Chapter nine: break it to make it whole

Faheiya appeared in her room. She started to cry without control. In angriness she set the curtains on fire and split the tables and chairs in two. She went for a hot shower to wash away the tears.

The hardest part was, that she was angry with herself. Part of her wanted to walk up to Loki and kiss him for eternity. The other part withhold her from that. But why? She didn't even know.

Loki was right. No matter who would not approve them, it would not matter. No one could stand her. No one had the right to speak his disapproval. Loki was also no bad match. He was a prince.

But also a war criminal, a part of her told her. So that's it? You can't live with his past?

If I don't show my love to him, it will not just be his past, but his present and future. Is that better for all the lives? So that is the reason to be with him? For the best of the people.

She screamed and slit with her back against the wall down to the floor of the shower. She covered her face with her hands. 'Is anything I decide for the good of others? What about me? Loki is right, I do have the right of living a life. I should always be there for others, but I could also have a life on my own.'

The other part didn't protest. She removed her hands from her face.

That's it? Did I just make a decision? She sighed. No. No she didn't, for it still didn't feel right.

After a very long shower she returned to her bed, exhausted of the day. She did have her powers back after that terrible toxic on Midgard, but she did not feel like it now. She rather felt even more tired. Tired of arguing with herself. It didn't take long before she drifted off in her sleep.

Unfortunately her dreams did not take her anywhere else than her dilemma. She walked hand in hand with Loki over a beautiful beach. It looked like Midgard, for she liked those beaches the most. They playfully splashed water to each other and started she started to chaise him. They laughed. She captured him and pulled him in her arms. He laid his arms around her waist, looking in her eyes with a peaceful look in them.

'I love you,' he told her again.

'I love you too,' she confessed to the dream Loki.

She awoke from that confession. She breathed heavily. She was lying on her side with her left cheek in the soft pillow. 'just a dream,' she whispered to herself. She was just about to fall back asleep when she realized something.

A pressure was on her waist and a bobble laid under it as well.

Someone was with her.

She turned around quickly and found a face right behind her head. She gasped at the sudden person and closed her eyes after that. 'Loki,' she breathed.

'Hello sweetheart,' he said on a loving tone. It made a wave of goosebumps run down her body.

'You scared me,' she said a little angry. He moved his right hand up over her body to her face. He startled to stroke it gently. 'I didn't mean to.' She closed her eyes, enjoying his touch.

Stop it, said the other side. She opened her eyes and sat up, looking at Loki. He was half naked as far as she could see. The lower side of his body was under the blanket. She truly hoped he wore pants.

'What are you doing here? How is it possible that I didn't make myself clear?'

It was dark in the room. She was happy with it, because that way he can't see the blush on her cheeks.

'You did make yourself clear, and I was hurt. I felt like nothing mattered anymore. So I randomly walked around in the castle when I overheard two maids talking. The one said that she checked on you. You were in the shower, crying. Then I understood that you have difficulty with your decision.'

He pushed himself up from the bed to sit opposite Faheiya. 'I felt like hope wasn't lost. You just still don't know. That's okay. I can wait. But I will not pretend to not want you. I need you and I will do anything I can to get you.'

She hated how he exactly knew what was going on in her mind. She couldn't lie to him anymore. But still she felt as if it wasn't a good idea. She closed her eyes and returned in her original position. She didn't say anything. With her back to him she pulled the blanket over her and tried to fall back asleep. He didn't move for a few minutes. Then he laid down beside her, spooning her. She liked the warmth of his body against hers. She couldn't sleep. Her mind was raising with options. All sounded stupid.

He made her go crazy. He made her weak. He made her feel…alive.

She shot upright, startling Loki. He got up slowly and looked into her eyes. They showed fear. 'What is it?' he asked gently. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Once they opened again the fear was gone. All that was to see was love. She was sure.

In one movement she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He kissed her back. His hands traveled over her back and trough her hair. She kissed him wildly. It was her first kiss to give and she would give all. After a long moment she pulled back gasping for air. So did he. He looked at her eyes. She let one tear fall down.

'I,' she started, but she didn't recover enough air. She took a deep breath and tried again. 'I love you.'

Loki stared at her in disbelief for a moment. Then he started to smile. Also he let a tear leave his eye. Then he pulled her into his arms, hugging her. 'I'm so happy to hear that,' he said with an unsteady voice.

Faheiya laid with her head against his chest. Then she heard a very loud cracking sound, followed by a loud pang. Loki was shocked by the sound and feeling coming from his heart. He breathed heavily, as to check whether his heart still worked. 'What was that?' he asked scared.

She laughed and moved to look him into his eyes. 'That was the last layer of pain around your heart. You now know what it means to love and be loved Loki. Your heart is whole again.'

He looked confused. 'Mission completed then,' he said without humor. He was afraid that was the only reason she kissed him.

She laughed and shook her head. She pulled herself into his lap and looked down on him. 'You are not my duty, but who I desire to spend eternity with. Let's live together. Forever.'

The end.