Chapter 5 – I'm In Pain

~ Tears are words the heart can't express.

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Why am I…..here? Why did I…..come back?

Why can't I…..just runaway? Why do I need…..to see her again?

But she kissed…..that guy…

He looked up and sighed. It's broad daylight. She's usually working right now. So that means it's safe for him to enter the house. He didn't want to see her…so soon. Huh, what was he thinking? He hadn't seen her for three days. Three days should be enough for him to recover…right? Or is it?

He sighed again. He desperately needs a shower and a lot of rest. He checked his injured hand, maybe he needs a doctor too. It's swollen but at least the bleeding had stopped. If only his heart could stop bleeding too…

After a nice fresh shower, bandaging his hand and having a proper meal, he took his first sleep in three days. It sure is nice….to be back….

Few long hours later, he woke up. And he heard the door clicked outside from inside his room.

She's back.

He could feel her strong presence even from his room. He sat up, and walked up to the door. His hand grip the door handle, but he hesitated. His grip tightened a little too hard. He leaned onto the door and listen quietly.

Her faint footsteps were enough to make him nervous. He closed his eyes and swallowed. What is it you are so afraid of? C'mon, get a grip on yourself. You're used to her scolding you right? Why is it this time any different?

He listen again, the sound of her footsteps have stopped. The only thing he could hear now was his own shallow breath and rapid heartbeat. Slowly he let go of his grip off the door handle and slowly back away from the door. It is different this time because…if he looked at her, his mind would immediately go back to that incident. Seeing her kissing another guy, made his old wounds open up and bleed again.

Suddenly he finds himself reminiscing the past. The last time he got heartbroken, someone else was having the happiest moment of their lives. Come to think of it, his whole life hadn't been a decent one either.

I don't know my mother, my own father is dead, and the only person who cared about me left me for someone else. Hah, it seems my agony is always other's happiness. I always end up alone. I'm a…

"Alex?" a gentle voiced called his name. Oh how I missed that sweet soothing voice of yours…

His head slowly looked up and saw her beautiful face looking at him in concerned. He got lost in his own thoughts. He didn't notice that she had entered his room. She was still in her working uniform, and he noticed the faint redness in her eyes. Had she been crying? Or did she have trouble sleeping the past few days? Or maybe she's just mad at him for…whatever that's making her mad at him?

He gulped and waited. He realized he was holding his breath. His heart aches so much. His hand rested on his chest and clutched his shirt very tightly. She tentatively walked towards him and his body hunch immediately. The aching he felt in his heart intensified dramatically.

"Alex? Are you okay?" she immediately went to him, placing her hands on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

No, I'm not okay. I don't know what's wrong with me, Lacus. I always end up alone. I am always the only who ends up in pain. I am in pain. I'm in so much pain right now.

He gritted his teeth and blinked. His lips trembled as he struggles not to cry. His eyes soften when she tenderly cupped his eyes fixed on her as he reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Help me….Lacus, please. I need you so much. I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't leave me. His hold around her tightens but she just stood there, not returning his embrace. He closed his eyes.

And then…he weeps, knowing he will hate himself for that.

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Although deep in sleep within a dream, he felt someone stroking his hair. A gentle, soft touch, and cool hand upon him. He felt himself smile, enjoying the simple touch. His emerald eyes fluttered open. It took him a few seconds to realize the position he was in.

He had been lying facedown on her lap. He focused and realized that they were on his bed. Somehow he had been crying himself to sleep and end up using her lap as a pillow. Breathing in deeply as he slowly lifted his head and stood his body up.

She moaned. He froze; his eyes widen in embarrassment. His head had unexpectedly ended up between her breasts. Immediately he jerked backwards violently. And end up falling down on the floor with a loud thud. He cursed when his head hits something hard.

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He stared hard at his injured hand as she was finishing the bandaging. The silence between them is killing him. He was really uncomfortable with it but refused to say anything, afraid he would make things worse by opening his mouth. When she was done, he muttered his thanks to her and quickly stood up from the couch but was pulled back down instantly.

"I'm not done yet. I still need to treat that cut on your forehead." When you're at it can you treat my heart as well? It's been in pain for so long.

He protested but she was already leaning closer. He tried to look elsewhere but all he can see is her face, so close to his. It's…kind of strange and refreshing. She used to babble or lectured him as she was treating his wounds. But right now, she was silently and gently treating him. Not like those times when she would purposely inflict pain to his wounds just to teach him a lesson.

I guess if I wasn't too busy beating up people, I would have noticed how gentle you actually are. Haha, I guess I really did manage to get on your nerves to get you mad, eh? He silently grinned at this thought.

His eyes kept gazing at her face.

Your eyes, they are somewhat between the color blue and purple, or maybe I hurt my head so bad I'm going colorblind. Your lips, they are so smooth and luscious. I wonder how it would feel to kiss it, taste it even.

His other hand lightly caressed her cheeks. She stopped and began to lean back a little, a frown forming on her face. "Alex?"

"Don't move." He gulped. He knew he's crossing the boundaries between them. The very boundaries she had set for them from the very first day they had decide to share the house together.

Her eyes narrowed and she tried to pry his hand away from her face, but instead he grabbed her hand and gently placed it on the side of his face. His heart began to ache again. He was relieved when she didn't move as he asked her to but what he didn't expect to see the fear in her eyes as he slowly leaned towards her. Suddenly the idea of kissing her seemed to be a very bad idea at the moment.

I should stop now, before I end up doing…what I wanted to do.

He paused in his moves. He blinked and realized how close their lips are with each other. Both can feel their breath on each other's face. He knew he should back away now but unable to do so. Too mesmerize and intoxicated by both her powerful presence and her lovely scent.

He slowly blinked again but didn't open his eyes later. Somehow their lips have a mind of their own and close the gap between them. That's strange, I'm very sure that I didn't move closer. Maybe she…

All thoughts fade away as he felt her deepen the kiss and he pulled her closer.

I will hate myself for this. I just hope she won't hate me for this.

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~ Inhaling your breath into my body, taking you into my soul, all this, through a kiss.

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A/N : Athrun finally breaks down, luckily Lacus is there for him…even when she didn't hug him back. Athrun gave in to his desire, unable to resist anymore. It's now or never….but the question is..who was kissing who in the first place?