A/N: Thanks for reading!
Song: Invisible by Taylor Swift
Chapter 6
"Eeeeeeeeeeee!" Brittany squealed. She was holding her laptop out in front of her as she ran down the hallway to Hannah, who was still on the couch.
"Brittany." Hannah giggled and turned around with surprise as her girlfriend came sprinting toward her. "What's going on?" Brittany ran to front of the couch and carefully placed her laptop on the coffee table, before jumping up and down excitedly and grabbing at Hannah's hands for her to join in. "You're crazy!" Hannah laughed as she was dragged from the cushions to her feet. She stood waiting patiently for Brittany to stop squealing and jumping around her to explain herself.
Brittany's cheeks were beginning to ache from the massive smile she was sporting but she couldn't stop. "KE$HA! It's Ke$ha!" She almost screamed.
"You're going on tour with Ke$ha?" Hannah asked excitedly.
Brittany shook her head which caused Hannah to give her a puzzled look. "My agency said Kesha's team's auditioning dancers. See!" She said pointing to her laptop.
Hannah took a seat back on the couch to read the email, while Brittany started dancing around the room.
"Oh," Hannah said with disappointment etched in her tone. "Britt, don't get your hopes up, they haven't chosen you yet."
"Brittany stopped dancing and her smile faltered. "Yeah but it's a great opportunity and I'm going to go for it."
A soft, almost sympathetic smile twitched on Hannah's lips. "Yeah baby, you should definitely go for it, but I'm just saying don't get so excited yet."
Brittany stared at her tattooed girlfriend for a moment. She felt her heart sink. "You don't believe in me?" She asked dejectedly.
"Of course I do, I just don't want either of us depending on this job before you've even landed it." Hannah shrugged and closed Brittany's laptop.
"Either of us?" Brittany questioned. "It's not just about the money Han."
Hannah shrugged. "I know, but it would be helpful."
"Yeah," Brittany said bitterly in disbelief. "I'm going out for a while." She said turning towards the front door of the apartment. She needed to get out before she said something she didn't mean… or something she did.
"What, where?" Hannah asked oblivious to the fact she had just insulted the dancer.
"I don't know," Brittany shrugged. "Maybe somewhere where I can be excited for a second without someone bringing me down to their level." With that Brittany stormed out the door. She was tired of feeling boxed in. She was tired of living under Hannah's judgement, Hannah's rules. She was tired of being talked to in a condescending tone by her own girlfriend. She wished she at least had a friend left in Lima, they had all moved on to bigger things, to bigger cities. She didn't even have her cat, Lord Tubbbington, he would always listen to her and even though he had quite the attitude, he would have been happy that Ke$ha was auditioning, he wouldn't have doubted her chances and most importantly he would have been there for her. But that was just another thing Hannah had control over, their house, her rules, which for now, meant no pets. She groaned defeated. She definitely needed some air.
"Is there another guy?" A hurt Finn asked his girlfriend, desperation lined his voice. They were in Santana's room, sitting on her bed. She had told Finn it wasn't working and that she wasn't in love with him.
"No Finn," Santana sighed audibly, she was trying so hard not to let her bitchy side come out but it was proving more difficult than she thought.
"Look," Finn said scooting closer to the Latina. "I know you've been stressed lately but it'll pass. We'll get through it together." He held her hand and gave it a soft squeeze.
Santana stared at their intertwined fingers. It didn't feel right anymore… Did it ever? "Finn, you've been an amazing boyfriend, especially as I was such a bitch to you and everyone around me but we're just not meant to be. I think you know that too."
Finn looked down at their joined hands as well and clenched his jaw. "I should go." He said standing up awkwardly.
"I'm sorry," Santana said, she was surprised when she felt a tear slip down her cheek. She didn't know why she was crying, maybe it was because even though she didn't have romantic feelings for Finn, he had still been a big part of her life, sort of a best friend at times, a rock. It could have also been relief, relief that she no longer had to hold up the straight girlfriend charade. She didn't have to feel obligated to be a girlfriend, there was no pressure anymore.
"Can I have a hug?" Finn asked with a sad smile, his eyes were void of their usual spark.
"Sure." Santana said stepping into her ex's arms. It was weird but she didn't think in all the time they were together that they had gotten along as well as they were now.
Brittany slipped her keys in the ignition. She looked down at what she was wearing, a white t-shirt, jeans and brown boots… Not really suitable for a workout or the dance studio. She turned the keys until the low hum of her car engine started. She decide to just drive. She didn't know where she was going but she began to drive and see where fate lead her. She bought some cookies and a bottle of water at a corner store before continuing her unknown travels. It wasn't long before she realised she didn't feel like driving, she just felt like being alone somewhere out of the busy streets, somewhere isolated, peaceful and pure. Brittany stopped the engine and unbuckled her seat-belt, she exhaled in relief that she had found the spot she needed to take a breather, she was also glad she had grabbed her camera on the way out of her apartment.
She opened the door of her car and a slight breeze caught her ponytail and made it swing from side to side as her sneakers hit the gravel road… she walked to the railing and stood taking in the view. She was at the Lima Lookout, it was a place she came when she was a teenager to make out with boys, but now, in the day light, it seemed so peaceful and it wasn't full of horny teens. She looked over the town, it was weird to think that when she was down there, in the rush of the people, the race to earn money and the responsibilities that came with living her life that she often felt like all her problems were like these massive equations that made her head hurt and she couldn't possibly solve but from up here she realised everything was so minuscule, her life was just one of billions and her problems were tiny, everything stressful felt so small in comparison to the view. She let out a contented breath and felt her annoyance with Hannah dissipate. Brittany walked back to her car, she liked the sound of the dry crunch of gravel beneath her boots and the sound of the birds in the trees around her. She wanted to capture the beauty of the moment, so she opened her passenger side door and got her camera off the front seat. She walked back to the safety railing and began to immerse herself in the angles and soul of her photography.
She was so engrossed in taking pictures that she didn't notice the sound of footsteps running in her direction. It wasn't until she heard a familiar low, almost raspy voice that she realised she wasn't alone.
"Brittany?" The voice asked curiously between puffs.
The dancer turned around and her heart skipped a beat. Santana. Her eyes trailed over the Latina, she couldn't help but appreciate the way the girls tights clung to her legs, or the way her tank top stuck to her abs and stretched over her chest, the way her skin glimmered from sweat in the sunlight or how her reddened cheeks made her look even more beautiful. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and it swung slightly as she walked towards the dancer. She really was the most stunning girl Brittany had ever seen. "Wow…" She breathed and then coughed trying to pretend she didn't just openly check out the teenager. "Hi... Hi!" Brittany said in a panicked high pitched voice, with an overcompensating smile.
"What are you doing here?" Santana asked.
"Oh, you know just getting a bit of fresh air, taking some pictures. What about you?"
"Ugh," Santana scoffed leaning against the railing. "Coach Sue's been on my back about keeping fit for cheerleading." Santana groaned. "I thought I'd do something about it, there's lots of trails up here and it's uphill so I figured it would be challenging… but no, too challenging, not fun." She said still trying to catch her breath.
Brittany giggled. "You know I run to keep up my fitness for dancing, maybe we could go together sometime?" Brittany felt nerves bubble up inside her stomach. She didn't understand why asking one of her dance students to go for a run with her would make her feel so anxious.
Santana's smiled as if she was flattered. "Sure."
Brittany nodded and broke the weird tension by walking to her car and getting her water bottle and cookies from the front seat.
Santana watched awkwardly, not knowing whether she should continue jogging or if she should keep talking to Brittany. She knew which one she'd rather but she didn't want to distract the dancer from her photography. Brittany walked to the bonnet of her car and lifted herself onto it, crossing her legs Indian style.
Santana was about to leave when Brittany patted the space on the bonnet next to her and flicked her head to the side, motioning for Santana to join her.
Santana took a deep breath, she had never been affected by someone so physically and yet so subtly before. She only had to look at the blonde for her heart to race, her palms to sweat and her knees to feel like jelly. Santana walked to the front of the car and climbed on to the bonnet, however, not as gracefully as Brittany made it look.
"Won't we like, dent it or something?" The Latina asked.
"It's pretty tough." Brittany grinned and held out her water bottle to the teenager. "Drink?"
"Thanks," Santana said accepting the bottle. She unscrewed the lid and took a large sip.
"Cookie?" Brittany held a bag with about ten chocolate chip cookies out for Santana.
Santana laughed at the cuteness/weirdness of the situation but pulled out a cookie anyway.
The two sat in silence while they snacked on their cookies.
"I like Fall," Brittany said breaking the quiet.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." The blonde confirmed looking down on Lima. "The different coloured leaves raining from trees, the gamble of what to wear because you never know if it will be cold and rainy or a sunny day. People still trying to make the most of the days before winter. I think it's my favourite season."
"I've never really thought about it." Santana said watching Brittany's profile and wondering if the blonde could teach her to see things the way she does.
"Hannah says I get lost in my own world too easily." Brittany said bashfully looking to her lap.
Santana watched the choreographer for an instant before she spoke. "I think it sounds magical." Brittany looked to the Latina who was smiling kindly at her. Their eyes met and they shared a moment of understanding.
"I used to come here all the time when I was a teenager." Brittany laughed reminiscing.
"To make out?" Santana smirked.
"Yeah." Brittany laughed. "Don't tell me you do."
"Guilty." Santana laughed and shamefully shook her head at herself.
Brittany started to pick at her fingernails. "With Finn?" she asked quietly, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"Yeah, he used to bring me here because it was 'romantic'" She air quoted, making Brittany laugh again. "God, I think it's so cliché and corny that it's definitely not romantic." The pair laughed and the tension they had both been feeling started to wear off, like they had known each other for years.
They sat in a comfortable silence staring over the view and eating more cookies. Brittany wanted to ask about what was going on with Santana, why she was really crying in the bathroom at the party and why she didn't join in at rehearsals anymore but she didn't want to scare her off. She figured, that hopefully Santana would open up to her in her own time.
"So what was it like dancing with Britney Spears?"
Brittany looked up in thought for a moment and Santana nearly melted at her cuteness. "It was really amazing, to be in front of a crowd that big, with someone I idolized, doing something I love. I don't know, I can't even explain the feeling it gave me."
Santana smiled imagining an eager Brittany on stage in front of a huge audience. "Try." She encouraged.
The dancer nodded and took a sip from the water bottle while she thought of how to put it into words, no one had ever asked her that before. Santana felt the slight hum of butterflies she'd been feeling since talking to Brittany, flutter around her stomach like they were trying to escape. Something about sharing a drink with Brittany made her buzz with excitement and knowing Brittany wasn't bothered by mixing their saliva only made feeling build.
Brittany put the lid back on the bottle and sat it between the two of them. "It's," She began. "It's a rush, the adrenaline pumps through you and there's nothing like it, to be in front of all those people, in front of your idol, I don't think there's a word for it." Santana listened intently as Brittany continued. "I mean at first when you're waiting backstage, the nerves make you feel so sick and you get kind of sweaty and anxious but then, when it's your time to go on and you step onto the stage the nerves start to kind of feel good." Brittany's eyes lit up and she started absentmindedly playing with her boot zipper. "There's also an overwhelming sense of pride, there are people cheering and although they're mainly cheering for Britney Spears, you know they appreciate you too. It's the pride in all the rehearsing and hard work you put in, the pride with your body and the way in which you can move it, the pride in the fact that you have gotten this far, that you have reached one of your goals you've been preparing years for." Santana watched as Brittany tried to explain how she felt, she watched as Brittany's smile grew as though she was reliving it. She listened to how passionate and invested in dance she was. Santana felt inspired. "I feel so elated and free out there on that stage, I mean I get that feeling from dancing anyway but performing only heightens it, you know?" She looked to the teenager's warm dark brown eyes staring back at her, she enjoyed sharing her feelings and thoughts with Santana, and it felt like she was truly interested and actually listened to what she was saying.
"Wow," Santana breathed. "I kind of guess I feel that way when I perform too. But why did you come back to Lima then? Aren't there more dance and tour opportunities when you're in somewhere like New York or LA?"
"Yeah," Brittany nodded. "But Hannah, my family, they're all here."
"Hannah wouldn't move to somewhere with more dancing opportunities for you?"
"She didn't want to and I understand that, our whole life's here." Brittany shrugged. "Plus I can fly out to auditions and things."
"Do you have any auditions coming up?"
Brittany nodded enthusiastically and tried to contain her smile. "Ke$ha in LA."
"No way!" Santana said turning to Brittany with a shocked look on her face and nearly knocking over the water bottle that sat between them. "That's so awesome!"
"Yeah, I'm pretty excited."
"When are the auditions?"
"December, I'll fly out to LA and see how it goes."
"Wow, that's really cool Britt." Santana flushed and ducked her head in embarrassment at the slip of Brittany's nickname. "It must be awesome to be able to follow your dreams."
Brittany was trying to ignore the tickling in her stomach when Santana called her 'Britt'. "What are your dreams? I know at the coffee shop you weren't sure what you wanted to do after high school but do you have any big dreams?"
"Oh, I have no idea." Santana deflated.
"Hey," Brittany cooed. "There's no rush, you'll figure it out."
Santana smiled she was pressured by everyone from her parents, to Mr Schue, even some of her class mates but Brittany seemed calm and confident that Santana would actually figure it out. "Thanks."
"What do you think about cats?' Brittany asked in a casual manner.
Santana raised her eyebrows and let out a breathy laugh at the random change of subject. She thought seriously for a second before answering. "I mean, in general, I'm not really into them but I think if you get to know them, they have their own little personality's and some are cool I guess."
Brittany smiled at Santana's answer.
"Well I should get going, my parents will think I've run to Canada or something." Santana joked.
Brittany smiled and tried to hide her disappointment. She really enjoyed talking with Santana, she often thought about their conversation at the coffee shop and she knew she'd think about this one a lot too.
"I can take you if you'd like?" Brittany offered.
"No, its fine I really should try and keep up my fitness." Santana smirked.
"Well I'll give you my number so you can text me next time you go and I'll join you." Brittany said looking for her phone, "Must be in the car," she said sliding off the bonnet. She found her phone and unlocked it: 5 missed calls, 3 text messages. All from Hannah. "Oops" Brittany whispered and pursed her lips worriedly. She entered her phonebook and clicked on 'new contact.'
She handed her phone to Santana for her to type her number in. "all done." Santana smiled cheekily as she handed the phone back to Brittany.
They said their goodbyes and Santana returned to her run.
Brittany looked at her phone and let out a giggle when she noticed what Santana had named herself. 'Santana, Best dance student ever, Lopez.'
Instead of replying to Hannah's messages or calling her back, Brittany decided to go home. She parked her car and walked to the apartment door. She took a deep breath before entering. She knew Hannah was probably worried and frustrated.
Santana walked down the corridor at school to her locker, where the school newsletter and internet blogger was waiting for her. Santana shuddered as she walked towards his afro and bad breath.
"Santana Lopez, is it true that you and quarterback Finn Hudson are no longer an item?"
Santana ignored Jacob Ben Israel and pushed passed the sweaty guy to get to her locker.
"The rumor going around is you've already moved on. Can you confirm this?" He tried again.
"Look you little weasel, if you don't fuck off right now I'll confirm the rumor about that time when I saw you getting yourself off to the school's mascot."
Jacobs's eyes widened and he suddenly found another victim to harass. Santana opened her locker and started getting her books out.
"Santana!" A stern familiar voice echoed around her locker space.
"Hey Q," Santana groaned. "You've heard then?"
"About you and Finn breaking up? Yes, how could you?"
"Quinn, it's complicated."
"How is it complicated?" Quinn spat. "He's hot, popular and kind. What was going through your head?"
"I just don't have feelings for him..."
"Santana, you only have to date him until graduation, it's less than a year now." Quinn huffed as if almost a year was a couple of hours.
"Seriously Q, aren't you sick of this?" Santana whispered firmly. "We're doing all these things that make us miserable and for what? To be popular? I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I'm tired of all this crap."
"It's to survive Santana, to be prom Queen, to get the benefits of popularity. We earned it and we deserve it. Go ahead become a loser but don't come crying to me when you get a slushy in the face every day."
"I'm not going to become unpopular just because I don't have a boyfriend." Santana hissed.
Quinn shrugged. "We'll see." She said and walked off to her class.
Santana scoffed and shook her head, Quinn really took this popularity thing way to seriously. Santana was still a cheerleader, still hot and people were still intimated by her. She'd be fine as long as no one found out why she dumped Finn. Suddenly she felt anxious at the reminder that she was Gay, maybe she did need a boyfriend as a beard? She closed her locker and shook her panic away. She just needed to get through this year and then she could come out in college or something.
Brittany walked into the choir room, her body was aching from sleeping on the couch last night. She and Hannah had had a big fight and no matter what Brittany has said Hannah always thought she was right. Hannah, had accused her of purposely ignoring her and somehow it blew up into an argument about everything that was wrong in their relationship right now. Brittany wondered how, for someone who avoided conflict she always seemed to be in amidst it.
She noticed the kids were already rehearsing and it took her a moment to realise that Santana was among them. Brittany couldn't contain her smile to see that Santana had re-joined her classmates.
"Yo Brittany," Artie yelled from across the room to the choreographer, which caused Santana's attention to snap to the blonde. Their eyes met and it was like they shared a secret knowing smile before Brittany looked to Artie who had called to her. "I think we've got it down."
"Nice job guys!" Brittany beamed. "You're looking great."
Glee rehearsal went smoothly, Santana ignored the winks and smirks from Puck, the death glares from Quinn and the obvious flirting between Finn and Rachel. The one thing she did take notice of was Brittany, she watched the way Brittany interacted with the students, the way she would demonstrate a move, the way she stuck her tongue out when she was concentrating on writing notes. Santana counted every smile Brittany threw her way, she was up to seven by the time Glee was over. God, she was so, so gay, she wondered why she didn't figure it out earlier. She was certain she was the gayest person on earth.
"You OK Santana?" Mike asked as he pulled his sweater out of his backpack. "You seem kind of distracted."
"Oh," Santana said tearing her eyes away from the direction of the choreographer, she really had to be more careful with her leering, people were starting to notice. "Yeah, just trying to catch up on these steps." She smiled politely.
Mike nodded. "You seemed to be doing pretty well but if you're struggling I'd be happy to help."
"Thanks Mike, I'll keep that in mind."
"I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and patted her on the shoulder. Santana gave him another smile and waited until everyone had left, including Brittany and Mr Schue.
She sat down at the piano and wished she could actually play it, singing had always been a release for her, a way to express herself when she couldn't speak about how she was feeling. She gently ran her fingers over the shiny keys unconsciously and began to sing.
"She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile.
She'll never notice how you stop and stare
whenever she walks by."
Santana couldn't help but think about the way Hannah seemed to take Brittany for granted.
Brittany walked briskly up the corridor of McKinley High, she had got all the way to the car park and realised she'd left her keys in the choir room. She had promised Hannah she'd be home before she went to work so they could talk about the night before. She was almost to room when she heard a familiar Taylor swift song. She quietly made her way to the door and saw Santana sitting at the piano singing all by herself.
"And you can't see me wantin' you the way you want her
But you are everything to me."
Brittany stood in the doorway as Santana's smooth and sultry voice filled her senses. She could hear the emotion in the Latina's voice, it gave her Goosebumps. She knew she was intruding on a private moment but her voice was so beautiful and raw, she couldn't leave.
"I just wanna show you
She doesn't even know you,
She's never gonna love you like I want to.
And you just see right through me.
If you only knew me
We could be beautiful
Miracle,
Unbelievable,
Instead of just invisible."
Santana held her hands close to her heart. Brittany wondered if Santana was singing about Finn, she had noticed today the two hadn't even looked at each other and Rachel and Finn seemed to be closer than ever.
"There's a fire inside of you
That can't help but shine through.
She's never gonna see the light.
No matter what you do.
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
and everything that we could be."
Brittany looked at her watch, she really needed to get home before Hannah left for work or things would be worse than they already were. She hated intruding on Santana's beautiful moment but she really need her keys.
"Don't mind me, keep going." Brittany said rushing into the room to look for her keys.
Santana almost fell of the piano stool. "Fuck!" she said grabbing her chest. "You scared me."
Brittany gave an apologetic smile but ended up laughing when she looked up and saw a very startled looking Santana. "Sorry I forgot my keys." She said looking under a stack of sheet music. "That was amazing though."
"Thanks." Santana said bashfully and hoped Brittany didn't figure out she was singing about her. She got off the stool and reached for a set of keys on the end of the piano. She noted the cute cartoon cat key ring on them. "Are these you keys?" She asked.
"Yes, that's them." Brittany said relieved. She walk over to the Latina. Their eyes met as she came to a stop in front of her and reached for the keys. The closeness and their hands now both clutching the keys cause Brittany to gasp a little. They were so close and everything around them felt blurry. Brittany went to take the keys but Santana was still holding them. Brittany couldn't help but notice how soft and plump Santana's lips looked, even more so up close. Her eyes flickered from brown one's staring onto her to those lips. Brittany stood still her body was buzzing, the energy between the two of them felt so intense and her heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of her chest. It scared her.
Santana didn't know what she was doing but it felt right, she moved the last little inch so their bodies were almost pressed together. Brittany flinched and looked confused but she didn't step away. Santana's body was thrumming, they were so close, the heat from their bodies was melding together and their breaths swirled together as one in the small space between them. Santana took one last look at Brittany's pink glossy lips before closing her eyes and pressing her own against them.
