Hermione Granger-Malfoy eyed the battered cardboard box sitting on the floor near the front door of her new home with disfavor. It was tied with green ribbon—a dismal attempt at cheering up the pathetic thing, and an obvious gift from some Slytherin. Without taking her eyes off the box, she raised her voice.

"Draco Malfoy, get your skinny arse down here immediately!"

She heard a growled epithet, and waited patiently, not moving. Finally, the sudden and abnormal silence alerted her to her husband's arrival, and she spun, catching him just as he was about to reach out and grab her. "Malfoy…"

Her warning tone had Draco straightening up with dignity, and looking as innocent as he could manage. "Yes, dear?"

"Don't you yes dear me, Draco Malfoy! I'll thank you to stop trying to sneak up behind me like that, or do you remember what happened to Ron the last time he tried to do the exact same thing?"

Draco winced. "Uh. I almost felt sorry for Weasley that day. It looked like it bloody hurt."

"Oh, I'm sure it did. Severus taught me to instinctively aim for where it hurts the most when taken by surprise."

The blond began to back away slowly, eying his wife of barely a month. "Um. Granger. I think Uncle Severus has been a very bad influence on you."

She waved him away, absentmindedly correcting him. "Granger-Malfoy now, not just Granger. And Severus he just couldn't stand having the consummate Gryffindor as an apprentice, no matter how smart I was. It was a matter of survival—his survival. If he hadn't decided to teach me how to be a Slytherin, he would have torn all the hair out from his head in exasperation by the time the two years of my Potions apprenticeship was over."

"Yeah, I still don't see how he had the time to take on an apprentice in Potions, being Headmaster and all. You would think he would kick back and relax after the War. And he had to go and pick a Gryffindor to top it off, instead of a Slytherin!"

"Oh suck it up, Malfoy. You're just miffed because he knew that you wouldn't be happy in Potions in the long run, and accepted me instead of you as an apprentice."

"I cannot believe I actually understand what the horrible expression means. You're muggle-izing me, Hermione. Or rather, your American aunt is, since that term is American I believe. Next it'll be traveling by the Underground instead of Apparating."

"Well, we've already done the movies when we were dating, and the Muggle restaurants, and we had a Muggle wedding along with the traditional hand-fasting, and we've gone to church, and taken a cab. So yes, that's a brilliant idea Draco! The subway is our next adventure into the Muggle world!"

Draco's pained face said it all for him.

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After Hermione had managed to calm down somewhat, she remembered her original purpose for summoning her husband down. "Ah, Draco, there's a package for us lying right there. It wasn't there when we got back from our honeymoon last night, so I assume it came this morning when we were, ahem, still in bed. I haven't touched it, but I've performed all the checking spells, and it's clean of any nasty hoax. I assumed it would be from one of your friends, since whoever gave it used a green bow."

"Well let's see, shall we?" Draco smirked down at Hermione, recalling all too well why they had stayed in bed late into the morning. He strode over, and pulled off the ribbon and opened the box enthusiastically. His brow furrowed in confusion as he pulled out something green and scratchy. "There's more of whatever this is inside the box…"

Hermione knew what it was before he had finished the sentence. "Oh Merlin!" she gasped, walking wonderingly over to where Draco sat, pulling out piece after piece of the parts that would connect together to make a fake plastic Christmas tree.

"Draco, this must be from Severus! This is the plastic tree you yanked down during our detention in Seventh year, that we had to redo again. Remember? Before you had the guts to ask me out?"

He looked up indignantly. "Hey, I resent that!" Then her words sank in. "You're right!"

"I'm right about you not having guts?"

"No! Not that!" Draco protested. "You're right about this being the nasty little bugger we had to decorate during detention. It kept wobbling, and all the Stabilizing Spells we tried wouldn't work."

"Yeah…it looked so pathetic at the Yule Ball."

"I wasn't looking at the tree then. I was too enchanted by my future wife then to notice any bloody wobbling tree decked out in House colors."

Hermione grinned with a glint in her eye. "Draco, if you keep on the way you're going, we may not get around to visiting everybody today."

Draco stood and raised his eyebrow suggestively, pulling Hermione closer to him.

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They didn't make the house calls until the next day. Draco stuffed the Christmas tree parts back into the box haphazardly, and left it under their bed as a temporary storage place.

Before she fell asleep, Hermione made a note in her mind to thank Severus for the belated wedding present.

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A.N.: Hope you enjoyed! Please R&R, it takes two seconds and makes my day.