Hey you out there, my lovely readers!
Another motivation push, caused by CookieSpells4, pennypotter128 and Scrt Vlntn, saved me from studying (once again) and didn't leave me a choice except going on writing for you awesome people!
The result is the longest chapter so far!
If my babbling has not given it away already, I love you!

First, Cookie: I wasn't quite sure about the whole Lily-thing, but I have always imagined her being like that, when I've read the books, because nobody's all fantastic, especially when you abandon your best friend, because he has said something out of rage. Conversation is the key there, but yeah...
Also, what you've written about her not helping him is also something I've thought about and the result is, that I don't hate her, but I'm not a big fan either.
I hope you are okay, with my solution to the whole situation! :)

pennypotter, you are next ;) : I was thinking the same thing, and as I have written above, she should have listened to him.
My best friend and I also swear at each other, sometimes we mean it, but it's always the heat of the moment, nothing that affects us for a longer time period.
Lily might be the innocent angel, but then she should know, how to forgive.
I'm no fan, but that's mostly because I cry every time I read the last book, just because Severus dies...

Scrt Vlntn: Thank you so much for taking the time and leaving a review! :)

I hope you all like the following chapter!
Lots of Love and like always, please leave a review ;)

Jez


"Wy? Wyy!", Oliver poked Aerwyna, pulling her out of her trance.

"Mhmm?", she stared up at him, her eyes glazed.

"What are you thinking about?", he stared worried at her.

"Just… something I've overheard", she traced the outlines of her lips, staring into nothingness.

"Oh lord, spying now, are we?", he said, half-amused, half-worried.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I was-", suddenly she broke off as a red shock of hair was to be seen at the entrance of the hall.

"I- I'll be right back", she jumped off the bench.

Oliver watched her run away, confusion sinking in.

"Good morning, Wilkes", Imogen dropped down beside him, her short brown locks glistening as the sunbeams hit them.

"Hi… uh, Imogen", he stuttered as his heart started to flutter.

She grabbed a piece of bacon from his plate, bit down and raised an eyebrow at him.

He avoided her gaze as he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Aer behaved quite strange this weekend, don't you think?", she said, studying his face.

"Yeah… Yeah, quite strange", he mumbled, cursing himself inwardly.

"Are you okay?", she asked him, laying her hand on his forearm.
A shiver ran down his spine at the touch.

-°-°-°-

"Lily! Lily!", Aerwyna yelled, causing the taller girl to freeze in her movement.

"Wyna! What is it?", she turned to smile at her, but something about it seemed forced, artificial.

"I need to talk to you about something", Aerwyna muttered, as she noticed Alice Fortescue's curious look.

Lily nodded cautious, following her to the Entrance Hall.
Aerwyna decided to go straightforward: "Last Friday I went upstairs towards the Gryffindor Tower to ask you for my Ancient Runes book. Lily… I overheard your conversation with Mary MacDonald."

For a short moment confusion was written all over Lily's face, then it turned into something else- anger.

"How dare you eavesdrop on me?!", she shrieked.

Aerwyna shook her head: "I didn't eavesdrop. Everybody could have heard you, so you should be more careful next time. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.
Did you mean, what you've said?"

Lily stared at her for a few long moments, fury contorting her angelic features.

"Lily. Did you mean, what you've said?", Aerwyna repeated.

The red-head's expression turned rock-hard.

"He is your friend for God's sake! He is your best friend", Aerwyna hated how her voice turned weak.

Lily remained silent, although her anger was still obvious.

"I'm not judging you for what you've said. I'm just asking, if you have meant it", Aerwyna growled.

"I don't have to answer you", Lily stared down at her.

"Of course not. But in this case you could also be honest and say yes, since it means the same", Aerwyna was about to turn around and leave, when she felt Lily's hand grasp her arm: "Don't tell him."

"Do you think so low of me?", Aerwyna freed herself and stalked away.

Breakfast forgotten, she strode through the Entrance Door and to the grounds.
The fresh air and cold wind announced the upcoming winter, leaving no doubt, that it would be long and bleak.

Aerwyna wrapped her coat tighter around herself, hiding the bottom half of her face beneath the fabric.
As soon as the lake came into view, she slowed her pace and lowered the collar for a moment to take a deep breath of the chilly autumn air.
Sighing she sank down on the ground.

The minutes passed by as she stared at the smooth surface of the black water in front of her.

"Something is troubling you", Aerwyna's eyes fluttered close as if on their own accord at Severus' dark, low voice. Her heartbeat fastened and she turned her head automatically to where his voice had come from.
She opened her eyes as he sat down beside her, examining her face worriedly.

"You noticed", she stated simply, trying her best to ban all hurt and weakness from her voice.

"I know, I haven't been the best of friends through the last years…", he trailed off.

"Don't. Don't explain yourself. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Wyna", Severus muttered, his voice once again drawing her gaze towards him, "I didn't keep my promise."

He stared into her eyes for one long, wonderful, yet dreadful moment, that promised more than she could bear being taken from her again.

"You know, that I love her. You have always known", he dropped his gaze and let it wander to the treetops of the Forbidden Forest.

Aerwyna's heart was ripped apart as the last word finally left his lips and suddenly there was no cold autumn day, no black lake, no forest or castle.
Just him and the thoughts of shining red hair, piercing green eyes and an ever so melodious laughter.

"I know, how you feel", she whispered, more to herself than to him.

He fixated his gaze on her once again, searching for any sign of dishonesty.

She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers.
Her heart leaped at the touch and she promised herself to savour this moment forever, as she would never experience anything further, anything more loving, caring.


Aerwyna was late for Herbology, but Professor Sprout didn't notice her as she was occupied by criticizing Stebbins for his latest essay.
She took her place beside Joline and Imogen, while Twyla giggled over something Davey Gudgeon had whispered into her ear.
Aerwyna noticed the hungry look in Rosier's eyes, as he stared at Twyla. It always gave her shivers.

Professor Sprout began the lesson by telling them about the next projects, but Aerwyna couldn't bring herself to listen. Her sadness was crossed by rage, frustration and disappointment.
Why Lily?

"For Fuck's sake", she muttered, clenching her fists until her knuckles went white.

"Are you okay, Aer?", Imogen touched her shoulder lightly, her face showing the same expression of worry, she had seen a lot over the past few days.

"Yes, thank you", Aerwyna tried her best to give her a bright smile and Imogen turned again, seemingly satisfied.


It was the longest school day Aerwyna had ever experienced. Every minute seemed to extend to hours, every beam of sunlight annoyed her.
When the sun finally began to set, she sank exhausted down at the Slytherin table for dinner.
Her stomach grumbled, so she grabbed a piece of roasted chicken and nibbled on it, watching as the Great Hall was beaming with joy and life.
Why was she no part of it?

Her friends would eat later and she was thankful; she couldn't stand company at the moment.
Appetite leaving her, she stood up and wandered off.

Her feet carried her through the corridors and up staircases, but she didn't pay attention, as she was focusing on planning her future and how she would finally be herself, true and for sure.

She ascended some staircases and found herself at the Astronomy Tower. Leaning against the wall she closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath to wash away the day's stress.

The day turned quickly into night, the hectic replaced by a soothing calmness.
Although she wasn't allowed to be here, she couldn't care less about being caught.
In fact she just appreciated the loneliness and the beautiful sight of Hogwarts' grounds beneath her.

She started to prepare her pipe, which she used to carry around with her like a lucky charm.
The sight of it always made her lips curl into the lightest of smiles and as the smoke rose to disappear in the black of the sky above her, she felt a little bit of peace return to her heart.

Minutes were spent by thinking and taking pulls on her lucky charm, while the North Star watched over her.

She came to four conclusions.
Her love for the boy, who had been her only friend during childhood, would never fade away and there was no sense in trying.
The past six years had shown as much.

She could never tell him, as that would cost her his friendship, the one thing she treasured the most- even more than her lucky charm.

Her friendship with Lily would never be the same as it had been before. After their conversation she had analysed every expression the other girl had shown, turning them in her head until she could have drawn them. Aerwyna was sure, that she didn't intended to hurt Severus, but was scared. Lily had no dark fibre in her being and was not accustomed to such things. Nevertheless the damage was done and could not be repaired.

The last conclusion contained the work, that laid ahead of her. She would have to work on herself. She would be Aerwyna at last.

Smiling she descended the staircase and sneaked down to the dungeons, hiding from Filch behind an armour, that creaked but didn't betray her.
Aerwyna's last thought was, that she would start right in the morning, no point in delaying.


The next morning she woke well-rested and calm.
She had made her decision and she would have to live with it, so she pushed the thought of the agony, that would surely come upon her, aside and focused on the moments she would have with Severus as her friend.

Imogen and the twins accompanied her at breakfast, all of them confused, but pleased at her sudden change in mood.

Just when they were about to leave for Charms, Professor Slughorn approached them, addressing Aerwyna: "Miss Rivers, I must ask you to follow me to the headmaster's office."

The short girl looked at him shocked: "Have I done something wrong, Sir?"

His expression softened into something she couldn't place: "No, my dear."

He turned and she hurried to follow him, throwing glances across her shoulder at her friends.
All of them stared confused after her.

The way seemed to come to no end and just as Aerwyna wondered, how such a clumsy and plump man could move so fast, he stood still in front of a gargoyle.
She raised her eyebrows lightly as she heard him mutter something about candies, but the gargoyle jumped aside and they ascended the revealed staircase.
Slughorn knocked and entered, not waiting for an answer.

"Albus", he muttered at Dumbledore, who stood with the back to them.

He turned, offering Aerwyna a sad smile.
Her head was spinning with worry and confusion and she hoped, they would spit it out sooner than later.

"Miss Rivers, please take a seat", Dumbledore offered and she sat down, although she didn't feel like it at all.

"Sir, what is going on? Professor Slughorn wouldn't tell me", she said.

"That was my instruction, I wanted to tell you myself and Professor Slughorn quite agreed", the soft sadness never left his eyes.

She nodded, mostly to make him keep going.
He sighed as she didn't let slip a word and took the seat beside her.
She furrowed her brows, but turned towards him.

"Aerwyna, I have to tell you something, no headmaster should have to tell any of his students.
It concerns your mother.
She… deceased last night."