I thought you'd guys would like to know that Lee's attitude towards Russia during this chapter is based off of how my attitude change towards him; basically this was me at first: 'Omigosh Russia is so frikin scary I'd hate to meet him in a dark alley!', and this is me now: 'KYAAAA RUSSIA YOU'RE SO FRIKIN' ADORABLE IF I BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA DOES THAT MEAN I CAN BE YOUR LITTLE SISTER!?' *ahem* So…yeah…but Lees won't get to THAT point. That'd be creepy for any non-fangirl.
Just because you are affectionate towards someone doesn't mean that you're in love with them. This chapter proves this more than any.
It makes me VERY sad to say that neither she nor her sister will be appearing in this chapter. However, I hope the fact that I plan to give Russia's sisters their own chapter somewhat makes up for the disappointment!
"So are we seeing anyone today?"
"I don't know, France didn't say anything about it."
"Has anyone checked the mail?"
"Yes, and the landline, and the cellphones, and the email and any other sort of message we can get!"
"Perm-do-ba-da-bo-bo pern-kik-a-da* French Toast e-de French Toast!"
"Lees, if you keep flipping it that high it's gonna get stuck on the ceiling… DO IT!"
"Aw relax, that stuff only happens in cartoons. FLURITUBOO-Oh. Um, does anime count?"
That sent us all into an insatiable fit of laughter. Nothing's funnier than seeing French toast stuck to a 10 feet high ceiling, am I right?
"Uh, guys," Safi said, trying to hold back her laughter. "It's not coming down."
"Of course it's not!" I laughed exasperatedly. "Okay you," I said, nudging Zara. "Un-stick it."
"Why do I gotta be the un-sticker make her the un-sticker!" Zara pointed to Alex.
"'Cuz I'm just that epic!" Alex snickered and grinned.
" 'Cuz' isn't proper English-Ow!" Mari was interrupted by a punch to the arm.
"Because returning the runt was your idea. Because you're small and insignificant. And because I'll pummel you if you don't." I said, bending further over Zara more threateningly with each point.
"Ehhh… Why else?" Zara asked, complying by bending backwards with each point.
"NOW, ZARA!"
Zara ducked out from under me and ran away laughing.
I turned to the rest of our friends and their stupefied faces. "Ice Age guys," I said as if it should be obvious. "Ya'll gotta know the classics."
"Says the girl who won't watch Harry Potter."
"NOT UNTIL YOU WATCH THE NEW ALICE IN WONDERLAND MARI!"
"Hey guys!" Zara interrupted us. "I'm the shortest! How the heck am I supposed to get it down?"
"Get the broom. Do it now.**"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuugh," Zara groaned loudly, putting her head back as she comically dragged herself off to find the broom.
By the time we'd gotten the toast off the ceiling, off Zara's face and into the trash, (no one was going to eat it now), Alex had taken over the job of cooking and had some more French toast ready. "Safi!" She yelled over her shoulder. "Ready?"
Safi quickly ran over to the plate on which the French Toast was stacked, grabbed it before shouting "PULL!"
Alex flipped the French toast backwards over her head, not high enough to hit the ceiling I might add, and whirled around to watch Mari lift Safi just in time to catch the highflying toast. "Catch is complete!" Alex declared, holding the frying pan high.
My friends and I laughed as we all moved to the table and quickly ate all the French toast. Wait a second. French toast. Why hadn't I thought of that before?! I immediately grabbed a fork and spoon that I had been putting away and began tapping the table rhythmically. Before anyone could ask what I was doing, I began to say, "All around the country coast to coast/People always say what do you like most/I don't wanna brag I don't wanna boast/I always tell 'em I like toast." Then I screamed, "YEAH TOAST!" earing laughter from my friends. "YEAH TOAST!" I took their laughter as the go-ahead."I get up in the mornin' bout six AM"
"Liar!" Zara laughed as I beat my silver wear through the pause.
"Have a little jelly have a little jam/Take a piece of bread put it in the slot/Push down the lever and the wires gets hot/I get toast./YEAH TOAST! YEAH TOAST!/Now there's no secret to toasting perfection/There's a dial on the side and you make your selection/Push to the dark or the light and then/If it pops too soon press down again/Make toast./YEAH TOAST! NEAH TOAST!" I whined, earning more laughter from both my friends and myself. "When the first caveman drove in from the drags/Didn't know what would go with the bacon and the eggs/Must have been a genius got it in his head/Plug the toaster in the wall, buy a bag of bread/Make toast. "YEAH TOAST! NEAH TOAST!" Here comes the best part!, I thought to myself, then I plugged my nose and said in an outrageous French accent, "Oui monsieur bonjour coquette" only allowing myself to laugh during the spaces when I was just banging to the beat. "Uh huh croissante vous a ver/Maurice chevalier effeil tower/Oh oui maria bagette bon soir. FRENCH TOAST!" I screamed, trying not to double over in laughter."FRENCH TOAST!" I gasped for breath."In Chicago around the Bob and Tom show/YEAAAAAAAH TOAST!" I tried to say something but it came out as a laughing whine/whimper. When I finally got it together, I was able to say "Toast" before I completely lost it.
Mari had to end up putting my dishes away because I could no longer hold myself upright. Alex and Zara were laughing pretty hard at my antics, but I doubt they knew what I was singing was actually a YouTube song. Safi took on the job of getting me to my feet.
"Come on Leesy," she said as she half-dragged me to my feet. "Stop singing about toast."
I took a deep breath to shout 'FRENCH TOAST' but I saw Safi's look and decided against it, breaking into a fit of giggles instead.
"Well what do we do now" Mari asked once the dishes had been put away and my friends had gotten me to stand by myself."
"You should be coming weed me, da." said a voice from behind as a large, gloved hand gripped my shoulder.
I must have jumped an entire foot in the air. Whirling around, I found that the culprit was none other than the extremely scary Russia himself. "Russia!" I exclaimed, placing a hand over my heart in an effort to slow its beating. "Don't DO that!"
Russia just smiled at me with that same creepy smile, behind which I had no idea what he was thinking. "You are very jumpy." He stated.
"H-How did you get in here?!" Mari sputtered before I could retort something about sneaking up on jumpy people in their own house. "I'm emphatic I locked the doors last night!"
"I came een drough de weendow." Russia said as if that was the most natural thing in the world.
"Well that's…normal," Alex said, not at all put off by Russia's frightening demeanor.
"Is today your day Russia?" Zara asked excitedly, also ignoring the fact that this scary dude had just APPEARED.
"Da," Russia answered, his ever-present smile growing wider. "And I have a present for you girls." He said, and from behind his back he pulled out five large sunflowers.
"Oh wow," Safi gasped as she took one. Geez, she'd been getting lots of flowers lately. "Thank you"
"I love de sunflowers," Russia said. "I saw some on de way here, so I dought I should peeck some for you. Oh! Dees reminds me," Russia turned to…me? "Why ees one weed blue hair yelling about toast dat ees French?"
… Oh gosh. I facepalmed for my own weirdness and made an effort to keep my laughter back as I realized what he was talking about. "U-um, well you see, I was making French toast and… Yeah…" I said unintelligently.
"That doesn't explain much Lees," Alex laughed as she nudged me in the ribs.
Before any more awkwardness could ensue, I was saved by something very unexpected: Safi suddenly rushed forward and actually hugged Russia! Thankfully though, Russia didn't seem to mind. While I was fully prepared to jump in and save Safi from the scary country when he flipped out, all Russia did was hug her back.
"What ees dees for?" he asked.
"I'm not evil and you're not evil," she said softly. "Despite what other people say."
"Of course you and I are not de eveels!" Russia said. "Who would say dat?"
Well about you… I kept my thoughts to myself, remembering what France had said yesterday. Russia was crazy scary, but if he was really evil, I certainly didn't want him hugging my friends.
"It's not important." Safi replied, avoiding an awkward moment.
Russia smiled a bit wider, releasing Safi and therefore letting me breathe again. "We should be getting going," he said. "Are you girls ready to go?"
"Yeah we're ready!" Alex said excitedly. "Let's go!"
As much as Russia the person scared me, I happen to be a fan of many things Russian, and I was back then too, so I couldn't really help it when I declared, "To the Motherland!"
"Are you Russian?" Russian asked in interest as our group left the house.
"Nyet," I admitted, trying out the small bit of Russian I knew. "but I wish I was."
My minute grasp of his language seemed to please Russia. "You are weeshing correctly." He stated before moving ahead to lead my friends and I.
I accidently stopped in my tracks in surprise. What did he mean by that? I wondered as I started walking again, following my friends and this Russian I didn't trust into the unknown.
~~Scary timeskip!~~
I have one word to describe Russia's house: BIG. Come to think of it, a lot about Russia is big. Russia the person is big, and Russia the country covers seven frikin' timezones so 'nuff said.
Anywho, when we got inside, I was surprised to see three guys already there, standing in a straight line. One of them looked to be only about fifteen with short, curly blond hair and violet eyes, and he wore a tan sweater over a white dress shirt and brown tie and gray pants, but his most distinguishing feature was his eight. Boy was this guy short! Even Zara towered over him by half a foot at least! By American standards, he would have been a little person if he didn't grow any more.
Another looked about seventeen, a simple looking guy with square glasses and a narrow face with dark blond hair and green eyes, and brown sweater over a white dress shirt and khaki tie with gray pants. I didn't get why, but when he saw my friends and me, his eyes grew really wide.
The third-
"Hey! I know you!" Alex exclaimed. "Hi Lithuania! How's it goin'?"
Lithuania looked surprised for a moment. "O-oh," he stuttered. "F-fine, thank you."
Before we could ask who the other two were, Russia came through the door and the threesome immediately stiffened and began shaking in their boots. "Hello, sir." they said in unison. "Welcome home Mr. Russia."
"… Are you okay?" Safi asked concernedly.
"Dey are always being like dees," Russia answered for them. Turning to the guys in question, he asked them, "Haven't you boys eentroduced yourselves yet?"
The three jumped a bit and quivered violently. "We're sorry, sir!" the exclaimed. Then they turned to my friends and me.
"I'm Lithuania." Said Lithuania.
"I'm Estonia." Said the blond.
"I'm Latvia." Said shorty.
"I'm Lithuania."
"I'm Estonia."
"I'm Latvia."
"Together we're the Nervous Trembling Trio." they chorused.
Uh… I can see that, I thought to myself, more than a little weirded-out by their performance. What a strange name… Then I realized something. "Wait a second," I said. "You're the Baltic Trio!"
"Yes," Estonia said. "That is correct."
"Well," I said a bit awkwardly. "You three gained independence from the Soviet Union, so… What are you still doing at Russia's house?"
The three of them stared at me with suppressed horror. I suppose that could be a sensitive topic… Oops.
"I have just hired dem for de day," Russia answered again, and if he had been put off by what I'd said he sure wasn't showing it. "To help me for de leettle girls coming."
Little? I wondered, glancing at Safi. She wouldn't like that. Then I looked up at Russia. Height wise, yeah, but he can't be much older than us.
"Well it's very nice to meet you." Mari said nicely, trying to calm the poor guys down.
"And us you." they said together.
Latvia stepped forward. "Lithuania told us about you." he said, still shaking a bit. "He told us that you played a trick on him and that you were crazy scary girls and-"
"SHUT UP!" Lithuania and Estonia screamed in horror. Estonia slapped his hand over Latvia's moth and looked up at us with a terrified expression on his face. "W-we are so sorry!" he apologized. "He r-really needs t-to shut his mouth."
"'Naw, s'all G bro!" Zara reassured them with a laugh, although I doubt they could understand her slang and Mari was probably having a mental breakdown right now. "'Crazy scary's actually pretty accurate."
The Trio didn't exactly look reassured, but Russia either didn't notice or didn't care. "We are just stopping een to be meeting de Baltics," Russia said to my friends and me. "Dey weell be meeting us later at Moscow."
If I had anthro-ears, they would have perked up right now. "Moscow?" I asked, a bit excitedly. "We're going to Moscow?"
"Da," Russia said to me with a smile. "Do you like Moscow?"
Inside my head, I was screaming, DIE HARD! IT'S A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD! But on the outside all I said was, "… Yeah."
~~RUSSIAN TIMESKIP! YOU WILL ALL BECOME ONE!~~
So after that we headed back out, on our way to Moscow according to Russia. I kept replaying a certain scene in my head. When we had been leaving Russia's house, Estonia had held the door open for us, which wasn't unusual of course. However, I walked out last, and while I was walking out the door Estonia caught my shoulder. His hand kept me from turning to face him, and he whispered in my ear, "Be careful out there. Whatever you do, don't agree to become one with him. Russia's a really scary guy!" before releasing me.
That I could figure out myself. I thought in response to the last statement. Still, his warning did the opposite of putting my fears to rest. Also, what on earth did 'Becoming one' mean? Would it mean that we would be under his control like the Baltics had been? As much as I liked Russia's things, I had no intention of us becoming one of those things, so I made an effort to always walk between Russia and my friends. Yet, we were in Russia, and there was no way I was not going to milk being here.
"Welcome to Moscow!" I said in my Russian accent, remembering Russia's previous advice on it, putting that to good use. This seemed to please Russia as he smiled at me, but I was a bit too ill at ease to smile back. This didn't go unnoticed by the large country and he frowned a bit. That worried me but not in a way that would make me force a smile in return.
I however seemed to be the only one who felt this way; the rest of my friends seemed quite relaxed around this scary giant. Zara was even going so far as to ask Russia random questions at a million miles an hour. "Why are you so tall? Why are you wearing all that winter stuff in the summer? Can I wear your coat? Can I wear your scarf? Can I hug you?"
"Zara," Safi laughed. Yes, even she was at ease around this stranger. "You can't just go around asking people if you can wear their clothes!"
"But she can have a hug." Russia said with a smile.
"Yay!" Zara exclaimed as she glomped the Russian, as did Alex because she could, making me tense until they were released. The Great Alexandra could probably handle herself, but the fact that she trusted Russia enough to hug him made me a bit unnerved.
Surely, my common sense said. if Mari's not worried about him, neither should I be.
"But seriously Russia," Mari piped up, completely at ease. Guess not. "Why do you wear a scarf in the summer, if you don't mind me asking?"
Russia smiled-Geez, he's always smiling! Mari smiles a lot too, but at least she's not so creepy-at her. "Not at all," he said. "Dees scarf was given to me by…someone, when I was just a leetle boy. I cannot take eet off because eet ees part of my body."
I tried hard to not stop and stare at that one. Part of his body? Weird…
"Well how about the coat then?" Zara pressed on. "Oh please oh please of please?!"
I slammed my face down into my upturned palm and by the time I lifted it back up Zara was running around in Russia's coat, which was wayyyyyy to huge for her.
It took about three trip-and-faceplants before Zara figured this out, and even then her solution wasn't the best. "Alex!" she called. "Come take up the rest of this coat rom with me!" Before I could even facepalm again, a two-headed, four-legged weirdo in a huge coat went skipping down the road.
"Where's a camera when you need one?" Mari giggled.
As we walked through the city, I noticed that there was a good amount of Russian music playing. It wasn't bad, and I bobbed to the music, consciously keeping myself from actually dancing.
Safi however wasn't so unconfident in her dancing skills. The only one of us actually in dance, she seemed to glide gracefully with the beat of the music.
Russia smiled at her. "You like de dancing?" he asked. "We Russians like to dance too."
"Russian dances are cool," I said. "Like that one where they squat down and kick out their feet really fast." I gave a rather poor demonstration.
((Ignore the random lines idk how to get rid of them))
"Are you meaning the Cossack Dance?" Russia asked. "Da, I know what you are talking about. My-…someone taught me how to do dat."
"Omigosh can you show us?" Zara asked excitedly.
Russia contemplated this for a moment. "Hm," he said. "Dat was a long time ago, but I deenk I can do it." Trying this out, Russia suddenly went down and began to kick out his legs at an incredible speed.
"Wow! Look at him go!" Alex exclaimed. "Go Russia go!"
Soon my friends and I were all cheering as we watched Russia dance. A small crowd was gathering also to watch. As the music sped up, so did Russia, who was smiling widely. Suddenly, Russia's foot slipped on some slick grass and he fell flat on his back.
My friends and I gasped, The Russians all left the scene, looking back over their shoulders and walking quickly. Were even his own people scared of him?! That of course made me scared about Russia's reaction. Failing this epically in front of a crowd, anyone would be embarrassed. This scary Russian for sure would not like that.
I was contradicted, however, by the sound of Russia's laughter. Sitting up, Russia rubbed the back of his head a bit as he laughed heartily in his higher voice, which had a very odd yet pleasing sound to it. It was even a bit contagious. So my friends and I took this cue and started laughing with him.
"That was great Russia!" Mari exclaimed.
"Are you okay?" Safi asked. "You didn't get hurt did you?"
"Nyet," Russia chuckled. "I am fine. Dat was fun, da. I haven't danced like dat in a long time."
After that our trip was rather uneventful.
"How about a joke?" Mari asked. "I've got one: I just hate circles, they're utterly pointless!"
Some of us laughed, some of us groaned, I did both.
"Here, how's this?" Zara said. "What kind of whore do you pay with spaghetti?"
I wracked my brain for a bit, determined that I could get it, but I ended up coming up with nothing. "What is it?" I asked, long after everyone else had given up.
"A pastatute!"
That was a good one, and surprisingly enough, we didn't have to translate the language barrier to Russia. Something about the Countries' Language allowed for all jokes to be translatable, and Russia laughed along with us.
"My turn!" exclaimed Alex. "What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!"
This also caused laughter, though Alex received a look from Safi for technically swearing.
"Okay, Safi!" I declared. "You have a go!"
She giggled. "Alright," she said. "Dear algebra, please stop asking me to go find your x. She's not coming back."
I laughed particularly hard at that one because I had absolutely hated algebra in school, and the others found it funny too.
"I've got one for Zara!" Mari exclaimed almost giddily. "She just LOVES One Direction, but she's in deNiall!"
"HA!" my friends and I laughed really hard at that one, mostly because of Zara's reaction and her wonderful face
"Lees! I chose you!" Alex decided.
"Me? I only know cheesy ones… Oh! Wait! I got it! Now this joke was created when I was a little kid, so bear with the immaturity here." I said with a grin. "Okay, so the White Witch, Shrek, and…Hannah Montana***," I decided, just needing a fictional musician. "Walk into a toilet shop-"
"Hold on," who are dese people?" Russia asked.
I held up my hand to stop my friends. "I got this. If you'll just listen a little longer, the important information will be explained." That came out a bit rude, but I didn't stop to apologize. "Okay then. So the White Witch said, 'I want an ice toilet because I like icy things,' so she got one and left. Shrek said, 'I want a wooden toilet because I like wooden things.' So he got one and left. Then Hannah Montana said, 'I want a singing toilet because I like singing things.' So she got one and left.
"The very next day, they all came back to the toilet store to return their toilets. When asked what was wrong with them, WW(DUCE!) said, 'Whenever I sit down my butt freezes to the toilet.' Shrek said, 'Whenever I sit down I get slivers on my butt.' and HM said, 'Whenever I sit down, my toilet sings, "Do you see what I see?"'"
I was so relieved when everyone laughed, knowing that that was the kind of joke that would make five year olds laugh.
"How about you Russia?" Safi asked. "Do you have any good jokes to tell?"
"Oh yes!" Russia said happily. "I like de jokes. Here is one****: An Amereecan, a Frenchman and a Russian are alone on an uneenhabeeted island. Dey catch fish for food and suddenly catch a Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each for her own freedom. De Amereecan said, 'A meellion dollars and to go back home!' De Frenchman said, 'Dree beautiful women and to go back home!' The Russian said, "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Dree crates of vodka and the two fellas back!'"
"Hey that's just like our island joke!" Alex exclaimed. "So THAT'S where it comes from!"
"The ethnicities make it so much better!" Zara laughed, making the rest of us laugh because it was so true. "Got another one Russia?"
Encouraged by our laughter, Russia launched into another joke**. "A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are captured by canneebals. Dey are brought to de chief, who says, 'We are going to eat you right now. But I am a ceeveelized man, I studied human rights at de Patrice Lumumba University een Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request.' De German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets eet and the canneebals eat heem. De Frenchman asks for dree girls. He has crazy sex weed dem, and den follows de German. De Russian asks: 'Heet me hard, right on my nose.' De chief is surprised, but heets heem. De Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov and shoots all the canneebals. De mortally wounded chief asks heem: 'Why deedn't you do dees before we ate de German?", de Russian proudly replies: 'Russians are not aggressors!'"
There was a long silence after that one, but it was ended when my friends and I burst out laughing. It was an EXTREMELY funny joke, however I must admit that it did make me a bit uneasy. Somehow, Russia reminded me of that Russian from the joke. I didn't like it.
Thankfully, all Russia saw were five girls enjoying his jokes, so he smiled, completely happy. "I have something I would like to ask you girls, da?" he asked us.
Expecting another joke, my friends and I smiled in anticipation. However, we were quite contradicted.
"Weell you become one weed Mother Russia?"
The long silence was awkward, made more awkward by the smiles slowly fading from our faces as we all thought but did not say, … Oh.
"Whatever you do, don't agree to become one with him." That's what Estonia had said. So naturally, this made me extremely worried.
Safi, however, was the one that answered. "Um, we don't know what that means, but if means that you want to be friends with us, then sure. Right guys?" She turned to the rest of us.
"Right!" My friends said sincerely, not out of fear. In fact, they even smiled at the suggestion. "Yeah! Let's be friends!"
I copied their actions, but didn't say anything. Hopefully no one would notice my lack of commitment to friendship with someone I was pretty sure was a psyco.
Again, silence ensued. Russia's face didn't change its expression once. He didn't even blink as he kept his same smile on his face. The longer the pause was, the creepier that smile became, and the more those violet eyes seemed to bore into my soul.
I tensed, preparing for an angry doom-bringer, fully ready to get my friends out of there if need be.
"Alright," Russia finally said anticlimactically. "I guess I can leeve weed dat." And he continued leading the way.
If Russia didn't notice my lack of an answer, my friends did. "What's wrong Lees?" Mari came over and asked me in hushed tones as we all kept walking, but Mari and I bringing up the rear. "Why are you so hesitant?"
I looked at her as if she was crazy. "Are you kidding me?" I asked more intensely, but at the same volume. "I don't trust this guy. I'm pretty sure he could turn on us at any second. That's not the kind of person I'd like to be friends with."
Mari sighed. "Just give him a chance Lees." She said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think Russia would do that to us. Sure, I see what you mean. He certainly does have potential to be…" She shuddered, then continued "But not to us. We're his friends, and I don't think he'd do anything to hurt his friends."
"But I just don't know." I sighed exasperatedly. "I don't wanna take the chance."
Mari looked like she was about to say something, then she sighed in defeat. "Just keep your mind open." She said. "Remember how it felt when people judged us?" Then she walked away with the rest of the group.
I couldn't help but stop in my tracks for a moment.
~~Reflectfull timeskip~~
"Are we there yet?" Alex whined, earning a nudge from Safi.
Russia just smiled. "Da, almost." He replied.
"What exactly did you want to show us?" Zara asked, curiosity evident in her face even at night.
"I told you it is a surprise!" Russia laughed at our eagerness. "You shall see soon enough."
And see we did, for what we came to see was St. Basil's Cathedral. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's the huge building with the brightly colored, funny-shaped domes that is often used as a symbol for Russia. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, go Google Image it. Anywho, it's an architectural and artistic masterpiece, and it was amazing.
"Makes me think of The Nutcracker." I commented.
"Dat was turned into a ballet in Russia," Russia said proudly, as he should. "Deed you know dat all de architects of dees building were blinded after it was completed so dat dey could never make anyding so beautiful again?"
Well that earned a long moment of silence. Russia, however didn't seem to notice.
"I know a place around here that sells de best pirozhki!" he said a bit excitedly. I dink we can catch dem before dey close! Come! Let us hurry!" and Russia ran off with us not far behind.
"Piro-what-now?" Zara asked, but nobody could answer her.
Russia led us into town and down a back road where a small electric sign advertised on a street corner.
"You girls be waiting here," Russia said. "I weel be right back." And he went in.
After we'd been waiting awhile, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. From around the corner came a group of young men. By the way they swaggered (GOT DAT JESUS SWAG!-Ahem. Sorry. Bible camp. Long story.), I could tell they thought majorly of themselves.
When they came up to my friends and I, alarm bells started to go off inside of me. Sure, I was typically more nervous around guys and new people, but still… Don't even go there, stupid, I told myself.
The guy closest to us asked us something in Russian with a cocky grin.
I looked at my friends and they looked at me; none of us knew what he was saying. "Nyet," Mari tried, first in Russian then in English. "English? Speak English?"
The guy looked back at his buddies and they chuckled a bit, which made me more uncomfortable. "American?" he asked in rough English.
"Da." Alex answered, eyeing them apprehensively. That was not good. The ever comfortable-with-boys Alex was nervous. I didn't like it. Stop that! I scolded myself, wincing even as I did so. You're psyching yourself out again. It's never true, and it doesn't help, so just stop being such a baby!
"You liking tour?" the guy asked, as if making an offer, and stepped forward with his hand outstretched.
On instinct more than conscious movement, I stepped closer to my friends in unison with the guy's step. This did not go unnoticed by the guy.
"Nyet." Safi answered quietly, half of her body hidden behind Alex "Thank you, we nyet need tour."
"You being sure?" The guy asked, taking another step, his smile ever-present. "Give good tour. You like."
"Nyet means nyet!" Zara yelled at the guys. Even she, who feared nothing, was clearly uncomfortable. "Nyet want tour!"
"Please," the guy and his friends came closer. "Is very good tour."
That was close enough for me. Immediately I placed myself between the men and my friends. "For the last time," I said. "Nyet. I'm not going to say it again." I didn't know if these men were just overly-flirtatious or if they actually had something up their sleeves but I wasn't about to take the chance. I also didn't care that I didn't stand a chance against one guy, let alone a whole group of Russians. All I knew was that if these men tried anything, they would only get to my friends over my dead body. Even then I'd hope that God would let me come back and kick their $$es.
But the men only laughed at me. "Sorry," said the one in front as he came closer. "Nyet speak English."
Suddenly, the air grew dark and was filled with a hugely oppressing feel of impending doom. From behind the man in front, but not from the man, appeared a dark purple-blue, flame-like aura, accompanied by the sound of a deep, throaty, bone-chilling, voice muttering, "Kolkolkolkol" that made my blood run cold.
The rest of the men stepped quickly away from whatever was behind their leader, shouting out in Russian fearfully.
The leader was not so aware, and he continued towards us until he saw that the fear in our eyes was not directed at him. Then he turned around just in time to see the most terrifying thing rise up from behind him. Scarf waving violently, faucet pipe raised high above his head, face dark in anger, there stood Russia.
The man dodged just before Russia swung his faucet pipe down with such force that it cracked the concrete upon impact. The man rolled out of the way and stood, but quick as lightning Russia's scarf shot out as if it was alive and wrapped itself around the man's neck. The scarf lifted the man off the ground, the man tearing at the scarf around his neck with his hands, and was forced to look into Russia's dark face.
"We don't like children who don't play nice." Russia said in that same low, terrifying voice.
The man stopped struggling, though he didn't seem to be choking. His face was one of pure terror and he seemed unable to look away from the face of doom.
Russia's scarf raised the man higher, then it flung him with an incredible amount of force towards his friends, who were too busy knocking their knees together to even look at him as he tried to scramble to his feet. Russia continued speaking in that horrifying voice to the men, only this time in Russian. I didn't catch a word of what he was saying, but whatever it was was making the grown men piss themselves. As if to drive home a point, Russia half lunged at them and they all ran away screaming bloody murder.
When they were all gone, Russia looked over his shoulder at us. The aura and darkness was gone, along with the terrible feeling of doom. The darkness over his face was gone too so now we could actually see it, and he looked…sad. "You are scared." Russia stated, his voice full of sorrow. "I see eet on your faces." He turned all the way around to face us, but he kept his eyes downcast. "I am so sorry. I just wanted to be de friends, but now I have blown eet because now I have scared you." Russia looked so absolutely crushed, like a child who was about to cry. It made me want to cry. "Please," he said, his violet eyes finally meeting ours, pleading with all his soul. "Don't be afraid of Frightening Russia."
Silence ensued. Nothing moved, not even the wind, and nothing was said.
Then suddenly, my friends and I all rushed forward at once and engulfed Russia in a group hug.
"DON'T BE SAD!" I heard Safi exclaim, sounding near tears herself out of compassion.
"We'll be your friends!" Alex yelled. "We don't care if you can be scary!"
"We're not scared of you! You're a nice guy!" Zara shouted.
"Please don't be sad!" Mari exclaimed. "We want to be your friends!"
My throat tightened. I couldn't take it anymore. "Russia," I said quietly, pulling away a bit so that I would be able to see his face. Unfortunately, I felt far too ashamed to meet his face. "I," I said, searching for words and trying to keep my emotions under control. "I'm sorry for doubting you." I finally got it out. "I was just afraid for my friends, but I judged you unfairly. No one should be judged that way, especially you and…I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" I forced myself to meet Russia's face, fully expecting him to be angry like any normal person would be for being judged so unfairly. And I called myself non-judgmental. You f****** hypocrite.
However, what I saw instead was this: a soft, genuine smile and kind eyes so filled with joy where sadness and loneliness had once been that they were literally brimming over. "Da," Russia said, his voice sincere. "I forgeeve you."
Since this day I have learned that Russia's happiness is contagious. Seeing him so happy made me happy, so happy in fact that I couldn't keep the huge smile from spreading across my face and hugging him again. My friends joined me and soon we felt Russia wrap his arms around us. And I think, rather than putting on his ever constant smile, for a moment, Russia was really happy.
Finally, Russia released us. Looking down at us with a genuine smile, he said, "Let us go. I have one other place I want to be showing you."
~~Tearfully happy timeskip~~
"Hey! It's the Baltics!" Alex exclaimed as she ran up to, sure enough, Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia. They were leaning over the edge of a bridge, and when she called they jumped so badly that they almost fell in!
"Whoa! Are you guys okay?" Mari asked concernedly.
The three Baltics looked at us in mild surprise. "Y-Yes," Estonia said. "We are fine. We were just waiting to see if you were alri-I mean, we were waiting for you to get here."
"Well here we are!" Safi said happily. "Safe and sound."
Nicely done Safi, I thought with a smile. Calming their fears without making it to obvious. "Wow, look at the sky," I said, turning in a bit of a circle. "Wait, it was nighttime in Moscow. Why is the sky lighter here?"
"Russia," Zara said, looking around. "Where are we?"
The Russian smiled as he stood up. "St. Petersburg." He answered. "At night."
"But then why is the sky white?" Safi asked.
"Eet ees because we are so far north." Russia exclaimed. "Een de summer, de sun never fully sets, so we get de white nights."
It was actually quite beautiful really. The city was lit up, but it wasn't completely dark. The sky was a soft gray-white, and the clouds outlined the colors of the sun that had never completely set.
"Wow, this is so cool!" Alex exclaimed as me and my friends, and that included Russia, joined the Baltics in gazing over the bridge. "Is it like this every night?"
Russia nodded, looking a bit nostalgic. "Nastya…" he started to say, but then with a sudden loss of his smile, he stopped.
"What was that Russia?" Mari asked. "Were you going to say something?"
Russia stared off into space.
"Did you ladies enjoy your tour of Russia?" Lithuania asked quickly, although it seemed for once not to be out of fear of Russia, as his glance toward the man seemed more concerned than fearful.
"We did!" Zara said with a smile, undoubtedly happy to keep Russia from being sad by changing the subject. "We had a really good time! We saw the building with the big colorful points!"
"Way to be specific." Safi said with a giggle. She looked down at the large paper bag of pirozhki that Russia had given to her to carry once we'd left Moscow. "Would you guys like some pi…pir…pirozhki?" she asked, happy to have finally gotten it right. "It's piping hot, and there's plenty for everyone!"
So pirozhki were passed out to everyone, and Russia went back to normal when we handed him the food. I'd never tried it before, but it sure was good! And after a long day of walking, it was very welcome.
"Mm!" Latvia made a noise as if he remembered something. "Russia!" he said once he'd swallowed. "I almost forgot to give you what you asked us to bring." And he handed over to Russia a box wrapped in that cardboard-paper stuff and tied with a string.
"Spasiba, Latvia," Russia said as he took the box, then he turned to us with a bit of a bashful smile. "I wanted to make you girls something," he said, keeping his eyes on the box. "But all I can make ees… Well, dees," and he handed the box to us.
Zara took the box and undid the string, having a bit of trouble with it but that was Zara and was to be expected. Then after she took off the wrapping she opened the box and inside was a small, round little doll.
"It… It looks like Mari!" Alex said with a gasp. Sure enough, the doll had Mari's same green eyes, long hair and smile on her face. The workmanship was actually quite remarkable.
"Wait," I said, noticing the seam across the Mari-doll's middle. "It's a matryoshka doll! There's more!"
So the Mari doll was opened and inside was…me! A little, round wooden doll that looked like me! And inside me was a little, round wooden Alex, a little, round wooden Safi, then a really little, round wooden Zara. Each one had been skillfully made to look like all five of us.
"Russia…" Zara said. "These are so cool! Look at me!" She took up the tiny, wooden her. "It's a mini-me!"
"Makes sense that you were the smallest one," Alex said with a chuckle.
That sent everyone, even an indignant Zara, into laughter. It seemed like the perfect way to end our day. I even noticed that while it was a little weird that Russia had made dolls of us, I finally trusted him and didn't care. That's what made me so happy.
However, our little happy fun time was cut short when I couldn't keep back a yawn, then the rest of my friends caught it and began to yawn too.
Russia smiled kindly down at us. "Come on, new friends," he said gently. "You're had a long day. I deenk eet ees time to get you home."
*The Lorax (new movie)
** The Miser Brother's Christmas…I reference weird things at weird times from weird places
**This is an original joke by a friend of my oldest friend. It's true! As far as I know, this joke is an original
***No changes were made to these jokes except quotes and language ticks. They're actual Russian jokes!
Alright! I've officially re-uploaded all the previous chapters! BOOYAH! Only thing is now though, I won't be updating NEARLY as often, because I actually have to WRITE them now ;P But even though I inherited the Italian work-ethic, I WILL be updating soon, and the story has just begun!
