I swear pisses me off sometimes. This is the 5th time I am trying to upload this chapter...so hopefully this time it works. Please review and say nice things!


Chapter 3: iBreak Up

"Come on, Freddie," I told myself. "You have to do it. It's only fair."

I was standing in front of Allie's front door. After a long sleepless night, I finally told me that I had to break up with Allie. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would always feel this way about Sam, and I wanted to be with her. It wouldn't be fair to just lead Allie on. Don't get me wrong. I really was falling for her, but it just wasn't strong enough to break the grip that Sam had on my heart.

My hands were shaking. I lifted my fist to knock, and then put it down, sighing in defeat. This was so hard. I didn't want to break her heart, and I didn't want to lose her. I was so conflicted that my heart was pounding a mile a second and my brain couldn't form words or thoughts anymore. I walked away from the door and made my way down the driveway. There was no way I could break up with her. Then I stopped myself again. I had to do it.

I sprinted back and knocked on the door before I could talk myself out of it again. After about a minute Allie's mom opened the door. "Oh, hello, Freddie," Mrs. Jenkins greeted.

"Hey, Mrs. Jenkins," I said. "Can I come in and see Allie for a minute?"

She nodded and invited me in. I ran upstairs to Allie's bedroom and found her on the bed reading the book I lent her; Animal Farm. At first she didn't notice I was there. I stared at her for a couple a minutes smiling. She really was gorgeous. I knocked on the door frame. She looked up and smiled at me. "Hey babe," she said. "This is a nice surprise."

I walked up to her and kissed her before sitting down on the bed in front of her. "Hey," I said. "Do like the book so far?"

She nodded. "So far I do. Though it kind of reminds me of government conspiracy," she laughed.

I smiled and nodded also. I looked down at the book, searching my head for the right words. Allie gave me a concerned look. "Hey are you ok?" She asked. "You look so…sad."

I sighed and kissed her one more time. "Allie, you are such an amazing girl," I said. "I love everything about you. But…I'm sorry. I can't be with you anymore. It's not you, it's me. I know that's so cliché but it's the truth. It has nothing to do with you. I am very lucky to be with you. There are just some things I have to sort out first."

Allie looked down sadly. I wanted to beat myself up for hurting her and myself. I caressed her cheek and she finally looked up smiling sadly. "It's Sam, isn't it?" She asked.

I pulled my hand away in shock. What was she talking about? How did she know it was about Sam? I was trying to think of a different excuse but I couldn't "Freddie, it's ok," she assured me. "I was already prepared for this. I mean it sucks, but I knew it was coming."

"How?" I said not be able to think of anything else to say.

She smiled again. "I've seen the way you look at her. It's obvious you still having feelings for her. I also know that you're the type a guy that wouldn't be with a girl unless she could have all of you."

I hugged her tightly. I never expected this reaction but I was so happy she understood. I kissed her cheek. "Thank you, and I'm so sorry."

She shook her head. "There's no reason to be. You can't help how you feel."

"Well maybe, if I do sort things out, we can get back together later in the future?"

"To be honest Freddie, the only way I see you figuring this out, is to get Sam back. Being in love with someone isn't something that just goes away, trust me."

I moved up in the bed to sit next to her. I knew she was right. The only way I would be happy again is if Sam was my girlfriend again. But I didn't see that happening. She was with Hunter. This guy was tall, tough, and a "manly man" as Carly always said. I was just a nub with a calculator. Compared to him, I'm nothing. I would never be able to impress Sam enough to get her back. That just made me even more depressed. I rested my chin on hand. "Freddie," Allie said putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I asked looked at her.

"The only way that you can actually be sure if she feels the same or not, is to tell her how you feel," she said.

I knew she was right. "Easier said than done," I mumbled.

"True," she agreed. "I'm not saying the next day or anything. Give it some time, and show her that you really care about her. Then, when the time is right, tell her."

"And when would that be?"

"Well, as cliché as this sounds, when the time is right, you'll know."

I was walking home thinking to myself about what Allie said. I guess she was right. I should just focus on showing her how much I do care for her and being a good friend until the time is right. But I wasn't sure if I could do that. I was never one to keep my feelings hidden from anybody; especially a best friend. Then again, I didn't know if I actually wanted to wait. Maybe I should just tell her next time I see her. Grab her in my arms and tell her that I never want to let go. I laughed at myself. Yeah, like I could ever do that. She'd probably punch me in the face or kick me in the shin.

I finally made it to Carly's apartment and knocked on the door. Carly came to the door and gave me a confused look. "Why did you knock?" Carly asked. Before I could answer she formed a look of concern. "Are you ok?"

I looked up at her and sighed. "Allie and I broke up," I said sadly. I really was sad that we broke up.

"You broke up?" Carly asked surprised.

I nodded. "Can I come in?"

I walked in and saw Sam on the couch eating a ham sandwich. I sat down on the chair and put my face into my hands. "Freddie, I'm so sorry," Carly comforted.

"What happened?" Sam asked putting down her sandwich. She actually looked concern.

Carly turned to her and said, "Freddie and Allie broke up."

Sam looked shocked too. I know everyone at school would be too. We were pretty much the perfect couple; all except for the fact that I was already in love with a wonderful girl. Sam got up and walked over to us. "Why did you two break up?" Sam asked.

I looked up at her. I wanted to say because I was in love with you and I want you back. But I couldn't. Allie said I would know the right time, and I definitely knew this wasn't it. I just sighed again and laid back on the chair. I shrugged. "I just…wasn't feeling it anymore," I said.

"Wait, you broke up with her?" Sam asked. I nodded. "Now that's definitely a shock. I thought for sure she would come to her senses and…"

"Sam," Carly warned. "This really isn't the time."

Sam looked down at me. "Sorry, Freddie," she said sounding truly sincere.

"It's cool," I said. I sat there for a minute just thinking of everything running through my mind. I suddenly just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be left alone to see if I could sort anything out. "You know what, I think I'm just going to go home."

"C'mon Freddie, I said I'm sorry," Sam said.

"No it's not you," I said truthfully. "I just need to sort things out. I'll see you guys tomorrow for rehearsal."

I was sitting out on the fire escape just staring at the stars. What Allie said was true. I needed to be Sam's friend. I just didn't know if I could do that. It had to be more. My heart wasn't ready to accept that. I needed Sam to be mine. It killed me that I knew she didn't feel the same; that she had someone else. I missed being the person she called "baby". I missed holding her and playing with her hair while she fell asleep on my shoulder. I missed being able to look into her eyes and knowing I could kiss her. I missed her. I had never felt like this, even with Carly. My feelings were never this strong, and I couldn't keep ignoring them.

Maybe I had to take a break from Sam for a little while. That way, I could try to think this through. I just needed to know exactly what to do. I was so lost and so confused, I felt like running away. I stood up and leaned on the rail looking down at the cars and people. I shook my head and grunted. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just hide my feelings from Sam, but I couldn't express them either. I was stuck in limbo. What if that "right time" Allie was talking about never came? Is there a right time to tell someone that you're in love with them?

I wish there was a way I could tell exactly what Sam was thinking and/or feeling. But she was the kind of person that the only way you would know, is if she told you. I wasn't about to ask her either. What was I going to say? "Hey, just wondering, are you still in love with me?" Yeah. That wouldn't be an awkward conversation. Half of me was saying I should stay away. The other half was screaming at me to just grab her and kiss her next time I saw her. I couldn't do either. It was like I was being pulled in two directions and I was about to just tear apart. I took a deep sigh still looking down at the ground. There had to be somebody that knew exactly what to do in this situation. I had to stop thinking or my mind was going to explode.

I heard a knock and turned around. It was Sam. I mentally cursed thinking that this wasn't going to help any. The two of us, alone on the fire escape, where we shared our first kiss. I motioned for her to come on out and she did. The moonlight shined in her hair so magically, I had to keep myself from staring. I turned around and leaned my back against the railing as she sat down on the chair that I had put out here. "Look, I'm really sorry about what I said earlier," she apologized.

I smiled slightly. "It's ok, Sam," I assured her.

She shook her head like she was disappointed in herself. "I am surprised you two did break up though," she admitted. "I thought you guys were a perfect match."

I shrugged. "Sometimes you're perfect match isn't always who you think," I said.

I went to the corner of the fire escape and unfolded another chair I kept out there. I sat down next to her and looked up at the stars again. I didn't know exactly what to say. I didn't know if I could say anything without blurting out what I wanted so bad to say. It was tearing me apart inside. I was able to keep my mouth shut though; at least for now. We both stayed silent for a couple of minutes. Everything was running through my mind so fast, that I said something I didn't mean to say. "Do you ever think about us?" I asked.

I immediately realized what I said and wished I could take it back. What I wouldn't give for a time machine right now. Sam looked at me a little perplexed. "What do you mean by us?" She asked. "Like our relationship?"

I guess there was now turning back. I nodded. She shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "Sometimes I guess. I mean, you were my first love."

I smiled at her. "I was?" I asked surprised. "Funny, you were mine too."

"What about Carly?"

"That was just a high school crush. I was too young to know what love was at that time anyway." I faced away from her trying to contain myself. "So…what exactly do you think about?"

She lifted her feet so they could rest on the railing and looked at me. "I don't know," she shrugged. "I think about how Hunter and I are, and wondering why we were never that way. I guess we weren't the perfect match either. We were pretty much polar opposites."

I leaned in closer to her. "Even though we fight all the time, Hunter is a very lucky man," I said. "I hope he knows it too."

"Thank Freddie," she said, sounding surprised by the compliment.

Some of her hair had fallen in her face. Tentatively, I tucked it back behind her ear. I didn't pull my hand away. I started to slowly caress her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes.

"W-what are you doing?" She stuttered.

I didn't say anything. I just started to lean in closer. I wanted so badly to kiss her. That's all I wanted to do. I could feel her shiver, but I didn't know if it was because of the wind or because of what I was about to do. At that moment I didn't care. I needed to tell her exactly what I wanted to. She didn't move. It was like she was frozen. I got closer and closer, and I swear I could hear both of our hearts beating. I put my hand behind her neck so I could get her closer to me. I was so close. I was almost there, and she wasn't stopping me.

But then Allie's voice rang through my head. "Well, as cliché as this sounds, when the time is right, you'll know." I lifted my lips up and kissed her forehead instead. It wasn't the right time. Allie was right. I would know. "Thank you," I said. "For coming out here."

"Yeah, no problem," she whispered. "But don't get used to it. Tomorrow I'm going to go back to beating you up, calling you names, and putting dead fishes in your locker. You're just lucky you were sad tonight about that break up."

I chuckled. "Don't lie, Sam," I said. "You still love me."

"You wish," she laughed and headed back in.

"You have no idea," I whispered once she was gone.


Hope you enjoyed it! And just to let ya'll know..it was SO hard for me to not let them kiss. I had a whole kissing scene in my head when I was writing this and I had to force myself not to write it. lol. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!