Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews/follows/favs means a lot.
Chapter three
Santana walked in her front door. She felt like crap. She made her way to the dining room and sat her bag and key on the table.
"Hey miji." Her mother said walking into the dining room. She was dressed in black pants, white button up shirt and heels. She always prided herself on looking smart. Santana was sitting there, resting her elbows on the table and supporting her head in her hands. "Is everything OK." Mrs Lopez asked and sat across from her daughter.
Santana lifted her head from her hands to look at her mother. "Why is love so hard?" She asked and felt a shake in her voice.
"Oh baby," The older woman cooed. "I'm not going to tell you that life is easy or even love, but I think you know you love someone when it's hard. In my opinion, that's when you realise someone is worth all the pain and effort." Santana listened intently to her mother's words and felt the safety in the older woman's eyes.
"Mami," she paused to take a deep breath. "I don't think I love Finn." She blurted.
"Aww that's a shame," her mother smiled gently and reached across the table to hold Santana's hand. "You were such a cute couple."
"Really?" Santana asked she had never really known her mother's opinion on their relationship.
"No, not really." She said squeezing her hand. "I'm sorry but the two of you sort of seemed an odd couple." She smiled sympathetically.
Santana couldn't help but let a snort of laughter escape at her mother's honesty. She bobbed her head in agreement. Her mother always gave the best advice and was very supportive of her. She was a very honest person and she would make jokes at the right times or hug Santana when she needed it. This was the one person she could speak to about almost anything.
"What if I can't love? What if there's something wrong with me?" Santana said, her bottom lip began to tremble and her sight blurred as tears welled in her eyes. She retracted her hand from her mother to cross her arms against her stomach, seeking some sort of comfort.
Mrs Lopez frowned at her obviously troubled daughter. She made her way to the side of the table where Santana sat and took the seat next to her. She pulled her daughter into a hug as Santana burst into tears. She couldn't imagine what had given her daughter the idea that she was incapable of love.
Once Santana had calmed down Mrs Lopez began to speak.
"Hiji, look at me." She put her finger under Santana's chin and lifted it gently so the Latina met her soft brown eyes. "Of course you're capable of love darling. One day you will find someone very special and you will call me up from wherever you are telling me about how you've found your knight in shining armour. I bet you won't be able to shut up about them but I won't mind because I'll be just as happy as you will be." Santana shook her head, she didn't believe her mother. "Yes, Santana, it will happen. Just because you're not in love with Finn or anyone at the moment doesn't mean you won't be one day. You have to be patient, you can't rush love and you can't force it."
"How do you know?" Santana whispered.
"Because I know you have a huge heart, with so much love to give." The older woman said stroking her daughters back. "I know that it is just waiting for the right person to give it to."
"Promise?"
"I promise Santana." Her mother held her closer. "You're only eighteen years old you shouldn't be worrying about this sort of thing." Santana broke away from their embrace to look her mother in the eyes.
"I can't break up with Finn though… because I won't be as popular anymore."
"Santana." Her mother sighed. "After high School none of this matters. You should choose happiness over popularity. It's your senior year, enjoy it, don't waist it away stressing about who's more liked or popular. Just be yourself."
Santana nodded she trusted her Mom and the woman had made her feel so much better. Although she did think popularity was important.
"I have to go in for a meeting and your fathers on night shift at the hospital, will you be ok sweet girl?"
"Yes Mami. Thank you, I love you so much."
"I love you too dear."
Santana watched as her Mom walked out of the room, she did feel a lot better and thought that maybe she perhaps over reacted but she still had the heavy feeling of guilt on her shoulders.
Brittany didn't find the inspiration she was looking for. She wandered the streets and took pictures of leaves on the trees, flowers, birds in the sky and people's cats, which made her miss her own cat, Lord Tubbbington. He was currently living with her parents and sister. She was still trying to convince Hannah to let her pudgy cat live with them but had been unsuccessful thus far.
She sighed and sat on the side walk, patting someone's ginger cat who was also, like Brittany, roaming the neighbourhood. She didn't feel like going home yet. Was that normal? She thought. She felt she should want to go home to Hannah. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, to move in with the woman she loved, but she was finding it hard to adjust.
The next few days were filled with Santana dodging eye contact and not so subtle winks from Puck and also avoiding Finn as much as possible.
She sat in the back row of seats in the choir room watching the club and Brittany rehearse all three songs. She didn't feel like joining in. Everyone looked so happy and carefree, it made her angry. Why were they also cheery and more importantly, Why couldn't she be?
Rachel threw her hands in the air letting out a frustrated huff. "Santana we really need you to learn your part, it's too complicated trying to picture you there or skipping your verses of the songs." Rachel whined. "You're here, I don't see why you can't just join in?"
"Shut it Berry, I'm not in the mood." Santana growled.
"How are we going to win if you don't even know the routine to each song? With the way we're going it's going to be chaotic on stage, we'll be the laughing stock of the competition." Rachel stated.
"She's right, come on Santana we need you." Finn agreed.
"I'm watching, isn't that enough?" Santana snapped at her classmates.
"Oh hell to the no!" Mercedes retorted angrily. She was made to rehearse and didn't understand why Santana was being allowed to sit out.
"Mr Schue, please talk some sense into her." Rachel pleaded to their curly haired, butt chinned teacher.
"It's not enough to just watch," Mr Schue finally cut in. "I gave you a lot in these songs because I thought you could handle them, but right now you're letting the team down." He said disappointed.
"Stop being a bitch and dance with us!" Quinn voiced from the crowd of students looking irritated by the Latina's stubbornness.
"Fine," Santana said standing up from her seat and grabbing her backpack. "If watching's not enough then why am I sitting here?" With that she left the classroom leaving an annoyed and confused club behind her.
Brittany kept quiet through the bitching of the choir room. She wondered why Santana had been refusing to participate when just a few days ago she was smiling happily at her improvement.
"Hey Brittany." A boy's voice sounded from behind her.
She spun around to see the student with the Mohawk.
"Hi…"she paused, she was really bad at remembering names and faces.
"Name's Noah Puckerman, Puck for short."
"Puck, what can I do for you? Do you need some help with the routine?"
"Fuck no, I'm a dancing machine!" He said running a hand over his Mohawk. Brittany tried her best not to grimace at Pucks overly confident demeanour. "We're having a party Saturday night at Berry's and I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
Brittany was flattered that the students wanted her to come to their party. She pondered whether it was a bit weird but she eventually agreed to go anyway.
"Oh and is it alright if we give you some money to get the liquor?" The boy said with a glimmer in his eyes.
Brittany rolled her eyes, of course the kids only wanted her to go so she'd supply them with alcohol. She reluctantly agreed because the party gave her an opportunity to talk to Santana and find out why she refused to learn her choreography.
Santana decided to spend her morning drinking coffee at The Lima Bean. Even though the talk with her Mom had helped she had completely shut down, she pushed everyone away fearing they'd see how vulnerable she truly was. She hated people seeing her weaknesses, in fact she was pretty sure she just hated people. She was filled with regret. Regret from sleeping with Puck, still leading Finn on even though she knew there was no hope for them, letting the glee club down and agreeing to go to the stupid party tonight. Sure she could bail but then she'd have to deal with Rachel's incessant lecturing on why RSVP-ing is important. Or Finn asking where she was.
Santana flipped the page of the magazine she was reading as the doorbell of the coffee shop rang when someone entered. She didn't take much notice until she heard a familiar voice ordering a hazelnut latte. She looked up from the article she was skimming through about Brangelina, to see a woman with straightened blonde hair, sporting a quirky blue hat, white shorts, loose t-shirt and leg warmers on her arms. She knew from those long toned legs and unusual outfit that it was definitely Brittany.
The dancer paid for her drink and sat at the table across from the Latina, who she hadn't seemed to notice yet. Santana wondered if she should pretend she hadn't seen her or if she should say hello. She had been kind of a bitch to the blonde by refusing to learn the choreography. Maybe it's best if I pretend I didn't notice her, she decided.
She flipped the page of her magazine and feigned reading an article on Amanda Bynes. She was basically just staring at the words on the page because she was concentrating on not taking a peek at the choreographer, she really wanted to but decided against the possibility of awkward eye contact and hellos.
Her plan of ignoring Brittany failed when she heard the honey sweet tone of the blonde's voice.
"Santana?"
Santana paused from being 'engrossed' in the article she was 'reading,' to look up. "Oh hey, Brittany." She said casually. Even though she felt that flustered feeling that only seemed to happen around the choreographer.
"Do you mind if I join?" She asked indicating the other free seat at Santana's table.
"N-no, of course not." Santana stuttered. She was surprised the woman wanted to sit with her, she was positive Brittany would think she was a spoiled brat with no team work skills.
"So, you going to the party tonight?" Brittany asked making conversation.
"Yeah, you know about that?"
"Uh, huh." Brittany took a sip of her latte, "Puck invited me."
"Oh yeah, to get the alcohol." Santana remembered and quickly closed her eyes in embarrassment for telling the blonde about their plan.
"It's OK, I already knew." Brittany laughed.
"You're not just invited because of that," the Latina added. "You seem pretty awesome."
"Well thanks." A grateful smile appeared on her lips and her cheeks reddened.
The two sat in a surprisingly comfortable silence. Brittany watched as the girl in front of her looked through her magazine. She wanted to ask the brunette what was bothering her but felt they didn't know each other well enough for Santana to trust her with whatever was happening.
"What do you want to do after High School?" Brittany asked and found herself eagerly awaiting an answer. She found the young woman in front of her mysteries and intriguing.
"Mmm… to be honest I'm not really sure yet…" Santana shrugged not making eye contact, knowing the blonde's clear ocean blues would turn her into a rambling mess. "I want to be famous though."
"You know," Brittany said with a cheeky smile playing on her lips. "Famous people rehearse and learn their needed skills, like their lines, blocking or choreography." She put emphasis on the last word.
Santana sighed. "I know, I'm really sorry about that but I have had a lot on my mind."
"Anything I can help with?" asked Brittany. Santana could see the blonde was genuine, she wasn't just asking to be polite or to get the gossip like others normally did, she was asking because she wanted to help.
"I don't think you can but thanks," she said and it was the first time in days that a sincere smile tugged to her lips.
The two women talked for a while, they discussed glee club, their favourite books, and the party later that night. Just basic chit-chat that didn't go very deep into feelings and personal experiences. Santana felt it was a nice change from gossiping with Quinn or stressing about popularity or winning upcoming competitions in glee club with Finn. It was good to just talk about things that didn't matter, to listen to Brittany as she spoke animatedly about the first time she had ever been drunk and she stripped. The two laughed at each other and their own stories, they were both surprised how easy it felt to be around one another and how their conversation flowed.
The bell indicating someone entered the coffee shop sounded but both women were too absorbed in conversation to notice a tattooed woman with short black hair approach.
"Hey baby, sorry I'm late." The woman said standing next to Brittany. "Who's this?"
"Hi!" Brittany beamed looking up at the woman. "This is Santana, Santana this is my girlfriend Hannah." Santana's mouth dropped. Girlfriend? As in lover? As in lesbian? She didn't see that coming! Santana glanced between the two women who were smiling lovingly at each other. It hadn't crossed her mind that Brittany was into girls, she thought she had pretty great gaydar but she definitely missed that one. She tried to force a smile and close her gaping mouth like she hadn't just been thrown for six.
"You-You're gay?" She stuttered in disbelief. She hadn't meant to say it but it was the only thing she could get out. She didn't know why she was so shocked, it wasn't like she was homophobic or anything. She was friends with Kurt and Blaine and couldn't care less about who anyone dated.
"Well Hannah labels herself as a lesbian and I don't really like labels but I guess you could say I'm bisexual."
Santana blinked and nodded dumbly.
"Does it bother you?" Hannah asked sharply eyeing the girl who looked as though she had just found out who 'A' was on Pretty Little Liars.
Santana shook her head 'no.'
"Good because I'm going to kiss my girlfriend now whether you like it or not." Hannah winked and leaned in to give Brittany a kiss on the lips.
Something pang-ed in Santana's chest, everything she'd ever felt seemed to become clear in that moment. The secret glances at girls she thought were attractive, the retail assistant she tried to become friends with for three months. Scarlett Johansson and the other posters of celebrities that lined the walls of her bedroom mostly consisted of females. The warm feeling she got when she watched Arizona and Callie get together on Grey's Anatomy and Brittany. Yes, of course Brittany. The tingles when Brittany touched her, the butterflies she felt when she stared into bright blue eyes, the nerves, the increased heart rate, the excitement, the spark and even the jealousy she felt now as the blonde kissed Hannah. It finally hit her, it all made sense. She had subconsciously been in denial, she had made excuses for the way her body reacted to women she found attractive or with captivating personalities without knowing why she needed to justify it to herself. She felt relief wash over her as she realised she was able to love, able to relax in her own thoughts, actually acknowledge they existed. The feeling didn't last very long before the panic set in. Was she a lesbian? Bi? Would society shun her? What would her parents say? Would she become unpopular? Would Finn hate her? The anxiety was building up. She didn't want to be gay, she didn't want society to judge her, and she didn't want to be an outcast her entire life. She was scared.
"Santana..." Brittany tried to get the Latina's attention for the tenth time. The young woman in front of her was staring at her empty coffee cup with a distressed look on her face.
"Santana!" She tried again. The Latina looked up and met Brittany's eyes. They looked sad and scared and Brittany wondered if maybe she did have a problem with her and Hannah.
"Are you OK?" She asked.
"Yeah-Yeah, I've gotta gay... Go! I've gotta go." Santana muttered and rushed to grab her hand bag that was sitting by her feet, she fled out the door before Brittany even got a chance to say goodbye.
"She's weird." Hannah said taking the now empty seat.
"No, something wrong I just know it." Brittany said sadly. "I'm going to talk to her tonight at the party."
Hannah rolled her eyes, she didn't know why Brittany always took on other people's problems.
"Are you coming to the party?" Brittany asked hopeful.
Hannah laughed. "God no, I have to work thankfully, I couldn't think of anything worse than hanging around with drunken horny teenagers." Brittany nodded even though she didn't agree, she liked these kids and was glad that they seemed to like her too.
Brittany fixed her hair in the mirror. She had to admit she looked hot! She was wearing a light grey dress that hugged her figure, yellow heels, her hair was out and wavy and her make up defined her eyes and lips. She slipped on her yellow blazer that matched her shoes and made her way to the door of her apartment. She was excited, it had been a long time since she'd been to a party and she was keen to have some fun, even if she would be the oldest one there. Come to think of it, she was probably over dressed for a house party with teenagers… she considered changing but decided she'd rather be over dressed and looking hot than under-dressed and wishing she hadn't changed.
She made her way up the stone path to Rachel Berry's home. It was a nice place, two story and well-kept gardens. She could hear the low thudding bass of the music that was playing inside. She knocked on the door and was greeted by a happy looking Puck.
"You look wow!" He breathed.
"I need to some help carrying the alcohol in." Said Brittany ignoring his compliment.
Puck beamed "You're the best!" He said. "Lead the way." They walked to her car and got the liquor.
She walked down stairs into the basement of the house. It was set up as an entertaining area and there was even a stage. She was impressed. She spotted the familiar faces of the students from glee club and her eyes landed on one in particular sitting next to Finn on the couch in the corner of the room. Intriguing eyes, long wavy dark hair, she was wearing a purple dress and Brittany felt her breath catch in her throat at the beautiful sight that was Santana.
Puck smiled and handed Brittany a drink. Here goes nothing, she thought to herself as she took a sip.
A/N: Party time! Please drop a review, would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading :)
