Chapter eight: A life on your own

Loki walked slowly through the royal garden. The flowers stood higher and bigger than normally. He waved his hand at the remaining guards to send them off duty. They nodded and walked away in a straight line. He looked at the edge of the garden. The sun was setting. He walked over to the edge, where a grass field spread a wide area until the river several feet below him broke it. There was one tree, a small one, but a beautiful one. Normally the flowers would not bloom at this time of the year, but they did anyway.

Loki looked over to the bump in the grass. Easily mistaken for a big root, Faheiya sat on the ground, covered in grass. 'I would have overlooked you if I couldn't sense your mind here,' he said. He stood behind her.

When she heard his voice she opened her eternal eyes. She looked up to the sunset. Slowly the grass flew away in the wind from her body. Instead, rose pedals from the garden flowers flew over her body to form a light pink dress. With magic the pedals sew together as one whole.

'Beautiful your magic is,' Loki whispered. He sat down next to her. The tree was not far away on her other side. They both did not look at each other. They just sat and watched the processes of nature. They waited until the sun would completely set. After 20 minutes she spoke.

'There are few that have the patient you have. If you truly see, you can see the magic of the nature itself.'

He was quiet for a while. After a few minutes he knew an answer. 'I can see it.'

Only now she turned her head toward him. 'You know, this is the first time you walk up to me willingly. I wonder why. I thought not to interrupt you today anymore. Give you some rest at mind and body.'

He looked back and got lost in her eyes. Her hair flew around her face when she watched him. She hugged her legs and did not move a muscle. He tried to concentrate on her question. 'I tried that, but could not find rest. To many questions are in my head.'

'Addressed to who?' she asked, curious.

'To you. For example: I was convinced you would tell Odin about the deaths. How did you decide?'

She looked away from him to stare at the grass. 'I didn't until the moment I had to speak. I was very unsure. Somehow I thought you needed to be punished. But otherwise I thought it would do you no good.'

He leaned back on his palms. She watched his movement. He pulled up one eyebrow. 'Do me no good? No. But is that not the idea of punishment?'

She giggled a little. Loki thought it was a pretty and pure sound. It was the first time it sounded as something positive. 'Perhaps. But I mean for your heart.'

He looked right in her eyes. 'My heart?' he said softly. Faheiya swallowed and took a deep breath. This man was so different at some times. It was almost like another person sitting here. 'Yes. I did explain about the pain in your heart, didn't I?'

Loki nodded. She continued while playing with the grass between her fingers. 'Your heart is filled with pain where it should be filled with love. The last of it disappeared when your mother died. Now, I want to help you to recover the love. You should at least know what it feels like. You should experience it before you say you don't need it.'

She froze in her place with a grieve on her forehead. Then she shifted as to look right at Loki, leaning in a little. 'I wish to take away your pain and suffering,' she whispered.

Loki needed to resist the strange urge to grab her face and drew it closer to his. His heart made a flip. 'You are succeeding then,' he whispered back with a little too much air.

She looked at him with great eyes, surprised. 'What?' she mouthed, not really speaking the word. He couldn't get his eyes away from her. They locked to not be unlocked. Loki pushed his weight forward to get closer to her. She did not back away. 'You are doing something to my heart. Is it your job then to do so? I isn't like the pain is fading…well it is in fact. But what I feel stronger is something else. Something unfamiliar. Something that is driving me crazy. And I believe…'

He started to blush but did not dare to look away. 'It is love. For you.'

She did not move. 'Loki…' she whispered after a while. He hoped so much for a return of his love for her. He knew it is what he truly desired. But her eyes did not totally spoke the same words. 'Loki I am the protector of the nine realms. I am above every living creature. I am 5000 years old. You…' she looked him down and rapidly up, 'you are a child in my eyes. No more than a teenager. Besides, I am not meant for love or marriage.'

He moved over to get on his knees. He was higher than her and looked down at her. 'No. That is not it. You are just not familiar with the idea of a life on your own. That someone loves you directly. You experienced love through the eyes of other a thousand times, but never was it addressed to you. You are a person, with a heart and feelings. You cannot tell you are not meant for living a life.'

Deep within her heart Faheiya felt something. That feeling she felt within others, but never felt herself. He was right. It was love. But she was afraid to admit it. When she went through his mind she found love, but also a burning passion. He wanted her for himself. She was scared by it, but it made her blush. He leaned forward toward her. She sat on her knees and bended back. He locked his eyes with her. His gaze made her heart go a thousand times faster. Loki putted his knuckles on the ground on her sides when she felt backwards on her butt. She putted her hands behind her for support, never breaking eye contact.

'Loki…' she breathed. She was scared and happy at the same time. She could not place her feelings in the right place. She could not decide what to do. So she waited for what he would do.

He putted his face only inches on front of hers. Her heavy breathing brushed against his pale skin. He could not hold himself much longer.

Kiss me, his mind screamed in hers. He didn't dare to say it out loud. She did not reply as well. When she didn't, Loki placed his hand on her collarbone and pulled her face towards his. Only one second before their lips met he closed his eyes, to transport the passion hidden in them into their kiss. He did not move wildly, for he was afraid to scare her. And scared she was, but she did not pull back. She didn't kiss back either. She didn't move at all. Loki then parted his lips with hers to open his eyes again. She did the same a few seconds later. Fear raised in her eyes.

'Tell me what you feel,' Loki whispered, but still it sounded demanding.

She swallowed and remained quiet for a while. 'I-I…don't know.'

He was disappointed. Still he didn't give up. 'Try to describe it. Maybe it helps if I start. I feel love. I feel true love. But I also still feel pain. You know why? Because I sense you do not truly answer my love the way I had hoped. You said you wanted to take away my pain. Then why don't you?'

She blinked for the first time in a long while. 'I did not mean by myself. I would find someone for you.'

He gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. 'I want no one but you.'

She gasped for air. What would she do? Let the warm feeling take her over? What would be the consequences? She didn't know what it meant to have someone and the idea of something totally new scared her beyond reason. Like he was the one that could read her mind, he said again: 'Tell me what you feel,' but now with a softer tone. He started to push away locks of her hair and move his fingertips around the shell of her ear.

'I feel…so much. But most of all I am scared. I don't know what will happen when…' before she could finish he pushed his index finger on her lips and shushed. 'No, I mean what do you feel when I kiss you?'

She felt more and more uncomfortable. 'Confusion,' she answered. He was not satisfied. 'Let me take it away for you then,' he whispered. Then he leaned in and kissed her again. This time he pushed a little harder against her lips, hoping she would move them. But she didn't. Instead she pulled away and got on her feet. He looked up, confused by her sudden movement. A single tear came from the corner of her eye. Nevertheless, she looked firm when she talked. 'You confuse me beyond reason Loki. I don't want to feel this uncomfortable. It cannot be. Take peace with that or die without happiness. Find yourself someone of your status. Now, for your best, I will not be in your presence anymore. Goodbye, Loki.'

She turned around and walked away. Loki got on his feet. Then a second Loki appeared in front of her. Startled she took a step back. 'I don't understand your concern! You are above anyone, yes indeed. Then who will tell you you cannot be with me? You know who? Only you tell that to yourself. If I am not good enough for you, then who is? A mortal? A farmer? You cannot get much higher than me! Love isn't in status, it exist within your heart.'

She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. She didn't succeed. She knew he was right. There was nothing in between them except for herself. But that was the person she could not win from. It was a battle within herself that she had not won yet.

You know I'm right, Loki said in his mind, knowing she would read it. She putted a hand on his chest. 'Let me go,' she sobbed. Instead of what she asked he pulled her into a hug. 'I love you,' he said with all his heart. She pushed his arms away. 'I said let me go!' then she burst into flames to disappear into thin air.

Loki stood alone, beaten and full of pain.