A/N: Finally! I get to update!! Thank you for reviewing :)!!

Okay so I LOVE college...but I hate reading, lol. So. Much. Homework. Uggggh! So will update today, tomorrow and next Saturday and Sunday and I'll be finished with All Grown Up. Only two more chappies to go before the decision and three before the finale.

...and lastly. Go Cowboys! Kick some New York Giant ass tomorrow!! (ironic because this takes place in New York, lol)


As the days ticked on, I slowly began to take my brother-in-law's advice. I tried my best to calm myself down for when I made my decision. Katsu was right. I had indeed backed myself up into a corner and no matter what I did, somebody was going to end up hurt. Whether I pick Sesshoumaru or whether I pick Naraku...somebody will be heart broken. But the thing is, I don't want to break either one of their hearts. I am still reluctant to make the decision even though I know that its something that I have to do. I still love both men very much and they have both been complete gentlemen during everything. Naraku and Sesshoumaru are very strong, both physically and emotionally. Both are very loving. Naraku is more emotional than Sesshoumaru, but Sesshoumaru is more stable than Naraku. Sesshoumaru is more confident than Naraku, but Naraku is more carefree than Sesshoumaru. I love the way Sesshoumaru kisses me and I love the way Naraku holds me. Both are patient and both are keepers. Not an easy decision at all.

It was now the middle of May and I only had two weeks left before I would have to make my decision. Not only that, but there were only two weeks left before I had to take final exams and before my sophomore year in college ended. It had now been almost nine months since Naraku came back and since all of this drama started. Nine months of happiness, nine months of pain. The circumstances around my split with Naraku were very complicated. Tsubaki's unbelievable lust, which she claimed was love, caused her to place a curse upon us. Naraku and I were happily in love until she came between us. His small insecurity of being a half demon caused him to fear that I would leave him for a full demon male. That same small insecurity is what triggered Tsubaki's spell. I had thought that Naraku had intentionally betrayed me by leaving me about an hour after I gave my virginity to him. I thought that he had stopped loving me. I was completely overjoyed when I found out that he wasn't the driving force behind our split. I know that Naraku loves me. I know that he wants to marry me. I love him just as much. We clicked the very first day we met each other. Ever since the day that I drove those kids away that were bullying him in the sandbox, we have been best friends. Naraku has always made sure that I knew how much he cared for me. He wasn't, and still isn't, the type of man who is all talk. He is the type who shows his love through his actions. I can still vividly remember the day when he gave me my friendship necklace that he had bought for us to wear. He made me promise him that I wouldn't lose it because at the time, he thought that if we lost them we wouldn't be BFFs anymore. And as we grew into adults, Naraku still treasured those necklaces that he had given us when we were still so innocent and untainted by the world. He treasured them so much that he even took the time out to have identical ones made for us, in real gold. We feel so much safey and security within each other. I know that my secrets are safe with him and his are safe with me. We feel safe that we won't judge one another and we feel safe in the fact that we will protect one another. Our conversations can go hours and most of the time, we aren't talking about anything at all. We'll be rambling on about how much we hate some of our classes or how much he hates pickles or how I despise corn. Oh and football Sundays between us are always fun. Especially when its the Jets vs the Giants. I can remember when we were still little how much he used to spend the night at my house and we would camp out in the backyard telling each other ghost stories. Naraku and I would get into arguements a lot when we were little, but we never stayed mad for over a day. Even now we still make up that same day. And I still smile when I remember how I could always get what I wanted from him simply by threatening to not be his friend anymore. And he is such a soldier too. To have a mother who abandoned him, a father who disowned him, and a brother who hates him. To have to go from home to home in his earlier years. To have people ridicule him for being a half demon. And yet...look at what kind of man he ended up being. He is so smart, so sweet, so kind, so loving, so handsome, so unbelievably sexy, so talented, and such a phenomenal friend. But what has always stood out to me about Naraku was his eyes. Beautiful red pools that seemed to be symbolic of how loving and how passionate he is. I'll admit that the Scorpio does have some strange quirks and even I can't understand him sometimes...but that's what makes him even more special to me. His favorite character and idol growing up was Superman. Naraku still admires Superman to this day. But I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind...why would he admire Superman...when the real Superman is him?

"I will be coming into my decision in fourteen days," I told my bestfriend as I laid on his bed beside him one warm Saturday afternoon. I was cuddled up into his side whereas he was staring up at the ceiling, seeming to be lost in his own world.

"Okay," he replied in a soft voice.

"Are you okay during all of this? I mean, were is your head at right now?"

"I'm fine, Naima. Really. Don't worry about me." I knew he was lying. I know when he's hiding something from me. I can always sense it. Little by little, I could feel that Naraku was steadily slipping away from me. I could feel it. Something has been bothering him...yet he won't ever tell me what it is. I closed my eyes as I cuddled closer to him and rested my head upon his chest. The cuddling was onesided. He didn't really cuddle back. His arms were behind his head as he rested upon his pillow. The fact that Naraku is holding back from showing his emotions towards me, puts up a major red flag. I know that I'm beginning to lose him...and I don't like it at all. With my eyes still shut, I deeply inhaled his scent. Like always, he smelled so good and so sexy. I was like a fish on a lure, getting drawn in closer and closer. "Naima," I heard him all of a sudden say. I lifted my head to look at him in the eyes. That hypnotic crimsom gaze of his held a slightly sad look.

"What is it Naraku?" I asked with concern. He sighed deeply.

"Naima...I love you so damn much. I am in love with you. You make me feel so good inside. I desire you too. You are so beautiful on the inside and the outside. You are so sexy and if you would let me, I'd make sure that you wouldn't ever walk the same way again." I giggled a little. "I'm not ashamed to say that I lust after you...but my love is for you is strong enough that my lust isn't tainted. I want to give you everything that you've ever wanted. I want to make you feel protected. I want to make love to you from dusk till dawn and then some. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want...no, I need to make you my wife...but...what I want most of all...is to see you happy. I want to see that sparkling smile of yours that makes you even more beautiful than you already are. I want to be the man that can give you that smile...but...if I'm not...then I'm perfectly fine. I just want to see you as happy as you made me. That's what I want the most. So...when you make your decision my dear...I just want for you to be happy. That's all."


Sesshoumaru is one complicated man and one guy that is hard to figure out. From first glance one would think that he is frigid and as cold as ice. In fact, that's what I thought when I first met him. I thought that he was an arrogant, cold, heartless, and mean son of a bitch. I despised him almost as much as I despise Tsubaki. I guess the feeling was mutual for him as well. When we first met in science class in ninth grade, Sesshoumaru didn't like me either. He thought that I was over emotional, weak, sensitive, and wimpy. There were always sparks whenever we were around each other and not the good kind either. Sparks of animosity and detest burned between us. We were polar opposites in everything you can think of. Hair color, eye color, skin color, attitudes, gender. His demonic form was a great white dog with red eyes and mine was a big black panther with green eyes. Even our zodiac signs were polar opposites. He's a Capricorn and I'm a Cancer. But the most prominent difference between us, were our demonic races. He was a dog demon, I was a cat demon. So naturally it was normal for us to hate each other, right?

I remember it was during our sophomore year in highschool when Sesshoumaru and I became friends. He had met my father prior to his death because we were lab partners in Biology, so he came over to my house a lot to study. Even though I still didn't like him very much, I did find him very smart. It had been a very rainy day in late November and the temperature was abnormally cold for Brooklyn, which was usually warmer than the rest of New York. Sesshoumaru was at my house studying with me when Li called on the phone and told me that Daddy had gotten into an accident. Sesshoumaru drove me to the hospital so I could meet up with my older and younger sisters. When I got there, I could tell that my father was near death. His body was bruised and bloody. Both his pulse and breathing were shallow. He had to fight to keep his eyes open. I shed so many tears as I sat with him. Li and Tarei had already spoken with him individually and he had already given them his final message. I guess he knew that he was going to die. Li's was to protect the family and Tarei's was to grow up strong and not let the stigma of being a half demon get to her. However when he got to me, he told me that the talk that we had shared the night before was to be my final message. He told me to remember what all he had told me the night before and not to worry because if he didn't make it he would be in good hands. To this day, I still don't know what he meant by, "He would be in good hands". Not long after he told me that, he flatlined. Li and Tarei had since came in and we all witnessed our father slip into the afterlife before twelve, fifteen, and twenty year old eyes The tears rapidly fell then. So much water came from our eyes that the levees of New Orleans wouldn't be able to hold them. But little did I know at the time, when my father and I were having our last moments together, the man whom I hated the most was in the doorway, witnessing the whole scene.

After the funeral and a very brief period of greif, I finally came back to school. Everyone had heard about my father's passing and were all very sympathetic towards me. All of my classmates acted funny around me. The only one who didn't act any different was Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru was the same ass as I had thought he was and didn't show even the smallest speck of sympathy. He didn't care about my pain. He didn't even feel a single ounce of compassion for me...or so I thought.

We were at my home working on an upcoming Biology project that we had in class. It was the last week of 2003 and it had now been about a month since my father's passing. Sesshoumaru and I were silently studying, when one of my spouts of greif hit me. I tried to stiffle my tears and hold back from bawling in front of the person whom I disliked with such passion. Nevertheless, a few tears began to drop onto my paper. Sesshoumaru stopped working and gave me an annoyed look. I wiped my eyes, trying my best to keep them from getting even wetter. Sesshoumaru continued to stare at me as I tried my best to hold back the floodgate of tears. I knew that he thought that I was weak from crying so much...but I began to notice that his hard glare began to soften a great deal. The next thing I knew, I was tightly wrapped into his arms. And I remember that the only words he said to me was, "Let it all out." I then began to cry for what seemed like hours on his shoulder and he kept holding me in that same tight embrace the whole time.

Who would have known that a few years later, that same dog demon and cat demon who hated each other, would fall in love and become such strong lovers. Sesshoumaru has never been as open with me emotionally like I've wished he was, nor do I ever think that he will be. I used to think that he was so cold and he could never love anyone...but I was wrong. He just loves in different ways. I often compare Sesshoumaru's love to a rock because he loves more with his stability and groundedness than with emotions. When Naraku came back into my life, he didn't ever tell me to stop being friends with him. He told me that he knew that my friendship with Naraku made me happy and that was all he cared about. He even forgave me when I kissed Naraku the first time. I have put Sesshoumaru through hell the last nine months...yet, he is still willing to take me back. I do infact want him back because I still love him so much. He was my rock then and he's still my rock now. He is such a stable, firm, reliable, and loving man. So much inner beauty and outer beauty. Those golden eyes can make me feel like jelly and his voice is so damn sexy. I am happy with Sesshoumaru. His love runs deeper than his emotions express and I know that we could be happy for life.

"So you said that you'll decide in two weeks?" Sesshoumaru asked that Sunday evening as we sat outside on the balcony watching the stars. I sat in his lap while he held me close to him.

"Yeah," I replied nodding my head, "but first I want to know how you feel about everything." He became quiet for a while.

"I'm fine." I moved my head from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"You sure?"

"Mmm," was his reply as he nodded his head. As always, I couldn't tell if he was lying or not. I smiled gently as I laid back on his shoulder. "You know who in your heart is right for you Naima. I hope that its me...but if it is that half breed...then you need to do what you feel in your heart is right. There is no since in me holding onto a woman whose true heart belongs to another man. But if your heart truly does belong to me, then you better know that I'll NEVER let anything come between us again. I love you Naima and I always will."

Such a hard decision that I have in front of me. Sesshoumaru. Naraku. It wasn't fair for Naraku to lose the woman he loved because of Tsubaki's curse. It wasn't fair to Sesshoumaru for me to assume that he needed to accept the fact that I had Naraku back in my life. The dog demon and the spider half demon. A battle between emotions and stability. Why has fate chosen to give me this obstacle? Maybe it is to see which love is stronger and which love can conquer the adversity no matter what happens. I don't know. All I do know is that I only have fourteen days to figure out who I want to spend the rest of my life with. My past love or my new love? My opposite or my parter in crime? Do I choose 'Superman' or do I chose 'The Rock'?


A/N: personally...I like Batman...just sayin...