Chapter 15
"Famiglia"
03/28/13
It feels painful like tearing her to pieces slowly and it burns her within until she felt sore.
She felt sad and empty.
She leaned to the wall on the staircase beside the door leading to the rooftop, listening to sounds from the other side. The door's a bit open so she could hear what they are saying clearly. She could hear the laughter and chattering on the place she stood in. Just hearing his voice makes her miss the times she had with him. Those wonderful times just seemed so far away now and had run away from her grasp. She smiled sadly as Yamamoto spot her, his expression sad and seemed to understand the reason behind her sad smile. She shook her head gently as he gestured her to come and hang-out with them again, his expression almost pleading. She stood straight and turned around as she walked down to the stairs, away from him.
She let a tear fall out of her face as she remembered what he said that afternoon.
I'm sorry… goodbye.
He kept on glancing at the door of the rooftop every now and then, as he was aware of the presence of another important person in his life was there. The rest of his friends have sensed her there as well but they knew that he doesn't want her to get close again. Tsuna didn't state his reason clearly but somehow, they know. She's too pure to get drawn to the filthy world of the mafia and they don't want to taint her or ruin her as well.
Yamamoto tried to invite her, and this didn't go unnoticed by the other two; but no one did anything to stop the baseball player. Tsuna may not admit it, but deeply within him he wants her to accept the silent invitation. He stared at his bento sadly as he heard her leave. Her footsteps echoed down the staircase. The trio stopped their musings and sat there silently when they were sure she was out of hearing range.
Tsuna looked up to the sky with sad eyes and covered it with his left hand. He let out a bitter chuckle. He was disappointed at her decline but he wasn't regretting what he did.
"Are you sure about this, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked.
"If you change your mind, now's the time Juudaime. We could always hire bodyguards to protect her; or if she would be willing to, we could get someone to teach her how to protect herself," Gokudera offered, concerned for his boss' well-being.
He shook his head, "No, it's her decision as well. I didn't push her away so it was her decision if she would persist to stay or let the distance between us grow."
"But Tsuna, you know you gave her a reason to stay away," Yamamoto reasoned out, almost desperately trying to convince him to stand up and run after her.
He gives no reply and just continued watching the sky between his fingers. The baseball player sighed as if giving up the idea but still tried to convince him, "And Ryohei-sempai's still mad at you."
He closed his eyes in distress, he honestly didn't want to treat her or Haru this way but he doesn't want them to get hurt either anymore. He remembers how much his sun guardian argued with his decision and even had punched him in the face when he still decided otherwise. Ever since then, the boxer has been giving him the cold shoulder. And truthfully speaking, he doesn't know how to fix it.
He thought this is the right thing to do. When he consulted Reborn, the hitman agreed to his reason but had left him the decision whether to implement his choice or not. The hitman even warned him with the consequences that he knew himself as well. But when he made it final, the boxer just exploded and had argued with him saying that it's not right and he shouldn't do it. He got punched straight to his face; his nose broken and lips bleeding. He didn't fight back and accepted it silently, knowing very well he deserved it. He even told off Gokudera with the matter to not interfere to whatever may happen. The bomber was fuming and spatting on one side as the exchange happened. After that, the older male left and hadn't even approached him since. Ryohei was determined to not even as much as to look at him until he changes his mind. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't risk their lives anymore for him, not anymore that he has come to accept that he can't run away from it. The boxer will just have to come into terms with his decision for he is his sun guardian and no one else would fit for the position because he is family; and no matter how much Tsuna hoped he isn't, he's their boss.
He decided to accept the position right after the incident with the Angelo Cremisi. He couldn't pretend that the mafia's all but a childish game where danger does not exist. Once you get in it, albeit by his own will or not, he couldn't just walk out that easily. Too much has happened. He has been dragged in deeper and his friends got entangled with it as well. If he leaves, it's not just him who'll live a life of uneasiness but also his friends and family. The best way to prevent that from happening is for him to stop running and face the problem head-on. He didn't accept it for himself nor for the money or even the power; he did so for the people he had learned to care about.
"Oi, dame-Tsuna, are you sure about this?" Reborn had asked him as he got back home. He nodded. His home tutor wasn't just asking about Kyoko or Haru, it was about something he had asked Reborn with. He had wanted to be trained to be a Mafioso and prove his worth before he would proceed to be a mafia boss. He had also asked permission from the Ninth and even the Outside Advisor, and they had given him their consent though the latter was reluctant about it. The CEDef leader may be his father but Iemitsu just had to respect his decision as the Ninth's successor.
He wanted to be trained in Italy where the mafia circulation rooted but Nono had decided otherwise, even Reborn agreed with the Ninth. The Ninth had stated during their video conference that he was not ready, and Nono's words were definite. Heir or not, he was in no position to defy the current boss' decision. Reborn was even given the orders of teaching him more on mafia etiquette, no matter how ironic the term may sound. He was taught from mafia hierarchy, laws, and the family's connections to the rest of the world, the omerta… down to the criminal activities they are accounted for. Everything just seemed so hard for him accept. Anyone brought out as morally adept as he was would be the same. The concept of right and wrong just doesn't seem so sturdy to his mind anymore. Formerly, he believed that what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong; no matter how right the reason given is but with a wrong action done, it's still wrong. However now, perspectives must be accounted with. The reason involved with a certain cause and what effect it would do just thwarted what he believed. However, if adapting to these new concepts and evolving as someone thwarted by realisms would make his famiglia well, then it would all be worth it.
There's no more need for doubts or refusals. He has to keep on moving.
