I'm staying up way too late on a school night to finish this, but I really don't care XD. I spent all day working on this sucker, and I'm so glad that I was too stubborn to let it sit on my PC for another day. This one felt like it was a bit longer than what my other chapters usually are in this, but I'm too lazy to actually go and check the page numbers at the moment XD.
I was caught between working on this, writing in my 05 story (which I have been addicted to lately, even though it's a pain in the butt to get into my OC's head), and trying to figure out how the next chapter of my Frontier story is going to go. So, be expecting a reasonably quick update in 05, but...Frontier might take a bit longer D:
I have the rest of Don't Trust Me pretty much planned out though. There should be a good four or five chapters and an epilogue after this one, so we're really getting close to the end now! I really hope that you guys will like this chapter, and the end once we get there!
Please enjoy and leave a review if it crosses your mind :) I really love and appreciate hearing from you guys!
Chapter 11~
A squeak-like groan squeezed from my lips as I began to rise back to the blaring light of consciousness. Though, as I began to wake more, I saw that the light was really just the bright, burning sun of the Digital World desert beating down upon me. My flesh felt red-hot and burned as I rose from the blood-stained sand, some of the coarse material sticking in whatever wounds had not healed over yet.
My limbs shook and my body quivered as I struggled to get up onto my feet, or at least my knees if the prior proved to be too difficult at the moment. Every part of me was scalding with agony, either from the fiery heat of the sun that had been beating down upon me for who knows how long or from the incredible beating that I'd received at the hand of the DeviDramon that Devimon had sicked on me.
Even though my body healed much faster than any normal body, I still was too hurt to move much, and ended up crumbling back down to the sand beneath me. My wounds and burnt skin stung and itched. Sand was sticking to me, getting into my cuts and gashes and making my skin sore and raw. But I couldn't convince myself to get up just yet. I was so tired, but could never sleep. So agonized, so alone, so hurt…
But I could never go back. Not to Devimon, and not to Davis.
I groaned in pain as a twitch in my side shook my body; it was a sign that my wounds were still trying to heal as fast as possible. However, that pain was felt just as much internally as it was externally. Every thought, every memory, everything that bored its way into my mind was agonizing to me. Everything that demanded to be pondered was stained with blood and murder, solitude, starvation, an eternity passing before death claimed another soul.
Each of these meant bad things for me, absolutely horrible things. I was a human. I had killed human children without so much as a notion that perhaps I was in the wrong. Hundreds I'd killed, some commanded by Devimon, and some just because I could or they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'd hunted and stalked and petrified because it gave me a thrill knowing I could defeat anything and anyone that got in my way.
I was a monster; no other word described me so well. And it was for that very reason that I could never return to the human world. I could never, ever go back. In that other world, the one that I used to belong in, lived the creatures that I now thrived off of. They were nothing more to me than a source of nourishment now, and I couldn't risk hurting another one. I would sooner throw myself from the highest point on the Digital World's surface or drown myself in the deepest, blackest sea than harm another human.
I would starve to death, but no one else would suffer at my hand.
Knowing it had been spoken of in my thoughts, my stomach rumbled as an angry Garurumon might if something attempted to steal its meal. I dropped my head face-first into the sand with a groan. How I would've liked to simply fall asleep now, fall into a world apart from either reality, a place where I could feel nothing, see nothing, do nothing, be nothing. But I deserved this agony. I knew I did.
"I can't just…lie here…" I said to myself, the dryness of my mouth and the brokenness of my voice surprising me. I'd never realized just how nice rain was until now, when there was not a single drop of water or anything wet for miles. But I didn't intend to go looking for anything that might sustain me; I just didn't want to have to think about these things anymore. I had to busy myself somehow, and I had nothing better to do than wander until my demise arrived.
Trying a second and third time, I finally was able to get to my feet, however shaky and unbalanced I was. I stood still a moment, swaying dizzily to and fro, but began to stumble forward into the nothingness of the desert when I thought that I could walk without collapsing again. It was a clumsy and undignified process, the way I tried to stride forward with legs I couldn't feel. My head throbbed with hurt and my stomach curled around itself, burning and paining me greatly.
But I brushed all of it off. None of it mattered, really, as long as I suffered. I deserved every second, every minute, every hour of pain. I needed to go through it all, if for any reason, so that my victims might rest in peace knowing that the one who mercilessly killed them was paying for her actions and would not allow herself a single ounce of pleasure or joy or contentment until the debt was paid in full. And it would never be, not until I passed away and became like them.
As I walked though, I began to notice that more and more Digimon were beginning to appear. Some came only for a moment, while others seemed to linger in the horizon before disappearing in a shroud of hot sand blown up by the wind. I knew what would happen if they were to come too close to me. I knew that I would deserve it. But I felt a twinge of something at the thought—a twinge of fear.
Here in the Digital World, my killings were known quite well; everyone knew where my loyalty lay—or had lain. My name struck terror and rage into the souls of those who heard it, my face was one that was used to keep little ones in line, like how humans used the Boogeyman. But humans couldn't hurt the Boogeyman, as far as I knew. Digimon could hurt me now, in this state. And they would, if given the chance.
My next breath caught in my dry throat and I came to a screeching halt in the burning sand. As if having heard my thoughts, a small group of Digimon that were quite obviously native to this area had begun to grow far too close for comfort. I could almost hear their hearts beating, the fibers of their lungs moving to and fro and this way and that as they expanded and contracted—I had to be imagining all of it, but I couldn't shake the thoughts from my head that just maybe they were that close already.
With a pang of fear to fuel me for the briefest of moments, I tore into a rather clumsy and disorderly run, hoping to get away from any and all life as fast as I could. Sand sprayed up behind me like foam flying up into the air as a boat rockets through the waves of the sea, and I knew that if I myself was not noticed, the evidence of my presence would certainly be. It was hard not to have your attention captured by a being moving so fast that the sand was acting as if it were trying to leap out of the way a moment too late.
Not one of the Digimon made a move to stop me, nor showed any sign of really even caring that I had been there at all. They must not have recognized me, or maybe they hadn't realized that I was there to begin with. But either way, I hadn't had to deal with them, and I was relatively safe for the time being. I knew that I couldn't behave like this forever, though. I couldn't run for the rest of eternity when I could hardly manage running right now.
My lungs burned just as brightly as the sun did, my throat now searing as if I'd swallowed a smoldering ember. Every muscle in my body cried with agony, begged me to just lay down and give up, offer up my soul to anyone who would be willing to take it and just stop trying to live on. My brain was fried to the point that it could think of no reason why I shouldn't just stop and allow myself to die. It seemed so much easier compared to what I was doing now.
But, somehow, I knew that I couldn't. I had no hope, I had no light to follow, I had no chance at recovering from this point, but I still refused to roll onto my back and submit. It had never been in my nature to surrender when something became more difficult than what I'd previously expected it to be; that part of me was truly me, not something that Devimon had made up for fun and laughs. And so, I continued to run.
As I sprinted, I looked around me for some place that I could stop, maybe find a spot that wasn't drowning in the scalding light from the fireball in the sky. However, all around me was nothing but a few bushes on the verge of combusting and an ocean of sand, void of any moisture of any kind. A few mirages had begun to taint my vision, but I was still clear-headed enough to be able to decipher between what was real and what was a figment of my own imagination.
After a few minutes of this search turning up empty, I saw in the distance a small mass of green. I could even smell the water that the trees were near, so I knew for sure that it was not another hallucination. The small thought that there would be Digimon gathered around the watering place crossed my mind, but I didn't think much of it before I began to direct myself towards that patch of green in the steadily shortening distance.
Slowing to a very human-like jog as I slipped between desert brush and slivers of green plants, I came to a stop just before exiting the safety of the shaded place. I was hidden here, hidden from the sight of the Digimon that were, as I'd feared only moment before, drinking from and cooling off in the crystal-clear but rather shallow pond. There were about six of them here, but I wasn't sure, not wanting to take the time to be thorough.
Convincing myself that there was a good chance that they wouldn't recognize me and reinforcing that lie with 'proof' from when the other Digimon I'd passed hadn't recognized me, I snuck from the safety of the darkness and crept towards the water. Watching the other Digimon and seeing that they were still paying no mind to me, I soon had myself believing that I truly was safe. And that was one thing that was never true in a world like this.
I, knowing that I had to at least try to hydrate myself without blood, brought a few reluctant handfuls to my cracked and sore lips. The water wasn't cold or warm, and it was quite obviously different from what I should've been drinking, but it stayed down, and that was all I could ask for. I didn't drink too much despite my desperate need to feel something wet go down my throat, not wanting to push my luck any further than what I already had.
I stayed near the edge of the pond, though, not wanted to escape back into the shade to hide and rest quite yet. Instead, I waded out a few steps into the first few feet of water and dropped to my knees, allowing the water to wash away the dried blood and dirt and sand that covered my body. Gently as not to disturb any wound that had opened up again during my run, I began to bring up water to my face and neck and every other part of me, rubbing and scrubbing away any filth that plagued me.
I couldn't help but feel very human when I did things like this, things that made me feel so exposed and vulnerable, things that made it clear that I was not perfect, that I was covered in blemishes just as everyone else was. And what was worse, it made me remember things from when I'd stayed with Davis. I didn't want to recall such painful memories, but I couldn't stop them from coming to me all the same.
My mind brought to light a scene that would mean nothing to most, but meant very much to me. It had been after one of Davis's soccer practices, the time now growing late as the light began to fade and the dark starting to dominate the sky as it always did. I was standing before one of the windows, watching as the light disappeared and was chased away by the darkness, a sight that I saw often but could never get used to.
It was then, as I'd watched the last slivers of light fade from the sky, that the light that my world was lit by when the sun faded came back into the room. I turned around enough that I was able to watch him come in wearing yellow pajamas, rubbing the dampness from his hair with a towel while brushing his teeth with his other hand. DemiVeemon had followed after him quickly, a slightly smaller towel wrapped around his little body and dragging behind him like a cape.
Every single water droplet that fell from his hair was noted by my sight, but was not as welcomed and desired as the sweet scent of his shampoo. It wafted through the air as a breeze might, or perhaps more like that gentle, loping stride of a lover as he came to wrap his arms around your body, while his heart enveloped your soul. My mind was too lost in Davis then to remember what the smell actually was, but part of me didn't really care either.
The point was that…well, the point was Davis. I had an eternity of pain awaiting me, but also an eternity to spend with my memories of him. No matter how insignificant they seemed. They would always mean the world to me, because he had become my reason to stay in that world. I hadn't wanted to kill anymore, I hadn't wanted to hunt. The only thing I wanted to do was be near the one person who'd done everything he could to befriend me. And really, was that such a crime?
No, that wasn't. But the fact that it had begun just like any other murder scene choked the innocence from my mind and bled it out so I could never call upon it. I was not an innocent being. I was guilty on every level, every aspect, every definition of the word. And perhaps that was why it was torture to me, knowing that I would remember these things—remember Davis—until not even my mind could operate anymore.
Eventually, and I knew it well, I would drive myself insane with these thoughts.
But not today… I told myself with a shake of my head. Not today, and not right now. I let out a shuddering breath before leaning down and splashing myself in the face with some more water, anything to distract myself. After scrubbing some of the dirt and blood from my face with my hands, I slid them down my face enough the I could look into the water and see my reflection. I knew I should've been surprised, but I wasn't.
My eyes were bloodshot, one of them puffy and bruised pretty badly. A deep gash was upon my forehead and another on my cheek, both of them shiny and framed by dark, dried blood and more bruises. Taking my hands from my face completely, I saw that my lips were really quite dry and had begun to crack and bleed. My entire throat was red and black and blue, irritated and hurting because of the tightness of the collar.
My black hair was disarrayed and clumping together in places because of dried blood. Part of one doggish ear had been torn off and the rest of it was sore and throbbing. I couldn't see them in the water, but I could feel the sting of the sand as it agitated several cuts and scrapes that had turned my back into a canvas, blood being the only paint used. Each one ached every time my lungs made even a single twitch; I'd never felt so terrible in my life.
I was about to move into the water to wash off the rest of my injuries when I sensed a presence growing near me. Freezing in place, mind lost as to what to do, I listened with a trembling soul as a tender voice spoke to me, "Are you all right?" I dared not look at the Digimon, but could tell by its unmistakable scent that it was a Floramon.
Letting out a shuddered breath, my mind raced, searching for something that I could do. I knew that the best option was to run away now while I had the chance, before it recognized me, but…even the thought of moving brought a sense of loathing to my heart. I couldn't bear the thought of running now, not when I was this drained. I didn't think that I could make myself do it.
My body tensed and stung with pain as the Digimon crept a few steps closer, moving to get a better look at my face. "Hey, is something—" It suddenly gasped and shot back from me with a horrified cry. I'd been recognized. "Help! Somebody come and help me! It's her! It's her! It's Moroamon—the murderer!" And with that single call for aid, it was like the entire balance of the Digital World was set off, completely disrupted by my very presence.
My face shot up from the ground when more footsteps sounded, and I saw several Mushroomon along with more Floramon running over to assist the one that was still backing away from me in terror. If there had been a way for me to convince them that I meant no harm…if there had been a way to say that I'd changed, that I wasn't the same person that I'd been then even if I still had the same body…I would've tried to explain things to them.
But even if there was something for me to say, they wouldn't believe me.
"Get away from our friend, you heartless—" The last word was muted by the deafening bang of a mushroom-shaped bomb going off in the sand near me, spraying me with muddy water and dust that stung my wounds. I let out a surprised roar before jumping up and reluctantly running off, knowing that even they would be too strong for me to take on right now.
I let out a small whine through my mouth at the thought as I sprinted. How could I be so weak now that even stupid little Digimon like them would be more than capable of defeating me? I'd spent four years gaining the reputation as one of the strongest Digimon in the world, but now…now it was all just got. It had all been for nothing. It was all worth nothing; I'd gained in for the wrong reason. I'd gained it because of all of the evil deeds that I'd done.
"I have no place here—" I let out an unprepared gasp as one of my legs gave out beneath me and I was sent tumbling into the sand and rock. My momentum carried me forward in a roll for a few meters before I came to a skittering stop, fresh, burning sand now buried deep in wounds that had been torn open again by the bomb and the fall. I grunted at the feeling of the friction of it against my skin as I tried to rise.
…Why am I even trying? Flopping feebly back down into the hot sand, I rested the side of my head down on the sun-scorched ground, no longer caring about the pain. I was so tired…just so exhausted…so done with all of this. I didn't deserve to live anymore, I knew, so why was I trying to stay alive at all? Why can't I just die and avenge those people I hurt…?
I groaned softly as the black faded from my eyes, though I had to rub them with the backs of my hands to get my sight to work fully. Beginning to sit up, I felt immediately that I was not in the place that I'd fallen down in, and my muscles tensed instantly. My gaze darting all around me, I saw that I had somehow gotten to a hut-like edifice, where it was shaded and cool, with a barrel obviously filled with water sitting next to the mat I had been laying on. What? Where…how—
"Don't worry," I snapped completely upright at the voice, its owner hiding in the shadows on the other side of the small hut. It was a gentle, tired voice, like someone who'd been in these parts for some time now, but had never gotten many visitors. Even though I really shouldn't count as a guest. "You're safe here; I won't hurt you, Satu." Satu…? But that's my human name…How does this Digimon know it? Trying to snarl despite the gratitude that was beginning to surface within me, trying to look fierce and vicious despite the knowledge that without this Digimon's help I might truly be dead right now, I growled, "Who are you? Come out of the darkness and let me see your face!" I knew that I shouldn't have been okay with the fact that someone had helped me when I'd needed it, but…for this creature not to destroy me when it had the perfect opportunity…Why hadn't it?
A moment of silence passed between the two of us, neither one moving at all aside from my own breathing. Then it was broken by that voice, so quiet now, almost a whisper as it came out of the darkness, "…I know that you're human on the inside…I can sense it in you…" The creature came forward then, and I saw that it had been a Wizardmon. That explained why he'd hid from me at first; they were notoriously shy beings.
"…So what?" I said in a harsh tone, turning away from the colorfully dressed Digimon. I couldn't help but notice then that almost all of my wounds were healed over now. It was clear that they'd been tended to with great care while I'd been unconscious. But…that means I've been here for… "…Hey…um, how long have I…been out for?" I tried to make my tone a bit softer than before, but it came out more awkward than anything.
Noting how my arrogant attitude was beginning to fade and be replaced by one that was a great deal calmer, my savior Digimon took a few steps closer and kneeled beside the mat I was still seated on. "I found you four days ago. I'd been walking back from a forest quite far from here, and I tripped over you in the darkness of the night. When I realized who you were and saw how you were injured, I took you here so I could care for you until you woke. And, truthfully, for a while, I was afraid that you might never wake up.
"But it seems that you still had a reason to cling to life, so you persevered and were able to heal," I scoffed at his words, but couldn't hold back a bittersweet grin. There was only one thing holding me to life; of course he'd make dying hard for me. After all, why wouldn't he? "What's so important to you that such awful wounds aren't even enough to defeat you?"
"Sorry, that's none of your business," I told him as politely but forcefully as I could, making sure that my gaze locked with his so that he knew I was being quite serious. Getting my point in a hurry, the Digimon nodded and dropped the topic. However, I still had a few unanswered questions that craved an explanation or two. "But something I'd like to know is your reason for helping me if you know who I am. Why not finish me off like anybody else would've?" I kept my unwavering gaze locked on him, almost daring him to remain silent or lie to me.
He chose neither of those options. Without hesitation, he explained his actions, "Oh, I thought you would've assumed why, but I guess not…" He paused for a moment as if to get his words straight before continuing. "You see…some of us Digimon know the real story behind you and how you came to be, and that's why I showed you this kindness. Because I know that it wasn't you that killed those people and those Digimon…but the demon controlling you…
"There are some of us who believed that you'd break free of your curse, and I was hoping that that's how you were injured—that you'd finally fought back against Devimon's control over you and had broken free of his Touch of Evil. And, judging by your current demeanor and the fact that you haven't tried to kill me yet, I'm going to assume that I was right." I stared at Wizardmon. Never had I heard someone other than Davis express such hopeful thoughts for me…it felt…odd.
I wasn't sure if it was a bad odd yet, but it definitely was…well, odd. The other DigiDestined aside from Davis had often attempted to see me as he did, to see that I was human on the inside and try to believe that I could be changed back, that maybe I could make up for everything that I'd done, but…those thoughts and those Digimon were wrong. This couldn't just be undone, none of it could.
They had hope for nothing other than for it to be torn away from their hearts and cast them deeper into the blackness of despair.
"…I see," I said as I rose to my feet, for once not trembling and shaking at the effort. Almost all of my strength seemed to have returned to me, though I was a bit downcast at the thought of eventually needing for all of this new energy to be cast out of me so that I could suffer later for what I'd done to all of those people. I sighed. "I should leave now before anyone figures out that I'm here with you. They might treat you as a traitor, too."
Wizardmon held up a hand to stop me as I strode past him, but I slipped past him anyway and continued to head for the exit. "Wait!" He called out in such an urgent tone that it made me pause and glance back at him curiously. "You shouldn't go out in the daylight if you think that someone will try to destroy you!" Destruction is the only thing I deserve. Should I not seek what is rightfully mine?
"Then what do you propose I do?" I questioned with a slight growl as I turned to stare him down fully, crossing my arms over my chest. "I will not stay here for any more than another minute and endanger your life. I refuse to stay here with you, or anyone else, for that matter." A look of desperation crossed his face; he truly didn't want me harmed. I didn't understand. Even though he knew that I was human on the inside, he should still want me dead for all the vile things that I'd done.
"There's an old town not far from here," He hurriedly told me, getting to the point as fast as he could so that I didn't lose interest in his words before he was finished. "A disarray of Digimon go there to escape being noticed, so no one there will even think to give you a second glance. You'll be safe there until you figure out what you're going to do next, now that you're free of Devimon's control and all." I looked hard at him, saw the hope that still resided in his eyes, and felt a pang of guilt. How I wished that I could make that hope worth something.
But I knew full well that there was nothing I could do. I was incapable of doing a good thing and making it worth anything. I was too evil, too tainted by the darkness, too horrid a monster. No good could come from something like me. I could do nothing to fix it, nothing to turn it around, for it was the way that Devimon had created me to be. I could not change.
However, not wanting to ruin whatever reason Wizardmon had to be hopeful by explaining in great detail why he shouldn't be, I allowed my gaze to soften as I let out a tentative, "…Thank you…" before turning from him for the last time and racing out of the shade and into the burning desert sun. The dirt floor of the hut had been nice and cool, and I missed it the second that my feet touched the scorched sand. But I had to keep going; I would take his advice and go to that town.
I wasn't sure how far it was going to be from that hut, but based on how he'd sounded when he'd mentioned it, it shouldn't be too far. There was no discernible change in the scent of the air, though the dry desert air had dried out my nostrils and skin to the point where the pale membrane had begun to crack and even bleed. So, even if there was a change, I probably wouldn't have been able to notice it.
However, though I didn't know when I would arrive there or anything else about the place, there was one thing that Wizardmon had mentioned that had truly caught my attention. It was that last thing that he'd said, about me being safe there until I 'decided what I was going to do' now that I was 'free' of Devimon. But, unfortunately, there lay several of my practically unsolvable problems.
For starters, there wasn't much that I could do—recalling how those Floramon and Mushroomon had reacted to me was enough of a support for that. There was no Digimon in this world who would hold off on his attack for three seconds to let me explain myself, and even if he were to grant me such a kindness, there was no way that he or anyone within earshot would believe me for the slightest second.
Because of their hostility towards me, I would never be able to come within more than a few dozen meters of most Digimon, and even then it would have to a be a quick in-and-out-fast sort of thing. Most of the time—if not then all of the time—it would be simple for me to avoid other Digimon since I didn't crave their company much. However, things that I would need, probably things like shelter and water, would undoubtedly have other creatures posted around them like guards, especially if anyone happened to be on the lookout for me.
Like…maybe if Devimon…my master…
A chill crept slowly down my spine, like a drop of sweat, despite the heat of the sun and the little bit of heat that my icy body generated while I ran. It was that feeling that you got where you were laying somewhere in the dark, but then were roused by an odd sound, a sound that shouldn't be trilling as it is at such an hour. It was that feeling you got when you just knew that someone you could not locate was watching you with cruelest intent. That feeling when someone's cold, sadistic fingers traced gentle lines into your back while they whispered malevolent things so sweetly into your ear.
Devimon would never be done with me no matter what he said. He could call me a traitor, a sinner, a slave, a murderer, a soulless creature of his own creation, a machine made only for destruction…anything that he thought I was or had ever wanted for me to be. That devil had loved me with whatever kind of a heart that he'd had. He could never forget me. All the bloodshed I'd caused…he'd fallen in love with the evil I could bring about.
I would never be free.
But I want to try to be… My thoughts lulled my internal turmoil and pain until it was a dull throb, though it pounded me to the point where I wasn't sure I would be able to stand it a moment longer. I want to try to live without him governing every choice I make. I don't even want to be happy. I just want to be free of him. That's not too much to ask, is it? I'm willing to suffer, to pay for everything that I'd done—I agree that I deserve it, I won't fight it—but freedom…I'd love to taste it before I'm claimed by Darkness. Even for a second.
Then again, it would be a blessing for me to be free, wouldn't it? Blessings were things like love, family, friends, a home, happiness, or a warm embrace to fall into on the days when things couldn't have been worse. Blessings were things that good people should have, even though not all people got to have all of them. But me? I was not good. I should not be the one to receive any blessing that a good person didn't have.
I stopped dead in my tracks at the wooden 'gate' to a small, western-style town. The buildings, all wood and windows, were old and dusty, with some of the old, dirty windows broken or boarded up. Some parts of the town looked as if it had been repaired—it was obvious compared to the rest of the place. There were Digimon scattered here and there just as the debris and tumbleweeds, but none of them even looked at me as I slowly walked in.
Wizardmon hadn't been kidding. Nobody cared here.
Glancing around inconspicuously as I wandered around the place, I saw that the Digimon here were more varied than any place I'd been in before—Gorillamon, Candlemon, Centaurumon, Terriermon, and a few Ogremon were visible—but they all looked the same in many ways. There was this…defeated air about them, the look on most human children when they were bullied and did not stand up for themselves, but took the abuse and tried their best to swallow it and forget about it. There was no hope in this place. Perhaps that's why Wizardmon doesn't live here. He can't stand the desperation in the atmosphere…
The Gorillamon, sensing that he was being watched, turned his heavy head up to stare back at me as I strode past, but he didn't make a move to confront me. They were usually pretty prideful beings with a temper that flared up more than an active volcano, so it was rather surprising that he let me go without even a word, but I was a little happy that he did. I wanted to lay low for a while here, and getting into a brawl with someone like Gorillamon not even five minutes after arriving was not the way to go.
Hoping to escape his heated gaze before this staring contest grew into something much more, I ducked into a nearby parlor, though I kept my stride as relaxed as I could. A sense of calm settled over me as I looked around the room. It was quiet except for the clatter of some dishes and some chatter here and there, most of it coming from the kitchen area.
An old jukebox sat in the corner where it gathered dust and forgotten memories. Other than that and the drab, yellow curtains, the only other thing to be seen in the place aside from the counter and stools around the little bar were all of the empty tables. Not knowing what else to do and not wanting to go back outside yet, I sat down at one of them and ran my hands over the faded red tabletop.
I could imagine how nice a place like this would've been a number of years ago when it was new and still lively. It would've been so lovely, so filled with laughter and happiness… A place that my presence would've certainly ruined. And yet, here I was, fitting in more than what I had while I'd been locked up in Devimon's blacker-than-death castle. It was right that I should be in a place like this: Forgotten, lost, and hopeless.
It was perfect for me.
"Is…is someone out there?!" An astonished voice called out from the kitchen, and I raised my head from the booth to see a Toucanmon with a chef's hat on peeking out into the eating area with a look of concern. When he saw me staring awkwardly back at him, absolute shock—and, somehow…joy—filled his voice and eyes. "I…I have a visitor!?" He gasped, tears forming in his big eyes.
Startled, I stood slowly and raised my hands to calm him. "…I…" I wanted to say that I was just passing through, that there was no need for him to get so worked up over me since I wasn't going to be staying for much longer than a few minutes, but he looked so happy to see someone else. I didn't want to crush him so quickly. "…I just arrived…"
"Oh, joy! Oh, joy!" He cried to himself as he rushed out of the kitchen and came out to greet me. Not hesitating a single second, he took my hands in his feathered ones and jumped up and down with the biggest smile I'd ever seen sitting upon his face. I wasn't sure what to do at this point, so I just let him do as he wished. "I haven't had a visitor who didn't act like a petrified zombie in ages! You actually seem to be alive—compared to the Digimon outside, at least." …Yes. Everyone out there really does seem to be…dead inside.
…Might as well ask about that. "Why is everyone so sad here, Toucanmon?" An expression that betrayed the absolute bliss that the creature felt at hearing his name spoken by another's voice flashed across the bird-Digimon's face. I almost smiled at the glee that such a simple thing could cause. Or was it the fact that I'd been the one to make him this way?
Toucanmon shook his head as if to dismiss the question as he released me and started back to the kitchen (I realized at that moment that he must've been talking to himself in there; that was the chatter that I'd heard). "Oh, it's nothing at all of importance. Just rumors," I heard the clatter of dishes again as he returned to washing them. "Everyone is afraid of Devimon nowadays. Everyone thinks that he's planning some great big thing that he needed a lot of Digital essence for, but no one seems to have any real idea of what.
"But don't worry yourself over any of that—you'll lose that life that I've been missing so much and become like all of them!" He threw his wing at the doorway, and I couldn't help but look over. Because it was like the old-time saloon doors, I could see through it to the desert town outside, see that Gorillamon glancing over every now and then as if he was waiting for me to come back out.
Not wanting to think about that, I turned my attention elsewhere: The jukebox. Walking over to it and crouching before the device, I stared at it for a moment before hearing the Toucanmon call out to me again. "Are you hungry at all? I've been told that I make a mean vegetarian armadillo pecan pot pie~!" I smiled lightly, bittersweet but thankful, at his offer. Kindness was so beautiful; I did not deserve it, but it was so beautiful.
Though I was starving, I lied and replied, "No, I'm all right. But…thank you, anyway," Touching the dusty, dulling-in-color music machine, I blew off some of the dust and sand. I began to rub off what had stuck as I spoke up again. "This is broken, is it not? This jukebox?" I heard a slightly puzzled 'yes' come back to me; he wasn't sure what I was getting at.
To repay the kindness in his soul, I wanted to do something for him, give him something so that he wouldn't feel so alone. Music would have to do. "If it's all right with you, I'd like to try my hand at fixing it," My response was met by silence from the bird, as if he'd had other Digimon mention how it would be nice to have it fixed before but he'd been unable to fix it himself. As if he'd been wishing that someone would come along who might give him a hand.
Your wish is granted, then. Allowing my mind to drift a little as I worked upon the machine, doing my best to clean it as well as repair it, a small smile played upon my lips as the things that had bothered me for so long seemed to float off into the distance. I didn't think about Devimon, I didn't think about all those people and Digimon that I'd killed, and I didn't think about myself or anyone else or anything else. I didn't even think about how much time was going by.
After a good hour or two had gone by (it was probably longer, but I had to guess), I stood back up and looked over what I'd accomplished thus far. The jukebox's original color was back, now glowing bright and happy as it should've been before. Turning it on and picking a song at random, my doggish ears perked up as the old but good swinging tune was carried from the speakers and out into the empty room around me.
The clink of dishes and splashing of water stopped when the sound carried over into the kitchen, and the soft footfalls of the Toucanmon joined the music's beat as he came out to see what I'd done. His feathers touching his beak in awe, he came over to stand beside me slowly, staring at the colorful lights of the machine as I stared at him. I'd never seen someone so astounded by a simple jukebox before.
"…You don't know how long it's been…since I heard this play…" After watching the lights blink on and off like strobe lights in slow motion, and after the two of us had listened to the song in silence for another few moments, he looked up at me with a smiling mouth. Voice soft, he told me warmly, "Even if you're not hungry, feel free to stay for as long as you'd like. I know how it feels to be surrounded by such darkness all the time; it's always nice to have a bit of light in your life." And with that, he went back to the kitchen with a new bounce in his step.
I watched him go, but the moment that he disappeared, the thoughts that I'd escaped for a moment were back and stronger than ever. He was more right than he knew; I was surrounded by darkness on every side, each and every inch of it snarling and snapping at me, ready for the moment that I would trip up and fall so far into it that I would never be able to rise again.
Devimon would have me under his thumb again one day, I could feel it. He was like a change in the weather: You could both feel and see it happening, but you were still completely unprepared when it struck. He was a hurricane, tearing everything away from me when I'd been human so that I could come and be his little slave, then made me believe that I'd been there my whole life, that I'd always been his. The years that I believed him were like the eye, when everything seemed like it was all right. And as for the final fallout…I guess that I was still in it.
…But what was that about his 'rumored plans' that Toucanmon had mentioned—
"This is a good song," I gasped and spun around at the familiar voice. My horrified gaze was met by the cerulean stare of Matt, his eyes glowing as he smiled and tapped his foot to the beat of the music. His stance was loose, though the three others with him didn't share his obvious calm. "My band and I usually warm up by playing this one. Always liked it, even as a kid." Unlike him, I wasn't able to enjoy the sweet sound of the music anymore. Not with them here.
Why the hell were they here?! Matt, Yolei, Ken, and Kari…had they…had they been looking for me? That…that didn't make any sense! Why would they come looking for me? To make sure that I wasn't off killing something? To see if I myself had been killed somehow? They knew I'd lied and was a friend—had been—of Devimon's…had they come to destroy me themselves? If so, then why were they so calm? Had I misread them before somewhere along the line?
The air in this place was suddenly void of oxygen; I just couldn't breathe it at all. This wasn't right, this wasn't right, this wasn't right! They shouldn't be here! They shouldn't have been able to follow my tracks successfully—they shouldn't have been able to find me! My stomach churned with a deadly sound within me and I put a hand over it; I could hear their hearts beating, and it was almost too much to bear.
I would kill them all right here and now if I wasn't careful, if I didn't get out of here now. "Stay away from me!" I made a burst to get around them and duck out the door before anyone could stop me, intent on getting as far from this place as fast as possible. Assuming that the rest of the DigiDestined group would be on the lookout for me as these had been, I would have to hide someplace dark and desolate, somewhere that they would never dare to come into. At least until they'd given up their search.
But my plans were stopped in seconds when Ken gave a shout, and a tall, green and black, insect man had me pinned to the floor boards. Despite all of my struggling and attempts to appear vicious so that he might become afraid and let me go, Stingmon kept his strong hold on me, refusing to let me get away. I didn't understand; why were they so keen on keeping me around?! Were they truly this stupid, not realizing how dangerous I was to them, especially now when I hadn't fed in so long?!
"Let me go!" I cried with a roar as I tried to shove and kick Stingmon away from me. Why didn't they understand that I didn't want to hurt them? Why didn't they understand?! "Just leave me alone! I'm done with humans! I'm done! Don't you get it?!" A sense of failure fell over me as I finally saw that there was no escape for me. I was stuck here. I was stuck here with them.
Falling limp, I turned an icy blue gaze to the humans who were looking upon me with pained but mostly confused and concerned expressions. Maybe they did understand, to a point, at least. Ken had to, at the very least, have some sort of idea based on what had gone on when Davis had been hurt by Strabimon. My reaction to his blood in the open must've had some kind of a lasting impression on the fair human.
And yet, here he was, trying to talk some sense into me, hoping to calm me down. "I know that you must've had a rough couple of days—and I'm basing most of that on how awful you look right now—no offense," He hadn't needed to make a note of that; I had a pretty good idea of how I probably looked to them, covered in dried blood and scars and scabs. I probably looked like I'd been in a few too many street fights, fights that I'd lost badly in.
"I can understand you having had your fill of life by now, but…" A concerned shadow crossed his face at his own words, and I couldn't stop myself from wondering why. I couldn't sense darkness in him, really, but…there was something. Something that was almost dark, but not quite. It was like…the kind of shadow that a cloud brings when it passes over the sun for a moment. It's not really dark, but it's also not as bright as it could be. Like that.
Nevertheless, he continued in a quiet, soothing voice, one meant to lull me in a false sense of safety, I knew…However… there was that ever-present honest tone in his voice, something that never seemed to cease nor go away. It was difficult not to trust him. "But I think that you should really try to hear us out. At least for a minute or two. Then, if you want, you can go and we won't try to stop you."
Stingmon shifted his grip on me; the absolute cold of my skin must've been bothering his hands even through his thick, protective exoskeleton. I, however, had more important matters to concern myself with than simply the discomfort of another. This…this 'talk' that they wanted to have with me…what did they mean? What did they want that I could possibly give them other than a lack of my presence? There was nothing else that I had to give!
Though I didn't have a single idea of what I would be hearing about, I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. They had to have searched for me for quite some time, after all. It had to be something of some importance if these humans had been willing to put in so much effort just to find me. I would do as Ken asked and listen. But there was nothing that they could say to keep me from leaving afterwards.
"…All right," The black and green bug-like Digimon helped me back up onto my feet then, brushed some dust off of my shoulder. I glanced around at them, but my attention was drawn to the silence that came from the kitchen. I turned slightly to see Toucanmon there, appearing frightened and confused as to what he'd just witnessed. Such fear in a Digimon had never bothered me so much before, but…
I gave him a reassuring nod; everything was fine, he must believe me. Seeing that he was trying his best to trust me, casting me a bob of his own, I turned back to the humans. "I probably shouldn't stay in one place for too long of a time, so you should hurry and say what you want to me before someone else comes." The DigiDestined agreed, though they didn't know the full extent of what was going on, and really, neither did I.
We sat down at one of the old booths, and Toucanmon brought the humans some chilled beverages, which were greatly appreciated. He didn't stay for very long, going back to kitchen quickly where he could eavesdrop where he thought that I wouldn't notice. I allowed him to, though, I wasn't sure yet if it would prove to be a mistake or not. Nevertheless, he didn't seem like the type to react violently if something bad were to be brought up, so maybe it would be all right no matter what we were to speak about.
The five of us (six if you counted Stingmon; I wasn't sure where their other Digimon were) were quiet for a moment, the humans either sipping at their drinks as they tried to organize their thoughts or hoping that someone else would start the conversation. Kari, who was sitting next to me and keeping me 'trapped' between her and the wall, sat her drink down as was about to begin when she was interrupted by Yolei.
The purple-haired girl jumped to her feet and slammed her palms down on the table to catch my attention before saying in her loud and somewhat commanding voice, "Listen, Satu, we all know that you're a human deep down, so why do you stay here in the Digital World when you should be back in the human world with us trying to think of a cure for you?!" Ken touched a hand to her arm and she sat again, but didn't express regret over her bluntness. Ken expressed it for her, really.
Matt attempted to make up for things. "What Yolei means is…" He paused for a moment, beginning to realize that there really had been no better way to get into things than what Yolei had. However quickly she'd leapt into the tender topic. "…Well, basically what she just said…" Knowing there was no way to recover, the blonde took a sip of his drink and instead let his eyes speak for him, repeating Yolei's words in that cerulean gaze.
No matter who asked it or in what way, it would never be an easy thing to answer. There was also too much in it for me to be able to give an exact answer, too much that was for only me to know, too much that they would try to stop me from doing. But I would tell them what I could. "My name is not Satu anymore; please, call me 'Moroamon' as you have been. And…as for being human...I know that I am, but…there are things that I've done that some would use as evidence to prove otherwise.
"I have done far too many evils for me to be able to return to the human world; I don't belong there anymore, nor do I truly belong here. I am a creature that neither world knows how to handle, a nightmare that no one in either universe must be forced to suffer under. There is no known way for me to return to being a human, and even if I could go back, I'm not sure that it would be worth it, anyway.
"Who's to say where my family is? Who's to say whether or not I have anyone to go back to? I couldn't burden anyone else with my presence; I would be returning only to become part of a hellish life, haunted by the memories that I cannot remember of my previous human life, and also haunted by the ones that I do recall from my time as a demonic hybrid. Why would I want to live a life like that? Why should I want to live anymore when I ought to pay for all the unforgiveable things I'd done?"
Silence stood amongst us like Death himself, watching as his invisible nooses were hung around our necks, the floor beginning to fall from under out feet. However, we were saved when Kari began to speak, the light that radiated off of her destroying Death with a puff of black smoke. "Moroamon, you shouldn't think like that! You're sorry for what you've done, and I believe that you should have forgiveness if you're truly sorrowful," She moved a hand closer to me, but didn't touch me. "No one will condemn you for this, Moroamon. We forgive you."
I knew that such words should've made me feel something, maybe relief, but they did nothing. They did not feel true. They didn't feel…right. "Your words are kind, but wrong. Your friend TK, all those Digimon sitting outside in the sand just beyond that door, all the Digimon that I've been running from these past few days…they all know the true nature of things. When something as evil and wretched as me enters the world…it cannot stay. It cannot be dead and it can't be alive. It just. Can't. Be.
"I could never express in words just how sorry I am for what I've done, but you're wrong when you say that I should be forgiven. This is something that I cannot be forgiven for. No one could forgive me and mean it with all the honesty in their heart and soul; it's impossible when you know all that I've done so heartlessly. I don't mean that you're lying. I'm simply saying that it's impossible for you to truly mean what you've said, to be completely sure that you believe that what you're telling me is the truth."
Kari stared at me with a touch of hurt in her eyes, though I wasn't sure if it was because my words had hurt her or if she was hurt because of my words concerning myself. Perhaps a mixture of the two. She looked away from me after a moment, pulling her hand back a bit. I'd noticed in that short moment that her skin was very fair, very pretty. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that she seemed to glow for no obvious reason or what, but there was an odd beauty about her that was quite captivating.
It was almost ironic that she'd chosen to sit beside me, her opposite in many ways. She was kind and gentle; I was cruel and harsh. She was good with others and very well-liked; I was awkward and it would be odd for someone not to hate or fear me. She was a lovely girl, full of light and warmth; I was a vicious beast, drowned in darkness and ice. She had a beautiful smile, and wonderful laugh; I could only do either when another was in utter agony.
I couldn't help but feel a sense of worthlessness pass over me at having every one of my inadequacies, my flaws and vile traits, pointed out without her even needing to try. And even if I did become human, would that change anything about my personality at the moment? That awkwardness, that need for myself to be punished for all that evil? What about my hunger for Digital essence? Would that die along with this body, or…would that carry over somehow?
If there was a way to change back…did I really want to risk it?
No. I couldn't risk more innocent lives for the sake of possibly regaining a happy one for myself. I couldn't be that selfish of a person. My heart beginning to harden and turn cold, I stood and leapt effortlessly over the table, landing with a small thud on the floor beside Stingmon. I cast him a warning glance as I said to the others, "This conversation is over. I will not go back to the human world. I will not go back to being a human. I will not put in danger the lives of others for my own selfish gain. I will stay here in this world and pay for the things that I've done!
"Go back to the human world where you belong, and let me go to the one place that I belong!" Despite their attempts to call me back and Stingmon's attempts to grab me, I shot out of the door with a bang, intent on getting as far from this place as my legs could carry me. I noticed the others' Digimon outside, probably keeping watch to see who might go into the restaurant, maybe keeping some out. But I didn't pay them mind for long, and instead turned tail to get out of there.
At least, that's what I tried to do. I was stopped dead in my tracks when I turned my gaze from the DigiDestined Digimon to the path before me and was too late to stop myself from crashing into the very Gorillamon who'd been watching me this whole while. Slamming into the mass of muscle and fur was like hitting a brick wall when a Trailmon was coming from the other side of said wall at its highest speed. I hit him with a sharp crack and was cast backwards onto the ground, the gray-furred being not even appearing to waver from the impact.
"I knew that you weren't right the minute you walked through those gates," He said, voice gruff and serious, aggressive and confident in his ability to beat me to a bloody pulp. A few of the other Digimon that had been with his before began to surround me; the Centaurumon's hooves made a sickening sound, like sifting through rotting flesh, when they dug into the sand, and I tried to ignore it. "But I didn't realize until a little while ago why…!"
No other words needed, he let out a vengeful roar and shot at me with the blaster on his arm. I was just barely fast enough to dive out of the way, evading Centaurumon's stomping hooves as I did. An Ogremon tried to help by bringing his club down hard, but I moved quickly and he ended up smacking the horse-man Digimon with it instead. That fault earned him a sharp blow to the face with the creature's powerful back legs; he didn't retaliate, knowing better despite his small brain.
I, however intelligent I was, had no idea what to do. Panting and crouching away from them, eyes wide with panic, I wondered what in the world I was supposed to do now. I would be recognized anywhere I went; what was the point of fleeing if this would just continue to happen over and over and over again? I couldn't fight these Digimon off, either, even though I should've been able to easily. I knew why now, though.
It was the collar that Master had given to me. It had been affecting me this whole time, but not in the way that he'd promised. He had told me that it would protect me from the emotions that the humans brought up in me, but instead it regulated how much of my power I could use. I could, if I tried as hard as I possibly could, probably reach the Mega Level—for at least a moment or two. But now…I was fighting like an incredibly weak Rookie.
I couldn't defeat these Digimon fighting like that.
But I also couldn't give up.
With my life and my self-worth on the line, I stood up straight and braced my inner self for the battle. I'd never been so afraid to go dashing into a fight before; this was close to the level of fright that I felt whenever Devimon had been angry with me, whenever he'd punished me in the name of that cruel and horrible 'love' that he said he had for me. But pain, agony, despair, fear…these things were what hate was made of, what it always began with.
Nevertheless, I knew that even though it spelled only disaster for me, I couldn't run this time. Gorillamon were notorious for their persistence, their need for revenge when they or their friends were wronged or disgraced somehow. I must've destroyed one of his friends in one of my rampages—the crazed, hurting glint in his eye told me that if I wasn't right, I was pretty darn close to it.
I dodged two of the Ogremon by flipping over them as they attempted to grab me, instead ending up with one another in their malicious but clumsy embrace. I may not be as strong as these other Digimon, but I still had the advantage of being faster and more agile. I knew I couldn't evade again and again throughout this whole fight, but if I was to tire them out, I would have more a chance when the true fighting really began. It was really the only hope of winning that I had.
But that hope was quickly brought down when I myself was brought down, having been caught unawares by the lone Centaurumon as I'd been slipping away from another Ogremon. He knocked me down dazed and with a throbbing agony in my head via a sharp blow to the temple with one his solid hooves. I thought that I heard someone shouting my name as the creature slammed a hoof down on my torso, dragging a strangled sound of pain from my crushed lungs as I tried to wrestle my way out from under him.
But I'd known from the moment that I'd hit the ground that there would be no getting back up. The DigiDestined, too shocked by such violence, were unable to speak to tell their Digimon what to do, whether or not to get involved, and they were too unsure about what to do to be able to act. No other Digimon made a move to stop the fight from proceeding, either. They all knew better. They all knew exactly who I was. They knew I deserved this.
I knew I deserved this.
I gripped Centaurumon's foreleg tightly as he lowered a hand; I closed my eyes before I could see the laser built into the palm of his hand. I knew it now, though, as my end. At such a close proximity, with our power levels so different—his being much higher than mine at the moment—there was no way for me to survive. There was no way for me to get away. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't brave enough. I wasn't good enough.
A flash of Devimon's vile face danced across my mind, the feeling of his cold hand touching my shoulder, my head. The sound of his voice, like that of the devil, cold and dark and evil and everything bad and disgusting and malevolent and dishonorable and ugly, is echoed in my mind those very things, telling me again and again how I was nothing without him, how I would never survive if I left his side someday. How I would regret it, regret choosing 'freedom' over him and his love.
I…I don't know what I feel yet. Maybe I regret leaving, and maybe I don't—I don't know! But what I do know is that what I did while under you was wrong. I shouldn't have let you convince me to do those things—I should've seen through you to the demon beneath your skin, using you as some kind of puppet. I should've known better…it's my fault...that those people and Digimon are gone, dead. And now I'm going to—
"Moroamon!"
My eyes snapped open in time to see a blue, dragon-like Digimon with armor designed to look like flames send an impressive kick into the side of Centaurumon's head, knocking him off balance just before he was about to shoot me in the head with his laser. The ball of light that should've destroyed me instead hurtled into the ground mere inches from my head, the brightness so close that it blinded me for a moment, the sound so powerful that for a few seconds I could hear nothing but a dull ringing in my brain.
The blackness in my sight and the lack of perception through sound sent my mind reeling as I tried to remember if I'd seen that Digimon somewhere in the town before now. Had he finally decided to stand up for me? And if so…why? Was he like Wizardmon, knowing the truth of my past, or Toucanmon, knowing neither the truth nor anything else about me? Or was he one of the DigiDestined's Digimon, having followed me here as the other four had?
I got my answer when a warm arm wrapped around my shoulders, another hand reaching over me to grasp my upper arm. My senses returned to me slowly as I was pulled up off of the sand, held against a human chest, within which was a familiar beating. The heart within myself stopped short of its next pound, gasped at the scent that I knew so well, the degree of warmth that could only belong to one. And yet, it felt impossible for him to be here, to be this close to me after everything he now knew.
Sight returning to me, I focused my gaze on the face of my savior, knowing who it would be, and still not fully believing. But I was a fool to doubt my own senses. Those same brown eyes that were like two candles glowing on a dark winter's night, that same fluffy auburn hair, that lightly tanned skin that radiated warmth like nothing I'd ever felt, the heart that regarded me as a friend and not a foe, not something to be fearful of...
Davis Motomiya had saved me, just as I'd rescued him several times before.
"Man…Are you okay, Moroamon?" He shook my shoulder, snapping me quickly from my reverie, brought on by his blissful presence. I touched a hand to my head as he helped me sit up the rest of the way, bit back a groan at the intense throbbing that sent nauseas agony down from my head into my gut. Davis took note of it, as well as all my other gashes and bruises. It was like it pained him more than it did me. "You look like you rode with a boxer through hell in a pencil sharpener!"
I stared up at him blankly for a moment, not sure how to respond to his concern over me. I'd seen this in him before, like when I fought that Dokugumon on his behalf, but he still believed me to be a good person during that time. Now…he knew everything about me. He knew that I'd lied, he knew about Devimon and all of my killings, how I'd come to kill him—but he didn't know why I hadn't.
Maybe I'd have to tell him. Maybe.
"Davis…" Every good thing that I'd ever thought, every feeling that I could put into words somehow, every single action that had not been motivated by selfish gain, they all flooded my mind and wanted to be spoken right here and right now. They needed to be heard by someone other than me and who better than the person that had inspired them? But, however appropriate I thought they might be, my tongue refused to utter them. "…I didn't think that I would ever be blessed again…but here you are…!" I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth; I was so happy to get to see him once more.
The boy gripped me to him tightly at my words, perhaps even happier to have me back than I was to have him. Though I wasn't sure such a thing was possible. "I knew that you had to work out a lot of stuff for yourself, but…the way you looked when you left really made me afraid for you. It was like it was too much for you to take at once and you didn't know how to handle it and…" He trailed off with an annoyed groan, irritated with himself for not knowing what to say or how to say it.
"…I was afraid that we wouldn't find you again…or that when we did…you'd be beyond help…" I touched Davis's arm, wrapped around my neck, on instinct, wanting and wishing there was something I could say, something I could do. But there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that I could think of to do other than let him hug me as tightly as he could, convince himself that I was there and alive, despite how I was as cold as a dead man.
I couldn't remember ever being held in this way before, with someone so glad, so relieved, to have found me alive and relatively undamaged. Devimon embraced me now and again, but his arms and body were hard and cold as ice, his chilled body temperature pulsed through you as his hate and malice did. Davis, on the contrary, was much more comfortable, his soul much more welcoming and loving. I could sense his emotions flowing through me as his heat, feel their purity keeping my demons at bay.
So…this is heaven...
But such bliss was short-lived as all good and wonderful things are; it ended when the Candlemon I'd noted before decided to one-up the others. "You guys can't do a single thing right, can you?!" I felt the vibration of him hopping over to the two of us, though it was a little harder for him to move without clumsiness in the sand. "I'll show you how to take care of an evil creature like her! Lava Loogie!" The red-eyed candle Digimon spat hot, molten wax at the two of us, apparently not caring that Davis was there.
Acting without a single thought that didn't involve keeping Davis out of harm's way, I grabbed the boy and dragged him to the ground, keeping my body between him and Candlemon. I held in a cry of pain to keep from alarming Davis further when the wax hit me, coating my back and burning my skin severely. I could almost smell my flesh, seared and raw beneath the light leather. The desert sun was nothing compared to this torture.
But Davis was safe, and that was what really mattered.
My actions astonished most everyone there, the only sound now being the crackling of the wax as my cold exterior helped it to harden faster. Candlemon was trying to figure out what had just happened while beginning to back away along with the many Ogremon and Centaurumon. I wasn't behaving like how they thought I should be; I should be attacking them without mercy, not protecting some human. The other DigiDestined that had found me and more that had come with Davis were quite be stunned as well.
Though the pain was beginning to subside, my voice still shook as I started to let go of Davis, the wax cracking as the muscles in my back moved, "A-are you hurt…Davis? Did anything get you?" I was pretty sure that I'd blocked most of the attack, but the wax had almost splashed when it came into contact with me, hissing and spitting at the chill of my skin. There was a good chance that some had burned him despite my efforts.
"Moroamon…" The brunette gazed up at me with befuddlement, though at first I wasn't sure why. It was a simple question, after all; I would've been satisfied with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. But that wasn't what Davis was thinking about. "Why did you do that?" He asked in a voice that told me that he wanted an honest answer, one that was more than 'I didn't want you to get hurt'. Davis knew by now that there was much more that went into my thinking process than just the straight-forward things.
I wasn't sure what to say at first, having so much in my head that could be said. But my heart knew better what to say than what my mind could ever have conjured up. "This is what friends do for each other, right? We protect each other, apparently even if the creepier of us doesn't deserve it." A small smile tugged at Davis's mouth, glad that I still regarded him as a friend. I was astonished that he still thought of me that way. Astonished but still grateful.
Gorillamon, however, was not moved. "You think that a little act of fake heroism is going to save you? Well, it won't!" With a roar, he shot the cannon again, perhaps hoping that I would perform another little 'heroism' act, as he called it. And I couldn't help but prove him right. I couldn't let Davis get hurt because of me and the revenge that Digimon wanted to get from me.
I jumped up, getting him to his feet as well, though it was a short-lived endeavor. Shoving him hurriedly out of the proximity of the attack, but was not fast enough to get out of the way of it myself. The bright ball of energy hit me hard, right on target, and drove me back a ways before I plummeted into the sand several meters away from him. Gabumon tried to stop him as he started towards me, but the horned Digimon was shoved away with little notice.
Gorillamon knew exactly what he wanted, and he wasn't leaving until he made sure he got it.
I struggled to get back onto my feet; I may've only been fighting at the level of a Rookie, but this Digimon was going to have one hell of a fight on his hands nevertheless. I would not surrender to a mere Champion-Level—never in a thousand years would I allow myself to fall to such a disgraceful thing! And, with that in mind, I forced myself, however shaky, onto my feet. I refuse to lose.
The silver-furred ape was fighting alone now that Centaurumon, Candlemon, and all of the Ogremon had abandoned him, but he seemed to neither notice nor mind. When one's mind was clouded with the need for vengeance and bloodshed, however right and just it might be, this sort of thing always happened. There came a point where nothing mattered but getting that very blood to be spilled upon the ground. It became not just a want, but a need.
While I was still trying to get my bearings again, my head still throbbing and beginning to spin, Gorillamon came sprinting towards me at a speed that I never would've expected for him to possess. He was before me in the blink of an eye, giving me barely enough time to deflect a heavy fist as he threw a punch at my face faster than a wrecking ball's swing. I wasn't quick enough to dodge a kick that he sent into my side, though, and was sent flying away from him and through one of the brick walls making up a building across the dirt road.
I let out a shuddered breath through the rubble that continued to tumble down around me, bricks and pieces of wood and clouds of dust crushing me and holding me down as I struggled to rise. But it was near impossible. My sight strived pointlessly to remain with me, becoming blurry as the pounding in my head began to drown out every sound that I heard, blurring every cruel and taunting word that Gorillamon said to me until it became meaningless.
The pain was incredible, my entire body sore and aching as it trembled, begging me to cease my attempts at getting up to continue the fight. I had to defeat this creature, if for any reason, to prolong my suffering. I'd been paying for my crimes for a few days, maybe a week at the most, but that was nowhere near enough. I had to suffer for months, years. This wasn't enough yet!
"It's…not enough…!" I mumbled to my own limbs, ignoring their cries as I continued to try to shove off the bricks and beams, failing to do so. The most that I achieved was moving the main plank of wood that had had me pinned down, being able to get up a few inches, but ended up falling back down to the floor with a thud and a grunt after mere seconds. "…But…why…I can't—"
"Can't get up, can ya?" I snarled weakly at Gorillamon's taunts, heard them coming from about a meter in front of me. He was watching me struggle to save myself, enjoying my pain as I'd enjoyed others', finding it humorous that I thought that I could win this. I deserved all of this. I knew it, deep down in my blackened heart, I knew it. But his insults weren't enough. I needed pain. I needed to scream. I needed to bleed.
I needed to die. That would be enough for all those people and all of those Digimon that I'd ruthlessly killed.
"You're not what I thought you'd be, to be honest," He said as he kicked a brick at me; it hit my upper arm, almost having collided with my cheek. "I was expecting something with a lot more fight, a lot more power. But here I am with you—and you're so weak! It's pathetic, compared to what I've heard about you, Moroamon. People used to say that Devimon made you himself, so you had to be the most incredible, malevolent being that had ever existed!
"But here I find you protecting that human, as if it means something to a heartless being like yourself! It's a horrible thought, knowing that you've killed humans with the same hands that you use to defend yourself, to defend that kid! It's pretty sick; I hope you know that." He stared at me hard, his dark eyes drilling holes into my head. I couldn't look back at him, not when his words were true. "You don't deserve to live. But you don't deserve to escape through death, either—"
"I know…" I muttered in such a pathetic voice that it made me feel ill. Imagining all the blood I'd spilled, all the life that I'd stolen just because Devimon had pointed his finger at the person and said, 'Go', I felt all the guilt bubble up within me, turning my heart from ice to water to nothing but steam. I needed to be nothing, just as steam would be when it faded. But it needed to be a slow disappearance.
The eyes of the beast towering above me softened the slightest bit, but not because of me. "…You killed my friend. Everyone that's here, you've destroyed their families and their lives. They're ready to die because of you." I felt more than heard the agony in his voice, imagined myself destroying Digimon for the sake of curing boredom while Devimon had kept me in the Digital World. I remembered bringing him a mangled but still living Digimon once. Hearing it beg. Watching Devimon destroy it. Him thanking me for the gift.
I stopped trying to get up, laid my chin down on the hard wood floor. I raised unworthy eyes to lock gazes with the ape Digimon standing near me. This wasn't an apology; there wasn't one that would mean anything to him. But it must've been some kind of comfort to him and the others, knowing my guilt-ridden heart wouldn't let me off easy as others might've. "…And I will spend the rest of eternity trying to repay them with my own pain…!"
Gorillamon stared hard at me for a moment, perhaps studying me to see if I was telling the truth or not. He must've seen something in my face that convinced him that I was being completely honest, and he sighed after having thought for a moment in silence. "Pain while you're alive…it'll never be enough," He raised his cannon-hand and my next breath caught in my throat. "I'll let you pay for it in hell."
I watched with a mind that was blank aside from the fear of the unknown that lay in death as the light within his cannon began to grow. I would never survive an attack from so short a distance; I'd barely been able to handle it when he'd been a ways away from me. Maybe I wasn't strong enough to even defeat a Champion—I'd barely lasted ten minutes with him!
But I didn't fight now. And I would never fight again. I would let each and every hit strike me like it needed to, let each and every pain that I felt stay as long as it could, feel it take another chunk out of my life to pay for the lives that I'd stolen from both the young and the old, from both Digital being and human ones. I would do as he said, and pay for my evil deeds in—
"Equus Beam!"
A green beam of light shot through the ape's chest, hitting the floor beside me and shattering some of the bricks that were still piled on top of me. If they hadn't been there, the attack probably would've hit me as well. The light faded, and he stood there in shock for a second, dying eyes staring straight at me, before he disappeared into a flash of light and little glowing particles of data. His essence floated away on the wind, carried to the Village of Beginnings, I knew. He could restart there, perhaps without memory of the pain I'd caused him and his old friends.
I looked up when footsteps came close to me; someone was starting to toss bricks off of me, shove the other broken bits of wood away. There was a Pegasusmon close by, watching me with an unsure expression, as if he regretted saving me more than anything that he'd ever done before. However, his presence didn't surprise me as much as the one who was partnered to him.
TK didn't look at me as he continued to unbury me. He didn't even look at me when I found the courage to ask, "…Why did you do that? Why…why did you save me when you know everything—when you know you were right about me?" I knew that he, more than anyone in either of the worlds, hated me. I knew now that it was because he hated Devimon, my old master having been the one to blame when Patamon had been returned to his egg form for some time when TK was little.
I only knew the story because I'd mentioned it to Devimon once when I'd returned to the Digital World during the mission, and while reporting to him about my progress, I'd mentioned the blonde DigiDestined and how stubborn he was. The demon had laughed and explained in detail what had become of the orange, pig-like Digimon in a rather detailed and disturbing way. I could tell that he'd twisted a few of the parts to build himself up, but the majority of it was obviously the truth.
"Listen. I don't like you, and I don't want you to ever like me. But the rest of the DigiDestined have been talking, and they think that it's best if you stay somewhere you won't get killed—or try to kill yourself, apparently—until we can all figure out what we're going to do now that you're not on anybody's side." He turned his dark blue gaze on me then, and I couldn't keep mine from staring back as he helped me back onto my feet, recoiling for a second at the unexpectedly freezing temperature of my skin.
His voice was emotionless, uncaring for the most part, as he continued, "Davis thinks that you were being controlled by Devimon somehow whenever you killed someone; Izzy is trying to figure out if maybe he's right. A lot of the others are backing his idea in hopes that maybe you're not what you say you are—that you're not what I know that you still are.
"You're coming back to the human world with us so we can figure this out and I can be done with you," The possessor of the Crest of Hope was about to turn away from me and walk away when he noticed that I could hardly stand on my own. I felt rather pathetic when he came back and reluctantly assisted me, seeming disgusted that he had touch me at all. "And if you ever think it's okay to follow me around while you're there, you will discover in a hurry just how wrong you can be."
