CHAPTER 4

The journey home was a joyous one. Katie perched on the seat between her parents, rattling on about everything she could think of to tell her father as he drove the wagon, one hand on the reins, the other unable to stop touching and connecting with his two loves.

Pulling up to the homestead, he drew the reins back and just sat for several moments, glorying in being able to see this magical place they had created together...and he had sorely missed. A bit of laundry waved on the line in the autumn breeze. A small line of smoke rose from both chimneys, remains of fires that morning. Chickens milled about at the base of the steps.

"Feels good to be home," he murmured, drawing in a large, relaxing breath. But, he also saw evidence of his desertion...fence rails loose or missing, one shutter hanging crooked next to the front door, leaves from the trees blown into piles against the foundation, a glass pane broken in a second floor window – and as she had done at the old homestead, Michaela had tried to patch it with glass jars.

Sully jumped down and turned to lift first his daughter and then his wife down from the wagon seat. They stood for a moment, sharing a family hug. Then, her excitement bubbling over, Katie disengaged from her parents and grasped both their hands, tugging them toward the steps.

They entered together, Sully stopping for a moment inside the door to revel again at being home. Six months was a long time to pine for something...and someone...so excruciatingly. Standing there, he acknowledged that in a way he had taken his home and his family for granted, and he silently vowed that he would never, ever, do that again.

Michaela smiled happily, removing her winter shawl and hanging it on a peg next to the door. "Katie, sweetheart...how about you and I work together to make your father his favorite meal?"

"Fried chicken!" the little girl agreed, gazing up at her father's face as he smiled and winked at her.

"Sounds great. I...I ain't had a good meal since..." he stopped, not wanting to bring up the past again. Instead, he busied himself taking off his jacket and carefully hanging it on a peg, then crossing into the living room to relight the fire and ward off the fall chilliness in the house.

Michaela watched him, her heart crimping. He seemed somewhat stooped and as if he'd aged ten years, and his clothing hung on his frame. His shirt, the checkered blue one, was faded and worn. His buckskins were ripped in several places. She realized with a shock that he'd spent the last six months in those same clothes. Intense shame for her actions threatened to well up inside her again, but she tamped it down. Sully had apparently forgiven her. She was determined that they would put this terrible time behind them and go on with their lives.

A few minutes later, he wandered into the kitchen, watching with glowing eyes as his two girls bustled around preparing dinner. Katie had learned a lot while he'd been gone, he noticed. He thought back to so many nights when he and Michaela would work on supper together and he'd set the table. Katie obviously had stepped into that role, as the two ladies of the house had been forced to carry on without him... He shook his head to clear it of guilty thoughts, and forced himself to concentrate on Katie's current chatter. She was telling of something that had happened in school.

Michaela turned to get the plates from the shelf, glancing at her husband and noticing his gaze had centered on the empty table. Her heart lurched again. He must be thinking of his letter. Oh that mystery! She wished fervently that she knew its whereabouts.

He glanced up and caught her watching, and he smiled a sad, regretful smile. He was thinking he should have waited and handed the letter to her personally. So much heartache could have been avoided. But, he'd let hurt, pride and fear stand in his way...

She crossed to the table, needing to let him know again that she believed him.

"You put your letter on the table?" she asked softly, one hand resting on its surface.

He nodded, thinking for one wild moment that maybe he only dreamed doing it...

Katie turned and approached the table. "The letter, Mama?" she asked innocently.

Both parents' eyes widened and they looked at their daughter...

Michaela leaned forward to look her little girl earnestly in the eyes. "Katie, did you see a letter from your father on the table when he — after he had gone?"

Katie, unsure of the expressions on her parents' faces, explained haltingly, "It...I saw a letter when we got home. It was laying right here," she paused, stepping close and touching the center of the table. "I lit the fire there in the fireplace like you'd told me, Mama. You were putting Flash away. It was the night of that big storm, remember?"

Michaela nodded numbly as her mind returned to that night. She remembered the big storm...howling wind for hours, rattling the windows, she hadn't been able to close the shutters. And then the torrential rain...she had stayed awake all night worrying about Sully, wondering if he had shelter, praying for his safety. She had alternated between anger, disappointment and frustration, to intense worry, as she had no idea why he was staying away or where he could possibly be.

Sully remembered that storm, too. He'd taken shelter the best he could, crouched in a tiny cave, no more than an impression into the rock wall. It had been one of the longest nights of his life as he'd oscillated between nearly going home, stubbornly staying away, and worriedly wondering if Michaela would try to venture out in the storm to find him. The thought never occurred to him that night that the storm, as horrendous as it was, would be the catalyst for their complete misunderstanding.

"When I came back downstairs later, the letter was gone...I thought you got it," Katie continued, her voice soft as she watched her mother's face suddenly turn pale, her father's eyes widen even more. "You didn't?" she peeped softly. "Was it...important?"

Michaela, as if in a trance, was remembering...she had hurried up the porch steps, overfilled shopping baskets in her arms, the wind blowing madly...she had turned the latch and a gust of wind had blown into the house, nearly slamming the door, with its precious window, backward, dislodging papers and lightweight items in both rooms. Could it have...? Then, her eyes and mouth dropped open. Appalled, she looked into her husband's understanding eyes.

"Oh Sully...I remember...when I cleaned out the ashes the next day..." she paused, her hands raising to frame her face as the image came flooding back. "There was the remains of something paper...only the edges of a few words in your handwriting remaining. I didn't know what it was...oh, if I'd have only thought...I should have..." she squeaked, lacerating remorse threatening to return.

"Hey, hey..." he interrupted, rounding the table and taking her in his arms. "Ssshhh, it's okay. It's over now..." he murmured, his hand lovingly pressing her head against his neck.

"But...all of this could have been avoided...if I'd only known you'd written a letter," Michaela fussed, railing at the injustice of it all. She gripped his arms as he tried to soothe her, "I should have known you wouldn't just leave...I should have trusted you...I should have gone out to look for you...I should have..."

"I'm sorry..." a little voice interrupted her tirade, causing both parents to look down and find their precious daughter with tears streaming. "I saw it was from you, Papa! I should have told you Mama...I should have asked you if you got it...I should have known..." she whimpered, aching in remorse. The whole thing was my fault! Poppy went away and I could have stopped him!

"No, honey!" Sully interrupted, bending to pick her up, all three shedding tears again for the unnecessary wasted time. Communication...if they had only communicated!

"But it was my fault!" Katie exclaimed.

"No, it's mine. I let my pride get..." Michaela fretted.

"It's my fault, I never shoulda..." the couple argued simultaneously, the hurt still too recent.

Sully shook his head, realizing things were about to spiral out of control. He held up one hand to interrupt the deluge of emotion. "No. We gotta stop this. It's over," he stated firmly. "Blamin' don't fix things. It just picks at the wounds and makes 'em bleed," he added softly.

They stood there, holding one another, wiping tears, and wishing the last six months had been different. But at the same time, so very relieved that they were over.

"Maybe...maybe we're just supposed ta learn from this..." Sully murmured, holding his girls tightly. Wife and daughter clutched him, leaning back a bit to see his face. "Let's make a pact right now...that we won't assume nothin' ever again. We'll ask, and talk, and never go away from each other angry. Ever. Deal?" Sully asked with a tiny smile.

He put Katie down on the floor again and stuck out his hand. She wiped tears with one hand as she placed her other in his, and they shook playfully. Then he turned to Michaela. Holding out his hand, he murmured again, "Deal?" They shook hands solemnly, finally breaking into smiles when Katie giggled.

Laughing softly, and very relieved that the mystery had been solved, Sully grinned and hugged his two girls to his chest again, quipping, "Now how about let's fix that food? I'm starvin'!"

"Me, too!" Katie agreed.

The three spent a happy time preparing and eating their dinner together. None of them would have wanted to be anywhere else on earth.

OOOOOOOO

After dinner and evening chores, the girls spent time helping their returning male clean up his appearance. Michaela trimmed the errant ends and sides of his hair, while Katie snipped off bits of his beard, amidst gleeful giggles that it was making him resemble a bear with mange. Sully good-naturedly fussed and complained about every snip of the scissors, although in reality he was reveling in the attention from his two favorite ladies.

When they were finished, Sully shooed them out of the kitchen with a loving, "I'll be up in a few minutes." He finished filling the copper tub with pails of steaming hot water, into which he sank up to his chest with a grateful sigh. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed taking real baths while he had been on his misguided and self-imposed exile.

As he sat there in the tub, his eyes roaming the familiar items in the kitchen he had built for his family, and listening to the happy laughter and soft voices of his wife and daughter, joy began to bubble up inside him that the misery was over – he was back home...to stay. The cup of his emotions was slowly filling with good, pushing out the bad, and he felt truly relaxed for the first time in a long time. So long, he couldn't even remember.

With renewed vigor, he sat up and began lathering his body and hair liberally with the soap Michaela had set near the tub, followed by a hasty shave to get his appearance back to normal...smooth faced, the way he knew they liked him best. He was anxious to be alone with his wife...

Wincing as he nicked his jaw with the straight razor, he snickered, whispering, "Slow down, boy. Take it easy."

OOOOOOO

Michaela and Katie had retired up to Katie's room, Colleen's old one, as the man of the house commenced his bath.

Once Katie had changed into her nightgown for bed, Michaela picked up the hairbrush lying on the vanity and sat with her sweet daughter on the big four-poster bed.

After a few strokes of the brush through her hair, Katie turned her head a bit and peered up at her mother, noticing the faraway expression in the familiar russet and sage eyes. Michaela refocused on her daughter after a moment, blessing her with a loving smile as she continued her ministrations.

"Mama...?" Katie began, pausing as she tried to decide if she should voice her thoughts or not, the myriad of misunderstandings still weighing on her mind.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Michaela crooned, smoothing her daughter's hair back from her forehead.

Katie bit her lip for a moment, finally venturing, "Do...do you think Poppy will really stay?"

Michaela's eyes widened for a moment, and then softened as she met Katie's concerned brown gaze. She saw the fear in their depths. Knowing that Sully would, himself, need to spend time earning their little girl's trust that he was home to stay, she nevertheless hastened to reassure her. "Oh sweetie, yes of course! Your father gave us his word – and he always keeps his promises."

Reassured, Katie submitted again to her mother's ministrations, the only sound being the bristles of the brush as it passed through the wavy locks. Finally, Katie smiled happily as she quipped, "I can't wait to rub it in that mean old Harold's face tomorrow at school. I told him all along that my Papa would come home. I'm going to very much enjoy saying, 'I told you so'," she giggled playfully.

Michaela laughed with her as she put down the brush and motioned for Katie to scoot up and wiggle under the covers.

As was their custom, Michaela picked up from Katie's nightstand the current book they had been reading together and settled next to her daughter on the bed. Turning to the bookmark, she began to softly read the next chapter of Little Women, but her mind was only half on what she was reading. The other half was very much aware of every sound coming from the kitchen below...every tiny splash of water, and she had to push away the images that fought for her attention. She had seen her husband take a bath hundreds of times, of course, and even 'helped' on many occasions. Her fingers itched to help him now...to feel that warm, wet, smooth skin under her hands...hear him sigh in pleasure as she washed him...watch him open his eyes and stare knowingly, brazenly, into hers. Oh, how she had missed him!

Clamping down her emotions, Michaela mused silently, Patience...I must have patience... Taking in a deep breath, she determinedly continued on with the story.

Minutes went by, and then feeling a familiar presence, she paused and turned her head. Her eyes lit up at finding a most welcome sight leaning leisurely against the doorframe, his damp hair combed back, face clean-shaven, barefoot, and wearing the clothes she had retrieved for him...her favorite blue striped shirt and pale buckskins. He had left the shirt only half buttoned, and not tucked in.

He'd been standing there for a while, just glorying in being able to hear her beloved voice. He had always loved to hear her read aloud to the kids, adoring the masterful way she articulated the words. Her intelligence and wit had always been one of the things he loved about her. God, how he'd missed her...

Katie looked over to the doorway and grinned happily. "Papa, come sit with us!" she invited, holding out her arms to him.

With a soft smile, he pushed off from the doorjamb and moved into the room, lowering himself to perch on the edge of the bed as Katie made space for him.

For a moment, he didn't trust himself to speak, but just gazed at first his daughter, then his beautiful wife. He was still amazed that he was actually home, as the memory was still fresh of his last night on the trail coming back, lying awake and staring up at the stars - and wondering what kind of reception he would receive once he reached Colorado Springs.

Tamping down her impatience again and wanting to give their little girl some much needed father/daughter time with Sully, Michaela smiled, gently rose, and laid the book on the nightstand. Leaning to press a kiss to Katie's cheek, she murmured, "Goodnight sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Mama," Katie whispered as she returned the kiss and watched her mother softly close the door. Then she switched her gaze to her father again. Immediately, she saw the nick near his chin, and she reached out a small hand to gently touch it. Sully smiled and caught her hand, bringing it to his lips as she whispered, "You cut yourself shaving..."

"Yeah...guess I'm outta practice," he joked, his eyes glimmering in the light from the lamp. "I sure missed my Kates," he began, striving to rebuild the connection that six months' absence had begun to erode. "I thought of ya every day...you've grown so big..."

"Poppy, I missed you so much!" Katie mewled, suddenly sitting up and launching herself into his arms. He wrapped them tightly around her, pressing her to his chest and gently rocking back and forth. "The other kids at school...they kept sayin' you were never coming back...that you were with bad women..." she admitted softly.

Sully's eyes widened instantly, as that thought hadn't even occurred to him, that people would think he'd left Michaela for someone else. He closed his eyes and shook his head in remorse.

"I wasn't with nobody else, honey. I was alone...all alone...and missin' you and your Ma very much," he whispered, both of them quickly regaining their special father-daughter bond.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, Katie..." he continued softly. "I know how mean kids can be, sayin' things and makin' ya feel bad. I'm sorry I caused you to be hurt like that. Your Pa was just plain stupid. I took somethin' for granted that I shouldna. But I'm here now, and I give you my word, I ain't ever goin' away again. And I love ya, sweetheart...so much..."

"I love you too, Poppy," Katie answered softly, kissing his cheek and nestling further into his arms. Her prayers had been answered. Her wishes had come true. Her fears had been for naught.

Her precious Papa was home again.