Hey guys! I am truly sorry for this. I moved to a place with no internet and I didn't have a computer at the time anyway. Then me and my boyfriend broke up and then back together and now I'm living at a new place and I've been working a lot. Yeah, lots of things have happened but where I am for the meantime they have a computer and internet so hopefully while I'm here I'll be able to finish this. Anyways...ENJOY!


Chapter 5: iNeed To Tell You

It had been almost a week and I hadn't seen Sam at all. I was cursing myself after how I reacted with Sam. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. There was no reason to act that way. It was more of a jealousy thing, I guess. I just couldn't wrap it around my head that she wanted to believe Hunter instead of me. She has no reason to believe me anyway. I mean, we are supposed to be enemies, right? Still I couldn't get over the fact that she actually thought I was lying about something like that. I was sitting on the stairs in the hallway of school skipping class. I know. Surprising, right? The Freddie Benson skipping class willingly and all I've been doing is sitting here trying to think of a way to apologize to Sam. I didn't see any point actually. I've tried talking to her but she won't listen. She's so stubborn sometimes. What makes me mad most is that Hunter got away with cheating and there was nothing I could do about it. I should've just taken a picture on my phone or something instead of trying to beat him up. Honestly, I saw Hunter the other day and he wasn't banged up at all. I thought I had at least given him a black eye. Definitely not as tough as I thought I was.

Suddenly, I heard heels clicking and saw Allie coming down the stairs. She gave me a curious look and sat down next to me. It was good to see her again. I haven't really talked to her ever since I stopped coming to her for advice on Sam. I know I'm a jerk, but Allie was extremely smart and I knew she could help. I did stop though once I realized it was hurting her to talk about it. See, I'm not all bad. She flipped her beautiful brown curls behind her shoulder and just stared at me. I shrugged as if saying "What?" and she just shook his head. "Just never imagined you'd skipping class," she said.

"Oh yeah, well, what about you?" I asked. Allie lifted her hand and I saw the hall pass. "Oh."

"So, what's up?" She asked.

I really didn't know if I should tell her or not. Like I said, I stopped because I knew it was bothering her. I didn't want to do that again. She waited patiently for me to answer. I saw her eyes searching for the answer in my face. That's when I realized how beautiful she looked today. I sighed and put my head down. "I think I blew my chances with Sam." I admitted sadly.

She looked at me in mock shock. "You mean she didn't run into your arms and scream 'Freddie, I love you too'?" She said giggling. I had missed that giggle.

I smiled slightly. "Actually, I haven't even told her how I feel yet," I explained. "I saw her boyfriend kissing another girl and she didn't believe me. So I blew up at her and told her I was done. Now she won't even speak to me."

She nodded her head. "Jealousy is a strong thing," she said looking away from me and inattentively at her hall pass. "I should know."

I suddenly felt bad again. I knew she wasn't going to want to hear about my Sam troubles. I mean, I just broke up with this girl three months ago. Why was I bothering her with my problems? I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I should've just kept it to myself."

"No, Freddie, it's fine," she assured me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked into her beautiful hazel eyes again. "It actually feels good that you feel like you can confide in me."

I nodded and smiled. "You weren't just my girlfriend, you know. You were also my best friend."

"You were mine too," she whispered.

We just sat there staring at each other for a minute. Then a thought popped into my head. I wasn't with this beautiful, amazing girl who loved me. I was trying to chase some girl who hardly realized I existed unless it was to make fun of me or beat me. Allie was the girl I should be with. I told myself that the moment I laid eyes on her. We were a perfect match; just like everyone else had said. So why wasn't I with her? I let her go for something that wasn't moving any more forward than it could. I broke up with her for a girl who didn't even want me to exist in her life. For a girl that didn't believe me when I told her something.

I was such an idiot. I should've been with Allie this whole time. Instead, I have been chasing after Sam and acting like I actually had a chance. Don't get me wrong. I did love Sam. I do love Sam. But why wait on something that will never happen? Why pretend that I can go on like this without getting hurt? It wasn't going to work out and I knew that. I was trying to grab onto something that was always going to be out of my reach. Allie looked at me strange. I guess I had just been staring at her without saying anything for the last couple of minutes. Without thinking, I leaned in and kissed her.

It didn't take her long to kiss back. I let my books that I held in my hands fall at my feet and wrapped my arms around Allie. If you're wondering what the heck I was thinking kissing Allie, don't ask. I have no idea. Nothing was going through my head. I just knew that I still had feelings for Allie, and that I was hurt by Sam. I just didn't want to hurt anymore. Allie made me feel better, like she always had. I didn't know if I was kissing her because I missed her, loved her, or was just using her to make me forget about Sam. All I knew was that I couldn't let go. My body just kept bringing her closer to me. My lips kept moving with hers so perfectly. I knew I should've stopped. I should've never kissed her at all.

What was the most surprising was how responsive she was. Her hands were cupping my face as she kissed me back with so much passion it almost made me light-headed. My hand got tangled up in her hair and the other one put pressure on the small of her back, begging her to come closer. Of course, we were already pressed against each other. I was trying to stop myself. This wasn't going to end well. But then I thought, what was so wrong with this? Maybe we could get back together and I could stop being on this wild goose chase. It would never work though. Like Allie had said that night we broke up. 'Being in love with someone isn't something that just goes away…' She was right.

I broke away only for a second. I was supposed to pull away completely, but then she crashed her lips on mine. I wanted to kiss back so bad. Clearly, I still had feelings for Allie. Maybe they never left. I started to kiss back but then I pulled away and shook my head. We both looked at each other, breathing heavily. "What are we doing?" I asked finally catching my breath.

"What are we doing?" She asked. "You kissed me first bucko. That's all you."

She laughed. I knew she was trying to lighten up the mood. I was glad because I could feel the awkwardness creeping up from behind us. Things had never been awkward between us and I didn't want it to start now. Neither did she. "I'm sorry," I chuckled. "I don't know what came over me. I just…I've missed you."

She looked away quickly. "Freddie, I miss you too," she whispered. "But I don't think it's such a good idea that we talk about this. You still have to figure out this thing with Sam."

I groaned. "What if I don't want to? I don't see it going anywhere."

"Do you see us going anywhere if you're still in love with her?" She asked in all seriousness. "I'm not going to lie. I love you, Freddie."

I sighed. "See, that's the problem," I said.

"I know, you don't love me back, and that's fine," she started but I cut her off.

"No, the problem is I love you too," I said truthfully.

She was taken aback. She smiled slightly but then it quickly turned into a frown. "That makes me happy," she said. "But I don't want just half of you. I want all or nothing. So you're going to have to make a choice, sooner or later. It's me or her. I don't mean to give you an ultimatum but that's all I can offer right now."

I nodded. She kissed me on the cheek and walked away to her class. I put my face in hands and groaned again. What was wrong with me? Only I, Freddie, can mess this situation up so badly. I'm in love with two amazing girls, and I want both of them. But Allie was right. I had to make a choice. I couldn't keep bouncing back and forth. I had to talk to Sam. It was the only way to figure out what I was going to do. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes at myself. This was not going to be fun.

o0o0o0o

I gradually walked down the hall of Sam's apartment complex, trying to reach the door as slow as possible. I didn't even know what I was going to say. 'Hey sorry I yelled at you and said I didn't care and I was done with you.' Psh. Yeah, that'll go over like a charm. I finally reached her apartment door and I was starting to second guess this. It wasn't too late to turn back around. I could still leave. Just when I was about to turn around the front door flew open and Sam was standing there. She looked at me in shock at first and then disgust. No words were in my head. I just stood there like a fool with nothing to say. This was such a bad idea. "What do you want?" She asked.

"W-well, I was just coming h-here to…um…," I stammered trying to get the words out.

"Spit it out," she said annoyed.

I took a deep breath. "I'm here to apologize," I sighed in relief. "What I said last week to you was…out of line. I don't know why I acted that way."

She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. "Yeah, what was up with that?" She asked. "I mean I know we have problems but I thought we had some kind of friendship."

"So did I," I confessed. "That's why I was so mad that you didn't believe me. I want you to know that I would never lie about something like that just to hurt you."

She looked down at her feet and then back up at me. "I know that," she sighed. "And I know that Hunter cheated on me. I caught him in the act. So, I guess I'm sorry too, for not believing you."

"Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry," I said and gave her a slightly awkward hug. We pulled away and she just nodded in response. Then I had just realized something. "So does this mean you two are broken up?"

She nodded again. I wanted to jump for joy. That was the best news I heard in my life. I couldn't believe it. Maybe this was the right time to tell her what I have been wanting to tell her. My stomach was in knots as I tried to blurt out my feelings for her. "Sam, I need to tell you something," I started.

"I bet I know what it is," she replied.

My eyebrows went up in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I heard you and Allie are back together. A couple of people caught of glimpse of your make out session and now it's all over the school."

"Oh. Well, no we're not together. That was just…um…"

"Oh, c'mon, Freddie. If you're not with her then you should be. Heard it was pretty steamy. And I can tell…that…she loves you."

Sam seemed uncomfortable saying that. She disguised it though pretending she was gagging at the thought of someone loving me. She shook her head and laughed. I laughed too. I couldn't help it. It was so contagious when she laughed and smiled. "I don't think I can be with her right now," I confessed.

She looked at me confused and surprised. Allie was right as usual. As much as I loved her, I will always love Sam more. I thought back to what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure if I should tell her anymore. God, I was always running back and forth in my mind on what to do. I was getting tired of it. I needed to just stay on track. If I was going to say it then I should just say it. I guess fear was getting in the way like always. I was letting it too. But what would I do if she shot me down? I don't know how I would react or how it would even feel. I probably wouldn't be taking it so well. I wasn't going to let myself fall into that. "Well, I've got to go," Sam said interrupting my thoughts.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

She turned around and picked up a small box full of CD's, pictures and a jacket. "Need to give all this stuff back to Hunter before I burn it," she said. She walked past me, box in hand, and headed down the hallway.

I wanted to stop her. But I never did. She turned around, gave me a wink, and got into the elevator. I stood there dumbfounded at myself. This was never going to work. I couldn't just keep being afraid all the time. Eventually, it would bottle up inside and I would finally just explode at the wrong moment and place. I could see it now. I quickly ran down the stairs trying to beat the elevator. I made in downstairs just in the nick of time. Sam walked out of the elevator and I stopped her. "Hey, Sam, wait," I said.

"What is it now, Froddie?" She said making fun of me.

"I just needed—"

"Hey!" Carly said walking into the lobby.

Sam turned around and I turned the other way frustrated. What the hell was the world trying to stop me from telling Sam that I loved her? Either way it turns out I still felt the need to tell her. I felt like she deserved to know. But between me and everyone else in America, it was never going to happen. I said my goodbyes to both of them making some excuse that my mom needed my help with something. Instead of actually going to my place I decided to take a walk. Walking seemed to be the only time where I could think clearly nowadays.

Sam and Hunter were broken up. They were done and over with. She was a free agent. But maybe it wasn't the right time. She was falling for Hunter and all of a sudden found out that he was cheating on her. I could be happy with just giving her some time and still trying to be nice to her and have her notice me. Now with the scumbag out of the way, maybe it would be easier. There was no one to distract her and nothing to hold her feelings back. Not saying that she had feelings for me, but you never know. My head went back to Allie and what I was going to do with her. If I did get with Sam, I would still love Allie. And that wouldn't be fair at all. Of course, I did love Sam more, it still wouldn't be right. I had to get over my feelings for one of them; I just didn't know which one. I should just give up on both of them all together. It wasn't doing any of us any good for me to keep going back and forth between the two.

I started to kick a rock I found on the ground and sighed. I missed the times when life was simple. I was in love with Carly, and Sam and I hated each other. Man was that the good life. Then she had to go and complicate things that night when she kissed me at school. That's all it took. That one kiss and I was hooked. I just didn't know I would still be hooked eight months later. She had me right where she wanted me and didn't even know it. If only I didn't keep making excuses on why I shouldn't tell her how I feel. They were all valid reasons, of course. But I don't think they were good enough. I could think of tons of reason not to tell Sam. But one reason why I should tell her kept playing in my mind. What if she loved me back? I laughed at myself when I thought about that. I was not Sam's type at all. I know, I know, she dated me, but she already pleaded temporary insanity. I just couldn't wrap my mind around a thought like that. All I could keep thinking was that it was just a one time thing and it would never happen again. But again, that 'what if' kept popping in my head. It could happen. It could be true. But would I be able to take it if it's not. I couldn't imagine wasting all this time trying to get her to love me again, and it not even make a dent. I had to figure this out. I had to figure out everything. What I needed…and what I wanted. And I already knew what I wanted. It was Samantha Puckett. The real question was…is she what I needed?

o0o0o0o

Carly and I were watching some videos for iCarly this coming week. Sam was late as usual for rehearsal so I guess Carly thought it was the perfect time to ask me questions about Sam. She knew I was happy when I heard that Hunter was out of her life. We just haven't talked about Sam since then, and I was very content with that. The less I talked and/or thought about Sam, the less I would get confused and frustrated myself. This was Carly though, and I definitely should've known better. As I was looking through the videos she was staring at me with a mischievous smile on her face. I tried to ignore her but she wouldn't quit. Finally, I looked at her and asked, "Why do you keep staring at me?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, nothing," she said nonchalantly. "It's just, you know, Sam has been single for almost a month now."

"Yeah?" I said acting like I didn't know where she was going with this.

"And she's over Hunter," Carly said. "I can tell; doesn't even talk about him anymore."

"And?" I asked.

Carly sighed frustrated. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me slightly. "When are you going to make your move?" She finally asked.

"Carly," I said removing her hands from my shoulders. "I'm not going to make a move."

She looked at me strangely. "What do you mean? This is like perfect timing. Tonight after rehearsal just take her into the studio, and tell her how you feel."

I shook my head and chuckled. Carly was such a hopeless romantic. "It's not that simple," I said.

"Yeah it is. You just have to let it out. I'm not saying she's going to feel the same and that you'll get married and have kids someday. But I am saying that you'll never know unless you tell her"

Sam walked in the door and went straight to the fridge. She grabbed a chicken leg and leaned against the kitchen counter. "Sup?" She greeted through a mouth full of chicken.

Carly smiled. "Hey Sam," she said. "You ready for rehearsal?"

"Sure am," she said grabbing a napkin and wrapping the chicken in it. "Let's go."

"Actually, I'll meet you and Freddie up there," she said. "I need to…check on the laundry real quick."

Carly took off running through the back door. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe she just did that to me. Sam looked at the door oddly and then looked at me the same way. "Why does that feel like a set up?" Sam asked putting her chicken down.

I sat up from the computer and went towards her. "It's because it was," I confessed. "Sam, I have been dying to tell you something for months now."

"Ok, what is it?" She asked totally oblivious to the nervousness in my voice.

"Sam…"

She waited for me to say it. It wasn't coming out. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I kissed her.


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