AN: Several portions of this chap, mainly the sorting and the events before and after that, have been taken directly from the book and I do not claim original ownership to them. I'm a simple writer who does this just for kicks.
Harry "You should be a real writer if you're this good with someone else's stuff."
"When I have the money and my life is a bit more stable, maybe."
Joker "And review this story you ingrates!"
"JOKER!"


About half way through the journey, by Fred and George's estimation, Jin got onto his feet and growled at the door.

"What's wrong, boy?" Harry asked, rubbing his friend on the head to calm him down.

Harry's question was answered when the door to the compartment opened to reveal three people, two of which could be seen as human-sized gorillas while the third was normal sized.

The third person glanced about the compartment, staring dismissively at everyone before speaking, "I heard Harry Potter was in here."

"Who wants to know, blondie?" Harry remarked with a low growl which Jin copied.

"I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy; I'm here to make sure that Harry Potter doesn't make friends with the wrong sort of crowd." the blonde remarked before motioning to the two beside him, "This is Crabbe and Goyle."

"A kid with bodyguards, you must be rich," Harry remarked in a condescending tone.

"You'd do well to know your place," Malfoy sneered.

"And here I thought you wanted to be my friend," Harry retorted, brushing his hair aside slightly to show his scar, enjoying the look of shock he got out of the annoying boy. He then jumped up, grabbed onto the luggage racks on either side of the doorway, and kicked the two thugs back out into the hallway. Grinning widely, he dropped back down and punched Malfoy in the face, forcing him out as well and shutting the door quickly.

"That was amazing…" Neville spoke.

"That was nothing," Harry responded flippantly, "I do stuff like that all the time back home, sometimes things a lot tougher."

"You don't understand you just punched out Draco Malfoy!" Neville tried to reason.

"Who cares what his name is," Harry retorted.

"The Malfoys are an old wizarding family that is proud to think their entire family has only Pure Bloods," Fred spoke.

"That kid's father, Lucius, was a Death Eater during the war, You-Know-Who's followers," George picked up, "When you defeated You-Know-Who, he started saying that he was under a spell the entire time and didn't know what he was doing."

"The only reason he wasn't locked up is because he has connections and is rich," Fred ended.

"So that's the other side of rich people…makes me glad Ritchie is so down to earth," Harry remarked.

"Who's that?" Luna asked.

"Ritchie is my best friend back home, he's really rich but acts completely normal," Harry explained, "But that might be due to him being adopted into that, but he's still a nice person."

"Where do you live again?" Hermione asked.

"The States, you have to guess where," Harry stuck out his tongue in jest.

Hermione smiled to herself at the challenge, "I'll figure it out."

"I don't doubt that you will," Harry laughed when the door opened again, revealing Ron.

"There you two are!" Ron spoke, staring at his brothers.

"What do you want, Ronnie?" Fred and George teased, but were a bit annoyed.

"I'm just looking for a place to sit, everywhere else is full," Ron retorted.

"Just keep quiet, all the noise is getting Jin riled up again and giving me a headache," Harry spoke, rubbing his temples.

Ron let himself in and sat down, glancing at Jin enviously before looking to his over; his eyes widened comically before exclaiming, "…You're Harry Potter!"

"What gave you that idea?" Harry retorted, regretting that he let the young redhead stay.

"Your scar, of course!" Ron pointed out, getting a bit too close to Harry while doing so, "Where've you been these years, everyone's been looking for you."

"If I wanted to be found, they would've found me. I like my privacy," Harry responded, trying to give Ron a hint but the boy was dense.

"I bet we'll be best mates," Ron boasted, completely oblivious.

"What if I don't want to be your friend?" Harry spoke, glaring while Jin was growling at the young redhead's pocket.

"Why wouldn't you? We'll both be in Gryffindor and my family is a part of the Light," Ron bragged.

"Those are your only reasons to be my friend?" Harry responded angrily and not noticing that he was sparking, "If that's your idea of friendship, get the heck out of my face!" He pulled Ron to his feet and proceeded to kick him in the crotch and then gave a roundhouse kick to the head, the force of the second blow sending Ron back out into the hallway, before Harry slammed the door shut.

"Damn you…Harry Potter!" Ron muttered outside, his voice a higher pitch causing Fred and George to burst into hysterical laughter.

"You're a violent person," Luna remarked with an odd smile.

"You should see me when I really let loose," Harry responded before proceeding to do pull-ups with the luggage rack.

HJH—

"Enjoy the ride up to the castle," Fred and George remarked, "And Hagrid is a nice guy, even if he's a bit scary." "And be careful for the giant squid!"

Harry, Hermione, Luna, and Neville watched the older students leave via carriages pulled by nothing.

"Who in the world is Hagrid?" Harry muttered.

"I'm more worried about the giant squid," Neville responded.

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" a booming voice spoke out, drawing attention to its owner, a large man at least twice as tall as normal person and a few times wider, "C'mon, follow me – any more firs' years? Mind ye step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

"I guess that answers your question," Hermione remarked, following the crowd after the large man.

"What the heck is he, anyways? The only person I've seen close to that size is Uncle Croc," Harry muttered.

"He might be a half-giant," Neville offered.

"That's unique," Harry responded.

"But not completely rare," Neville replied.

As they followed the large man, Harry stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him. "A lake…we have to cross a lake?!" He exclaimed, annoyed and a little bit scared of the trip. 'Just my luck, I have a fear of water because of that botched swimming lesson!'

"At least we don't have to swim it," Luna remarked, causing Harry to flinch violently.

As they approached the boats, Jin started to whimper before having the equivalent of a panic attack.

"Jin, cool it!" Harry yelled, before biting the creature behind the ear as a further warning.

"What's goin' on here?" Hagrid asked, walking up.

"Jin's afraid to get into the boat," Harry answered, still trying to get the animal to calm down, "You should've waited with the other pets instead of following me." 'Are you pretending to be scared so no one notices I am?'

"He's an odd creature," Hagrid spoke, reaching down to get a better look.

Jin reacted to the perceived threat and lashed out, sinking his teeth into the half-giant's hand.

"Um…sorry about that," Harry remarked, trying to pull Jin off.

"S'okay, when an animal's scared, it fights," Hagrid responded before petting, with a gentleness that seemed impossible for his size, Jin enough to get him to let go. Jin let out a confused sound, glancing at Harry for confirmation which he gave by gently rubbing the animal's ears. Jin then licked the small wounds on Hagrid's hand in apology.

"Ride with Hagrid and don't cause him any problems," Harry ordered, Jin emitted a soft grunt in understanding before jumping into the boat, "Good boy."

"Smart creature," Hagrid remarked.

"You have no idea," Harry responded, getting into another boat where he was joined by Luna, Hermione, and, to his chagrin, Ron who had shoved Neville out of the way, "We'll catch up later, Nev."

"Everybody settled it?" Hagrid called out, and was met but several people responding, "Right then – FORWARD!"

The boats silently made their way across the lake, the people inside them not so much.

"You're very dense you know that?" Harry remarked, annoyed that Ron was bothering him.

"We got off to the wrong foot back on the train, so let's start over?" Ron offered, holding out his hand.

"You're an annoying, stubborn idiot," Harry muttered before kicking Ron out of the boat and into the water.

"Why'd you do that?!" Hermione screamed, drawing attention to them.

"I don't like him," Harry responded, surprised when Ron was suddenly tossed back into their boat; he looked up in time to see a long tentacle slip into the water, "I guess the twins were telling the truth about the giant squid."

Ron did a very good impression of a landlocked fish, after being unceremoniously dumped into the boat.

"Close your mouth or you'll catch flies," Harry remarked, smirking and turning to face forward and ignoring the glare directed at his back.

"Head's down!" Hagrid called out, as the boats reached a cliff face and went through a wide opening that was hidden by a curtain of ivy. The boats drifted down a long tunnel, which seemed to be under the castle, until they reached an underground harbor. Everyone climbed out of their boat, a few people slipping slightly on the wet rocks. They followed the light of Hagrid's lantern through a passageway in one of the rocks, coming out onto the smooth, damp grass in the shadow of the castle. They walked up the steps and, after making sure that everyone was still with him, Hagrid knocked on the door.

The door opened to reveal, to Harry at least, a familiar person.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," Hagrid spoke.

"Thank you Hagrid, I'll take them from here," she spoke, pulling the door open and gesturing for the group to come inside. The entrance hall was big enough that a someone's house could fit easily inside it; the stone walls were lit by burning torches, the ceiling was high enough that it could not be made out, and there was a marble staircase that led up to the upper floors.

The group followed Professor McGonagall across the stone floor, passing by a doorway to their right where the drone of hundreds of voices could be heard on the other side. They were led into smaller chamber just off the hall, where they crowded in, standing a bit closer together than they would have done.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall, "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and speed free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are here at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule breaking will cause you to lose them. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting." Her eyes lingered on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his ear, and on Harry's purple hair which caused him to completely stand out.

"I shall return when we are ready for you, please wait quietly, "said Professor McGonagall as she exited.

"Was there really a need for dramatics?" Harry laughed, breaking the tension in the room.

"Must be a tradition," Luna responded while Hermione was muttering all the spells she knew under her breath.

"Relax, 'Mione, I doubt they'd make us perform spells before our first class," Harry remarked; he proceeded to whistle an odd tune when several people behind him screamed. He immediately drew out a card and was set to throw it when he saw what had caused the reaction; about twenty ghosts had just come through the back wall.

The pearly-white and near transparent group glided through the air, ignoring the first years below them, and it seemed that they were arguing about something; what appeared to be a fat monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance-"

"My dear Friar, we've given Peeves all the chances he deserves. He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost — I say, what are you all doing here?" A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the young group below.

The new students simply stared, no one answered.

"New students!" the Fat Friar answered, smiling down at them, "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

A few people nodded mutely.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" the Friar beamed, "My old house, you know."

"Move along now, the Sorting Ceremony's about to start," Professor McGonagall had returned.

One by one, the ghosts floated through a wall, a few hanging back a bit to dole out a few words of encouragement before making their way.

"Now form a line and follow me," Professor McGonagall told the first years.

When everyone had lined up, they were lead out of the room, across the hall and through the double doors into the Great Hall.

Harry could not help but let out a low whistle at what he saw, the hall was lit by thousands and thousands of candles floating in midair above four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. The glittering of gold caught Harry's eye and made him notice that the tables were lined with golden plates, utensils, and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers, which is where Professor McGonagall led the first years.

At the staff table, Harry recognized two of the faces and that they were staring right at him either out of recognition or because of his hair. To avoid their gazes, he looked up and was met with the sky above him. "Neat."

"The ceiling's been bewitched to look like sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History," Hermione whispered.

"Like I said before, neat," Harry remarked before looking back down and noticing a stool on which a tattered wizard's hat had been placed. Harry arched an eyebrow in confusion at it when he noted that everyone else in the hall was just staring at it. 'Okay, wizards are seriously mental.'

For a few seconds, silence reigned. Then the hat twitched. A rip opened near the brim opened wide, like a mouth, and the hat began to sing:

(You want the Sorting Hat song? Go read the book; I'm not in a good mood to write it in.)

"We have to try on a hat?" Harry muttered incredulously.

"It's a tradition," Luna responded.

"How come you didn't mention it earlier?" Hermione inquired.

Luna smiled and simply answered, "You didn't ask."

"She has a point," Neville remarked.

Professor McGonagall stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment, "When I call your name, you will sit on the stool and put on the hat to be sorted. Abbot, Hannah!"

Harry tuned out the names but paid attention enough attention to which table was for which house; Gryffindor was the table far to the left, Ravenclaw was right next to it, Hufflepuff was to his right, and Slytherin was on the far right.

"Granger, Hermione!"

Harry could not help but smile as Hermione nearly ran to the stool and eagerly jammed the hat on her head.

"RAVENCLAW!" the hat shouted.

Harry grinned as he watched her walk over to the table. 'If she's as smart as I think, that's perfect for her.'

"Longbottom, Neville!" Harry squeezed Neville's shoulder in reassurance before the nervous boy walked up, nearly tripping over his robes. As he waited for the hat to be placed on his head, Neville locked gazes with Harry who simply gave him a grin as encouragement.

The hat debated for a long time on where to place Neville, but when it finally shouted, "HUFFLEPUFF!", he ran off to his table, still wearing the hat and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to another student.

"Lovegood, Luna!"

Harry chuckled as he watched Luna skipped up to the stool and sat down with a half smile.

The hat debated for about half a minute before proclaiming, "RAVENCLAW!"

Luna hopped off the stool and made her way to the right table, which welcomed her warmly and sat next to Hermione.

"Malfoy, Draco!"

The hat took no time in placing Malfoy in Slytherin, but as he strutted off to the green decorated table, Harry could not help but covertly stick his foot forward enough so that Malfoy would trip and fall on his face. Harry had to restrain himself slightly as to not laugh louder than everyone else at the sight of the mortified boy picking himself up.

After composing himself, Harry once again tuned out the people being called up until:

"Potter, Harry!"

As Harry stepped forward, he was annoyed by the outbreak of whispers across the hall.

"Potter, did she say?" "The Harry Potter?" "Why's his hair purple?"

'Am I going to hear that everyday?' Harry sighed as he sat down on the stool. As he waited for the hat to be placed onto his head, a loud crash was heard on the other side of the doors, startling quite a few people. One of the doors suddenly opened and a small form ran into the room, closely followed by a hyena which was followed by a ragged looking man.

The animals ran around the hall a few times, with the man attempting to catch the smaller creature, before Harry blurted out, "Jin, what the heck are you chasing?"

Upon hearing his name being called, Jin looked up and saw Harry. Letting out a happy sound, Jin ran full tilt towards Harry and tackled him, knocking him off the stool.

"Down boy, down!" Harry yelled through his laughter as Jin licked his face and ears.

"Keep that mutt away from Mrs. Norris!" Filch ordered, catching the smaller animal, apparently a cat, and cradling the frightened feline to his chest.

"Jin's not a mutt, he's a hyena and technically they're in the same family as cats so you can't call him a bad dog name," Harry corrected before sticking out his tongue.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall spoke.

"Oh, sorry," Harry responded, righting the stool and sitting on it, a happy Jin sitting next to him. He got one last glimpse of everyone staring at him, to his great annoyance, before the Hat was placed on his head and slipped over his eyes.

'Quite the interesting mind for a child,' the Sorting Hat murmured, 'Don't worry, I'm only talking to you; no one else knows what I'm saying.'

'That's a bit of a relief,' Harry responded sarcastically, '…wait, does this mean you're in my head?!'

'Yes I am, that's why I commented about your mind…as warped as it may be,' the Sorting Hat replied.

'If you tell anyone about what I do back home I'll track you down, shred you to pieces, and feed you to Jin,' Harry thought.

'Fear not, I won't tell what you do back home,' the Sorting Hat vowed, '…although what you did to that man with the turkey baster and egg beater a few months ago is highly disturbing…'

'You'd better not tell my secret…and that incident isn't the weirdest thing I've done or seen,' Harry replied, 'You should see what I can do with a handful of thumbtacks and a cheese grater.'

'I'm slightly terrified of what you'll do to this school, but I have a job to perform…you are quite difficult to place, Mr. Quinzel…you are incredibly brave for someone your age, Gryffindor material no doubt; you are astoundingly cunning, perfect for Slytherin; Ravenclaw would be excellent for someone as smart as you; and Hufflepuff is ideal for someone as loyal as you are.

'But as well as you would fit in with all of the houses, you also have traits that would alienate you: Gryffindor would shun you for your…home life or at least the fact you willingly commit crimes and cause serious harm to others, Slytherin would try to harm you because of what you had no control over, Ravenclaw might be wary of you using your knowledge for less than noble purposes, and Hufflepuff would be anywhere from slightly intimidated to right-out terrified of how you act…' the Sorting Hat informed.

'Story of my life, I'm both perfect and totally wrong for both sides of my life back home…and thank you for referring to me by my real last name,' Harry responded.

'You are welcome…your escapades here will remind this school of the days of the Marauders and definitely give the Weasley twins a run for their money,' the Hat commented, 'I hope there is still something left of this place when you leave…'

'You're really making me nervous here…will you make up your mind already?!'

'You have your birth mother's temper, no doubt about that,' the Sorting Hat remarked, 'But I think we've left everyone quite anxious as to where you'll be.'

'So you've finally decided?' Harry wondered.

'Yes,' the Hat responded, 'Good luck, Mr. Quinzel.'

'I make my own luck," Harry smirked as the Hat prepared to announce which house he was in.


AN: "I'm evil, I know" :D

Harry, Joker, and Harley "You got that right!"