Brian
Two weeks flew by since my last conversation with Justin about the baby plans; the wedding was less than a month away and Justin spent most of his time in the studio. He worked furiously on the last canvas to meet today's deadline for his show. I mostly worked aiming at getting as much done as possible for a distraction-free honeymoon. Gus completed his school year and was a regular visitor at Briton; making good use of the pool and becoming more graceful on the tennis court. It was nice that between Molly, Mark and Gus the house still felt lived in, more so since Justin and I didn't see more than the office, the studio and the bedroom lately.
I couldn't even recall more than one or two home cooked meals the past two-weeks and tonight was no exception. I left Kinnetik and headed to meet Justin and Gus for dinner to celebrate Justin making his deadline. When I arrived at the restaurant, I was escorted to the table where they were already seated. Gus was drawing on a scrap of paper with Justin's hand around his demonstrating some drawing technique. Both looked up with smiles. "Hi Dad", Gus said warmly. "Hi Daddy" Justin said tongue-in-cheek. Both greetings brought a smile to my face
Gus filled us in on his day while we ate, speaking excitedly as kids his age tend to do, preventing Justin and I from catching up. Michael's mom, Debbie, had offered, well really insisted, on watching J.R. and Gus in the summer for Lindsay and Melanie. She normally went to their house but today she brought the kids over to hers. Gus shared with great enthusiasm and detail his experiences in making Grandma's lemon bars and judging by Gus's energy, he sampled more than his share.
After dinner, I took Gus back to Lindsay's while Justin headed home. "Hey Mel" I said entering their home with Gus in tow. I handed her a book bag containing the various clothing and toys that had migrated to my home over the last few weeks.
"Hi Brian, thanks" she said taking the bag. "How are you?"
"We're good. Justin is crazy busy." I offered. "He wanted me to remind you and Lindsay about Gus's fitting for his suit, it's Sunday"
"We won't forget. Lindsay is planning to take him" she assured me.
"Take who, where?" Lindsay said descending the stairs having overheard the tail end of the conversation and giving me a quick kiss.
"Gus to his fitting for the wedding" Mel answered Lindsay, setting the bag down on the table in the dining room "Did J.R. get her bath yet?" she asked.
"Yeah, she's in the tub now", Lindsay told Mel and they talked briefly in the entry way. I wandered down the hallway to say good-bye to Gus but stopped short to admire Justin's work hanging in their home. "Can you stay for a while Brian?" Lindsay asked joining me in the hallway.
I shook my head "No sorry, I have barely spoken to Justin the last few weeks, I want to get home. I will see you both at his show, right?" They confirmed they wouldn't miss it for the world and I said my good-bye to Gus and headed back to the car.
Justin
The day of my show, I woke up alone having slept in. I hadn't worked since I met the deadline; choosing instead to workout, take care of last-minute wedding details and just generally relax a bit. Molly had taken the day off as well and we spent the morning goofing off in the pool. Around lunchtime, I showered and changed.
"Molly, I need to check in with the gallery." I hollered "Did you want to come with?"
"Sure" she said grabbing her shoes and purse.
On our drive Molly talked feverishly about her plans for school. One of her friends who attended Penn had found an apartment and she was thinking of rooming with her. She commented that the roommate needed to check with her mother and got quiet all of a sudden "I really wish mom was here" she finally said.
Molly always seemed a little emotional when it came to our mother but she was really fighting back tears. I nodded at her sentiment in agreement "Me too, she was so excited about dancing with me at the wedding before she got sick, I regret that we will never get to do that."
"Well she would be so proud of you" Molly continued her tone brightening a bit "She loved seeing your art. I used to be so jealous of you, you know? Mom always thought you were special because you were so talented. Then when you met Brian and started causing so much drama, then the attack. You really got all her attention. I was so mad at you when they divorced; I blamed you for a long time."
"I know Molly; it wasn't fair to you. You were just a kid; I am sorry about that." I turned to smile at her. "I'm glad you came to stay with Brian and I this last year. I'm glad I got to know you as an adult, after all, you're the only real family I have left. I am going to miss you when you go to school. By the way, Mom would be so proud of you too."
"Look Justin, he's an asshole and has done some terrible things but Dad's still alive you know" she was broaching the subject carefully "Don't you ever think he will come around?"
I smiled at her optimism; we had that in common. I hadn't spoken to my father since he had me arrested. I saw him only once since, at my mother's funeral. He attended the service with his new wife and left without speaking to me. I shook my head in silence and patted Molly's leg. Part of me is always hoping but I tried not giving it much space in my life; in a way it was the first "real" thing Brian taught me. A father is someone more than a man who happens to get your mother pregnant.
"Well you have Brian and Gus" she reminded me. "I'm looking forward to having a brother-in-law and a nephew"
I pulled into the gallery parking lot and went inside. My paintings, as well as those from two other artists, were displayed. I was really happy with the way they turned out.
"Wow, Justin! I just love this one" Molly remarked referring to the last painting I completed. "It's so powerful. It's so conflicted, I see pain and joy; what an interesting mix of dark and light. What do you call it?"
I walked over to her and stared at it with her for a moment. It was the largest canvas in the show and the best work I had done in a long time. I started working on it right after Brian and I had spoken about his infertility. I looked at her and gestured to the placard with the name of the piece:
Fatherhood by J. Taylor
Brian
"That was brilliant" I exclaimed as we left the gallery. I pulled Justin in for a long kiss on the way to the car. "You're a big fucking success!" I leaned him against the car, pausing to stare into his eyes before kissing him again. "I can't believe what a genius I am marrying" I said running my hands over his chest. "How did I get so lucky?"
"It did go pretty well" Justin relented, being modest.
I looked at him in disbelief. "Hmm…Pretty well? You sold everything and they want more. Everyone was blown away. I'd say "pretty well" doesn't really cut it Mr. Taylor."
"Where should we go to celebrate?" I asked, opening the passenger side door for him to get in.
"Actually, I'm pretty beat, I just want to head home." He said looking more upset than tired.
"A private celebration it is then" I said suggestively leaning down to kiss him one last time. Justin smiled weakly; on the way home he seemed subdued, distracted, especially after having had one of his best shows ever.
About halfway home, I had enough of the brooding "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked exasperated.
"Talk about what?" he asked.
"Justin, you forget, I know you as well as you know me" I smiled at him "Tell me to fuck-off or tell me what's bothering you but don't pretend there's nothing wrong."
Justin
Brian's right, I was upset but I was sure he would be frustrated for the reason so I didn't really want to get into it. I didn't say fuck-off but I didn't answer him either. We drove home in virtual silence. While we drove I started to feel guilty. After all, for so many years he struggled to trust me, to open up instead of shutting me out when things were bad or difficult; he was justified in his frustration when I pulled the same shit.
When we pulled into the driveway, he turned to me and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I'm proud of you" he said looking at me with loving eyes. He kissed me again, this time more firmly; grabbing the back of my head and pulling me toward him. "Justin" he whispered in between kisses "he's not worth it".
We walked into the house his arm around me; I was fighting back tears.
Brian walked me to our bed and removed my jacket. He slowly started to unbutton my shirt. "Sunshine" he said quietly "I told you; you are all you need."
He continued removing my shirt; kneeling in front of me while I sat on our bed, he started kissing my chest, running his tongue over my nipples teasing them. I suddenly felt an overwhelming desire for him; grabbing his chin and guiding his lips to mine. I devoured his lips pulling him back with me onto our bed. He pulled away briefly to look at me while caressing my hair and touching me tenderly.
"How did you know?" I asked, scattering kisses on his face and neck.
Brian looked down, his lips pressed. "Your painting" he supposed kissing me again. "It was so beautiful but sad" he continued lying on his back and inviting me to into his arms. He held me for a few minutes before elaborating. "Sometimes, you say you can look at my face and know how I feel."
I nodded; Brian's face was fairly easy for me to read now.
"Well, I never really understood it." He continued "But tonight, I realized it's the same with me and your art, I can look at it and know how you were feeling when you painted it. That painting, it spoke to me. I could see the anticipation you have about becoming a father and the happiness you feel when you're with Gus but I could also see the dark side: the rejection and the pain you are carrying because of Craig. Painting it, it must have brought up a lot of memories."
I stared at the man I have loved for ten years in amazement; this beautiful man who for so long refused love and rejected commitment. How could we have come so far? "You're fucking unbelievable sometimes"
"It's true, I am" he smiled.
"You're also wrong" I said kissing him. "I'm not all I need"
"Oh?" he asked his eyebrow arched in a doubtful expression.
I murmured while unbuckling his belt. " I need you"
Brian
I could take one look at his face and knew what he had in mind. We spent more the seven years together off- and -on with our established preferences, top and bottom, with one notable exception. Justin loved it; I loved it. But during that time, Justin had his tricks if he felt like doing the fucking. Since our foray into monogamy two years ago; there were times when Justin needed to top, where he needed to have control. As much as I loved him, I had never loved being on the receiving end and always reluctantly acquiesced. To me bottoming required a willing vulnerability that I was never comfortable with and certainly wasn't a turn on. I didn't suspect that tonight would be any different but I couldn't refuse him.
Letting Justin make love to me was intensely erotic. He was so gentle when removing my clothes, treating each new section of exposed skin with his talented tongue; building my desire alternating between heated urgency and slow, sensual licks. Lying on top of me he began moving his hips, synchronizing with my rhythm, grinding our cocks together slowly adding friction until the moisture from our pre-cum allowed us to slide up and down together uninhibited. Feeling his hardness awakened such an unfamiliar longing within me; I wanted him inside me. I grunted suppressing my urge to take control and instead surrendered to him. After encouraging me to roll onto my stomach he set about lovingly preparing me: first with his tongue probing my hole, the wetness adding lubrication as he entered me with one finger, than two stretching me slowly.
He never ceased giving reassuring kisses on my back and neck while whispering, "You're so beautiful" into my ear.
I slowed my breathing, taking in the sensations, feeling overcome with lust and desire. I relaxed around his fingers and he withdrew them. Rolling me to my side, he began to fill me. Using my exposed hip for leverage, he began entering me slowly, pausing for me to adjust every additional inch or so. I turned my neck so I could see Justin's face. His expression was one of pure ecstasy. I relaxed more, surrendering myself to the full experience moving my hips backward allowing his cock to penetrate me completely. Justin moaned into ear, "God Baby, you feel so incredible" as he began his movement, rocking slowly in and out of me.
I bucked my hips back in desperate need to be brought to a quick climax but Justin silently insisted on setting the pace. He pulled me back toward him; restricting my ability to move my hips. "Let me" he said when I continued to resist his lead. I again submitted.
He continued to slide in and out off me slowly, I started begging for release, "Yes, Fuck me" I said encouraging him to climax, grasping my cock and stroking it furiously.
"Don't" he said removing my hand from my cock, "Let me". He entwined my fingers with his. I looked back meeting his gaze and letting him kiss me. He had never been so insistent on full control. I nodded, letting my body completely relax to his touch. I breathed in his scent, concentrating on all the sensations rather than my need to cum. My mind went to another place completely enveloped by my lover. I no longer felt vulnerable; I felt safe. I began to climax, feeling the flood of sensations and spasms. Justin whispered in my ear "that's it baby, cum for me"
I called out Justin's name erupting in wave after wave. He stoked my hair, kissing me, allowing me to catch my breath before rolling me over and pulled my hips up giving him better access. He leaned over my back, running his hands in my hair, pulling gently. I gasped at the change in intensity as he rammed me furiously grasping at my hips to gain deeper access than ever before. My pain rapidly turned to pleasure as he found my prostate; I accepted each thrust with a sensual groan feeling my cock fill again.
Justin was grunting and moving frantically. I was quickly approaching another climax and I exploded again as I felt the warmth from Justin's orgasm fill me. He collapsed on me, as I collapsed on the bed. We laid like that, his cock still in me for a while, breathing together and saying nothing.
Justin
I woke up in the morning my limbs so intertwined with Brian's that I couldn't move without disturbing him. I had such a feeling of contentment that I stayed there, watching him sleep, listening to a slight wheeze in his breathing. I started recalling all the milestones in our relationship: our first time, my bashing, his cancer, our engagement, my mom's death. Each time, we pushed each other away and came back stronger. We had both changed so much.
I learned how to be a man because of him; something my father wasn't capable of teaching me. I loved him for it but it created an early power struggle in our relationship. He was always giving or teaching; I was always taking or learning. As a result, I focused solely on what I needed from him: I needed to hear him say he loved me, I needed his commitment, and I needed romantic gestures. The entire proposal was him trying to give me what I needed.
I realized after I left, Brian wasn't capable of fully accepting love; he never learned he was worthy of love. It's something his parents never taught him but it was something I could teach him. After my mom died; he expected me to go back to New York, pick up where I left off. I stood my ground, refusing to leave him; insisting he was worth it to me, that there was no sacrifice. Over the past few years, I've seen him accept my love more and more. I focus on what I can give him; teach him, instead of what I need from him and that has made all the difference. Now he freely gives me what I need: he says he loves me, he's committed, he makes romantic gestures, and this time getting married was something he wanted as much as I did.
But last night was the first night he let me physically love him; completely giving himself over to me. I felt his last resistance to my love melt away.
