of the wall beside his bed. She walked over to it, and saw how he had stuck star stickers onto certain countries, "These countries with the stars, are they the ones you've visited?" she wondered out loud.
"No, no. They are the ones I want to visit first," he smiled, "It's my dream to travel to Europe; England, France, Germany, the Netherlands, well you get the picture" Armin's voice contained passion as he spoke.
"Why?" she looked at him, it was then that she realised she didn't even know a thing about the boy.
"Well, partly because of my heritage. I have German, English and Dutch ancestry, so I would love to visit those countries first. But, it's not just about that. My parents travelled to many places, they really had a passion for it. They said that when I was old enough they would take me with them." Armin continued to smile despite knowing that he would never get to travel with his parents. It made Annie's heart contort slightly just looking at his face. "You don't have to feel sorry for me, I'm planning on travelling with my friends." Armin stated as he read her facial expression.
"I don't pity you or anything." Annie turned away from him. After a few moments she spoke again, "I think that your dream is pretty cool, for a dweeb like you."
"Thanks," was that a compliment or an insult? I'm going to take it as a compliment. "Do you have any interest in your heritage?" he asked her, being curious.
"Not really. All I know is that my last name is of German origin."
"Oh yeah, doesn't it translate something like, lion heart?" Armin believed the name was very fitting for someone like Annie.
"Yes, something along those lines.", Annie paused and then looked to Armin, "I'm not completely against seeing some of the world too." If I could see the world with him, I'm sure it would be worthwhile. Annie didn't know what she was thinking, why am I thinking like that? For fuck sake my brains have turned to mush lately.
Armin looked pleased to hear her words. There was silence for a few moments and then he opened his mouth again, "Hmm, by the way, Annie, why did you move here? Where are you from originally?" sure it was a personal question but they had been spending a lot of time together recently and he thought that by now it wouldn't be intrusive to ask.
Annie felt herself tense up at the question. She really didn't want to reveal anything to him. She knew it was unfair, considering he had told her about his parents and his dreams, but she just wasn't comfortable with it. Maybe he had told her everything simply to coax personal information out of her? No, he's not like other people in this shit world. Annie was still unsure of herself and she was unsure of Armin.
"Was it because of your parent's job?" Armin thought that he could use this opportunity to maybe get to the bottom of what was going on behind the scenes in Annie's life, he only hoped that now she would open up to him.
"My mother is dead." Annie blurted out. She knew Armin was going to keep asking, and just like vomit, the words fell out of her mouth uncontrollably. She felt sort of relieved but at the same time uncomfortable that he knew. At least it meant that she didn't have to endure an interrogation of his. Just moments ago she was feeling relaxed, even happy, and now she felt like shit. If he was going to continue to ask personal stuff like this, she would just leave, simple.
"I'm really, really, sorry, Annie." Armin was stumped. Even after telling her about his parents, she never mentioned her mother was dead, too. He was about to reach out to her, to comfort her, because she looked very sad. However, as his hand touched her arm she slapped it away. She took a step back and glared at him fiercely.
"Don't start feeling sorry for me, okay? I only told you so that you would shut the fuck up. And don't start thinking we are the same, either. Your parents died in a car crash, my mother had cancer. I…" Had she really just said all of that? She was shaking. How could she say that? It was like word vomit all over again.
Armin blinked, unable to say anything. He was hurt by her harsh words, but he quickly forgave her.
"A-Annie, I didn't think that for a moment, I—"
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." She interrupted him, suddenly feeling awful for being so insensitive. She had just dismissed the fact that his parents had been killed in a car accident when he was only a young child, because she had watched her mother die of cancer. It was wrong, she was wrong, she was a terrible person. Annie was still shaking and she felt tears starting to form in her eyes. No, not now. I won't cry now. He should be the one crying, not me.
"It's okay. I understand that it upsets you to talk about it. I won't ask again, it's my fault for bringing it up in the first place." Are those tears in her eyes?
"I should go." Annie began to make a getaway.
"No, wait," She stopped in her tracks but didn't look into his eyes. She couldn't bear to. "Let's just forget I ever asked…" he offered, knowing it was stupid. How could that be forgotten?
If Armin really wanted her to stay after she had been so horrible to him, he probably really did have brain damage. Or maybe he was just a really nice person. Someone who deserved way better than the likes of her, just like Jaeger had said. Annie figured the least she could do now was to stay.
"Alright" her voice shook slightly and was almost inaudible.
Armin let out a breath of relief, "I'm g-glad. So…should we start studying?" Armin felt weird asking such a casual question after all of that, but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't want Annie to leave, he wanted to help her. The blonde nodded while still looking to the floor.
Armin brought a second chair to his desk and they sat together while he tutored her as if nothing had happened. When they finished, Armin offered to walk her home as usual, but she wouldn't let him. He didn't persist like he usually did and instead allowed her to go alone. Annie cried all the way home, for the first time she didn't even fear what her father was going to say or do to her when she got back. She felt like she deserved it anyway.
Armin had learnt something about Annie from all of this; it was that she was undeniably broken. She was more delicate and fragile than he had ever imagined. He was going to have to treat her with caution from now on, he had to be gentle. Even if she pushed him back again and again, he vowed to himself that he would help her. He would fix her.
