Chapter Nine
Finnick woke with a groan, the sunlight blinding him through his closed eyes. He'd always had a hard time staying asleep when the sun rose, but it was made doubly so whenever he slept outside. He rubbed his eyes, his head pounding from lack of sleep, and all his thoughts from the night prior rushed back to him. Groaning again he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts that had kept him tossing and turning for hours last night, and swung his legs over the edge of the hammock. He took a moment to stretch and flex, readjusting to his bionic limbs as he often had to in the morning, and staggered to his feet.
Finnick didn't much feel like facing Katniss today, especially not when he knew she would be upset by his lack of presence in bed. Ridiculous, he thought briefly. Not even having sex but she still wants me to sleep with her every night. Finnick sighed, running his hand over his face. He was in a bad mood; best to leave the house for now, before anyone came looking for him.
Finnick let his feet guide him to the lake, purposefully trying to keep his mind blank the entire walk there. He really wanted to jump into the cool water and wash away all his aggravation, and when at last he reached his destination he practically ripped his clothes off before diving in. The water was colder than usual in the early morning, and it pricked at his skin as he swam to the bottom before using his legs to launch himself back up towards the surface.
He had a wife. Sure he didn't remember a damn thing about her, but when he saw her face his heart had leapt with joy and filled with love. Thinking of her face, the wavy brown hair and tanned skin, he realized with a jolt that Annie was the blurry face he had remembered when he first woke up, not Katniss. He did remember the younger woman, though. He remembered flashes of their lives when they had met before, during and after the Quarter Quell. He remembered taking solace in Katniss when everything seemed bleak and he had no hope. And he loved her. The love had sprung on him quite suddenly and surprisingly, but with such fervor that Finnick didn't quite know what to do with himself. He wanted to be with her always, but he didn't know if that was possible, what with him having a wife already, let alone the fact that Peeta "Loverboy" Mellark was returning to claim Katniss.
Then there was the problem of whether or not he could forgive Katniss for lying to him. Stupid, he thought. Of course he would, it was more a matter of time. What he didn't understand is why she had lied to him about not having anyone else. He highly doubted Katniss was in love with him when she first answered that question, and so he couldn't see the reasoning behind her decision. Or maybe he just didn't know Katniss well enough.
Diving under the water again, Finnick realized he would have to just confront her. There was no sense in letting this drag on – he lived with her for goodness sake. But what would happen then, if he confronted her. Would he leave Katniss for Annie? He wasn't sure he was ready to leave. He loved the life he had here. He loved eating his meals with Katniss and Mavis, he loved when Hazelle would visit with them, and he even loved Sae and her granddaughter. Finnick had so many plans he still wanted to see through: a nice fish pond in the back yard, maybe some fruit trees, and landscaping; Katniss wouldn't admit it, but he knew she would love to see the endless bushes and grass broken up with brightly colored flowers.
Finnick shook his head, flinging water everywhere. He brought up a hand to wipe his bangs away from his eyes. His hair was growing back rapidly, and it was getting to the point where he would actually have to brush it if he wanted to make sure it wasn't tangled every day. He felt the scars on his face, how the skin was unnaturally smooth there and sighed. He didn't quite feel self-conscious about them; after all he wasn't the only person to have battle scars. And besides, Katniss didn't seem to mind them at all and often would trace them when she thought he was still asleep in the morning. He wondered what Annie would say. After watching the Games and seeing what Annie had turn into, he wasn't exactly sure what to make of her. He wished he remembered her better so he would have an idea of what to expect, but he'd just have to make do. One thing was for certain though, he'd have to see her after he resolved things with Katniss. He felt guilty, Annie thinking he was dead all this time when really he was alive and kicking.
Swimming to the lakes shore he slowly heaved himself out, enjoying the warming sun. He slipped back into his clothes and headed towards the house. Katniss must be up by now, maybe already finished with breakfast and wondering where he was. Finnick set a light jogging pace towards the house and soon enough found himself on the road towards Victor's Village.
"Ah, finally show your face. She's been in a bad mood all morning," Mavis called to him as he neared her on the road.
Finnick frowned. "I went for a swim."
Mavis shrugged, unable to do much more with her arms laden down with fabrics. "Well, the sooner you get home the better I'd say."
"Do you need help carrying those?"
Mavis looks beyond him then blushes lightly. "Nope," she says, smile taking over her face. "Hi Vick!"
Finnick glanced behind him to see the boy running up to help Mavis with her things. "Have a good day," Finnick says, resuming his slight jog back to the house. Katniss is sitting in her arm chair staring out the window when he arrives.
"Katniss?" he calls softly. He was still dripping, so he heads to one of the closets and grabs a towel to dry himself with.
"Finnick." She isn't happy with him, refusing to turn her face to look at him, but Finnick knows that if she did she would probably be glaring at him instead of the pane of glass she currently is.
Finnick hesitates, unsure how to broach the subject. A million different things bubble to the tip of his tongue, but finally he chokes out, "Annie." Katniss flinches and he sees her deflate a bit. She still refuses to turn to him, and Finnick feels himself grow hot with anger. "Really, Kat? Nothing to say?"
"What is there to say?" she says quietly. "You found out. I lied to you." She finally turns to look at him, and her face is stoic. He's seen this face before, during her Games. It's the face she would put on when she was desperate to hide her emotions. It halts his fury for a moment, but he can't help himself. All the frustrations he's been feeling about his lack of memory, about his whole situation really, just tumble out of him and he knows Katniss will get the brunt of them.
"Yeah, and a lot of good that did you. What, did you think that I would never find out? That I would keep living this lie with you? Because that's what this is, Katniss, a lie. We were never anything more than friends, and you knew that. You knew that I had Annie, that I had a wife," he stresses the word angrily, "and yet you pretended that I was as lost and alone as you are. Did that make you feel better? Thinking you could help poor, lost Finnick Odair back on his feet? This isn't District Thirteen you know. There are people out there waiting for us, fighting to get back to us, or hoping we're still alive somewhere."
Katniss frowns at him but refuses to fight back. He can see tears glistening in her eyes, but she blinks them away. "I've already moved your things from my room," she says instead. "Trains leave every day, you could see Annie as soon as tomorrow if you hurry up and catch the evening train."
Finnick stares at her in disbelief. "What?" Katniss just stares at him, arms crossed tightly over her chest, her face blank. She's taking fast, shallow breaths, followed by a long, deep one, and Finnick knows she's having trouble pretending to not care.
"What the fuck, Katniss?" She starts at his outburst and Finnick advances on her. "Really? You're going to do this now? Pretend like everything is okay. You're not even going to explain yourself?"
He's too close to her now, glaring down at her, and Katniss pushes against him. "Finnick stop." He grabs her hands to stop her from pushing against him and takes a step closer.
"You're just going to let me run off? You're not even going to try and stop me? You're going to pretend like nothing between us ever happened?"
"What do you want me to do?" she finally shouts at him, wrenching her hands free. "You want me to fall on my knees and beg you not to go? You want me to tell you how much I love you and how I don't want to live without you? That's not going to stop you, Finnick. You're still going to-"
Finnick pulls her close, crashing his lips against hers. Katniss responds fiercely, tangling her hands in his hair and desperately kissing him back. Finnick walks forward, moving them back towards the couch and guiding Katniss down with his hands on her waist. He tugs her shirt up, eagerly skimming his hands across her stomach and frowning slightly as he sees how sharply her ribs stand out. He wants to say something about it, but suddenly Katniss's hands find their way to the hem of his shirt and she's trying to pull it off of him. Finnick helps her take his shirt off before he brings his own hands to the clasp of her bra.
Finnick pauses, looking at Katniss for permission and she bring him down for another kiss. Finnick fumbles with the clasp for a moment, hating his clumsy bionic hand, and when he gets it free he moves his mouth to her neck, nipping lightly. Katniss moans loudly at the sensation and she grinds her hips against his. Finnick groans against her neck, pressing against her with his erection. He squeezes her breast lightly, gently tweaking her nipple and she squirms beneath him.
Finnick lets his hand trail down her side to her pants, unbuttoning them and tugging them down. She helps him shimmy out of her pants and he slips his hand between them again finding her wet. He wants her so bad right he doesn't want to wait, but Finnick knows better than to let her first time be on a couch. He scoops her up in his arms and she makes a surprised noise and wraps her arms around his neck as he carries her up the stairs. Finnick nudges the door open and then closed before he tumbles onto the bed with her.
Katniss is kissing him again, her hands moved from his neck to his hair and he fumbles with his pants, shoving them down and kicking them off before quickly following them with his pants. He repositions himself so that he can rub his dick against her through her panties and she moans again before she stills. Finnick takes in her rigid posture and stops all his ministrations.
"Katniss?" he asked gently.
"Sorry, just…Not sure I'm ready," she admits.
Finnick swallows his disappointment. "That's okay," he says quickly. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
Katniss ducks her head and presses her face against his chest. "I'm sorry."
Finnick takes her face in his hands and lifts it up to his. "You don't have to be sorry. I don't want to pressure you."
Katniss frowns and looks away. "No, I mean…About Annie." Finnick can tell she is ready to talk so he leans back and starts to play with her hair while he waits for her to explain. "I uh, well I just…You were right. I saw you lost and alone, and I knew you and you didn't remember anything. I just wanted to have someone as broken as me. I just wanted a chance to be happy again."
Finnick brushes her hair behind her ear. "I am happy. I love being here, I love spending time with you." Katniss could feel the 'but' coming and so she turns slightly away from him, hiding her face from his view. "But I need to find Annie. I need to figure this out."
"Yeah I know," she replies, pulling the covers up around herself.
"Katniss," he says softly.
"I'm just gonna take a nap," she interrupts. Finnick opens his mouth to argue but the doorbell ringing interrupts him. "Will you get it?"
Finnick sighs and rolls off the bed, pulling his pants back on. "Yeah," he says as he exits the room. Every time they made some progress she would shut down and it was maddening. Finnick picks up his shirt along the way and hears the doorbell ring again followed by a quick succession of knocks. Finnick grabs Katniss's discarded clothes and hides them under a blanket before going to the door. He runs his hand wearily across his face as he opens the door. "Yes?"
Standing in front of him is a shocked Peeta, blond hair long and shaggy and jaw slightly slack, hand poised to continue knocking. "Finnick?"
A/N: Hi everyone. I'm really very sorry for not updating. I just wanted to warn you now that it will probably be a while before I update again (think weeks). I've lost direction with this story (and some passion for it), and until I can get it back I don't want to fumble through another chapter as bad as this one was. As you can see, I've set things up so that when I return the story will move along and be much more exciting. Again, I apologize for this, and the incredible shortness of this chapter. In the meantime I might post other little things that have taken my fancy to write out, so think of them as healing tools on my road to recovery for inspiration for this story.
