Note: Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that some of you recognized the small inconsistencies between Castle's memories and Kate's regarding that night (the kiss, Kate's description of how things feel); I wanted to demonstrate their altered mental states- not quite recalling the same details. Although our duo was involved in illicit drug and tequila use-the narrator was not ;-)
This chapter is for BassLab1. Feel better soon.
Kate Beckett sat at the kitchen table for what felt like hours, simply staring at the test results in front of her. It didn't make sense. She couldn't fathom it. How is this even possible? She wondered to herself. She knew that Mia was conceived in Chicago, and she knew that the father's first name was Brad. Or at least that's what he said. She countered herself.
Truth be told, it was the one and only time Kate had ever tried Ecstasy, and she wasn't sure she could reliably account for anything that night. The sex had been amazing, she reflected. That was something that certainly aligned with Lanie's hypothesis. Afterall, sex with Castle had always been nothing less than mind-blowing.
No, she forced the thoughts out, not possible.
He was in Chicago, Kate. You went to his book signing. She thought suspiciously. Yeah-but I also saw and heard him make plans to go back to the city. She refuted herself, arguing with herself. She was so lost in those thoughts that she didn't see or hear him approaching. It was his hands on her shoulders that startled her.
He rubbed soothing circles into her tense muscles, "I don't know how, but we'll get through this, Kate. We'll find Mia a donor."
"We already did." She spoke absent-mindedly, still stuck in her current train of thoughts. Lanie gave her a hug and left her to work things out with Castle, knowing that they were all going to need time to process.
"What?" He blurted in surprise.
"Call me if you need me." She stated to Kate, offering Castle a smile and then letting herself out quietly.
"But I thought that…" Castle was lost for words, "that is wonderful, who?" He questioned, pulling Kate up from the table to embrace her. He couldn't understand why she appeared shell-shocked instead of relieved.
"Castle, it's Alexis." Kate spoke, truly looking at him for the first time. She appeared to be studying him as if he were some foreign creature she'd just discovered. The writer found her behavior disconcerting.
"Well…ok. We can talk to Alexis. I'm sure she'll be thrilled, Kate." He offered, "She volunteered on her own and she's an adult." He continued, sure that Kate's current state of unrest was trepidation over Alexis' decision to donate an organ.
"I support this, Kate. I do. Alexis is healthy and she will be fine. This is the life of your daughter we're talking about here." He attempted to soothe her. She moved to the kitchen, seemingly motivated to find something there. As she turned away from him she muttered a single word.
"our." Kate spoke.
"I'm sorry?" Castle asked, not following her strange behavior.
"Our, Castle." She stated.
"Our what?" He was truly confused.
"Our daughter. Mia is our daughter." She turned to look at him, his face blank. It was if she'd started speaking a foreign language. He paused before formulating a question.
"What are you talking about?" Castle questioned. He was beginning to worry that the stress had finally gotten to Kate. She was clearly talking nonsense.
"Alexis was a perfect match to Mia, so Lanie did a little investigating on her own." She paused, shifting her gaze away from Castle and down to the box of Jasmine tea she was now holding in her hands.
"They are siblings, Castle. Mia and Alexis have the same father." She continued to study the box of tea as if it held magical properties.
"How is that even possible? I didn't know you 13 years ago… I couldn't… I would have remembered…" He stuttered.
"There must be a mistake." He rationalized.
"The paternity test is on the table." She stated solemnly. "You had a book signing in Chicago that weekend, Maddie and I took a road trip." She explained as if her piece of information would suddenly make everything clear.
"Kate, it isn't possible- the test must be an error, I would remember if we..."
"You might not remember, but maybe Brad from Chicago does?" She spat at him. It wasn't his fault and Kate knew that. He'd been as clueless in all of this as she had. It wasn't fair but she couldn't help but lash out.
"You were in… You got pregnant in… I was…Oh, God." He put the pieces together.
"Oh my God." He spoke again. "It was you." He processed the information, "but you were…"
"I was what?" She challenged. Young? Stupid? On drugs? A slut? The abusive thoughts of self- loathing streamed across her brain as she was once again hit with the ironic and demented sense of humor that the universe had. They were thoughts she'd learn to let go of after the pregnancy, after she'd moved on.
Afterall, she was a young girl, scared and alone-who'd made a mistake. She was anything but the abusive labels she threw at herself. Still, those old demons came rushing back, attacking Kate at her very core. Tears welled and burned her eyes and she tried to blink them away, unable to speak.
Castle simply stared at her, also at a loss for words.
"Yeah. I was a lot of things." She finally said, an ironic tone in her voice as tears finally unleashed and rolled down her cheeks.
Kate set the box of tea down and walked passed Castle. She was filled with shame, disbelief, anger, embarrassment, devastation and guilt all at the same time. The detective was simply unable to look at her writer.
Castle simply stood rooted in place, he was still too shocked to respond to the devastated woman before she left the room.
"Kate, sweetie, what can I do?" Lanie answered her phone on the first ring.
"Talk to Alexis. Let her know she's a match, but don't go into further detail yet…just…" She didn't know what else to say.
"Did you tell him?" Lanie pressed.
"Yeah. I imagine he's feeling a bit like I am at the moment." Kate stated, laying on the bed in the spare room with the lights out as she talked with Lanie.
"Don't shut him out, Kate. You need to work through this together." Lanie urged her best friend.
Kate nodded, but didn't give any verbal affirmation. Lanie could hear the fresh sob through the phone.
"She's going to be done with her physical therapy soon and we've got to tell her something." Kate spoke, shifting her attention directly to Mia and the reality that her medical needs weren't going to take the day off because they needed time to process.
"Do you want me to come over, I can talk with the girls together and prepare them a bit about what to expect." The medical examiner offered.
"Please." Kate whispered.
Kate waited in her room until Lanie arrived, Alexis stepping in right behind her. As she descended the stairs she saw Castle speaking with Mia, helping her get comfortable on the couch after a long and exhausting physical therapy session. She noticed the new manner in which he looked at her, touched her, and handled her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.
He looked up from the couch and made eye-contact with Kate. Silently they exchanged a conversation.
Did you? She looked to him with concern.
Of course not. He answered with his own look.
A sense of relief passed through her with the knowledge that Castle hadn't yet said anything. Of course he wouldn't, this is something that they were going to handle together.
They followed Lanie and Alexis into the living room and they all sat together. Castle and Beckett sat at opposite sides of the room while Lanie sat between the girls and broke the news of their match. They were ecstatic and held eachother for a while, feeling as if they'd been given a miracle.
Little did the girls know how miraculous their meeting was, or the true nature of their connection. That would come in time. Both Castle and Beckett listened as Lanie answered all of their questions, preparing them as best she could for the process of donating and receiving an organ. She also kept the girls' attention off of the other adults in the room, who both still seemed to be reeling with the news.
Finally, as their questions died down, Alexis turned to look at her father and to Beckett,
"Isn't this wonderful?" She spoke. "Who would have thought that of all the people…me…I am a match."
Siblings have a higher chance of matching than do parents, Kate thought to herself as she recalled what Mia's doctor had told her. She simply smiled at Alexis,
"I'll never be able to repay you for what you're doing." Kate spoke.
Alexis simply moved from her spot on the couch to hug Kate, "we're family, all of us." She whispered into the detective's ear. You have no idea, Kate thought.
Little was said as the girls processed the news, spoke of their plans before and after the surgery. It was decided that Alexis would move back home for the time being. Both girls were going to need to be looked after and taken care of over the next weeks.
"So, should I sleep in my old room?" Alexis asked tentatively.
Kate smiled, "of course you should." She squeezed her shoulders supportively.
Considering that Kate and Mia had occupied all empty rooms, there was a shortage of space.
"There's a fold out in my office, Kate- you know that." Castle offered, the first direct thing he'd spoken to her. The odd thing was that their silence did not come from a place of anger. Neither felt angry and both knew that the other was not harboring tension. Their silence was simply driven from a place of shock and confusion. They simply didn't know how to be around one another, how to move forward with this new piece of information.
Soon the girls went to bed, the hospital informed and in contact with both Kate and Lanie to move forward with surgical prep as soon as possible. A whirlwind of information was thrown at Kate's already fragmented mind. One thing at a time, came Castle's whisper from behind.
She wasn't sure if he'd said it, or if she'd just imagined his voice in her head.
Kate helped Mia into bed that evening, listening to the girl's relieved words. Finally, she had reason to hope and that filled Kate with a sense of joy and gratitude. After leaving Mia's bedside she went to sit with Alexis, who was also in bed. It was something she'd never done before. While they got along well, she and Alexis had simply never had that type of relationship.
Kate simply stared at her, emotion once again overwhelming her. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words. "Alexis…" she began, but fell short. How does one exactly express gratitude to the person who is saving your child's life?
"You've saved my dad so many times, and in so many ways. Think of this as my way of returning the favor." Alexis stated, staring meaningfully into the face of the only woman her father ever truly loved.
Kate's response came in a whisper, "You're saving me too." With those words her tears fell, the product of an overwhelming and relieving day. It was Alexis that pulled Kate in, holding her for several moments. Kate cupped the girl's face, running a thumb against the porcelain skin there.
"You are a remarkable young woman and I'm so proud of who you are, Alexis." Kate stated, unaware that those were words that Alexis had yearned to hear for years. While she wanted them to come from her own mother, the red-head was surprised to find that they held more meaning coming from Kate.
Alexis fell asleep that night with a feeling she'd never had, she felt as if a hole somewhere within her had been filled. All this time, she was surprised to learn that the mothering she truly needed didn't even come her own mother.
Kate made her way downstairs quietly to find Castle in his office. He'd pulled out the couch in his office to reveal the mattress there and was placing crisp, white sheets on the bed.
"You don't have to do that, Castle." She began to insist. Afterall, she could make her own bed.
"If I want to be comfortable I do. It's still a bit chilly out and I'm going to want blankets." He stated, tucking the fitted sheet along the top corner of the thin mattress.
"Wait, what?" Kate was startled.
"Castle, you're sleeping in your own bed. I'll take the fold-out." She insisted.
"No can do." He shot her down, "we both know you sleep on your stomach and on your side. These bars will be too uncomfortable. You won't get any sleep." He stated.
"And you?" She shot back.
"I sleep on my back, I'll be fine." He explained.
Kate moved to help him make the bed, fitting the opposite corners of the sheet on her side of the mattress as they conversed.
"Um, no." She began to correct his statement, "You start on your back, and you wake on your back- but you shift in every possible direction through the night. Most of the time you wind up wrapped around me before-" Kate stopped herself suddenly. It had been months since they'd spoken in any truly intimate manner, as if they were once again in a relationship.
They'd been making strides before Mia's accident, and once again in the hospital they were becoming closer. Why do things have to be so hard for us? She wondered sadly as she moved to silently resume preparing the bed.
Castle simply stared at her, following her train of thought. "Look, I know that we're both pretty dazed right now about this whole Mia thing."
Kate nodded, willing herself to look up and truly maintain eye contact with him.
"I need for you to know that I had no idea, Kate…" She cut him off.
"Of course you didn't. Neither did I… Castle this wasn't your…"
"Fault. I know, but it wasn't yours either." He finished her sentence for her. She nodded, and for the first time they seemed to reach a place of mutual acceptance. He moved to the other side of the bed, to stand next to her and take her hands in his own. She squeezed affirmatively. Regardless of what was to come, they were in this together.
"So, what do we do?" Kate questioned him.
"Well to start with, you take the bed. You need your rest."
She smiled at him, thankful that he was letting things drop for the night, thankful that they seemed to be at peace with one another. She finally let the exhaustion seep into her bones, allowing him to escort her to bed and falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
It was nearly 2am when he woke, noting the discomfort of the bed frame through the thin mattress on his ribs. He was on his side. Castle simply rolled his eyes with the knowledge that Kate knew his sleeping habits better than he did. Moments later he heard the soft sob.
He then became aware that it wasn't the uncomfortable mattress that had woken him, but the whimpers from the woman currently occupying his bed. Without much thought he pulled himself from the mattress, padding quietly across the carpeted room. Any question of whether she was sleeping was soon answered with the soft sound of her voice.
"Castle." It was a statement and a question, a demand and a plea all rolled into one single utterance of his name.
He wasted no time crawling into bed while she turned to face him. Moments later they were completely entwined with one another, seeking both physical and emotional comfort. He laced his fingers on her lower back, holding her close.
She buried her face into his neck, her sobs growing more intense. Feeling helpless against the onslaught of emotion, Castle simply threw one of his legs over her body, completely enveloping her.
"Shhh." He soothed, "Were all here. We're all together, and we'll get through this Kate, I promise."
After a few moments she began to control her breathing once again, taking in quick gasps until finally calming down. Castle continued to rub her back, not moving his body unless she moved to break the connection herself. She didn't.
Looking up, Kate realized just how close their faces were, how she could feel his breath caress her cheek. She reached up to caress his jaw, studying him intently. Taking in this man, who'd done nothing but stand by her side.
Castle simply waited, allowing Kate to take the lead as she moved in closer to touch her lips against his own. It was tentative, soft and exploring. It once again occurred to Kate that they did some of their best communicating, their best healing, with their lips.
The kiss deepened, prompting a sigh from Kate as she loosened her lips and allowed his tongue to make contact with her own. Soon they were both breathless, eager to be somehow closer than they already were. He rolled them so that he rested on top of her, the weight of his body deliciously pressing hers into the mattress.
Her legs came to wrap around his hips as she made no attempt to mask her arousal. What started out as innocent, comforting and reassuring quickly escalated to passionate and needy, consuming both of them. She raised her hips to meet his and he pressed himself against her, making his arousal clear and causing her to let out a low, intense moan of pleasure.
Her moan pulled Castle from his trance of lust and need, causing him to pull back momentarily.
"Kate. Maybe we should.."
"No." She interrupted him, "We've done slow, we've done careful, we've tip toed around our feelings and hurt one another countless times. Castle, I'm done. I'm done fighting this, fighting you and how I feel about you." She whispered to him, a plea in her eye that he understand her.
"I just want to be sure." He answered, "I don't think I could take it if we fell apart again, Kate." His gaze was intense. He was issuing an ultimatum of sorts, all or nothing.
Kate simply nodded, "It's time. I'm done being apart from you." She then pulled him back to her, kissing his lips firmly and waiting for him to respond in kind.
Soon he did and words were forgotten, clothes were discarded, and emotions took over as they once again became united. She shifted as he entered her, accommodating her body to the familiar feel him. God, I've missed this, she thought to herself as they began to move in tandem.
He gripped her hips firmly, giving himself greater leverage to deepen their connection. Their hands were clasped, pinning hers to the bed above her head as sweat soon drenched their bodies. Soon he let go, needing to cradle her body against his. Usually Kate was open, confidant and challenging during Sex. She pushed him, played with him, grappled him for power in one of the most rewarding and erotic experiences he would ever know. However, this time things were different.
Tonight she clung to him, needing to feel him against every inch of her skin, grasping at his backside to pull him in deeper. Her legs wound around his, ankles clinging to the back of his calves in attempt to keep their bodies fully aligned. Kisses to his neck soon gave way to desperate panting as she lost her breath. The intensity rivaled their first time, yet there was a connection that only came from the intimacy they'd developed.
Kate was breathless with the intensity, with the need for release as she climbed higher and higher, straining to hold on, to make the moment last forever.
"Kate." He gasped, "let go. I'm right here." He urged her, barely hanging on himself.
She met his gaze once again, the burning and intensity catching him by surprise even in this, their most intimate moment, she was wild in her need for him, always for him. Finally her eyes slipped shut with the ecstasy, her back arched and she lost all rhythm. He covered her mouth with his own just in time to swallow the scream that came as she fell apart.
The rhythmic contractions of her body pulled at him, dragging him deeper and deeper into his own need. Moments later he fell apart, collapsing onto her body. Drenched with sweat and feeling boneless from their exertion, Castle soon moved to roll off of her. However, his movements were stopped by an insistent press of her hands on his back.
"Don't leave yet." She whispered, not wanting to lose the precious feel of his body against hers after such a long time without.
"Shhh." He kissed her brow, "Never again. Never again."
