AN: If anything from this chapter strikes you as odd, it may be due to the fact most of it was written while I was sleep deprived and/or running solely off sugar.
Joker: "Wasn't that how this story came about in the first place?"
Shut up Joker, or I won't make the brownies again! –twitches- And to my readers, I'm really sorry about taking a month to write this…and hooray that an actual crossover section has been created!
Harry and Remus spent about another week at Diagon Alley, a few of those days dedicated to Harry getting back to himself and putting the finishing touches on his wand, which was now comprised of the crystal of Harry's blood and magic with the wood being yew, causing the maker to give Harry an odd look when he choose what wood to use.
"What's wrong with it?" Harry had asked.
"Yew is mainly indicative of death," the man responded, continuing his work.
"That's ridiculously ironic considering my line of work," Harry whispered to Remus causing his henchman to stare at him oddly, "What?"
"Have you actually…" Remus trailed off.
"No," Harry responded, to Remus' relief before adding, "Not yet anyways."
"…I'll just ignore that…" Remus sighed.
"Don't you always?" Harry laughed.
—HJH—
"…we need to put a cushion or something like that in front of this…" Harry muttered after tumbling out of the fireplace, he stood up and quickly brushed himself off, "Mum, dad, we're back!"
"They are currently out," Prank responded, walking into the room, "I think they mentioned something about 'painting the town green and purple'…"
(Quick cut)
"…Harley, do you see what I see?" Joker asked, staring in disbelief at what was in front of him, a bucket of paint nearly slipping from his fingers.
"If you're talking about the Batmobile right in front of us, then yeah, I see it," Harley answered.
"…let's give it a new paintjob!" Joker yelled, promptly dumping the contents of his bucket onto the hood of the vehicle with Harley eagerly joining in.
(Quick cut)
"Oh," Harry remarked before quickly jumping away from the fireplace when the flames lit up again.
"I think we need to find another way to get back to England when you have to go to Hogwarts, Jin hates the Floo Network," Remus spoke, stepping out the fireplace and letting go of Jin who quickly leapt into Harry's arms.
"You may have a point there," Harry remarked before tilting his head slightly in curiosity and asking, "Are you alright? You like paler than normal…full moon coming up again?"
"I believe so; I need to stop at Visigoth Ave to pick up some more potion," Remus answered.
"Okay then, I can handle myself just fine," Harry responded, "Actually, I'll call up Ritchie and see if we can meet up later…I'm glad we found a wizarding house that has a phone too, the magical and muggle combined! Why isn't it like that over in England?"
"I suppose they're old fashioned that way," Remus answered as he left.
"Hey Prank, have you made any progress in being me?" Harry joked, putting Jin down so he could play with his parents.
"Unfortunately no," Prank sighed, depressed with his failure.
"Maybe because you're all you and you have no me?" Harry guessed.
"…I still have no idea as to how you can think like that," Prank responded.
"What I'm trying to say is that you have none of my personality so it's making it hard for you to imitate me," Harry explained, "Maybe if you had some of my magic it would help."
"I should have some semblance of your personality since I have your memories, but I suppose that my own personality cannot simply be ignored or easily overwritten," Prank responded with a sigh, "And as evidenced by Poison Ivy's attempts, she couldn't replicate your magic no matter how many times she tried."
"Maybe we just needed to do it separately?" Harry reasoned, a plan forming in his head.
"What do you mean?" Prank asked, curious as to what Harry had in mind.
"This may or may not work, but it's worth a try…and don't talk, you might distract me," Harry responded putting his hands on Prank's head, and concentrating on his magic to flow through his body and into Prank's.
"Harry, what're you doing?" Prank asked, also wondering how they had suddenly ended up in the field of memories.
"Giving you some of my magic…how the heck we get here?" Harry muttered.
"Maybe it's the connection, or something else…magic is confusing," Prank sighed.
"Hey, you didn't sound so uptight that time!" Harry pointed out.
"Y-you're right, this is actually working!" Prank exclaimed with a wide smile on his face, "I feel incredible; like I want to just…I have no clue how to explain it!"
Harry laughed at how Prank was now on the verge of bouncing off the walls, "I can't believe it actually worked! I was just taking a shot in the dark."
"I'm glad you did!" Prank responded before quickly sweeping up Harry into a bruising hug.
"Glad you're happy," Harry smiled, "We need to get back to the real world, I'm meeting up with Ritchie later, remember?"
—HJH—
"Hey there, Harry," Dick greeted.
"Aloha, Ritchie," Harry smiled, perched on 'his' swing as the two had dubbed it.
"I thought you weren't coming back for a while?" Dick responded, sitting next to him.
"Certain circumstances have changed things; I'll be here in Gotham for a while before heading off," Harry explained, wondering if Remus was fine with the full moon coming up soon.
"I see…what do you want to do then?" Dick asked.
"Don't know…I don't have any money and my house is a bit of a mess, so that's out," Harry smoothly lied.
At the mention of Harry's house, Dick perked up, "You've never been to my place, have you?"
"Nope, we only hang out here at the park or at random places around the city," Harry admitted, "But there was that one time where we went to that penthouse for a party at Halloween."
"You spiked the punch that day and you convinced me to get away from the party to egg cars with you," Dick remarked with a smile.
"Don't say you didn't enjoy it," Harry responded with a laugh, "But anyways, if you don't mind, I'd like to see where you hang your hat."
"Sure, how about you stay over too?" Dick offered, "I'm sure Bruce or Alfred wouldn't mind."
"Cool, how about I stay over tomorrow night then?" Harry responded with a smile, "Things are too crazy to do it tonight."
"That'd be fine by me," Dick grinned.
"I'll meet you here tomorrow, the usual time, with my stuff," Harry clarified.
"Perfect," Dick responded; the two of them played a bit longer before parting ways, both very excited about tomorrow.
When Harry arrived at the park the next day, he found Dick standing next to an older man in front of an expensive car.
"Exactly on time, you got a clock in your head?" Dick remarked with a smile.
"Leave the jokes to me, Ritchie, you're no good at them," Harry responded with a grin as he climbed onto the backseat.
"Just don't involve a rubber chicken again, I couldn't breathe with how badly I was laughing," Dick responded.
"I'm sure that's quite an interesting story," the old man spoke, sitting in the driver's seat.
"Um…hi there, I don't think we've met," Harry responded; unsure of how to speak with the man sitting in the driver's seat.
"We did meet briefly at the Halloween party last year, but you and Master Dick ran off quite quickly when you arrived," the man spoke, a glimpse of a smile could be seen on his face in his reflection of the rearview mirror.
Harry turned to Dick with a raised eyebrow, "Did he just call you 'Master Dick'?"
Dick simply let out a self-conscious laugh, "He's like that; that's Alfred, he's our butler."
"Oh…nice to meet you!" Harry greeted.
—HJH—
As the car made its way up the long path, Harry let out a low whistle, "You could hold at least two soccer matches on a lawn this big!"
"I don't have enough friends to have one though," Dick joked.
"True," Harry admitted before asking, "Have you every played paintball?"
"…don't those hurt?"
"It leaves a welt if you're not wearing any padding, that's what hurts," Harry corrected, "If you're protected, you're fine."
"How do you know stuff like that?" Dick asked, getting out of the car.
"Uncles that like to shoot at each other but don't want to get arrested," Harry answered.
"…how many uncles do you have?" Dick remarked.
"Related to me, only one but I hate him anyways so he doesn't count. I have a whole bunch that I care for though," Harry responded, "My parents tell me I have a tendency to 'collect' people into a sort of family for myself."
"It fits with your personality, in a way, you seem like a bit of a packrat to me," Dick reasoned, opening the front doors.
Harry checked out his surroundings before blurting out, "This place is huge!"
"That was my reaction too," Dick laughed before turning to Alfred, "Is Bruce home yet?"
"Master Bruce has a meeting, but should be home in an hour or so," Alfred answered.
"Okay then," Dick responded as he turned to Harry, "What me to show you around?"
"Sure!" Harry replied following after Dick; as the two ran off, Alfred could not help but smile to himself in amusement.
As they rushed by a series of windows, Harry glanced outside and offhandedly commented, "Nice pool."
"You want to go swimming later?" Dick offered.
"That sounds great, but I don't have any swimwear," Harry responded.
"You can borrow some of mind, we're not that different in size even though you're a bit smaller than me," Dick countered.
"Thanks for reminding me about my height," Harry groused before quietly admitting, "To be honest, I don't know how to swim, I never learned."
"I'll teach you then," Dick responded.
"Great," Harry spoke sarcastically.
They made a quick stop by Dick's room to drop off Harry's bag and pick up some swimming trunks; after changing into them, the two boys made their way outside where the better lighting caused Dick to notice something, which prompted him to ask, "Hey Harry, what's up with your back?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Harry muttered, knowing that his friend was referring to the scars on his back, some came from going around as Prank but the bigger and worse ones came from when he was still with the Dursleys.
"Are you sure?" Dick pressed, thinking that Harry's parents did something to him.
"…It's not from my parents, if that's what you're thinking…these came from my previous 'guardians'. They're the ones who did this and they'll pay for it anyways so stop worrying," Harry responded.
Dick noted the tone of hate when Harry talked about his old guardians, especially when he mentioned that they would pay for what had happened, "If you're sure…"
"Just drop it, Ritchie," Harry retorted, before standing stiffly at the edge of the pool, "You teaching me or not?"
"Being that tense will make you sink," Dick informed before jumping into the pool. When he surfaced he spoke, "If you don't want to jump in, you can use the stairs."
"Thanks," Harry grumbled, walking into the water, "Okay, now what?"
"Just relax, tread water first and we'll go from there," Dick responded.
"How can I relax when I think I'm gonna drown?!" Harry exclaimed.
"I won't let you drown," Dick sighed, "Just kick your legs a little to keep you above the water.
"If I do drown, I'm haunting you for the rest of your life," Harry threatened.
"Deal," Dick answered, smirking knowing that Harry was joking to try to cover up how nervous he was.
After about ten minutes, Harry had learned enough of the basics to swim from one side of the pool to the other.
"This is easy!" Harry boasted before kicking away from the edge of the pool, not noticing he had drifted over to the deep end.
"Harry, be careful!" Dick warned.
Harry was set to respond before he noticed that he could not touch the ground and that he was starting to sink; the last thought he had before he slipped under the water was: 'Me and my big mouth!'
Dick quickly swam out to where Harry was and dove under the water, seeing Harry flailing around to try and reach the surface, but he was so turned around that he did not know what was up and what was down. Dick felt an odd sensation in his chest, as if his heart was being squeezed in a vise, when he saw Harry grow limp.
(Quick cut)
Prank clutched at his chest and started to cough and gasp for air.
"What's wrong?" Harley asked, putting a hand on his back to see if she could do anything.
"H-Harry, there's…something's happened…" Prank collapsed and kept trying to get air into him despite the fact he technically did not have lungs, "Have to help…need to get to him…"
Harley was roughly pushed aside as Prank jumped out through a window; she and Joker shared a look before hopping into the armored ice cream truck and giving chase.
(Quick cut)
Dick grabbed Harry's arm and quickly dragged him out of the water and onto the edge of the pool; he called out for Alfred before checking on his friend, quickly realizing that Harry was not breathing anymore. Dick carefully placed his hands on Harry's chest and pressed slightly a few times before tilting his head back, Dick hesitated for a moment before sealing his lips over Harry's and forcing air into his lungs; he continued the actions for another minute when he noticed Alfred running up to him. It was then that Harry jerked in response before turning slightly to cough up some water before growing limp on the tiling, his chest rising and falling with his shallow breaths.
"It's he going to be alright?" Dick worriedly asked, moving away from Harry so Alfred could get a better look.
"He should be just fine," Alfred answered, checking Harry's pulse
"I'm glad Bruce taught me CPR 'never know when you're going to need it'…" Dick remarked humorlessly.
As Alfred made sure that Harry was fine, he and Dick were surprised when Harry's hair suddenly darkened to black.
"…what was that?" Dick asked, breaking the silence that had emerged from the sudden change.
"Nothing I've seen," Alfred remarked, carefully picking Harry up, "I think swimming lessons are over for today."
Alfred carried Harry up to a guestroom and set him down on the bed; while double checking on the unconscious boy, he remembered something and a worried look crossed his face.
"What's wrong Alfred?" Dick asked.
"We have intruders," Alfred answered.
"Who?" Dick responded.
"Prank, with Joker and Harley Quinn following quite a bit behind him," Alfred responded.
"What're they doing here?" Dick spoke; fear crossing his face, "Do you think they know?"
"I am not sure, I've informed Master Bruce of the situation and he should be arriving shortly," Alfred informed, "But it might be best to be prepared for any possibilities.
Dick nodded in agreement before bolting down to the Batcave to better monitor the ground and to start changing into his Robin outfit; his eyes were fixed to the screen as he watch Prank sprint up the long driveway before coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the front door, chest heaving as he tried to get his senses together.
'Harry…Harry, answer me!' Prank called out, hoping that Harry would reply.
'…Prank…what's wrong?' Harry slowly responded.
'You're alright, that's good…' Prank's body sagged in relief before becoming rigid in realization, 'I've made a really stupid decision!'
'What're you talking about?' Harry inquired.
'Talk later, run away now!' Prank replied, noticing the ice cream truck screech to a stop behind him, he quickly turned on his heel and leapt into the back of the vehicle, "Floor it!"
"Are you crazy?" Harley yelled, as she drove madly away from the Wayne estate.
"Sorry, I got so caught up on what might've happened to Harry that I panicked," Prank responded.
"Hopefully we won't get caught by the Bat and sent to Arkham!" Joker cut in, before asking quietly, "How's the kid doing?"
"Harry's fine, I'm not sure exactly what happened but he's okay now," Prank answered as they made their getaway, "But this incident does have a slight upside to it."
"How can there be an upside to my son almost dying?!" Joker exclaimed, in an odd show of paternal concern.
"Both of us being in the same area at the same time might be a good idea to make it seem that Harry isn't me…meaning his criminal self," Prank explained.
"Never thought of something like that," Harley remarked.
"But it might not work at all, since there weren't more witnesses," Prank sighed, "Might have to do this again in a more public setting though…"
—HJH—
Bruce watched as the tricked out ice cream truck rushed pass and thought to follow before deciding it would be too conspicuous for himself to chase after them and continued back to the manor to make sure that everything was fine. After making sure that the Harlequin of Hate and his associates were not coming back anytime soon and that the grounds were secure again, Bruce went down to the Batcave to see if the 'Clown Clan', as the newspapers had dubbed them, had been up to anything else in that last twenty-four hours, other than painting the Batmobile. 'At least regular paint will be easier to remove than spray-paint.'
While Bruce was busy trying to figure out if the Joker was planning anything else, Dick had changed out of his costume and looked in on Harry in time to see him stirring.
"Drowning…not fun…" Harry muttered, a hand pressed to his chest.
"I would guess so," Dick responded, cracking a weak smile before asking, "What happened to your hair?"
"What do you mean?" Harry responded, sitting up on the bed.
"After you were pulled out of the pool, your hair turned black when you passed out," Dick explained.
Harry stared at his friend with wide eyes before holding a lock of his hair in his hands, it was black; he felt his pulse start to race and began to panic, "Y-y-you weren't supposed to ever see me do that!"
"Harry, it's okay, calm down!" Dick grabbed Harry's shoulders to get him to relax but drew his hands back quickly when he was shocked by a series of green sparks.
"It's not okay, it's not okay!" Harry yelled, hyperventilating, "You think I'm a freak don't you?!"
"Of course not!" Dick answered, "You're my friend, and I just want to know what happened to you."
"It's a…it's an ability I have…" Harry muttered, still unconsciously emitting green sparks.
"What about the sparks?" Bruce asked, walking into the room unexpectedly.
Harry flinched violently, "I guess that happens when I'm…"
"Scared? Nervous?" Dick offered.
"Either of those I guess," Harry responded.
"What about this ability you mentioned?" Bruce pushed.
"I think that now's not the time to press matters," Alfred intervened, "I think if would be best if Master Harry got some more rest." Bruce conceded to Alfred's thinly veiled order and left the room without comment.
"Thanks Alfred, I'm not really in the mood to explain much," Harry grateful for the man's intervention.
"You're welcome," Alfred responded before turning to leave the room as well, "If either of you need me, I'll be in the kitchen…making something sweet…"
"What was up with the 'making something sweet' line?" Harry remarked.
"He's going to make cookies to cheer you up," Dick informed.
Harry sat silently for a moment, allowing the knowledge to sink in before yelling, at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE COOKIES!"
"…remind me never to give you ice cream, then," Dick remarked from his spot on the floor, having fallen off the bed in surprise at Harry's outburst.
Dick quickly thought up a way to Harry from rushing downstairs to where the sweet scent of cookies drifted from when Alfred walked into the room, a tray with freshly made cookies and glasses of milk perched on it. Alfred raised an eyebrow at seeing one of Harry's arms tied to the headboard, "Is this a new game I've never heard of?"
"Er…not exactly," Dick sheepishly responded.
"Give me the cookies!" Harry screamed, tugging at his restraint.
It took a few minutes to get Harry calm enough to untie him without him jumping off the bed to attack the tray, and it caused Alfred a small amount of amusement to see Harry quickly quiet down as if he had not been set to start bouncing off the walls a moment ago.
"These are really good," Harry remarked, grabbing another cookie from the plate, "You have to tell me how you make them."
"Sorry, it's a secret," Alfred answered, a smile on his face as he left the room.
"Hey Ritchie…are you sure that you still want to be friends with me, even though I'm a freak?" Harry asked after a moment of silence.
"I don't think you're a freak, Harry, and we made a promise to always be friends no matter what, remember?" Dick spoke.
Harry gave a weak smile before quietly speaking, "Ritchie, I'll tell you why I can do that thing with my hair and the sparks but you can't tell anyone else, unless I say so, okay?"
"Scout's honor," Dick responded, curling his pinky around Harry's for a brief moment, reminding his friend of when they had first made their promise.
Harry gave a small smile at the gesture before speaking, "I'm…I'm a wizard."
Dick stared in disbelief for a moment before asking, "Like with wands and funny words?"
"Yeah, I just got my wand last week," Harry answered, "That's actually why I'll be gone, I'm going to this magical school overseas…it's a complicated thing to explain."
"Oh…what else can you do?" Dick asked.
"With my ability or magic in general?" Harry responded.
"Which would be easier to explain?" Dick clarified.
"My ability I guess, since it's better to show what I can do," Harry answered, his hair changing to blue.
"That's cool," Dick remarked.
"It's a really rare ability, guess I got lucky," Harry responded before adding quietly, "Guess I wouldn't have found out about it if I never came to Gotham…"
"What do you mean?" Dick asked.
"Best to sort of start at the beginning: the only reason I was with my previous guardians is because my birth parents were murdered when I was a baby and then I ran away from them and ended up here. Being scared and wanting to blend in caused me to learn I could change how I look," Harry answered, "Then a bunch of stuff happened, including: finding a new family, a friend of my parents finding me, and making friends with you…not in that order exactly."
"…your parents were murdered too?" Dick responded.
"What do you mean 'too'? What happened to yours?" Harry inquired.
"I used to be a part of the circus, I traveled with my parents, we were acrobats and were good enough to perform without nets…one night the trapeze wires were sabotaged and my parents…they fell," Dick admitted.
"…I'm sorry that I made you bring that up," Harry muttered.
"It's okay…guess we have more in common then we thought," Dick responded.
"…Ritchie, would you still be friends with me even if I did something really bad?" Harry asked.
"Of course," Dick answered, "I mean, what's the worst you can do?"
'…I guess I really shouldn't tell him about what I do at night then…' Harry thought before quietly muttering, "You'd be surprised."
Dick noted the comment and filed it away for later, "Is there anything else about magic world, or whatever you call it, you can tell me?"
"Well…my Uncle Remus is a werewolf," Harry replied.
"A werewolf…like 'turns into a beast on full moons' and 'tries to eat you' werewolf?" Dick responded.
"Yep, though the whole 'try to eat you' thing is taken care of because of this potion he drinks before the full moons so that he actually knows what he's doing on those days," Harry explained before laughing, "Though there was this one incident where his potion wasn't strong enough or something and his wolf self was more in control, but he could stop himself from biting or hurting anyone; the funniest thing was that he somehow ended up in the zoo and had to run home naked when he changed back in the morning."
Dick laughed too but also remembered a few months ago that Bruce had come across a roaming wolf during one of his patrols and after chasing down the creature, which seemed exceptionally intelligent for an animal, for nearly half and hour, he had finally tranquilized it and dropped it off at the zoo but was surprised when it vanished the next day. "What else about can you tell me?" Dick inquired.
"Um…I can tell you what I know about the guy who killed my birth parents, since you told me what happened to yours, but that might me too depressing," Harry answered.
"You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable," Dick responded.
"I really don't feel too much about it because I don't remember anything, since I was only a baby…except for this really bright green light, I need to ask Remus about what that was later…anyways, all the information I know is from my uncle," Harry replied, "My parents stood up to this really bad wizard, who is best described as a magical version of Hitler because he wanted to wipe out all Muggles or Muggle-born witches or wizards."
"What's a 'muggle' if you don't mind my interrupting," Dick cut in.
"A 'Muggle' is a person who has no magic in their past at all and a 'Muggle-born' is a person who comes from that but does have magic," Harry explained, "I should tell you some other terms now instead of explaining later: a 'Squib' is the opposite of a Muggle-born since they come from a magical background but don't have any magic at all; 'Pure-bloods' are people who have no muggle blood in their line at all, it varies on whether they count to a certain number of generations or a family's entire history; and finally there's 'Half-bloods', this is the one where things are a bit confusing, I think a person is considered a Half-blood if their parents are: magical and muggle, Muggle-born and either Half or Pure-blood, or both are Half-bloods. There's a dumb ranking system Pure-bloods use to categorize everyone too."
"How do you rank a person?" Dick responded, taken aback and also trying to sort through the information he had just heard.
"I think they rank people like this, the best first and the worst last," Harry replied, "Pure-bloods, Half-bloods, Muggle-borns, and I think Muggles and Squibs tie for dead last…messed up, isn't it?"
"You got right," Dick responded, "Before I interrupted up, how'd your story go?"
"Oh yeah, back to the bad wizard dude, his name's Voldemort by the way, dumb name, but anyways, he wanted to wipe out anyone that wasn't a Pure-blood or didn't bow down to him.
"My birth parents fought against him and his followers, called Death Eaters, with a bunch of other people and one day he decided to kill them, he showed up at our home and killed my dad first and then my mom…but then something happened that prevented him from killing me, no one knows what happened other than that Voldemort just disappeared and I was left with this," Harry lifted up his bangs to show the scar on his forehead, "and the rest is just history. I suppose…in a way, might've been a good thing they died when I was a baby, at least it doesn't hurt that they're gone…not that I'm trying to say anything about your..."
"It's okay Harry, I get it," Dick interrupted.
The two friends steered away from less depressing topics and delved into talks of random things; after a while, Alfred entered the room and announced that dinner was going to be ready soon and that they should wear something other than swimwear when they came down to eat.
"Alfred is really…what's the word I'm looking for here?" Harry spoke as the two made their way downstairs.
"Sarcastic?" Dick offered.
"No…but it does start with an 'S' though," Harry responded, before stopping to think for a moment, "I got it, snarky!"
"…where do you get these words?" Dick sighed.
"I have an uncle who reads dictionaries and thesauruses a lot," Harry answered with a straight face.
"You have some weird family members."
'You have no idea.' Harry smiled to himself as he walked into the dinning room, "You could hold a feast in this place!"
"If only we had the guests for it," Bruce joked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.
"Where'd you come from!?" Harry yelled, startled.
"He has a tendency to do that," Dick cut in, giving Bruce an annoyed look.
"Teach me, I'd be useful for playing tricks on my uncle," Harry spoke.
"As long as you don't use it for evil," Bruce laughed.
"Dinner's ready," Alfred spoke.
"…does everyone here know how to move like a ninja?" Harry sarcastically asked.
"Maybe it's the area," Dick responded with a smile as everyone sat down.
"This tastes great Alfred!" Harry complimented, not noticing that his table manners were atrocious compared to Bruce and Dick.
"Thank you, Master Harry," Alfred responded, "Also; may I suggest not talking with your mouth full as to not repulse your dinner mates?"
"Oh, sorry," Harry muttered, quickly swallowing, "You have to tell me how to make this, I bet Uncle Remus and my parents would love when I make it!"
"You can cook?" Bruce cut in, an eyebrow raised in skepticism.
"That was their response too," Harry retorted, "Blame my old guardians, they made me learn to cook for them when I was big enough to reach the stove."
"Who were your 'guardians' if you don't mind my asking," Bruce responded, seeing if he could track them down to have them charged with child abuse and endangerment.
Harry noted the way Bruce had asked was the same as when Harley and Ivy had found out and had wanted to cause bodily harm to the Dursleys, "They live very far away from here, so don't bother."
"You said that you'd make it, why doesn't anyone else cook?" Dick asked.
"Dad is only good for microwavable stuff, Uncle Remus a little more than that and mum…she can burn water, not that I've seen it happen with my own eyes yet but I know that she can turn a perfectly good cake into a meteorite!" Harry responded.
Dick nearly spat out his drink as he started to laugh, "How'd that happen?"
"We were trying to make a cake for my dad getting home from a business trip and mum had the bright idea that if you set something at a higher temperature that I'd bake faster, long story short, it doesn't and we ended up with something that could be used as a doorstopper!" Harry spoke, easily weaving bits of fiction in with the truth; at the end of the tale, he and Dick erupted into hysterical laughter with both Alfred and Bruce smiling in amusement.
"Hey Harry, you want to tell Bruce what you told me?" Ritchie whispered.
"The thing with Remus or the thing with me?" Harry responded.
"The thing with you…the other one you can tell after dinner, because that's really funny," Ritchie replied.
Harry grinned, happy that he would get to spread Remus' rather unfortunate yet hysterical tale later on before beginning on his story.
—HJH—
Morning dawned to Alfred waking up Dick and alerting him to the fact Harry was using him as a pillow and was attempting to eat his hair. After the initial embarrassment upon his awakening, Harry apologized about the hair eating, stating that he was dreaming of eating cotton candy and was acting accordingly and did not react at all to the fact that he had used Dick for a human cushion. Though he deliberately lagged to delay his leaving, Harry gathered his things and Dick accompanied him along with Alfred to drop him off.
Upon seeing Remus, Dick would not help but ask, "Is it true you're a werewolf?"
"Those are just myths," Remus lied, laughing nervously.
"Uncle Remus, they know that I'm a wizard so don't lie about yourself," Harry spoke.
"Um…why'd you tell them you're a wizard?" Remus asked, stalling.
"Because I had to explain why my hair went from purple to black after passing out when I nearly drowned in the pool," Harry explained.
"Oh," Remus responded before realizing what Harry had said, "You nearly drowned?!"
"You're more worried that I drowned than spilling my secret?" Harry remarked.
"I'm worried about both!" Remus answered, "If you had died…I'd rather not imagine what your parents would've done, and as for telling that you're a wizard…the fact there aren't any Aurors, or whatever the American equivalent is, around means that the government hasn't found out."
"It's not like I went on TV and told the whole world," Harry grumbled.
"There's also the possibility they might let it slip," Remus reasoned.
"Ritchie wouldn't do that, we pinky promised!" Harry yelled, glaring at Remus.
Remus held up his hands slightly in surrender, "Okay, don't blow a gasket, we don't want a repeat of the noodle incident…"
"That wasn't my fault!" Harry exclaimed.
"…'noodle incident'?" Dick asked, curious.
"Please don't ask about it…" Harry muttered, blushing with embarrassment.
Dick laughed at Harry's expression before he asked, "Can I visit your house sometime?"
"Um…that's not a good idea," Harry answered.
"Why not?" Dick retorted.
"We're…renovating, everything's a big mess so it's not really fit for guests," Harry lied.
Dick let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm seriously getting annoyed with all the excuses, are you homeless or live in a bad part of Gotham? If you are, just tell me already!"
"…I'd rather you not know…" Harry muttered, "It's really embarrassing…"
"Fine," Dick muttered, highly annoyed.
AN: Holy hell, I think this is my longest chapter to date!
Joker "Sugar works wonders for the imagination…and helps degrade one's sanity.
-shrugs- As long as it helps me write, I don't really care if I lose my mind. Now, who wants Jolt Cola?!
Harry "Head for the hills!"
