I don't really like this chapter but certain things needed to be done and I didn't know how to write it so I've taken a lot of time on this chapter trying to make it better. Clary is not her usual witty self just because I haven't really been in my usual witty mood. I hope you guys still enjoy. I'll update soon I promise, and hopefully then I'll be out of my funk :)

"Clary open up the door it is an emergency!"

I startled awake to what sounded like Izzy banging on the door. "Hold on," I grunted rising out of the bed and removing the locking rune on my door. Opening the door I saw Izzy standing in front of me grinning like an idiot.

"What-."

"I got a lunch date with Simon!" Izzy interrupted jumping up and down.

"You need to help me. What should I wear?"

"I'll help you but first I need food in my system. Is everyone else up yet."

"Nope just me… and well now you too. But I couldn't sleep all night just thinking about this. I was driving myself insane so I needed somebody to suffer with me…" In the middle of her speech I spaced of and starting walking to the kitchen with her babbling. Passing a window I realized that it was still dark outside.

"Izzy what ungodly hour is this?"

"It's…oh don't be mad Clary it's early."

"How early?"

"It's four in the morning. Please don't be mad Clary." Looking at her sad face and wide eyes, I realized how worked up she was over this date.

"I'm not mad Izzy I had to wake up sooner or later. So tell me how he asked you."

"Okay so we were texting about you and Jace," she added quickly when she saw me give her the look, "nothing bad of course. But anyways he mentioned that he wanted to buy a new comic book, and then I was like me too-"

"Wait a minute," I said looking up from my pancake batter, "you read comic books?"

"Well no, but it just came out, and then he said that we should go together to get it. So I said that we should go to lunch afterwards."

"I think he knows that you don't read comic books," I said still hung up on the image of Izzy sitting with a book; let alone a comic book.

"Oh Clary, forget about the stupid book, this is more important."

"Fine what time is he coming to get you?"

"He said around eleven."

"Well that gives us around six hours to get ready, so let's take our time eating and then we can pick out what you're going to wear," I said setting a plate of chocolate chip pancakes on the table and grabbing myself a plate.


"Those shoes are way too short. I am not going to wear them."

"Izzy you are going to the comic book store, AND it's still the morning."

"But I like heels."

"Me too but trust me, wear the wedge." (ALL OUTFITS ARE ON MY PROFILE) "Come on let's go and see if the boys are awake yet, we have time to kill."

"By boys do you mean Jace?"

"Nope by boys I meant Alec and Jace."

"What happened when you guys stayed behind last night? I won't tell anyone I promise."

"Nothing happened Izzy and nothing's going to happen."

"But-but you kissed him last night. He really likes you Clary I know my brother and you really like him too.''

"I'm not like you Izzy, I can't like him," what started off as a whisper ended with me yelling.

"Why the hell not!"

"Because I have done a lot of bad things in my life Izzy, I- Jesus you wouldn't understand."

"Somebody must be dying because you guys woke me up from my beauty sleep," a husky voice said. It was Jace, I knew he was in the room before he spoke because I felt his presence, I felt the tingles in my gut and Goosebumps on my skin.

"Shut up Jace, go back to sleep," Izzy snapped at Jace, and then turning to me she asked, "Why can't I understand?"

"I can't do this now. I-I-I gotta go."

"Just tell me Clary!"

"I don't want to hurt you guys," I said and turned to run out of the room, only stopping for the elevator and then I ran out of the institute. All the while thinking To love is to destroy.

I needed to find my father now. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend to be a regular shadow hunter. So I ran to the nearest store, ignoring all the looks from people on the streets, to borrow a phone from them and dialed the number of somebody my father was always with.

"Hello," grumbled a voice.

"Panghorn, it's me."

"Ahh dear Clarissa to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Is my father with you?" There was some rummaging on the other line, and I heard my name whispered a couple of times.

"Clarissa?"

I let out a deep breath, "Father I need to talk to you in person, I will meet you anywhere."

"What is wrong?"

"I'll explain when I see you. Please father I need guidance."

There was a pause on the other end and for a split moment I thought he hung up, and then he said, "Draw a portal to Bergen."

"Bergen as in Norway?"

"Yes, I'll meet you at Fantoft Stave Church in five minutes."

Before I can say another word, the line went dead. I closed the phone, thanked the employee who let me use it, and walked quickly into an alley to draw a portal.


I walked into the church and saw it was empty besides a man sitting in the front pew. Taking in my surroundings I saw runic inscriptions on the walls, one that was still legible read, "Ave Maria."

""For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. . . ." Clarissa why do you look like it is a time to mourn."

I may not have always liked or agreed with my father but he was my father, we stuck together when mother died and we stuck together when I killed Jonathon. I trusted him with everything. He was after all my father. So I approached him ready to tell him everything.

"Father when you told me to destroy the house I had nowhere to go," at this point I started pacing up and down in front of him. "The Lightwoods found me and allowed me to stay with them. I have been staying with them, but you see I find myself getting…attached to them and I feel like I am lying not telling them who I really am, what I really am." I looked up to see him smiling.

"Do they trust you Clarissa?"

"Yes, and I them."

"This is perfect Clarissa."

"Why? How is this perfect?"

"That way you can get close to them and then kill them."

"WHAT? I just told you that you that I liked them." How did this happen? What was even happening?

"You see Clarissa the Lightwoods aided my cause but they betrayed me. They undermined me and deceived me. They are the reason that your mother died."

"I thought that mother was attacked by demon blood that it was too late to save her. How did the Lightwoods cause that?"

"They were supposed to be on patrol together, your mother, Maryse and Robert. But they left your mother unprotected and went to the Clave."

"No this doesn't make any sense father they hunt demons you hunt demons. Your goal is rid the world of demons, just like any other shadow hunter. Why would the Clave mind?"

"Clarissa I am your father you do as I say."

"I will not harm any of the Lightwoods father."

"You are not my daughter."

For the second time today I ran away from someone I cared about.

Enjoy and review ps I hope you guys all have a happy holidays