Howdy! A somewhat short chapter, and for that I'm sorry. I have a lot of work to do, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. You know what I would kill for? Illustrations for this story... I don't know, maybe Harry finding Draco after Nott and Flint hurt him, or the dungeon scene. I think that would be so cool. - anyone know where I can find a good artist?!
Chapter 9: A Sudden Lapse of Judgement
Harry had tried his best to focus in potions the next day, but his thoughts kept straying to Draco. After his apology, Harry had held the broken boy for what seemed like hours, placing his lips on Draco's forehead and whispering words of comfort and love. He tried his very hardest to make the blond feel as wanted and loved as he deserved to be.
Somehow, the feeling of Draco's clothed body against his just wasn't enough to quench his longing to know Draco in a new, more physical way. Everything about him was beautiful in Harry's eyes, and he dreamt of the day that he could show Draco what a physical relationship should feel like. He wanted Draco to stop fearing it.
Harry wished with all of his heart that he could take the other night back. Sure, Draco had forgiven him, and he understood that it wasn't Harry's fault, but how could he fully trust him again? The guilt remained too much for Harry to bear. He had pictured his first time with Draco as a romantic night in which Harry could prove his love, not as a forced, painful night on a dungeon floor with two other men watching.
Draco's screams and whimpers from that night reverberated in Harry's mind now. Draco wasn't okay, even if he said he was. If Draco wasn't okay, neither was Harry.
His thoughts were rudely interrupted when a furious Snape slammed a large textbook on Harry's desk; just missing Harry's tapping fingers.
"Kindly do your class a favor, Mister Potter, and place your daydreams in the backseat of your priorities during my class. Ten points from Gryffindor for failure to pay attention..." Groans were heard from the Gryffindor side of the room. "…and another ten for that disturbingly stupid look on your face while doing so." Snape smiled smugly as the Slytherin side of the class filled with faint snickers.
Harry wanted nothing more than to give what his professor had coming to him.
He probably would have, if while scanning the classroom for Slytherins to glower at, his eyes didn't meet Draco's. The look was a confusing one. It didn't show any sign of enjoying what Snape had said. It was a mixture of sadness and worry. Was Draco worried about Harry? Harry couldn't have that. He had a feeling that Draco thought his "daydreams" were something that Draco should be concerned about, that maybe Harry wasn't happy with him. Harry refused to give the smaller boy another thing to worry about. Harry's confused face broke into a reassuring smile, and it was returned with a half-hearted one from the Slytherin across the room.
When class was dismissed, Harry told Hermione and Ron to go ahead and that he needed to have a word with Snape.
"Alright, Harry. Have fun with Dra- I mean… Snape." Hermione was too good. Harry muttered a quick, "goodbye," and walked over to Draco's desk as the blond placed his books in his bag.
Not thinking, Harry took this opportunity of Draco facing the opposite way to snake his arms around him from behind. The contact made Draco jump and whimper, and Harry spun his lover around by his hips. He tried to look into Draco's eyes, but they were clasped shut, and Draco shivered.
"Dray, it's only me," Harry started worriedly as he enveloped his boyfriend. Draco melted into the embrace.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I'm a bit jumpy."
"Don't be sorry. That was stupid on my part. I should have known…"
"Known what? That I'm a weak little coward who needs special treatment so I don't have a nervous breakdown?" Harry was startled by this.
"Dray, is that really what you think? It's not your fault that you've been…"
"Not my fault that I've been hurt in the past? No, I suppose it isn't entirely my fault, but it is my fault that I can't move on and at least try to be normal."
"Draco! It happened three nights ago! Did you expect to be just fine overnight?" Draco's eyes filled with tears steadily.
"No, I suppose not. I guess it was just wishful thinking." Harry moved to hold Draco again, but Draco turned away hastily. "I'm tired of being weak, Harry."
"Dray, you know I'm here…"
"Can you just… not be? Just for a little while?" Harry panicked.
"What? Draco, what are you saying?"
"I just need some time to be alone. Please, Harry. It's for the best."
"I'm not sure that I can do that." Draco turned again to look at Harry. His face was stained with tears of emotion. Draco clenched his hands into fists in frustration.
"Piss off, Potter." Harry turned on his heal and ran for it. He didn't look back. He couldn't.
If he had, he would have seen Draco fall to the floor in tears, knowing that he made the biggest mistake of his life.
"It's for the best," Draco repeated, but this time to attempt to assure only himself. He was always gifted when it came to convincing people. There was always one person he could never fool: himself.
Snape returned to the classroom about twenty minutes later to find his godson in a ball on the floor. He ran to his side in a rush of panic.
"Draco, are you hurt? Draco… Draco, speak to me." Severus placed his arm around his godson and student's shoulders and brought him into his own body, rocking the boy back and forth.
"When- When will I be okay, Sev?" he asked shakily. His godfather let out a long, pained sigh and looked into Draco's stone cold eyes.
"You have the mask over your eyes, Dragon. You know I can see through it. Why are you putting that emotionless look on?"
Draco sighed. "It was for Harry."
"What happened?"
"I told him to get lost." Severus couldn't hide his surprise. As angry as he was at Potter, he knew what was best for Draco, and he knew that Harry was just what he needed right now.
"Why, Draco?"
"I need to sort things out. I'm tired of him having to comfort me. I'm tired of being his prize that he needs to protect. I'm not made of glass, Sev. I just need to figure out a way to prove it." Severus got up angrily.
"You don't understand it, do you?" Draco looked up, frightened by Snape's outburst. "He knows that Draco. You proved it when you forgave him, when you didn't give up on becoming close to someone. You proved it so many times, Draco. The problem isn't how POTTER sees you. It's how YOU see you. Don't you see, Draco? By pushing him away, you gave him the impression that you are indeed weak, and for the first time, he may have seen you that way."
Draco dejectedly placed his head in his hands and let out a sigh. Snape's scowl quickly changed into a frown as he sat back down next to his godson.
"Why do I seem to do everything wrong?"
"There you go again. What happened to that self-absorbed, cocky, outgoing Draco Malfoy that I used to know, hmm?"
"He became a whore. He became a low-life, good-for-nothing, broken, twisted, depressed whore." For the first time, Severus Snape almost struck his godson. His hand itched to smack some sense back into the boy.
"Go fix this, Draco. You need him. More importantly, he needs you."
Please review! I'm loving the ones I've gotten so far. You all are so sweet.
