A/N I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, real life took over.

Thanks so much for the favs/follows/reviews and I'll try to keep my updates much quicker and longer chapters.

Also in my last chapter it says Santana is 18 but she's not, she's 17 at the moment so just ignore that.

Chapter four

Santana was drunk. She didn't plan on getting this wasted but with everything that was going on with her, she decided to drink until she was numb. Unfortunately for Santana, when she was intoxicated she became very emotional. Everything with Finn and Puck, her revelation earlier that day that she had feelings for girls, and her strong attraction to Brittany seemed even worse in her drunken state. It really wasn't helping that the three people she wanted to avoid were in the same room as her right now.

"Santana what is up with you?" Quinn asked taking a seat next to Santana on the couch and handing her another drink.

She had been sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, watching Brittany laugh, dance and have a good time all night. She was jealous that she wasn't the one having a good time and she was jealous of her classmates that were hanging out with the older blonde.

"Nothing." Santana mumbled.

"You've been more of a bitch than normal lately." Quinn stated taking a sip from her drink. "And that's saying something." She smirked.

Santana just stared at the drink in her own hands.

Quinn let out a frustrated sigh and continued when Santana didn't respond. "Puck told me –"

Santana's head snapped up to look at Quinn. "He what!?" She interrupted angrily. She looked out over the room to scope that Mohawk-ed blabbermouth's location so she could kick his ass. "Never trust a Puckerman." She whispered through gritted teeth.

"He told me that you were acting strange, that something was wrong." Quinn narrowed her eyes at the agitated Latina. "So something has happened?"

Santana tore her glare from Puck who was laughing at something Artie had said, to look at Quinn.

"Oh," she said relieved that Puck hadn't spilled their secret. "No."

"Is it something to do with Finn?

"What? No Q, just leave it."

"Your parents?"

"Quinn Fabray, I'm fine. I's nothing, Puck just needs to mind his own God damn business."

"Is it to do with your grades? Or maybe you've fallen for some other guy?"

"Oh my God, Do you ever give up?" Santana sighed, whishing Quinn would just shut up. "Look just leave me alone, I'm seriously fine."

"You're not," Quinn started.

"Yeah and what do you care?" Santana snapped. "You and your perfect little life." Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't tell Quinn what was going on, she didn't trust her. Wow it sucks when you can't even trust your best friend she thought.

"Wow, Santana really? You know that's not true."

"Whatever."

"Geez, I'm just trying to help you."

"Thanks but like I said I'm fine. So off you go." Santana said waving her hand to motion Quinn to leave.

"You're impossible." Quinn spat as she stood up and left.

Santana sighed and leaned back into the couch, she took a big gulp from the drink Quinn had brought her and wondered when the alcohol would do its job and make the pain go away.


A short time later, a few more drinks in and Santana was feeling even sorrier for herself.

"Santana, are you OK?" Mercedes asked worriedly as she approached the obviously wasted brunette. Santana nodded and tears started to well in her eyes. "Are you sure?" She asked again.

"Why do I have to fuck everything up? Why does everything have to fuck me up?" She started to sob hysterically before looking to Mercedes for answers.

Mercedes frowned at the distressed Latina. "OK then…" she sighed. "Someone's had enough to drink tonight." She took Santana's hand trying to get her to stand up. "Get your ass up." She grunted pulling the girl up and struggling to keep Santana's arm positioned over her shoulder.

Tina made her way over to help Mercedes, who was noticeably struggling to get Santana to the bathroom. Santana wrapped her other arm around Tina's neck for support as they awkwardly stumbled across the room.

Rachel suddenly popped up in front of the three girls. Sometimes she'd just appear out of nowhere.

"If she throws up down here we're in a lot of trouble." The small diva whined. "You can be the ones to explain it to my Dads."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Well if you'd get out of the damn way, maybe we could get her to the bathroom before that happens."

"Relax Rachel, we're handling it." Tina groaned.

The three girls finally made their way to the bathroom. They sat their sniffling friend on the bathroom counter while Mercedes dabbed her tears away with a wet face washer and Tina went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water to help sober her up a little. They knew from past experiences that helping the Latina sober up was the best remedy to controlling her random blubbering.

"Do you want me to get Finn?" Mercedes asked once Santana had calmed down to soft sniffles and occasional escapee tears.

Santana shook her head and avoided eye contacted with Mercedes. He was the last person she wanted to see. She still hadn't broken up with him, she just felt so scared and guilty.

Tina arrived with the glass of water and handed it to Santana. Shaking, she raised the cool water to her lips and took small sips. "Thanks guys," She said quietly, her voice was unstable from crying. "I think I just need to be alone for a while."

"Umm… Ok." Tina said warily, not knowing if it was a good idea to leave the upset girl by herself in that state. Tina and Mercedes shared a concerned look before Tina spoke again. "We'll be out there if you need anything." She gave a comforting smile. Santana nodded and watched the two girls leave.


Brittany was surprised to be actually having a decent time at the party. She had a dance off with Mike, a D&M with Sam, played drinking games with most of the kids and they all took turns at karaoke. Well most of them, Brittany noticed that Santana had basically kept to herself all night, she looked sad and Brittany really wanted to help her. She didn't know exactly what it was that drew her to the younger girl but she just felt the need to cheer her up and be a friend.

Brittany was dancing with Kurt and Blaine, when she saw Mercedes re-join the party.

"Hey," Brittany shouted over the music grabbing Mercedes's arm so she didn't walk past.

"Oh, hey Brittany." She smiled. "Listen I know you got the alcohol for us, but that's not the only reason we invited you, you're really fun."

"Aww thanks." Brittany breathed feeling taken aback the diva's kindness. "That's really sweet. I can see you're a very caring person too, I saw you helping Santana before. Is everything OK with her."


A short time had passed since Mercedes and Tina had left. Santana was still sitting on the counter, leaning against the back wall. She was so confused and too drunk to decipher which thoughts were good ideas and which weren't. She didn't know if she should tell someone that she thought she was gay or if she should keep it to herself until she had fully figured it out. She thought about leaving Finn, she even thought about leaving the country. Packing her bags and never looking back sounded like the best idea at the moment.

A knock at the door brought Santana out of her thoughts of a life in Australia.

"There's someone in here! Go find a bush outside to do your business in." She said in an irrational annoyed tone.

"Santana?" A soft voice called. "It's Brittany, Mercedes told me you were upset, can I come in?"

Santana paused. She sat the now empty glass that she had been cradling in her hands next to her and tried straightening her dress. She didn't want to see Brittany but she also really did. God, why did she have to get so drunk, she was a mess. "N-no." She croaked out as tears began to form in her eyes once again. Santana stared at the door, she noticed the handle turn and the door begin to open. She didn't want Brittany to see her like this, drunk, emotional and her mascara was definitely running.

The door opened and Brittany slipped in and closed it behind her. She looked up to see a broken looking Santana sitting on the counter top. "Santana, are you ok? What's happened?" She asked approaching the girl, who even though her make-up was smudged and she looked miserable, was still so beautiful.

Santana tried not to burst into tears, she really did but it was no use. The more she tried to stop the tears the faster they fell, especially when Brittany rushed to her and wrapped her arms around her. The warmth of Brittany was comforting and she smelled like bubble-gum. It was nice but at the same time, it made Santana's heart ache a little harder. They stayed in the embrace until eventually the Latina calmed down.

"Why is everything such a fucking mess?" She mumbled into Brittany's shoulder as she clung to the blonde's blazer.

Brittany looked around the room with a confused expression on her face. "I thought it was pretty tidy actually."

Santana stopped sniffling to look up at the older girl. "You're adorable." She said seriously, the caring blue eyes forced her breath to hitch and she was suddenly very aware of their proximity and Brittany's palms resting on her thighs. She stared at the older woman for a moment before shakily reaching up to the blonde's face and unsteadily tracing her finger down Brittany's jaw line. Brittany tensed at the action, Santana felt the blonde's hands that were still resting on her, twitch but Brittany didn't stop her.

Santana's heart was thumping hard against her chest, she didn't know what she was doing but then again, she didn't really care. Her finger tingled as she swiped over the older woman's soft skin. She watched intently as she drew her finger up the other side of the blonde's face, afraid to meet those sparkling blue eyes, for fear of rejection and the thought 'this is wrong' seeping back into both the young women's minds. She was captivated by the sight of her touch on Brittany's almost flawless skin, everything almost felt like slow motion, everything but her quickened heartbeat that is. She was still shaking when she decided to be brave and sweep her thumb across the blonde's bottom lip. Curiosity got the better of Santana and she finally met those eyes she'd been avoiding. They were intense, slightly hooded but mostly confused and reading deep into Santana's eyes for answers. The tension was thick and as if sensing that Santana was thinking about kissing her, Brittany broke the silence.

"Umm," Britany said as she cleared her throat and stepped backwards away from the brunette. "You should go home, drink some water and sleep this off." Brittany suggested awkwardly. "Do you need a ride?"

Santana tried to ignore the now awkward atmosphere between them. She fiddled with the hem of her dress. "I can't go home, my mom thinks I'm staying at Quinn's tonight."

"Oh," Brittany said uncomfortably. "Do you want me to tell Quinn you're ready to go?"

Santana sighed. "No I'm not actually staying at Quinn's"

"Lying to the parents?" Brittany smirked and raised her eyebrows. "Well, where are you staying?"

"I don't know I just assumed I'd pass out here and Berry would just have to let me stay."

Brittany frowned and was silent for some time. Santana could tell that she was wagering a thought.

"You can stay at mine." The blonde finally blurted uneasily.

Santana's eyes widened and her mouth dropped, she didn't expect that at all. She felt a mixture of nerves and excitement. She knew Brittany was being kind and that it wasn't an invitation to jump into bed with her but that's what it felt like.

Santana took a deep breath. "Ok." She said in almost a whisper.