AN: So I had another one in me. Apparently I am mopey right now so sad songs seem to be the theme of the day. Anyway this is another one shot with the song to follow.


Love Letter

Dear Eric,

There are so many things I want to tell you I don't know where to begin. The easiest is to tell you that I love you with everything that I am. You have been my shining star in the dark leading me out of my misery. You showed me that I could be a confident person and stand on my own two feet.

I remember the first time I saw you. You walked into homeroom with a smile on your face that lit up my world. I could not believe that this stud of a guy would even look twice at me. I was a goner the second you looked my way. I still don't know what on earth you saw in me but I will be forever thankful that I got to spend even this short amount of time with you. You made me that happiest girl in the world that day you proposed. I felt like an idiot trying to form words in front of your team mates. I mean how many girls get to have an entire football team as part of their proposal.

I truly thought that nothing could make me happier but then we had Hunter and Hadley. They are going to need you now more than ever. Hunter is already a wonderful little man I know that he is going to be a great man just like his daddy someday. You need to keep taking him to church even when he whines and says it's boring. Also don't be afraid to ask for help with Hadley. I know there are so many things that you are not going to know about with her. I have written them both a bunch of letters too. I want you all to know just how much the three of you mean to me.

Now I am going to tell you what you told me when I had been wallowing in my depression after Gran. Quit crying and man up. I thought you were such an ass but guess what now it is my turn. I am gone but your memory of me is not. I know that I should have told you sooner that I was sick but I couldn't stand to have you look at me with pity and heartbreak. I also did not want my last memories with you tainted by my sickness.

If I know you as well as I think I do then you are curled up in our bed clinging to my body pillow like you did with me every night. Honey, you need to get out of bed take a shower and go outside. Even if it is just for a few minutes you need to remember that life goes on. You have two beautiful little angels that need you.

There is something that I want you to have because I am sure it will make you at least laugh if not scoff in righteous indignation. You know how you would give me shit every time I took a minute to right something down or take a picture of something that just made no sense. Well I made you a book of our time together. There is a page for each day I knew you. Some of the pages are happy and some are not but I hope it gives you some closure. There is one condition with reading the book. When you are finished you have to put it on the shelf and get on with your life. It is ok to look back at it if you start to forget me or you want to share our story with Hunter and Hadley but Honey you have to keep living. The last thing you need to know is that I will love you forever.

Love you forever and always,

Sookie

I don't know how many times I have read that letter and looked at the book she made me since I found them in the back of our closet after her death. Sookie was never one to do things half way but then again neither was I. I found the book along with a huge stack of letters to both kids and myself for all different occasions. I also find her stock pile of presents. It took everything I had not to open every letter when I found them. It has been both a blessing and a curse to have these bits of her, but I would trade it all to have one more night with her. I remember being so mad when I found out that she had been sick for over a year and not told me. I felt like I did not matter but then I took the time to look at the book. She really had pictures of everything we had ever done as a couple, with great anecdotes pend in her writing next to them on every page. This is the first time I am not crying but smiling. It has been five years since she died.

The Car in Front of me

Homecoming parade, you were the queen
I was riding right behind you with the rest of the team
Saw my ring on your finger as you waved to the crowd
I didn't know a second stringer could ever be so proud

The car in front of me was carrying what I loved more than anything
My sweetest dream was in the car in front of me

On Wednesday nights, we'd meet at church
You'd bring the kids, and I'd come straight from work
Going home I'd read their lips through the window of your van
As they sang Jesus loves me, I thought God I'm a lucky man

The car in front of me was carrying what i loved more than anything
My sweetest dream was in the car in front of me

Even after what the doctor said
You were strong and you believed
And you held us all together through one more spring

Their little hands held on to mine
As we sat in that backseat with tears in our eyes
A long line of headlights
Strangers stopped along the road
No Monday wasn't meant for wearing Sunday clothes

The car in front of me was carrying what I loved more than anything
Oh my sweetest dream was in the car in front of me