You can be as furious with me as you want. I have been dealing with a lot of bullcrap in my life right now. But tonight I really needed an outlet and I just got inspired finally! So hopefully this will make up for not updating in forever. Hope my fans are still my fans. Finally chapter 6 is here! Review please!


Chapter 6: iDon't Love You

I pulled away quickly realizing what I had just done. I looked at Sam waiting for her to yell at me or smack me; something. She stood there in complete shock. I didn't know what to do at this point. It was Sam so the smart thing would have been to run away and lock the door behind me but I couldn't move. In fact, I was hoping for some kind of reaction at this point. All she was doing was standing there staring at me with her jaw dropped. I can tell she was confused. I wanted to say something but I didn't know how I could make this awkward moment ok. It reminded when Sam first kissed me at our school. It was so unexpected but it started something wonderful. I didn't know if the same thing was going to happen this time, though.

I was begging her to say something; do something. I couldn't take the silence anymore. I said the only thing that came to mind. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I don't know what came over me."

"What…the hell…was that?" Sam asked slowly. I couldn't tell if she was angry or not yet.

"I just needed to tell you something," I said.

"But you didn't say anything," she said. Ok, she was mad. "You just grabbed me and kissed me. What? You think you can just kiss me whenever you feel like it? That these lips are some kind of free service to you?"

I backed away as she came towards me. I could tell she was furious. "Look, Sam, I just didn't know how to say it," I tried to explain quickly. "Please just give me five minutes to explain."

"You got two," she said crossing her arms.

At this point, there was no more trying to hide it. There was no more trying to deny it. I was trapped and maybe that was a good thing. This time I couldn't run from it. Sam was right in front of me asking me to tell her what I had been dying to say for months. I didn't have time to think of how or what to say. The best thing at this moment was to just tell her the truth. But, of course, just as I was about to tell her, my phone rings. I quickly looked at it and saw it was Allie. I really should've ignored it and tell Sam that I was in love with her, but I didn't. Why you may ask? I have no freaking clue!

I held up my pointer finger to tell Sam one minute and turned around to answer my phone. "Hey, Allie," I answered.

"Freddie," Allie said crying.

"Al, are you ok?" I asked truly concerned.

I heard some sniffles. "Yeah, I think so," she said. "Look, I'm sorry I'm calling out of the blue but I just need to talk to you about something; about us."

"Um," I said turning around as Sam impatiently waited for me to get off the phone. "Yeah, I can do that. Just give me about a half an hour and I'll be on my way."

I hung up the phone and looked at Sam apologetically. "Fredward Benson, you better not be thinking of running off without telling me what the heck just happened," Sam warned.

"I don't know what happened, Sam," I lied through my teeth. "I just wanted to know if…I still had feelings for you."

It was getting easier and easier to lie these days. I didn't like it one bit either. Why couldn't of I just told her the truth? What was wrong with me? And now I just kissed Sam and I'm about to go over to Allie's place so we can talk about her and I? Seriously, I'm not dating either one of them but it feels like I'm a two-timer. Sam took it in a minute and nodded. "Well, do you?" She asked rather calmly.

"Um, no, I don't," I answered. Freddie Benson, what is the matter with you?

"Oh," she simply said. She turned around and didn't say a word.

"Sam?" I asked. "You ok?"

She turned around again. "Of course," she said but it wasn't convincing. "I'm so glad we got that covered. I mean I would really hate it if you still liked me."

That hurt pretty bad when she said that. I could feel my heart wanting to shatter. "Why?" I asked trying to act more interested than hurt.

"Well think about it," she said. "We tried it once before and it didn't work. Plus, you love Allie and we hate each other way too much to even think about dating again. And I don't have any feelings for you either."

I nodded trying my hardest not to show my sadness. "Well, it's a good thing I don't," I agreed.

"Don't worry, Benson," she reassured. "I'm not in love with you and you and I will never happen again. Now, go see Allie. I'll tell Carls where you are."

I walked out of the apartment with my heart barely hanging in there. "I'm not in love with you and you and I will never happen again" It was official. Sam and I would never be together again. I wanted to punch the wall. I wanted to hit something. I wanted this pain to go away and never come back. I had never felt this before. It was pure heartache. Sure, I was hurt when we broke up but this was different. I was really and truly in love with Sam. I know I had been saying that for months. But only now did I realize that this wasn't just high school love. This was true love I was feeling.

I rested my forehead against the wall and sighed heavily in defeat. I looked at my watch and realized I had to get going to Allie's house. I didn't feel like driving or walking anywhere but I knew I had to. I couldn't let her down just because the girl of my dreams crushed my heart.

I knocked on the door. Allie opened it and concern filled her eyes. I must've looked awful. I had been willing myself not to cry. Yeah, I know I'm a wimp. "Oh, my god, Freddie," she asked. "Are you ok?"

I shook my head. "No, not at all," I admitted.

"Come on in," she invited as she pulled me inside.

We were sitting in Allie's room on her bed. She looked at me waiting for me to calm myself down and get ready to speak. To be honest, I really didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted someone to say it was going to be all right. I just needed someone there. And Allie was there for me. She always was. I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and at that point I didn't want to let go. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. She wasn't asking what was wrong or anything. She was just letting me hold on to her. I felt like if I let go I would fall into some deep black hole. "It's never going to work," I finally whispered in her ear. "She doesn't love me. She doesn't want to be with me. It's never going to happen again. She said so herself."

Allie didn't say anything. She squeezed and then finally let go. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She kissed my cheek and hugged me one last time.

"This is so weird," I said. "I've never felt this hurt before…ever."

She touched my cheek softly. "I wish there was something I could do to take it away," she said.

I shrugged. "Maybe it's for the best," I said. "I didn't see us working out. Why would I want a girl like Sam anyway? I mean, she's offensive, hateful, obnoxious…"

I trailed off. Both of us knew that every word out of my mouth was a lie. I did want Sam, more than anything in the world. I looked up at Allie and I could see she was hurting for me. I pushed her hair out of her face and her eyes closed for a moment. Allie was so gorgeous. 'No,' I thought to myself. I was just hurt and I couldn't let Allie be my rebound girl. That would be terrible. I love Allie but I have to make sure that if I'm ever going to be with her again, then I need to get over this whole Sam thing. I need to make sure I want to be with her, and not just because Sam broke my heart.

I cleared my throat. "Enough about me," I said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, that," she said and tried to laugh it off. "It was nothing. Forget about it."

I gave her a 'yeah right' look. "You were crying on the phone, Allie," I reminded her. "C'mon, you know you can tell me anything."

"Really, Freddie, it's fine," she tried to convince me.

I moved from in front of her to right next to her. "Please tell me," I asked.

"Ok," she sighed. "But this isn't right timing." She bit her lip. "I was thinking a lot about you and the kiss the other day and all. And I just realized that I am very in love with you and I didn't want to give you up without a fight. I know I said I would leave you alone with the whole same thing but I couldn't. You are too important for me to lose."

I smiled slightly. "Thought you were a lover not a fighter," I playfully said.

"But I'll fight for what I love," she said.

She waited for me to say something but I didn't know what to say. From where it stands she didn't need to fight anymore. But I just told myself not to make her the rebound girl. I was kind of stuck. "I know," she whispered. "Bad timing. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No you're fine, Allie," I reassured her. "You know maybe this is a sign. Maybe this means that we are meant to be together. Sam just confessed that she doesn't have any feelings for me, and I do love you."

Allie shook her head. "As much as I would love that, I don't want to be the rebound girl."

I nodded and chuckled a bit. "I was just thinking the same thing," I admitted. "But, to be honest, I don't know if I would consider you that. I'm not saying I want to be with you because Sam is a no go. I'm saying I want to be with you…because I really do. I love Sam. I'm not going to lie about that. But it just seems like we aren't meant to be. You and I just seem so right sometimes."

Allie looked at me skeptically. I knew she wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not. I didn't know if it was either. Even though I said it wasn't because I couldn't get Sam, I wasn't sure how true that actually was. I was wasting my time on Sam, though. Allie looked at me and I looked back, and we both read each other's minds. We knew what was going to happen next.

"You what?" Carly said slapping me on the arm.

"Ow!" I yelped.

I had just told Carly what had happened between Sam and I. She wasn't very happy that I didn't tell Sam the real reason I kissed her. I could've sworn sometimes she wanted Sam and I to get back together more than I did. I sighed knowing that this was coming. "I can't believe you just didn't tell her the truth," Carly said outraged. "You're so frustrating. Why do you make things more complicated than they have to be?"

"Carly, it doesn't matter," I said. "She said that she doesn't have any feelings for me. I've been right all along. I was so stupid."

Carly looked at me and her face soften. I know I probably looked completely devastated. I really did feel stupid. How could've thought that Sam would still love me? She could do so much better than me. Carly sat next to me on the couch and patted my back. "Ever thought that maybe she said that because you said you didn't first?" Carly asked.

I looked at her and shook my head. "She just seemed so…sure," I whispered more to myself than her. "I mean, when I first told her she looked a little upset but I was just thinking it was because she was mad that I kissed her."

She shrugged. "Or maybe it's because she does like you, and she just didn't want to admit something to you if you didn't feel the same."

I nodded. Carly did make a lot of sense. She did seem a little disappointed but I never thought it would be because I said I don't like her anymore. Maybe there was a chance for me to get back together with her. If I could just finally muster up the courage to tell her what's really in my heart, I might win her back. But what if I didn't. What if Carly was wrong and she really didn't have feelings for me. I didn't know if I could take that blow again. It was hard enough the first time and I was still trying to get over it. I guess I just had to go by that old saying: "You'll never know until you try". But then I got to thinking about that night and my eyes went wide.

I didn't tell her about what happened between Allie and I the other night. "Carly, there's something else," I confessed. "Allie and I kissed the other night."

Carly looked at me with her mouth agape. She slapped me again on the arm even harder. "Carly! Would you please stop doing that?"

"When you stop being a player," she said rolling her eyes.

I stifled a chuckle. I was not being a player. It was funny for someone to call me that. "Look, it was just an innocent kiss because I was upset. It didn't go any further. We even talked right afterwards and agreed it was just because we were both upset."

I sighed and put my head down. Carly looked at me confused. "I don't get it," she stated. "What's the problem then?"

I stared at the wooden floor and took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Carly," I said. "This has never happened to me before and I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do, or say. I can't even tell Sam the truth. I'm going nowhere."

She looked at me sympathetically and touched my arm. "Freddie—"

"It's fine. I guess I'll figure it out. I'll let you go get ready for your date with Frank. Sorry I bothered you."

I walked out of her apartment and was about to go into mine. Then I thought about it and realized I could not deal with my mom at this moment. I sighed and decided to take a walk to the Groovy Smoothie. "I'm not in love with you…" As much as I tried I couldn't get those words out of my head. It was like an iPod on replay. It hurt repeating it in my head just as much as it did when I heard it from her. All this back and forth stuff between her and Allie wasn't helping. I didn't know what was wrong with me anymore. I figured that maybe I should just forget about both of them and move on with my life. Nothing was worth this much pain.

I walked into the Groovy Smoothie and walked up to T-Bo about to order a smoothie. Then I heard a familiar laugh behind me. I turned around and saw Sam…and Hunter. They were laughing together. I couldn't believe it. What was she doing with him? She couldn't…she wouldn't. I suddenly got furious and wanted to jump in there, but I kept my cool. I turned back to T-Bo and he handed me my smoothie. As I turned back around…they were kissing! I almost had a heart attack I was so shocked. Every fiber in my body was telling me to stay where I was. I tried to look away, disgusted by the sight. I couldn't bare it anymore. I walked up to them and pushed Hunter away from Sam. "Freddie!" Sam shouted.

I didn't even take the time to look at her. I stared furiously at Hunter as he just smirked. "Aw, what's wrong Fredward?" He asked sarcastically.

I turned to Sam. "Go," I ordered

She looked at me incredulously. I was surprised myself at what I said and how I was acting. But I just had to get her away from this dick of a guy. "Excuse me," she demanded. "I don't know who you think—"

I interrupted. "Sam," I said realizing my voice got louder. "You are not this stupid."

She rolled her eyes. "I really wish you would stop calling me that before I shove you in traffic," she said.

This girl was really something. Maybe she wasn't academically smart but she had more common sense than anyone else I knew. So when she made a mistake like this, it just took me by surprise. I felt like I had to protect her. "Then stop doing stupid things!" I shouted. A crowd started gathering around us three. "Sam, why are you kissing him?"

"How is that your business?" Hunter chimed in behind me.

I didn't dare to look at him. Mostly because he was a foot taller than me and could probably knock me out in one hit. "Hunter, you are not in this conversation and you aren't going to be in Sam's life," I said finally turning around to face him. "You are an ass and an idiot!"

"Freddie!" Sam tried to stop me.

"Shut up, Sam," I told her never taking my eyes off Hunter. "I don't know why she wants to be with you again, but I'm not going to let it happen. I…I…she's my friend and I'm not going to let that happen. Why do you even want her back?"

Hunter sneered at me. "What do you care?" He grunted.

"Oh, wait I know," I said. I was so furious I was standing up for myself and everyone around me was cheering me on. All except for Sam that is. "You just realized that she is the most amazing person on the planet! I realized that years ago which is why I would never do anything like that to hurt her. You realize how insane you were? What guy in his right mind would let Sam go like that and then have her turn on her friend? You are the stupidest—"

The next thing I knew I felt something cold on my eye. My head was lifted up by something and the rest of my body was on the floor. I could tell because I felt the tile. I fluttered my eyes open and saw Sam hovering with a zip-lock bag of ice on my eye. She removed the ice from my face when she saw me wake up. She shook her head at me, obviously in disappointment of me putting myself in front of Hunter like that. I had to do something, though. Hunter was no good for her and I wasn't going to just sit back and watch the woman I love be cheated and lied to. God, I'm such a sap.

Then I realized; my head was on Sam's lap. She was on the floor sitting on her legs…and my head was on her lap. I tried to hide my smile about this simple fact. This girl had me exactly where she wanted me, and she didn't even know it. She looked so beautiful with her golden curls cascading over her face as she stared down at me and placed the ice back on my eye. I winced in pain a little and rested on her lap comfortably.

The crowd that was gathered around us a couple of minutes before had dispersed and gone back to their smoothies and biscuits on a stick. I looked around as much as I could and didn't see Hunter anywhere either. I wonder what happened during the few minutes I was knocked out. I was sure I would see him standing over me laughing menacingly. "You are a crazy person," Sam finally said to me.

I smiled. "Yeah, well, you know," I said shrugging.

"Actually, I don't," she responded.

I was disappointed when she slowly lifted my head off of her so she could stand up. She helped me to my feet and stared at me muddled. I knew what she was talking about. I would have never done a scene like that for her before. I would try to warn her on my own time and that me ordering Sam around business, wouldn't of even crossed my mind. Again it was one of those moments that I could've told her the truth, but I didn't.

Even though I knew Carly had a point about Sam lying about her feelings, I still couldn't get those words out of my head. "And I don't have any feelings for you either." Carly could've been wrong. What happens if I say something and she really doesn't have feelings for me? I would look like a total fool; more than usual at least. I kept asking myself if I could take that chance.

"What was with bad boy Freddie?" Sam asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

I shrugged. "I don't like Hunter," I said simply.

She cocked her eyebrow. "Yeah you made that pretty clear," she chuckled.

"What were you doing with him, anyway?" I asked her. "You know he is no good for you. You deserve—"

She put her hand up to stop me. "So, you know how in movies, when an awkward situation happens people try to say 'we're just practicing a play'?"

I nodded. She went into her backpack that was sitting in one of the chairs beside her. She pulled out a booklet and gave it to me. It was a play. "Grease?" I said trying not to laugh.

"It's a stupid project we have to do for stupid drama," she said. "I have to play Sandy in front of the whole class with Hunter as Danny. We were practicing, that's it."

"Oh," I said gathering everything. Now I felt like an idiot.

"Look, I have to go but I want to thank you," she said shyly.

Who was this person that took over Sam's body? Did she really just thank me? Most of the time it would be sarcastic. "For what?"

"All those things you said to Hunter about me," she replied. "It was…really nice."

I smiled. "Anytime," I said. "Honestly, Sam, we might fight but I lo-I mean…I-I like you and you're my friend. I just didn't want to see you making a big mistake."

"Please Freddork," she said acting like Sam again. "That man isn't even ready for me." She gave me the bag of ice and made her way to the door. She turned around and said, "Oh, and one more thing. You ever try to order me around again, I'll make sure the next black eye is from me."

She walked out the door and I chuckled. All of a sudden a new emotion overtook my body; determination. There was no way I could give up now. Even if she didn't feel the same, she would by the time I was done. I wanted to do everything in my power to get her back no matter what. If I had given up now, I would've regretted for the rest of my life. There was only one problem: Allie.


Hope you guys aren't still mad at me and you still review because you guys are awesome and I could use some good words right now. Again guys, a lot of stuff is happening right now, but I am going to try my hardest to continue this story for you guys.