This is the penultimate chapter. Thanks to those who have stuck with this.
TWENTY-SIX
Adam rode up to the Jefferses' house. It was a bright clear day and there was still a chill in the air. Adam knew that spring was here; although the weather would be cool, even cold in the morning it would warm up nicely and then again, in the evening, temperatures would drop. So Adam dismounted and tied his horse to the hitching post and walked up the few stairs. The front door was a half door, a Dutch door, and the top half was open so he called in. "Nash? Piper?"
Piper came out of the kitchen and when she saw Adam, she smiled and sighed deeply; he soothed her soul and she needed him and his strength. "Adam, come in." Adam reached inside and turned the knob on the bottom half of the door and let himself in. "I was just in the kitchen. I made a fresh pot of coffee. Would you like some?"
"That would be nice." Adam knew that Piper was either uncomfortable or unsure of him after the kiss-she kept dropping her eyes whenever he would meet hers. So he followed her into the kitchen and sat his hat on the kitchen table, and pulled back one of the chairs. "Piper, we need to paint these." He examined how the white paint was chipped in some places. "I'll come over and sand them down. What about yellow? They'd brighten up the room. What do you think of yellow?"
Piper brought two cups balanced on two saucers and then placed one set in front of each of them. She placed the coffee pot on a pad and then, holding a folded dishtowel, she poured coffee for them.
"I think yellow would be lovely. I've been working on that stove, using some blackening and look at my hands?" She spread out her hands to show Adam how the blackening had stained them, particularly around the nails. "I hadn't thought of gloves-I should have. I'm slowly turning into a pioneer woman, aren't I?" Adam didn't respond. "Do you like cream, Adam? Here." She handed him the small pitcher that was shaped like cow, the open mouth being the spout, the curled tail, the handle, but he declined. "The big tin of cream you brought over has made drinking coffee feel almost like a luxury. I hope that you're family isn't depriving itself in order for you to give me some cream."
Adam just smiled and poured some cream in his coffee. "May I have some sugar-if it's…"
"Oh, of course." Piper stood up and went to the counter where she brought back a small sugar jar and a spoon. "What an awful hostess I am. Would you like some cookies? Your…brother, Percy…he came by yesterday and brought us some sugar cookies. Nash said they were delicious and ate quite a few. Would you like some? They're right here."
"No, no, thank you. I just came by to talk to you. I was hoping that I could speak to you alone." He paused to sip his coffee and Piper sat back. "Where's Nash?"
"He's lying down upstairs. He doesn't feel well."
"Anything serious?"
"Oh, I don't think so. He's just feeling a bit out of sorts, that's all." Piper stared into her coffee cup. They sat in silence. "I didn't tell Nash that we kissed-I feel deceitful about it but I didn't want to tell him. I just promised myself that it would never happen again." She looked over at Adam. "It won't, I won't let myself. It won't happen again, Adam."
"I know that. Piper, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about things, about us and I've come to realize that Nash is a far better man that I am. I feel like some damnable cur lusting after you, after his wife, when I can't measure up to him in any way."
"What do you mean? What's all this about measuring up. I don't understand this type of talk."
"Nash sacrificed himself for what he believed in. I haven't. I talk a good talk about how the Union is correct, how necessary it is to keep to keep the country united and not allow secession, to abolish slavery, to reestablish a solid currency but what do I do about it? Nothing? I've done nothing. Not only that, but by not making certain where our beef is being sent, what army is being fed by Ponderosa beef, I may even be culpable in continuing the war."
"Perhaps Nash and I ate some Ponderosa beef and it helped us? My friends whose husbands were in the Confederate Army-are you saying that you wouldn't want them fed, their children fed? That they should starve? They're humans, as human as I am. You say you love me but what if I were still in Virginia and all I had to eat were dried beans and not much of it at that? How would you feel if Union soldiers were quartered in my home and amused themselves by using me for their pleasure? Have you thought of those things, Adam?"
"No, but, Piper... if I didn't know you, if I hadn't admired your father so much-Piper, I need to back up how I feel about this war. I realize that people are going to die and many of them innocent people. I know that whole fields in the south are being razed, homes and cities burned and that may seem cruel but war is cruel. There's always collateral damage-people are going to die."
"I don't want to hear this," Piper said, standing up and hugging herself around her waist. "What are you saying? Are you saying that you're going to go off and join the war?"
"I've been thinking of it for a while and now, well, I…"
Piper looked at him, her face ashen. "No. Don't say that, Adam. Don't even think it."
Adam stood up and hurried around the table and held Piper by her upper arms. She looked as if she would faint. Even her lips had lost color. "Sit down." Adam had her sit back down on the kitchen chair. He went to the sink and pumped water to fill a glass for her. "Here," he said, putting the glass in her hands, "drink this." He dropped on one knee beside her.
Piper took a sip of the water. It was cool and soothing. "Please, Adam, if you care for me at all, don't go. If you love your family, don't go. If you respect the sanctity of life, don't go. There's no honor in fighting a war for generals and politicians. And, Adam, what has it to do with you-with us?"
"It has everything to do with me, with you and with us. Don't you understand, Piper? I live in this country and maybe, just maybe, I can help the Union win."
Piper began to laugh. A small laugh at first and then it turned to tears and she began to sob. Adam pulled her next to him and with her head resting on his shoulder, Piper cried. She sobbed as if her heart was broken and Adam thought that maybe it was. Maybe, with what he had said, he had destroyed her.
After a few moments she sat up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Oh, Adam, don't you see? The Union HAS won. They won this horrible war before it even began. You don't know what I've seen other than Nash coming back home blinded and scarred-and not just his face. His soul is scarred. He came back another man-he's not the man I married. He's a stranger, a complete stranger to me. That's what war does to people-among other things. It chops them into little pieces and kills their souls and destroys their bodies."
Adam examined her face. "Piper, this is about me and what I feel that I should do to have self-respect."
"Self-respect? Is that what this is about? A dead man doesn't have self-respect. He's dead! And do you think that giving up your eyes or your arms or your legs or even your life is going to help anything? Do you, Adam? Walking around in total blackness, feeling your way through life with a cane-will that help you to respect yourself? "
"Piper? Please…"
"No, Adam. No. I begged for Nash to come away out here where we could be safe. Where there was no war, no crying widows and mothers, no invading armies, no terrors in the night. Oh, Adam why would you leave everyone you love, everything you love for a way of life that doesn't even need you? If you think that losing your life will end the war, well, then put a kitchen knife through your heart. It won't end the war, I assure you of that, not any more than if you had a Confederate bayonet stuck through your chest."
Adam stood up. "This is really none of your business. I shouldn't have mentioned it to you."
"It is my business. I lost you once, Adam, but I was sure that you weren't dead and that made life and all its horrors bearable. I won't lose you completely to this foolish war where humans are used as pawns by the great chess masters who sit on their grand horses and order their men to their deaths or look at maps-just pieces of paper-in their safe offices or tents and discuss acceptable losses of human life. Acceptable to whom? Not to me."
"I should go now." Adam picked up his hat.
"Adam," Piper said in a low voice. "If I give myself to you, will you stay? I'll let you take me here, on this table, now, if you'll stay."
"What?" Adam turned to Piper. Surely she couldn't mean what he thought she did.
Piper walked to him and put a soft hand on his arm. "I'll let you come see me or I'll go see you. We can meet anywhere you like, at any time you like, just please don't go away to war."
"Piper, I would never…"
"You may not but I would. I'll sacrifice my self-respect, anything to have you realize that what they're fighting for on the other side of this country is not your way of life. This is your life, here, building a future for all those who will come out here after the war to escape salted fields, scorched farmland and rubble where their homes once stood. It's clean here and pure and the air isn't tainted with pollution from factories as those up north are nor is there the suffering of those who are starving in the south, who have been run from their homes with nothing to eat or a place to hide. The refugees will be like Aeneas, carrying his elderly father on his back and taking his son by his hand as he leaves his destroyed city forever. Think of that, Adam. Build a way of life here so that all who search for freedom and peace and an honest way of life can find it."
"I've never considered those things because they seemed excuses. I just know that I always felt I should do something. And then when you and Nash appeared, I…" Adam gave a small laugh.
"What? Why are you laughing?" Piper felt drained of all energy. Was he laughing at her because she thought he still wanted her body?
"I think that a part of it was that I was competing with Nash. He was the hero and me? I've done nothing with my life except be a cowhand. Remember how we would talk about the future, of all the magnificent buildings I would design-mansions, cathedrals, public parks, schools! I would design edifices and spaces that people would actually find enhanced their lives. And us-we talked about us and a family and how happy we would be-always as happy as at the beginning of our life together, so unlike all those other married people we knew. We were going to be the exception, weren't we, Piper? We were going to be happy forever."
"And they lived happily ever after." Piper smiled sadly. "If only we lived in a fairy tale."
"But we don't, Piper. I've lost my ambition, my imagined life and even you. I guess I was just young then and love made me foolish and idealistic thinking it was endless and could overcome anything."
"Adam, oh, my darling, you never lost my love." Piper reached out for his hand and then held it to her cheek. "Things are just so…" Piper stopped and listened, slowly dropping Adam's hand. "Nash is calling for me. Let me see what he needs but please don't leave yet. Wait for me, will you? I'll walk you out. I have more to say."
"I'll wait." And Adam sat back down. He picked up the coffee and without adding any sugar, swallowed the bitter drink. Then he poured himself another cup. "Wormwood, wormwood," he said to himself, thinking of Hamlet and his misery that he had to swallow and how bitter it was. Adam took a long sip and made a face at the taste, but he decided that from then on, he would take his coffee black and unsweetened; he may as well learn to take the bitter without the sweet.
He looked up when Piper came back into the kitchen. "Nash is saying that he has pains in his gut. Maybe he has something more than dyspepsia. I should get the doctor. Will you help me hitch up the buggy?"
"I tell you what," Adam said, holding onto Piper's forearms, smiling comfortingly at her. "I'll go home and get Hop Sing to either stop by or to give me some of what he's using on Hoss. Seems like there may be a stomach influenza or such going around."
"Hop Sing?' Piper looked up at Adam questioningly. It was such a relief to her to have someone else take over her troubles. She had faced so much alone that she almost wanted to cry with the sudden release of responsibility. Adam would take care of everything. For once, she had someone to look after her, to comfort her after all these years of being the one to take care of others.
"Hop Sing's our cook. He left us for a while but he's back now. I'll go and I'll be back in about an hour. You shouldn't leave Nash alone anyway with his being ill"
"Thank you, Adam. Thank you. You're too kind to me-more than I deserve."
"Piper, you don't have to thank me-I'd do anything for you-willingly and with no expectations. I want you to know that." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. It was smooth and warm. "And I'll always love you, Piper. No matter what happens." And without another word, Adam walked out and mounted his horse, turned it toward home and rode away.
Piper sat down at the table again. She was so tired and weary. But at least she felt a certain calm here, so close to Adam and in a home that was safe; she didn't have to worry about their house being set fire by Union soldiers or watching while the soldiers robbed her of all her valuables so that they could send the spoils home to their wives and sweethearts. Piper lay her head on her crossed arms. She knew that she should go up to Nash, to sit with him until Adam returned but she didn't have the impetus to drag herself up the stairs again and tears slipped from her eyes only to be soaked into the fabric of the sleeves of her day dress But then she heard Nash call her name again so she slowly stood and began to head for the stairs in the front room. But she turned toward the front half-door when she heard the sounds of footsteps on the porch; Adam must have returned for something.
"Adam?" Piper walked toward the door but stopped when she saw a large man she didn't know put his hand inside the open half of the door and reach in and turn the knob. Piper backed up against the banister and the man walked in, grinning. Behind him was Percy Cartwright who was slyly smiling.
"What do you want? Adam just left." Piper backed up on a step of the stairwell as the large man approached her.
"Yes, my dear, we know," Percy said with amusement as he came out from behind the man. "We watched him leave, watched your chivalrous knight ride away. Okay, Orton, she's yours to enjoy."
The large man smiled. "She's as pretty as you promised," Orton said. He knew that he was going to enjoy this part of the job.
Panic struck Piper and her mind raced. She was on the stairs so she grabbed the newel post, swung around and began to climb. She would lock herself in the bedroom with Nash, she thought, but then she heard the man laugh and from behind, he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up. Piper screamed and Percy, who had seated himself in an upholstered chair, began to giggle. Piper struggled and cried to be let go but the man clapped his hand over her mouth and carried her across his hip, her feet kicking the air. He threw her on the sofa and she landed with a thud. Orton began to unbuckle his gun belt while he looked down at her. Piper knew what was going to happen and she tried to think if there was anything she could do to change what seemed to be determined events but there was nothing. Nevertheless, she felt she couldn't passively accept this as her fate.
At the top of the stairs came a noise and Piper looked to it. Nash stood there waving a gun, cautiously feeling for each step with his foot, and waiting for a sound to tell him where to shoot. He was hanging onto the banister as he could barely stand up with the pain in his gut. "Piper? What is it? Who's there?"
"Nash, go back upstairs," Piper yelled. "Go back to the room."
"Is it Adam? Is he hurting you, Piper?"
"No, it's not Adam. Please go back upstairs." Piper looked at the big man named Orton. "Please," she said, "he's blind."
Orton looked to Percy who nodded. Orton pulled his gun from the holster and fired once and Nash came tumbling down the stairs where he lay dead and crumpled at the bottom, his gun scudding across the floor.
"Nash!" Piper tried to get up to go to her husband but Orton shoved her back down on the couch. Percy laughed and enjoying the scene, called out to Orton to enjoy himself. Piper closed her eyes and her mind and knew that she had to allow what was going to happen; there was no one to help her. And she smelled the stale beer on the man's breath and felt his hands shove up her skirts and then, his knees forcing her thighs apart and Orton had his way with her. And when Orton grunted and finally pulled himself off Piper as she lay limp on the sofa, she realized that Percy had been standing next to the couch.
"Now," Percy said excitedly to Orton, "ruin her looks. It will destroy Adam Cartwright and that I will have done. And as for you, Mrs. Jeffers, imagine our darling Adam when he finds you with a hole where your nose used to be, without those ruby lips he loves to kiss and no tongue in your mouth to whisper his name in the dark. Will he go insane, run screaming from the house only to take his own life? Will he collapse and weep and then leave you? Will he run off to join the war and be shot and bleed to death on some unknown battlefield calling your name out before he dies? Or will he take off for the sea, never to be heard from again?"
And Piper understood. All this had occurred because Adam loved her and Percy hated Adam. In Percy's eyes, she was the tool to Adam's destruction.
