Thank you so much for the reviews! they keep me going! Don't have much time. Been working overtime out the...behind...but i finally got my promotion! yay me! Okaii, ya'll chapter 4!
Chapter 4: iAm Done
I was getting dressed to go do iCarly that night. Ever since that talk with Allie, and that close call with Sam on the fire escape, I've been doing things a little differently. Sam and I still fought as usual, but I've been a lot nicer about it. Instead of actually fighting and saying that we hated each other, I would act like it was all just a joke and make fun of our arguments. Kind of like when two best friends pretend they are arguing. Today, I am going to be bringing some Fat Cakes for her just to show her that I care.
Carly has been asking me some questions about my behavior lately. She's been noticing it a lot more than Sam has which is a little disappointing. Then again, Sam has been know to miss obvious things. I kept thinking in my head, that if I would've actually kissed her, what would've happened? What would she have said?
I looked through my closet trying to find a shirt. I have been wearing stripes a lot lately, but I know Sam hates stripes so I started looking through my drawers. I found a plain navy collar shirt and put that on before walking out of the apartment and going into the one across the hall. Without even knocking on the door I walked in. I looked around to see if anyone was home. I saw Carly in the kitchen eating her favorite snack—carrot with whipped cream. There are some things I will just never understand about that girl. She smiled through a mouth full a carrot when she saw me walking towards her.
I was actually glad she was alone for now. I have wanted to talk to her about Sam for the past three weeks but Sam and Frankie were always with her. Of course I wasn't sure how she was going to take it either. But Carly was my best friend, and even though Allie was too, I knew it hurt her when I asked for her advice. So I was going to try a different route. "Hey Freddie," Carly said.
"Hey Carly," I greeted. "Is anyone else here?"
"Spencer is on a date, Sam will probably late as always, and Gibby is still in Ohio visiting his grandparents," she answered.
I grabbed her hand and took her to the couch with me. "Good," I said. I motioned for her to sit down. "There has been something I've been meaning to talk to you about. It's really important so hear me out, ok?" Carly nodded. I took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with Sam."
I couldn't believe I just blurted it out like that without even stuttering. Carly's eyes almost popped out of her head. "You're in love with Sam?" She asked in surprised. Then she smiled. "I knew it! That's why you've been so nice to her, because you still love her!"
I nodded in agreement. "That's also why I broke up with Allie," I admitted.
"Well, then, what are you going to do?" She asked. "Are you going to try to go back out with her again?"
"I'd love to, but she's with Hunter," I said bitterly. "They seem so happy together, and I don't want to ruin that for her. Besides, she hasn't shown any sign of her feeling the same."
"But that's Sam. She doesn't show any emotion…except hate and anger."
I grunted in frustration. "I know I just wish I had some kind of sign. I honestly have no idea what to do. Allie said that I should tell her how I feel but not until it feels right. But I don't know if I can wait that long. I've almost kissed her twice already."
"You've almost what?" Carly asked all excited. She seemed so happy about this.
"One time at school and another time on the fire escape when Allie and I broke up," I said. "Carly, I need your help. You need to talk to Sam. Find out how she feels about me."
Carly was about to say something but then Sam walked in. "Hey Carls" she said with a smile. "Fred-wad."
I smiled and reached into my pocket. "Girls who make fun of me don't get fat cakes," I said waving it in front of her face.
I swear she almost drooled when she saw the pink fluffy Fat Cakes in front of her. "Freddie, have I ever told you how hot, muscular, and smart you are?" Sam said snatching the Fat Cakes out of my hand and running upstairs.
Carly looked at me with a smile on her face and she crossed her arms. I cocked my eyebrow at her wondering why she was looking at me that way. "What?" I finally asked when she didn't say anything.
"Told you so," she said quickly and ran upstairs following Sam. I rolled my eyes. I knew that was coming out at some point.
After finishing iCarly we all went to the groovy smoothie. I couldn't concentrate on my smoothie at all. I was hardly taking sips. I had to concentrate and not staring at Sam. This was never so hard before I realized I was still in love with her. Man, I wish I had never looked into her eyes. Those hypnotizing, sky blue, gorgeous…stop! This was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I was hoping Carly would help me and do what I asked of her earlier. I needed to know, to see if I should make my next move or not. The only problem was, I didn't know what my next move would be.
Someone had just walked in and that's when I saw Allie. She was as beautiful as ever. I hadn't seen her in a couple of days, and it was good to see her again. Allie and I made eye contact. She smiled sweetly at me, and I smiled back. Everyone was saying I was stupid to break up with a girl like that. Maybe I was. No, Freddie, stop! I couldn't start thinking about Allie again. I went back to sipping my smoothie trying to clear my mind of all the craziness that was happening with me. It wasn't working very well. The only way I new how to settle all of this was to get Sam back. I had to have her back. It was the only way. I knew I was never going to be able to get over her. I just had to get her alone so I could talk to her. But she was always with Hunter or Carly.
Speak of the devil, Hunter walked in through the door. He came over to our table and kissed Sam on the cheek by surprise. Sam looked over and smiled as they shared a peck on the lips. It was almost horrifying. Carly gave me an apologetic look and I just shrugged. What else was I supposed to do? She had every right to kiss her boyfriend. Even though he looked like he just got our on parole. He sat down next to me and nodded a hello. I nodded back trying to hold back my disdain for him. I hated being jealous, especially since Sam was happy. I should be happy because she is. I just wasn't happy that I wasn't the person making her feel that way anymore. It pretty much just sucked!
The whole entire time at the Groovy Smoothie was agonizing. Sam and Hunter were laughing, hugging, and kissing right in front of me. I wanted to say something so bad but I couldn't. It was killing me. Walking back to our apartments Carly had talked to me about talking to Sam. She said that she wasn't going to do it because she believed I needed to talk to her myself. I guess she was right at some level, but I didn't want to make a total fool out of myself. I could already picture it. I got Sam, pour my heart out and she just laughs in my face. I walked into my bedroom feeling so worn out by all the thinking I had been doing. Maybe I just had to get some rest.
I heard a knocking at my bedroom door that woke me up. I looked around not really remembering where I was at first. I must've been more tired than I realized. I went to my door and Sam was standing there. This took me aback. Sam has never came into my apartment except to beat me up or drag me over to Carly's place. Before I could ask what she was doing there she pushed me to the side and walked into my room. I gave her a weird look. "Excuse me," I said very rudely. "What are you doing here, Sam?"
She turned around to face me. "You're scaring me, Benson," she said.
I cocked an eyebrow at her. I couldn't imagine how I could scare Sam. I couldn't imagine anything scaring Sam as a matter of fact. "What do you mean I'm scaring you?" I asked completely puzzled.
"What is going on with you lately," she asked. "You've been treating me nice. You've been avoiding arguments. And don't think I didn't realize that look you gave Hunter and I every time we kissed. What's up?"
"Sam, I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. She already knew it was a lie too. Like I had said before, Sam knew me better than anyone.
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You know exactly what I'm talking about Freddie."
Maybe this was the right moment to tell her. It seemed like it, and it felt like it. If she was asking me, maybe I should just go ahead and tell her the truth. "Fine," I sighed. "You really want to know what's going on?"
She shrugged. "Duh," she responded.
I gathered up all my strength and finally blurted out everything that I had been holding back. "I'm still in love with you. I have never stopped loving, Sam. I thought I had. I thought I was over you, but about a month ago, for some reason, I realized that I was never over you. Even with I was with Allie, you were always on my mind. That's the reason I broke up with her. I've wanted to get you back for a while now. I just didn't know how."
Sam looked at me in shock. I couldn't take it back now. "Freddie…"
"I know," I interrupted. "You don't like me that way and you're with Hunter. I just had to tell you. I couldn't keep it in anymore. It was killing me."
Sam then looked a little offended which surprised me. "So, now you just know how I feel, huh?"
"Well, I—"
"Listen, Freddie, if you want to know the truth too, I still love you too," she said without hesitation.
I couldn't believe my ears. Did she really just say what I thought she said? Maybe my ears were just playing tricks on me. There was no way she would love me. "What about Hunter?"
She shrugged. "He's a cool guy," she admitted. "I really like him, but…he's no comparison to you."
She got closer to me and I actually felt nervous. I hardly ever felt nervous in front of Sam unless she was holding a fist or some kind of tool in her hand. She put her hand on my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Then she looked deeply into my eyes. I couldn't believe this was happening. "I love you, Freddie," she whispered.
I smiled. "I love you, too," I said happily. I bent down to kiss her lips and then…
BEEP BEEP BEEP
My alarm clock went off. My arm automatically hit the off button. My eyes fluttered open and I realized it was all just a dream. I groaned knowing it was too good to be true.
I couldn't stop thinking about that dream I had. Maybe it was a sign or something. Maybe it was a glimpse into the future. Or maybe it was just a dream and nothing more. I was walking through the park so I could clear my head and it wasn't working. Then I saw Hunter. Oh, today was just my lucky day wasn't it? He was leaning on a tree trying to be cool. I scoffed and was about to keep walking until I saw a raven-haired girl walk up to him and they kissed. I was blown out of my mind. Sure, I didn't like Hunter, but the way he was with Sam, I would've never guessed he was a cheater. Then something inside me started burning, and I was enraged. Was he really doing this to her; to my Sam?
I tried to stay calm before I did something I would regret. But then I knew I would never regret what I was about to do. I quickly walked into their direction. A couple feet away from them, Hunter finally noticed me and his eyes went wide. "Freddie, look it's not what you—"
I cut him off short but punching him in the face. Naturally, if this was any other fight, I would probably get my butt kicked. But I was fighting for Sam at that moment and I wasn't backing down. This guy seriously needed to get a big reality check. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Hunter!" I yelled at him.
The girl stood there watching in horror as I kicked him. "Do you not realize how lucky you are?" I asked him rhetorically. "Do you not see how good you have it and you're going to cheat on her?"
I just shook my head at him, disgusted, and walked away. In all honesty, I knew if I would give him the time to get up, I would probably be dead. I finally made it back to Carly's apartment about three hours later. I was trying to find the right words to tell Sam about Hunter and that other girl. She was going to be devastated. But I knew I had to tell her. Who knows, maybe after the shock of it all she'd be ok, and maybe that would give us a chance. I knocked on Carly's bedroom door and walked in like I always do. Carly and Sam were whispering to each other and stopped when they saw me. I gave them a confused look. Sam looked at me and she didn't look happy. "I heard what happened at the park, today," Sam said.
My eyes went wide. "You did?" I asked. "Look, Sam I'm so sorry."
"You should be for punching my boyfriend for hugging his sister," she said.
I looked at her shocked. If that was his sister then that was a very messed up family. I couldn't believe that she actually fell for that line. "Yeah, what's gotten into you Freddie?" Carly said with a questioning gaze.
"What's gotten into me?" I asked outraged that they actually believed Hunter instead of me who they've known for years. "What gotten into you guys? That wasn't his sister, that was the girl who was cheating with Sam with! I saw them kissing!"
"What?" Carly said now looking as pissed as I was. "He was cheating on Sam?"
"Please," Sam said not believing a word I was saying "Hunter wouldn't cheat on me."
"Sam, it's true," I stressed. "Why else would I punch him?"
She shrugged her shoulders refusing to actually listen to me. "It wouldn't be the first time you lied to me," she said. "In fact, Hunter said that you punched him because you were jealous that we had a better relationship than we had."
I pushed Carly out of the way and moved towards Sam furious. "You really think you have a better relationship with this guy?" I asked. "I would've never guessed on how blind you could be. C'mon, Sam, you're smarter than this."
"Shut up!" She yelled at me. "I know you're lying so just stop! I don't want to hear what you have to say. Besides why do you even care anymore? I don't even want you to care. So just stay out of my life!"
I took a deep breath. I looked at her completely furious. "You just don't take any hints do you?" I asked. "Fine, Sam, if you want me to stay out of your life, then I'm done. I'm done trying to be nice to you. I'm done trying to make you open your eyes. I'm done trying to protect you. I'm all together done."
Carly finally came into the conversation. "Freddie, don't say that," she said. "Just tell her why you care."
"It doesn't matter anymore, 'cause she's right. I don't care."
"Freddie…" Carly trailed off not really knowing what to say to me. She looked at me with full concern.
I couldn't take it anymore. Yes, we fight. Yes, she doesn't know that I love her. But she should know me enough that I would never lie to her about anything like this. She not believing me was just too hurtful and I didn't want to deal with it. Why should I be the having deal with all this pain. Hunter was cheating on her, and as much as I wanted her to believe me, I knew she wouldn't. I just didn't see the point of trying anymore. Maybe I should just forget about Sam and go back to Allie. Allie never treated me like this, and she actually loves me back.
"No, Carly it's ok," Sam said to her, crossing her arms. "Let him do what he wants."
Carly scoffed. "You really don't get it, do you?" She said to same in all seriousness.
I touched her shoulder and shook my head. I turned to Sam. "Goodbye, Sam," I said with all the bitterness in my voice. "Just don't come running to me when you finally realize I'm right about Hunter."
She sneered at me before I turned away. I looked back one more time, shook my head, and walked out the door.
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