Christmas came around incredibly quickly; Merlin had got used to living with Mithian despite her insatiable appetite for cheese toasties and hot chocolate that on its own could give anyone diabetes. She was fun to live with though, and Merlin loved not having an empty flat anymore, they would help each other when they needed to and Mithian was adamant they talk about boys at least once a week which Merlin didn't actually really mind in all honesty. Although, she did demand to know things about Gwaine which Merlin was reluctant to speak about. He'd got with Gwaine a couple of times over the course of the last six weeks and he wasn't not enjoying it. It took his mind off of his work and Arthur, with whom he was still infatuated with even though the man was an utter tool.

Arthur hadn't actually spoken to him since the night everyone found out about Merlin and Gwaine's agreement but occasionally Gwaine would join them all at Morgana's for dinner on a Saturday much to Arthur's dismay. Everyone seemed to like Gwaine, at first they were hesitant because of the man's cocky and outgoing nature but honestly, they warmed to him and now he was a part of the group. Arthur though still hated him; he would glare whenever he made Merlin laugh, or if he touched him. Of course he hid this expertly because he didn't know what he would do if Merlin knew he felt this way (probably hate him more?).


It was the twenty-first of December and Merlin was wrapped in his fluffy lined coat, a hat that covered his ears, a scarf, mittens and two pairs of socks underneath his boots. Fair to say he looked snug and Gwen would not stop cooing and aw-ing at him when he dropped round their presents. He hugged everyone, told Mithian to keep the place tidy and to stay out of his room and that he'll be back before New Year's. Then he grabbed his bags and waited for his taxi to the train station. It was going to be a half hour wait and then a three hour long journey on the train so he grabbed his iPod and his copy of 'The Hobbit'( because let's face it, that is a marvellous book) and he read it while he waited.

Time flew by as he became engrossed in the words and before he knew it he was sat snug against a window with hardly anyone on his carriage. For a while he carried on reading before he began to feel tired so Merlin seized the opportunity to take a break. Merlin closed his eyes and let the songs fill his head and before long he was asleep and dreaming of blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, a strong jaw and a broad chest. He woke up just before the woman over the speaker told him his stop was next.

When Merlin stood up and stretched his gangly arms, his back cricked and the woman in the row next to him gave an annoyed look, he simply smiled apologetically before grabbing his backpack and suitcase and heading to the door. Even before he had got off the train he heard his mother excitedly shouting him over. Freya was standing next to her beaming, her smile glowed and Merlin couldn't help but send back a huge gummy grin.

As he walked over Freya practically ran toward him, launching herself forward for a hug causing him to drop his bag. She hugged him firmly and he held her just as tight. Their father walked over with a tray of hot drinks and smiled affectionately when he saw his children. Their mother on the other hand was basically crying and Merlin had to prise Freya off so he could hug his parents.

"Hi mum, hi dad."

"Oh Merlin sweetheart, we've missed you, you look well. Oh I am proud"

"mum, come on. Its freezing and I've missed your cooking. Mith's food isn't bad but it's nothing like yours."

"Ah yes, do tell us all about Mithian, she seems like a lovely girl."

"I'm still gay mum"

"I know I know"

It wasn't hard, not really, to get back into the routine of being at home with his mother fussing over everyone and everything. His father would spend half the day in his office drawing up plans for a new project he's got and Freya would sit in her room doing whatever teenage girls do. Probably doing satanic rituals trying to summon celebrities he thought and chuckled out loud because frankly he thought himself to be oh so hilarious earning a confused glance from his mother because he was sitting on the sofa on his phone, the TV wasn't on so naturally his mother thought he was texting a boy. Typical.

She came scuttling over with a dishcloth in her hand and an apron on. Leaning over the back of the sofa and resting her chin on Merlin's shoulder she murmured "Who're you texting sweetheart, what's his name?"

He let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. "I'm not texting a boy mum, its Morgana making sure I got home safely and I was laughing at my own joke."

"All right all right no need to get defensive." She said teasingly. Then she went back into the kitchen and did whatever chore she had embarked on now. Merlin sighed again and leant back into the cushions, he felt a little restless so he stood up, shook himself a little and walked into the kitchen.

"Mum do you want to make some cakes?"

"Aren't you a little bit old to be making cakes with your old mum?"

"Never."

"Rightyo then, get the flour."

So for the rest of the day while everyone else was being anti-social, Merlin and Hunith were in the kitchen making cakes (or in Merlin's case, getting flour all over him). His mother couldn't help but laugh adoringly at Merlin's flour speckled face and hair and then Freya came in, laughed and took a picture of him before he could protest and then she ran upstairs cackling all the way leaving Merlin grumbling under his breath.

"Oh stop being grumpy, if she puts it on the internet well it doesn't matter. Little sisters are supposed to torment you."

He folded his arms and pouted, just as he did when he was four but Hunith didn't break. Instead she picked up the bowl of buttercream and dabbed him on the nose with it making him smile and laugh.


For Merlin, the next few days went far too quickly. On Christmas-eve he and Freya spent the day making Christmas cookies and gingerbread while they persuaded their mother to take a break. Just as before though Merlin managed to get himself absolutely covered in flour and icing sugar to which Freya found hilarious. They ended up having a fight using wooden spoons and various cake mixtures. Hunith was not impressed to say the least. They simply smiled guiltily and gave her their best puppy-dog face. Fair to say they didn't win that one and were made to clean up the mess. By the end of it however, they had made about a hundred biscuits and Freya insisted they decorate them perfectly, so that took an extra three hours. Excluding the time it took for the biscuits to cool down enough.

Merlin slept easily that night and in the morning he was eager and ready to bring on the festivities. Freya ran in his room, jumped on him and despite him being eighteen years of age and Freya being fifteen they still had Christmas stocking loaded with little presents and sweets. They both sat on Merlin's bed giggling over their little trinkets and covering the floor with wrapping paper. He stood up and poked his head out of the door and when he came in he had a wicked grin plastered across his face.

"It is time, young one, for the festivities to begin. We must awake the birth-giver and the bearded one." He said this in a deep regal voice and Freya burst out laughing.

"Then, my lord, we must not delay or else they shall rise before we complete our mission."

They nodded at one another and padded through the hallway to their parents' room. "On the count of three" He reached for the door handle "One."

He pulled it down as quietly as possible. "Two." He paused and started pushing it open "THREE!" He shouted and they ran in, Freya jumping on the bed and Merlin singing 'Jingle Bells' their parents grumbled and Balinor covered his face with the duvet cover but it was obvious he was laughing.

Merlin skipped downstairs into the kitchen. He turned the kettle on and took out four mugs and made his special hot chocolate that was only reserved for Christmas morning. A few minutes later they were all sat around the fireplace, Freya by the tree, Hunith with her feet over Balinor's lap and Merlin on the floor in front of the coffee table in his fluffy blue socks and his reindeer pyjamas nursing his hot chocolate and then the doorbell rang which only meant one thing.

Merlin smiled and hauled himself up. He walked over to the door and when he opened it he smiled so wide that his cheeks hurt. Will and his family were there as per the usual Christmas tradition, after all they were family really. They walked in and Will's mother gave Merlin a huge hug and a kiss on his cheek before they all made their way into the living room.


The day was perfect and so were the next five. They all ate mince pies and drank sherry but before they realised, it was December 30th and Merlin had to go back up to Cambridge. He packed up his things again and put on his warmest clothes and at four p.m his parents gave him a lift to the train station.

"I wish you could stay long darling."

"Me too mum but I kind of want to spend New Year's with my friends sorry"

"Oh pish posh don't apologise, I know what you mean."

"Thanks"

"It's alright, now before you go. Be careful, don't get into trouble and if you need anything don't hesitate to call whatever the hour may be."

"I love you mum" He hugged her and she held him tighter. "I'll miss you"

"Well I'm only a phone call away, stay safe" He smiled and then turned to his dad who smiled back at him then hugged him tightly.

Freya hugged him ferociously and kissed his cheek. "Don't be annoyed when you check Facebook" she whispered before he pulled back and narrowed his eyes at her. His mother fussed over him and told him to go before he missed his train. It wasn't busy so he got a window seat and he waved at his parents and sister as he sped away.


Everyone cheered when Merlin trudged through the door of his flat red faced and shivering. He dropped his backpack to the floor and Mithian took his suitcase and escorted him to his room where she embraced him and told him she had missed him which made a smile creep onto his stiff face. He had a hot shower and emptied his bags, hanging up his new jumpers and jeans. He realised though that had left his backpack by the front door and before he even registered that he will still in just a towel he exited his room and went straight into the lounge.

Mithian and Morgana both wolf-whistled which made him blush slighted when he realised what he was wearing. He stood up and looked at the stunned faces in front of him. "Don't mind me, just left my bag in here."

Morgana was smirking, Leon had an eyebrow raised, Gwen was giggling into her cardigan sleeve, Mithian had just turned back to the TV, Elyan was shocked and Arthur…well Arthur seemed to be in a daze. His eyes looked like they were bugging out their sockets and his mouth was hanging open. Merlin blushed, his face turned crimson and he shuffled back down the hallway into his room.


On New Year's Eve the bunch of friends spent the day buying booze and snacks. Instead of going to a massive bash they decided they would have their own V.I.P party that only consisted of Merlin, Arthur, Mithian, Morgana, Leon, Gwen, Elyan, Gwaine, Lance and Percival. So the ten of them at eleven o'clock that night had 'New Year's Eve' on the TV and Morgana prepared the countdown.

Not everyone had someone to kiss apart from the two lucky couples so at Midnight Mithian drunkenly grabbed Merlin's face and kissed him sloppily making both of them burst into hysterical drunk laughter which seemed to be contagious for the rest of the lonely people who were not passionately playing tonsil tennis on the sofa. For a moment Merlin and Arthur locked eyes and Arthur looked slightly upset if Merlin hadn't known better. He had no time to question it though before Mithian had hauled him up and they were back to watching the film.

Once everyone had sobered up at about noon they all sat drinking coffee.

"So any New Year's resolution?" Gwen said excitedly.

"I'm still working on it" Elyan stated.

"I think I might just stop defying father so much" Arthur said meekly

"Arthur" Morgana said flatly "That's a shit one, you would never be able to do that."

"Gana, I've disappointed him enough so I might as well stop being such a failure."

"Seriously? Arthur you being gay does not equate to you being a failure. I don't care what father says so shut the fuck up and make a new resolution."

Merlin sat stunned, how long had Arthur been gay? Does everyone else know? He thought. Then he heard Mithian ask him what his resolution is.

"I guess it's to tell you all about a slight issue that I've been ignoring but since I can trust you all I should probably tell you."

The room was silent for a while before Merlin breathed in heavily and exhaled slowly.

"Right so uh I'm not going to do this gracefully because I'm not very at words but yeah…I had cancer, brain tumour to be exact and I would have died. But because doctors are wonderful I had it surgically removed a year or so ago and then went through chemo. I was bald but my hair grew back and now I don't have cancer. Ta-dah!"

Half the room was sat with their mouths agape, Gwen had tears in her eyes and Mithian was holding her hand in front of her mouth. "Merlin" Morgana whispered "Merlin, are you being serious right now?"

"I am, this isn't some sick twisted joke Morgana. I genuinely did have cancer."

"Oh my God Merlin, I'm so sorry."

"I don't know why you're saying sorry. It's gone. It might come back but it might not and honestly I just want to get through university okay? So that's the only secret I've hidden from you and now you know. So please don't ask if I'm fine because I am and even if I'm not I'll say that I am. You're my closest friends and I trust you alright. Just don't go telling people I'm the cancer kid. I never even told anyone when I was at school. Other than Will of course."

"Who's Will?" Arthur asked a little too quickly.

Merlin was a bit taken aback "My friend…best friend, actually more like my brother. Why, jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous you idiot?"

"Calm down princess I was only teasing" Arthur huffed and slouched back into the chair, Merlin focused a scowl on the blond man and everyone else in the room looked at each other as if they all knew something Merlin and Arthur didn't.

"Happy Birthday by the way Merls" Mithian sang and then everyone joined in with a drunken rendition of the birthday song at which Merlin could not contain his laughter.


After that the year went by a bit too fast for anyone's liking. Gwaine and Merlin hooked up now and again. Arthur went back to being a conceited little prat who made Merlin feel like constant shit. Neither one would back down; they never acted civil toward one another.

One night in about mid-June, when Merlin was sulking in his room Mithian went over to Morgana and Gwen's when the two were there by themselves.

"I've hand enough." She boomed when she walked in. Morgana was in the kitchen and Gwen looked at the girl quizzically.

"What are you on about?"

"Merlin and Arthur! For fuck's sake when are they going to realise they have feelings other than hatred toward one another. I mean seriously they're so fucking in love and it is so obvious. Everyone knows it apart from them." She gasped in a breath "If I have to listen to another rant about how obnoxious Arthur is I am going to set them both alight."

"Alright Mith, calm down we'll figure something out I swear."

"Can I stay here tonight while Merlin sulks please?"

"Of course you can."


Merlin couldn't actually believe how quickly his first year rolled through and when his exams came and went he was relieved to have the summer to do nothing. He felt calm but something had been niggling at the back of his mind for quite some time now. It was the end of July and Merlin thought incredibly hard about what was bothering him. Then it hit him…Gwaine. He and Gwaine were friends with benefits. He had no feelings for the man other than the fact they were friends and he didn't think he ever would. He was pretty sure Gwaine felt the same way so why did it bother him so much?

It was because he was bored. He was bored of not being in a relationship. Merlin had never really had a relationship before and now he wanted one. He wanted the messiness of it all, the laughs and even the fights. He wanted someone to wake up with and cuddle up to in the morning, to share kisses with, to have someone who knew him inside out and Gwaine was not that person. Don't get me wrong Merlin liked the sex, that was good but it was hollow. There was no feeling other than raw sexual desire. So he decided he would break it off with Gwaine; that was the deal anyway.

Merlin got himself dressed and texted Gwaine to meet him at the coffee shop just down the road. He shuffled down the street, it was hot and sunny and there were bugs everywhere and Merlin hated bugs, he would almost scream if something flew into his face. Unfortunately he was not immune to the heat so he couldn't wear his jacket and had to go out with his arms on show. He adamantly refused to let Mithian buy him shorts though, arms were enough he would not put his legs on show as well.

When he walked into the quaint little shop the girl at the counter smiled at him and he smiled back, Gwaine was sat in a comfy leather armchair near the back already with their drinks.

"Hi Gwaine"

"Merlin! Y'alright?" he replied between sips of coffee

"Yeah um I need to talk to you actually"

"Alright, shoot"

"Right, yeah. I don't really know how to phrase this but I'll try my best."

"Just spit it out"

"Pushy. Anyway…um Gwaine. I would like to stop having sex with you." An old lady not too far away from them looked round with a shocked expression.

"Elegantly put but okay"

"Okay?

"Yeah, that was the deal wasn't it. You sure though?"

"Yeah, sorry it's just I kind of want something more and this'll make me sound like a dick but not with you."

"I completely understand Merlin. I was actually going to say the same thing to be honest."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah and I was gonna ask about Mithian."

"What about Mithian?"

"Well, she's smart, gorgeous she has my kind of sense of humour and well she's kind of brilliant and I was going to see if you could help me ask her out?"

"I'd be happy to help."

"Thanks Merlin, you're a good friend."

"I know"