Authors Note: Thank you all for the reviews, and Once again I do not own any of these characters.

I hope you all like this chapter, this honestly has to be one of the hardest things I have ever written. Tissues may or may not be needed, depends on the reader.


"No one who was there with Lewis." Amanda whispered. "It was back in Atlanta." Amanda told her and Olivia felt her heart drop. She didn't know what happened back there, but what occurred with Lewis had made these memories resurface.


Olivia held her girlfriend close as she let her cry on her shoulder, Amanda was like Liv she didn't let her guard down often, but when she did Liv was always there to catch her. Olivia didn't mind if Amanda didn't talk, she knew right now wasn't the time with everything that has happened, and she respected her girlfriend's privacy but she would be lying if she said she wasn't curious on what happened to Amanda in Atlanta.

Olivia was content just holding Amanda and letting her cry, it broke her heart to see her girlfriend so fragile, but what she was going to be told would shatter her heart into a million little pieces. "He is the reason on why I left Atlanta." Amanda mumbled against Olivia's shirt, and Olivia just held her tightly not wanting to push her girlfriend, she wanted her to talk on her own terms not someone else's.

Amanda pulled back from Olivia gently, and looked her deep in the eyes and asked in an almost childlike voice. "Please tell me you won't be disappointed with me?"

Olivia took her girlfriend's hand in her own "I could never be disappointed with you, even if you lit this whole hotel room on fire right now for no reason." Olivia told her "But please don't do that" Olivia said with a soft smile and Amanda let out a little laugh. "But seriously you could never be a disappointment to me, so don't ever think that I would think that about you Amanda, I love you." Olivia told her and squeezed her hand tightly.

Amanda nodded her head slightly as she somehow got enough courage to tell Olivia what happened to her. "I was undercover with my partner, and you know how undercover goes, sometimes it takes only a couple of weeks, sometimes it can drag on for months. Well this time it dragged on for months." Amanda said softly and Olivia nodded her head. "Well one night we had to go to this nightclub, we were sitting at the bar, and I got up to go to the ladies room really quick to follow one of the women we were watching. And you know how you should always get a new drink and never pick up the one you left unattended, well I thought this since I left it with my partner I could trust him, well I was wrong." Amanda told her as she swallowed trying to stop the tears from forming.

Amanda took in a breath before she continued "I started to feel a little woozy but I just figured it was the alcohol even though I didn't drink a lot, but I really didn't eat much that day, so I figured my body wasn't absorbing the alcohol as fast as it should have been. Before the night was even over, everything was basically one giant blur. I still don't remember everything that happened." Amanda told her and then stopped and Olivia pulled her close and held her tightly once again.

"Shh, it's okay." Olivia whispered but Amanda shook her head.

"No you need to know." Amanda told her as she pulled back. "He slipped me something, when I was gone. The next morning, well it was really afternoon when I woke up in an empty hotel, I had no idea where I was and my clothes were completely torn, and my body was completely sore. Once I had found my cell phone, I called my sister and she took me to the hospital. Once the tests came back, it proved that I had indeed been raped and drugged." Amanda choked and Olivia pulled her close with tears in her own eyes.

"I knew it was my partner, before everything went black, I was with him in his car. The nurse asked if I wanted to report it and I told her I was a detective so I would handle it and I left. I thought I could forget about it and put in the back of my mind and never once did I ever think about confronting my partner on what happened that night. But as weeks went on, things got tougher." Amanda paused to pull herself back together. "And then I missed my period and I thought it was because of all the stress I was under, but I went to the doctor anyway." Amanda told her.

"Oh honey" Olivia whispered as she squeezed her hand.

"He told me I was pregnant." Amanda whispered and tears came flowing down. "Once I started to show, everybody at work would ask who the father was and I told them it was nobody they knew. But I could feel the eyes on me from my partner and I knew he knew she was his." Amanda told Liv as she looked down at their joined hands.

"She?" Olivia asked and Amanda nodded.

"I was having a little girl; I wasn't going to give her up. I would raise her as a single mom." Amanda whispered.

"Amanda what happened?" Olivia asked softly, but she felt like she already knew the answer.

"I had a stillbirth" Amanda whispered and all the tears she was holding back were let loose and Olivia felt her heart-break.

"Oh my god Amanda" Olivia choked and pulled her girlfriend in for a tight hug never wanting to let her go.

"I wanted so badly to be a mom, I might not be fit to be and would probably be a horrible one, but I so desperately wanted to be." Amanda sobbed. "That's why I left Atlanta. I couldn't even look at him, because every time I did, I was reminded of that innocent life that was loss." Amanda said in between sobs.

"Oh Amanda, I am so sorry honey." Olivia told her softly as she rubbed her back. "And don't you even think for a second that you would be a horrible mom, because I have seen you with kids and trust me when I tell you this, you would be the best fucking mom there could be." Olivia told her.

"You really think so Liv?" Amanda asked as she pulled away from Olivia and wiped the tears from her eyes.

Olivia nodded "Yes I do."

"Did you ever want to have kids Liv?" Amanda asked and Olivia nodded.

"Yes I did, I even tried to adopt but I was told I wasn't qualified because of my job, and because I am a single parent." Olivia told her remembering the memory.

Amanda smiled sweetly "I know this isn't the time, and maybe I am still high from some of those hospital meds. You know they give you good stuff there" Amanda laughed slightly "But lets do it." Amanda told her with a smile.

Olivia looked at her confused "Do what exactly?"

"Lets have a baby and plus you are already having cravings!" Amanda told her with a huge smile. Olivia was shocked and she didn't say anything. But slowly the smile on Amanda's face started to turn into a frown "Oh God, Liv It just came out I'm sorry I didn't….." Amanda began to ramble but Olivia grabbed Amanda's shirt and pulled her toward her and kissed her to shut her up.

"Shut up and stop making fun of me getting a craving, it happened once and you get them all the time." Olivia whispered against her lips and kissed her again. "I would love to have a baby with you." Olivia told her as she pulled away from the kiss with a giant smile.

Now it was time for Amanda to be confused "Wait what?"

Olivia giggled "You are so adorable when you are confused."

"Liv did you just giggle?" Amanda asked in shock and Olivia nodded "But you never giggle." Amanda told her with a smile. "And I do not get cravings all the time."

"Well what can I say; you have that effect on me." Olivia told her as she kissed her again. "And yes you do, must I remind you of the time you bought six things of ice cream because you had a craving for it but didn't know what kind you wanted?" Olivia asked with a smile and Amanda laughed. "But I am serious let's have a baby." Olivia whispered as she kissed once again.

"You really mean it?" Amanda asked and Olivia nodded "But look at my past…" Amanda began but Olivia cut her off.

"Mandy, we both have a horrible past, but that doesn't change the fact on how much I love you, and how much I would love to have a baby with you. " Olivia told her with a smile.

Amanda smiled back at her "Then let's do it Olivia Benson, let's have a baby."


Authors Note: There is chapter 18, Hope you all liked the way I ended this chapter.

Please review and let me know!