TWENTY-THREE

Joe seemed to be slowly recovering, Hop Sing's herbs worked to take down the fever and Doctor Martin cut away the dead flesh around Joe's wound, let it drain a few more days and then stitched the flesh together; the wound was healing. Adam had ridden to Chinatown to let Hop Sing know that Joe was better.

"That good," Hop Sing said to Adam as they stood in the shop. "Little Joe strong boy. Hop Sing glad he better, so much better."

"Won't you come back?" Adam asked. "We would really like it if you did and you know that new set of knives you were eyeing in the mercantilist? Well, they're yours. Just come back."

"Mistah Percy, he still live there?"

"Hop Sing, don't let him bother you. After all, you made him sick."

"What you mean, I make him sick? I just give him purge to make better disposed. Some people need good cleaning. He need to get rid of poison in body, in mind."

"Well, you just made him sick."

"Then he drink too much tea. Only supposed to drink one cup. He greedy-drink too much."

"Well, if you say it wasn't intentional but he thinks you tried to poison him."

"Bah! If I want poison, he be dead!"

"Well, that's what I told him. Now won't you come back home?"

"Him there, Hop Sing here. Not go back."

Adam examined Hop Sing's face. His mouth was firmly set and his brows were furrowed. "All right, then. Be a damn mule about the whole thing." And Adam turned and left. He had begged Hop Sing enough and wasn't going to do it again. They had Mrs. Delaney and she seemed to be doing well enough. Her cooking was tasty, even savory and there was more than enough of it. Hoss appeared to enjoy it although he missed Hop Sing as everyone else did. Besides, Mrs. Delaney was too quiet for Adam's tastes. To him, cooks should be loud, should enjoy cooking. They should talk or sing-or complain; there always seemed to be an innate good will in those who toiled in the kitchen, who enjoyed preparing dishes, but to Adam, Mrs. Delaney seemed secretive and he wasn't sure that he trusted her. And when he saw Percy in the kitchen one morning talking quietly to Mrs. Delany, his curiosity was piqued.

Percy claimed that he was asking Mrs. Delaney to make muffins for the next morning's breakfast but Adam didn't believe it. He had asked why Percy and Mrs. Delaney were hushed in conversation. Percy denied they were, stated that Adam just came in at an odd time. But Adam's suspicions were raised and so he paid particular attention to Mrs. Delaney. He even went through the kitchen one time when she was out but found nothing. He was considering going through her belongings in her room when he heard a hand on the kitchen door; it was Mrs. Delaney and she carried a wire basket of eggs.

"Can I help you with something?" she asked, quickly scanning the kitchen. Nothing seemed disturbed.

"No. I just came for glass of milk." Adam went to the larder.

"I haven't had time yet to milk the cow," Mrs. Delaney said. "Come back in about an hour and there'll be a fresh pail."

Adam gave a cursory grin and nodded his head and then left. Mrs. Delaney looked after him; she was wary of Adam Cartwright. He paid too much attention to the workings of the household and she feared him. In her line of work, she had learned to read men-a whore had to know who was deadly and who wasn't before they were alone in her room. And she read Adam as a man who could only be pushed so far and then he would turn with a vengeance and destroy whomever or whatever threatened those he loved. And she felt that he saw her as a threat. A shiver ran through her and she reconsidered if what she was doing was worth the money. Then she put the egg basket on the counter. She had baking to do so she opened the tin of lard and pulled out the flour and cleared off the kitchen table to begin to make cookies.

Adam was fixing up the chicken house at the Jefferses; he had a rooster and two hens in cages just waiting to inhabit their new home. Hoss was sprucing up the barn although he had begun to complain of not feeling well. He and Joe seemed to have the same symptoms, a slight dyspepsia and general malaise but Hoss wouldn't see the doctor. He said that he might just stop by Hop Sing's uncle's herb shop. It hadn't seemed as if it was only a week since Hop Sing had left them and Hoss felt personally offended that Hop Sing would leave him in particular since Hop Sing had raised him, taken care of him for as far back as he could remember. It was as if a parent had walked out on him and Hoss felt hurt, abandoned and angry. Adam hoped that if Hoss went to see him that he could then convince Hop Sing to return, that Hop Sing's love for Hoss would cause him to capitulate. But the bandy-legged China man could be stubborn and intractable.

Piper brought out a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses and stood by Adam.

"Are you thirsty, Adam? I made some lemonade for you and Hoss."

"I'm not very thirsty, thank you, but I'm sure that Hoss would like some. I just had some water and that'll hold me." Adam went back to twisting the ends of the chicken wire together with a small pair of pliers to keep them in place and away from the chickens. Otherwise, they would injure themselves on the rough, sharp points. Even Adam wore leather work gloves to protecet his hands.

"The chicken house looks nice." Piper hoped to start up a conversation, to open up some communication. Adam had been cold to her from the time he arrived that morning. Not unfriendly, just distant and polite. But Adam gave her a small smile and nodded his thanks. "How's your brother, Joe? He should be getting much better by now."

"He is, thank you. Hoss is in the barn. He should want some lemonade."

"I'll see to him then." Piper started to walk away but turned back. "Why are you so angry with me, Adam?"

"I'm not angry, Piper, at least not with you." He stood up and took a deep breath. "I've just done a lot of thinking and I realize how foolish I was."

"Because you once married me?"

"No, not at all." Adam stood up to stretch his back. "I had such expectations when I was young. Do you remember, Piper? We both did but life isn't what I expected it to be. Here I am, a lonely bachelor-not what I had expected. And I always wondered why I never could take the step of marrying again. I wasn't deeply in love with any woman but that wasn't it. I think that people can grow to love each other after going through life with them but…it was that I always felt that I'd find you again. I didn't want to have a wife and maybe children when you showed up-and I always hoped that you would. I put off my life all this time waiting for you and for what? To see you living so close to me that I can be here next to you in twenty minutes travel time only to see you married to someone else. It's funny, isn't it? I mean laughable-truly laughable. The joke's on me. A huge cosmic joke and I'm the patsy, the butt of the joke."

Piper put down the tray holding the pitcher and glasses on the stump used for chopping kindling. "I don't think it's laughable and I don't think it's a joke. If it helps you any, if it might make things better for you to despise me, then know this-I'm glad that you're not married. That's how evil I am. If I were a good person, I would wish you happiness, would want to see you with a wife you love and who loves you and with children who clamber on your lap for hugs and kisses. But I know how I would suffer seeing that. See how selfish and evil I am? Selfish. Damned and selfish."

And Adam knew that he couldn't despise her, he loved her even more now that she had bared her soul and so he reached for her and pulled her to him and kissed her. She twined her arms around his neck and returned his passion. She was no longer a girl with her first love. Piper was a mature woman whose body ached for Adam as he did for her and they fell into their embrace with the passion that long-separated lovers have. And except for the fear that they would be found out, Adam would have taken her in the dirt and she would have allowed it, longed for it, but it couldn't be so. And still holding on to one another until the last possible moment, they separated and Piper took the tray and hurried to the barn while Adam watched her as she turned once to look at him before she went inside.

"So what now?" Adam said to himself. "What mess have you fallen into? Damn it all to hell."