Used to be
"If you're trying to be funny, you are not succeeding."
Fate frowned in response, her gaze dropping to the package of instant ramen in her hand. What was the issue? It was food, right?
Mostly.
Nanoha fixed the blonde with a stern look and launched into what Vivio had always called 'mom mode', crossing her arms and raising a brow as if to say, 'think again'.
"What? It's fast and easy to cook. Plus? Almost never goes bad."
"And completely unhealthy."
"Come on." Fate tried with a crooked grin. "I'll toss an egg in there. It'll be fine."
Nanoha's nose crinkled up and quick hands pulled the noodles from her grasp. "Nope. Not good enough. You need to take better care of yourself. I know from experience that those rations you get are nothing more than re-hydrated cardboard."
Fate chuckled lightly as the instructor returned the item to the shelf. "They're not that bad." She paused a moment, laughing nervously under the disapproving glare pointed her way.
"I do remember what they try to pass off as fresh fruit in the field, Fate-chan. Those few nights we were on Katar, I swear they shrink wrapped some tree bark in packages and called it a day."
The enforcer shuddered. "That was a long week."
Nanoha grinned. "No kidding. I had never been so happy to come home. I went straight to Mom and Dad's and ate just about everything in the house."
Fate hummed in defeat, and allowed the instructor to lead the way back towards the fresh foods section, casting one last look over her shoulder as she shifted the handles of the shopping basket looped over her arm.
She'd have to come back later and pick up the noodles on her own.
The grocery store was pretty empty this time of the morning, and as she followed Nanoha through cramped aisles, she wondered if she'd be in trouble for skipping work. Unconsciously, her eyes flickered down to the short blue uniform skirt and the hint of bare skin above thigh high stockings.
God, she loved the military.
Nanoha paused in her trek, focusing in on a selection of vegetables, and Fate nearly tripped over her in her distracted state, feeling her face flush when she realized she had almost been caught. She was treading some dangerous waters here, and it would probably be best to pay attention to something besides the cute way Nanoha bit her lip when she was concentrating and…
Blue eyes were suddenly on her, warm with concern as they took in the enforcer's open mouthed stare. "You all right, Fate-chan? Still not feeling well from yesterday?"
"Yeah, I'm ah…" Fate fumbled, grasping at straws as she mentally tried to play catch up. "How is your Mom?" Well. Not exactly smooth, but…
"She's doing well." Nanoha smiled. "She's actually coming for a visit next week."
Dark eyes flickered. For the wedding preparations, probably. "And your Dad?"
Safe topic. Normal topic.
"Ah." the brunette sighed, pulling a plastic bag off the nearby cardboard roll. "I think he's still in denial. Baby girl growing up and all that."
Fate smiled despite the flutter in her chest. She could remember many days of her youth spent in the Takamachi household, and to say her first few visits gave her a bit of culture shock would have been a vast understatement. They were a boisterous, animated family, but fiercely loyal, and after meeting Momoko, Shiro, and Nanoha's siblings, it had been easy to see where she had picked up her determined nature and open heart.
"And how is Lindy?"
"Oh, she's alright." Fate replied, brow quirking at the amount of broccoli Nanoha selected. "I think she gets lonely being in that huge house all by herself now, so I'm glad that Arf is there to keep her company. Chrono brings over the twins quite often too, so that keeps her busy." The broccoli was deposited into the basket, and as Fate shifted the growing weight once more, she wondered just how much food Nanoha expected her to eat.
"You don't see her much, do you?"
The blonde flinched at both the unexpected question and the sideways glance now cast her way. Seconds ticked by, unbearably slow, and Fate dropped her gaze down to the toes of her shoes. "I'm…gone a lot, so…"
Nanoha sighed, a soft, quiet sound, but didn't push the issue any further.
Fate frowned internally, confused by the sudden change in atmosphere, and realized with a sinking feeling in her stomach that this would probably be the norm between them from now on. It was frustrating to know that one phrase, or even a look, could bring up so many painful memories for both of them. Before she could mull it over any further, however, the device around Nanoha's neck began to beep incessantly.
"Busted?" Fate questioned lightly, almost thankful for the distraction.
"Probably." the brunette groaned aloud. "Go ahead, Raising Heart."
A com link sprung up, and the instructor was greeted with an image of a ragged looking Yuuno. Fate immediately ducked out of the line of sight, already uncomfortable with the action, and did her best to make it look as though she were thoroughly absorbed by the nearby display of apples, so as not to make it appear as if she were eavesdropping.
"You're not at the base." Yuuno grumbled, looking concerned. "And Vita said you told her you were going to be late…"
"I'm sorry." Nanoha replied apologetically, shifting in place. "I had some errands I had to take care of. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah." he mumbled, glancing quickly over his shoulder and speaking to someone off screen. "No, not that one. Yeah, that crate there." He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and turned his attention back to the ace, looking tired and frustrated. "Honey, I know this is terrible timing, but an emergency has come up. The thirty seventh squad has found some archaeological ruins on Kriest that show traces of a dangerous relic, and they need me to respond and investigate."
"Kriest?" Nanoha echoed dully. "But, the rehearsal at the chapel, and my mother…"
"I know." Yuuno replied evenly. "We fought to get the appointment we do have, and there's no way to reschedule. You'll have to go without me."
"I guess it's payback for yesterday?" she offered with a light grin, though it didn't reach her eyes.
"It'll be a few weeks, at most." he murmured quietly. "Nanoha, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." she replied firmly. "You're doing what you have to do. I understand."
Fate could no longer feign disinterest and studied the expression on Nanoha's face. It was one she knew all too well, laced with hidden disappointment and loneliness from years of almost identical phone calls with herself on the other end. For the first time in a long time, Fate found herself face to face with one of her biggest regrets, only instead of wedding preparations, it had been family events, holidays, school functions…
Just how many times had she been gone when Nanoha needed her?
"I love you." the man on the screen said now, and Fate felt something in her chest tug.
"I love you too." Nanoha replied softly.
The enforcer swallowed hard. She knew what was coming next, and she was sure that if she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine it being directed towards her and…
"Please be safe. Call me when you're settled in."
Yup.
"Will do."
The screen faded, and as Fate polished an apple on her sleeve, she wasn't sure if she should keep up the charade or work up the guts to say something. Nanoha beat her to it, however, and turned to face her, brushing a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear, eyes distant.
"Think we've got enough food here?"
There was trouble ahead, and they both knew it.
Fate dropped the apple into the basket.
It was dark by the time Nanoha returned home that evening, having stayed late to make up for her earlier excursion with Fate. The lights were all off, and she took it as a sign that the enforcer must not have brought Vivio home yet. She slid off her shoes near the door, deposited her keys on a tiny end table, and shrugged off her jacket as she made her way through her home. It was weird having the house to herself again, after having Vivio and Yuuno with her for so long, and she wondered if it would be worth the trouble to make dinner. Settling down onto the couch, she picked up the remote, opting to catch up on current events before throwing something together quick. The couch cushions gave easily under her weight, and as she repositioned a throw pillow and tipped her head back, she loosened her long hair from its ponytail with a flick of her wrist and a shake of her head.
The news reports proved to be full of nothing but terribly depressing things, and she didn't even bother to attempt to channel surf, powering the unit off and tossing the remote down beside her, letting her thoughts drift back to the days previous events. She hadn't heard from Yuuno yet, and as she leaned back and stretched out her legs, she wondered how he was doing, halfway across the galaxy.
It had been so easy to slip into old habits, and despite her age and knowing full well that some things couldn't be changed, she couldn't help but feel a stab of loneliness with his words.
At least she sent him off with a smile, right?
An image of Vivio's tear stained cheeks from the night before sprang to mind, and the look in her eyes at Nanoha's seemingly empty words about a loving home to return to swam around in her head until it hurt to think.
She screwed her eyes shut, burrowing down into the nest of pillows she had propped up, and waited for the night to pass her by.
-Two years ago-
Nanoha wearily massaged her temples with one hand, scowling a bit as the action did little to relieve the tension she felt. Parent teacher conferences had not gone well, as Vivio's teachers were quick to point out that the girl had quite a mouth on her. The ride home had been just as bad, with the teenager sitting nearly unresponsive and sullen beside her. Slumped down in a plush armchair in her darkened living room, Nanoha let out a tired sigh, the television doing little to distract her.
Had she been that bad as a teenager?
The worst part though, oh the worst part of all, had been the looks she received from other parents. Rumors and tales of Vivio's exploits as a mage had done little to quell any notion of a bad 'reputation', and the sympathetic glances and whispers were enough to drive her crazy. She had caught something about the poor thing not having a husband, and something else about a bad seed…
…they were just lucky there would have been far too many witnesses.
Beside her, Raising Heart chirped. "Still no reply from Bardiche, my master. They appear to be out of range. Shall I try again?"
"It's fine." Nanoha murmured, pressing her palm to her forehead as hot pinpricks stung her eyes. It had been two weeks since she had heard from Fate last, and while she knew the enforcer was in hostile territory, and more than likely had her hands quite full, a friendly face would be much appreciated. Fate's missions seemed to be taking her farther and farther from home, and as of late, she managed to catch the blonde maybe two days out of the month tops. Nanoha was certainly starting to feel like the single mother all the other parents whispered about.
In the beginning, it had been wonderful. Fate had been at her side, and together, they seemed to tackle every scraped knee, temper-tantrum, and tearful nightmare. But as Vivio grew, and needed Fate less, Fate resumed her hectic schedule, traveling the four corners of the galaxy.
She fumbled for the remote in the dark, clicking off the terrible romantic comedy playing on the screen. Romance? What a joke. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been on a proper date. When it came to any sort of social function, she had always gone solo, or on the tiny off chance that Fate was available, they would go together. But that was all different now, and time had marched on without her. Chrono was married, her friends back home were dating, even Hayate had settled down...
She heard a thump above her head and groaned aloud. Vivio still wasn't in bed, apparently. What time could she make for someone else when she was busy juggling a rowdy teenager? The minutes ticked by, and just as she rose to her feet to go collapse into bed, her device chirped once more, startling her out of her dark musings. The door? Torn for the briefest of moments between going to bed and answering the door, she settled for the latter, and blinked in surprise at the figure on the other side.
"Yuuno. What are you doing here?"
"Ah." The young man laughed sheepishly, holding up a tiny brown package. "I was in the neighborhood, and well, I remembered you liked this particular kind of tea…"
She smiled, her heart warming. How about that? A friendly face. "Come in, I just got Vivio to bed."
Nanoha leaned back into the couch again, moving her spoon in lazy circles through the dark amber colored liquid, and not really feeling any better, despite having vented all of her problems.
"Are you alright? I mean, really?" Yuuno asked quietly, leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees.
"I am." Nanoha sighed. "It just gets, lonely, sometimes. You know?" The spoon stilled, and she watched her reflection in the ripples. "I can't say I ever pictured my life quite like this when I was a little girl."
Yuuno's brows creased in thought. "I'm guessing you imagined a lot more unicorns?"
She blinked in confusion. "Unicorns?"
He grinned. "Your room. You had plush unicorns."
Nanoha laughed, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. "You actually remember that?"
The blonde man shook his head. "You forget. I had to spend a lot of time in there."
"It seems so long ago," she mused quietly. "almost like it was a completely different life."
"In a lot of ways, it was." He agreed, shrugging off his dark green jacket and draping it over the arm of the couch. "Before you got pulled into all of this, anyway."
"But it was lonely then too." Nanoha murmured. "With the family being so busy and me being still too young to help when dad got hurt, I was alone quite often, until I met you and Fate..."
Yuuno turned slightly to face her, noting the stiffening of his friend's posture and the way her eyes grew distant at the mention of the enforcer's name. "She still hasn't responded?" he tried, his tone softening.
"No." her hands clenched her cup tightly. "And all I can do is sit here and worry." Dark eyes squeezed shut as the pinpricks returned. "Honestly, I…I don't know if I can do it anymore." Her chest constricted, and she found it was almost hard to breathe under the weight of her confession. Do what? The waiting? The worrying? The struggling?
Maybe all of it.
"Nanoha." Yuuno gently removed the teacup from her hands and set it on the coffee table. "I can't even begin to imagine how you feel, and I won't pretend to."
Her eyes flickered over his form, dully tracking the movement. She was just so tired…
His hands clasped over hers, warm and soft. "But I want you to know, you're never alone. There are many people that care about you."
That she knew, and she knew he was one of them. His dropped hints over the years hadn't gone unnoticed, as hard as she tried to pretend otherwise. Her gaze fell to their joined hands, and she had to close her eyes to catch her breath.
A warm hand was on her chin now, tipping her head up, and as lips met hers, she told herself that he was a good man, an honest man, and she was sure he would never hurt her.
That was the night that Fate had come home and…
-Present day-
Nanoha was awakened by strong but gentle arms, surrounding her and lifting her up. Groggily, she leaned into the warm body, too comfortable to lift her head, and burrowed her face into an equally warm shoulder, letting out a quiet sigh of contentment.
Fate flushed lightly, thankful for the dim light coming through the window as she shifted her hold, one arm tucked under Nanoha's legs and the other over her back, gripping onto the brunette's shoulder and pulling her close. With a silent nod of her head, she directed Vivio ahead of her, up the stairs and down the hall. This certainly hadn't been how she envisioned her evening, and the fact that there were no lights on when she stopped by to drop Vivio off despite Nanoha's car being parked out front had worried her.
They had found her, curled up in a corner of the couch, fast asleep, and Fate had lapsed back into old habits, scooping the instructor up without a second thought. She easily navigated the stair way despite the weight in her arms, and gave Vivio another nod, this time in thanks, for holding the bedroom door open. She carefully laid Nanoha on the bed and seated herself on the edge, doing her best to ignore Yuuno's personal effects scattered about. It was all so very different, yet still very much the same, from the subtle lingering scent of Nanoha's perfume to the dark blue comforter beneath her now.
Opting to leave her dressed, as that was something she felt she wouldn't have the energy to explain should Nanoha wake up, Fate settled for loosening the red tie around the brunette's collar before unbuttoning the top three buttons of her crisp white shirt, hoping it would provide just enough comfort to stave off any stuffiness she might feel from sleeping in her uniform.
The door clicked shut behind her and Fate started at the sound, heart catching in her chest as she cast a wary glance over her shoulder. There was no one there, of course, and she let out a silent puff of air at her own foolishness. Her nerves were a little overworked, to be sure, and it certainly didn't get any better when one of the instructor's hands reached out in the fading light and came to rest just above the enforcer's knee.
Nanoha murmured something in her sleep and tilted her head on the pillow, spilling long dark hair across her shoulder and Fate was sure that for the briefest of moments, time stood still.
She was beautiful.
Bathed in the glow of the of the last remaining rays of sun before they dipped below the horizon, Fate could almost swear that if she tilted her head just so, Nanoha looked like a teenager again, the worry lines around the corners of her eyes and across her brow having melted away. This was the Nanoha she remembered, and the one she had kept in her thoughts for so many years and over millions of miles. She missed her smile, and her infectious laughter. She missed the warmth of a safe home, and the closeness and comfort that only Nanoha had been able to provide.
She missed…
Her hand moved of its own accord, hovering over the instructor for the briefest of moments, dangerously tempted to brush her hair out of her eyes and…
"Fate-chan?" Nanoha murmured sleepily, though she did not stir.
Fate let out a quiet sigh, inches from her target and dropped her hand back to her side. What was she doing? Swallowing thickly, almost not trusting herself to speak, she gave the sleeping woman's hand a gentle squeeze in response. "Yeah. Everything's fine."
The hand on her thigh withdrew, and Fate rose on unsteady legs, holding her breath until she made it back out into the hall and pulled the bedroom door shut behind her.
Old habits…
Vivio eyed her quizzically from the stairway and Fate gave a quick shake of her head, pushing off of the door and ruffling the teenager's hair as she passed by. "Come on, let's make you some dinner."
She grinned. "Hate to break it to you, but we don't keep cup of ramen stocked in this house."
"Ouch."
It wasn't her alarm or even her noisy teenager that woke her up that morning, but rather, the smell of bacon and fresh coffee brewing. Confused, sleepy, and now even a little hungry, Nanoha pushed herself up on her elbows and looked around her bedroom, disoriented. That's right, Yuuno was gone, and upon inspection she scowled to find that she was still in her rumpled uniform. Funny, she didn't even remember making it to bed.
She rubbed her eyes and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, stifling a yawn and sneaking a peek at the alarm clock. Six am? Had Fate brought Vivio home? She was lucky to get the kid out of bed by seven tops.
Making her way down the stairs and towards the kitchen, she caught two muffled voices, followed by Vivio's bubbly laughter.
"No, no, the other cabinet!"
Objects crashed in the background, and Nanoha paused in the hall.
"Ugh, it's not my fault you guys moved everything!"
Funny, that sounded like…
"…the pancakes are burning."
"Then get off your little butt and give me a hand."
"No way. You got me up early. You deal with it."
There was a long pause.
"I'll give you my expense card for ten minutes. No questions asked."
"Deal."
At the sound of a kitchen stool scraping across tiles as it was slid back, she could contain her curiosity no longer and stepped into the room, taken aback by the sight that greeted her. Her ears hadn't deceived her, and it was most certainly Fate standing in the middle of her kitchen, cooking up a mountain of food. With her back to the instructor, she looked like the girl Nanoha remembered, expertly flipping a pan of eggs with one hand and removing bacon from another pan with the other. Vivio had a steadily growing pile of pancakes near her elbow, and was wholly concentrating on pouring out the last bit of batter from a large bowl.
"Nanoha."
The ace jumped, and without missing a beat or even turning around Fate gestured towards the counter with a nod of her head. "Coffee is fresh, and breakfast will be done soon. Feel free to get ready for the day, and it should be finished by the time you're done."
The brunette opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to process the scene before her.
Words failed her.
Completely.
Vivio turned to her with a wide grin and waved with her spatula. "Go on, Nanoha-mama. I mean, it's no cup of ramen, but we can make do."
"If you weren't so cute, I'd tie you up and drop you off at the firing range." Fate huffed as she moved around to the other end of the counter, though she threw Vivio a wink.
Nanoha shook her head dumbly in response, feeling as though she had been sucked into an alternate dimension overnight. Almost all of their interactions since she had gotten back had been practically forced, and was this the same Fate that wouldn't even look her in the eye a week ago? The one that wouldn't answer her calls after she had vanished that night? The same one that…
Fate suddenly appeared before her, and pressed a cup of coffee into her numb hands. "Come on." she said with a warm smile. "You don't want to be late."
She wasn't sure if it was Fate's crooked grin, or the fact that Fate was even here, in her kitchen, cooking up the biggest breakfast she had since she left home, or maybe it was even the way her warm fingers lingered, brushing over hers as she passed her the mug, but something pulled at her heart strings, and it was just enough to make her eyes burn.
"Did you even hear a word I said?"
Nanoha snapped to attention, the lock of hair she had been twirling aimlessly between her fingers slipping through her grasp. "W...what?"
"Come on, Nanoha." Hayate groaned. "I know it's not your fiancé keeping you up at night, so what's with the spaced out look?"
"Sorry. I've had a lot on my mind." the instructor mumbled apologetically.
"That I can see." her friend sighed, arching a brow and leaning back into the couch. "Want to talk about it?"
Nanoha regarded her with wary eyes, pulling a pillow to her chest and burrowing into it until the lower half of her face was obscured.
"I assume that's why you invited me over, right?" Hayate intoned, struggling to smother her grin at how young the gesture made Nanoha look. "I mean, besides the big empty house and all that."
"It…it's Fate." Nanoha admitted quietly.
"Shocker." The shorter woman drawled, taking a sip of her coffee.
Arms tightened their death hold on the pillow, which, her foggy mind noted, smelled of Fate's flowery shampoo. "She spent the night."
Hayate lurched forward in her seat, coughing wildly as she struggled to maintain her balance and swallow the scalding liquid. "What? To do what?"
Nanoha blushed vividly. "Well whatever you're thinking, it's certainly not that!"
Hayate blinked back the tears in her eyes from her coughing fit, nearly oblivious to the wide eyed stare she was receiving, and waved her hand in a motion that indicated for the ace to continue. "Care to enlighten me?"
Nanoha slouched down in her seat, sporting a troubled expression. Maybe this had been a bad idea after all.
"Come on. I'll behave." Hayate promised with a wide grin, crossing her heart as a sign of good faith.
A disbelieving glare was the only response.
"Well, mostly."
"So, you made her sleep on the couch?"
Nanoha frowned, picking and pulling at a loose thread in the seam of the pillow. "I didn't know she slept over, until this morning."
Hayate tapped at her chin thoughtfully, blue eyes pensive. "And she carried you up to bed?"
The instructor's blush was back with a vengeance. "I don't remember it. Vivio had to clear up a few things…" she trailed off, immediately not liking the lecherous gleam her friend's expression had taken.
Aaaaaand here it comes.
"How romantic!"
Nanoha buried her face into the palm of her hand. "It's not like that. It's never been like that. You know that."
"But she's perfect dating material." Hayate grinned. "So charming and dashing…"
"With a job that gives me panic attacks."
"An excellent mother."
"When she's not making Vivio cry for vanishing in the middle of the night."
"Nice on the eyes." her friend countered.
"When she's not absent ninety percent of the year." Nanoha shot back.
Hayate leaned forward. "So you admit she's nice on the eyes?"
Blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "Is that even the point?"
"Okay, okay." Her commander relented, but only for a heartbeat. "So if she wasn't absent ninety percent of the year…"
For a moment, the room had gone dangerously silent, the only sounds coming from the street outside the window.
"Hayate. I am getting married, in less than a month now, so why would this even matter?"
"Because you have unresolved issues!" the shorter woman slapped her leg with an open palm. "It's driving us all crazy!"
"I don't have any unresolved issues, and I am happy with my relationship!"
"If that were true, would we even be having this conversation?"
Nanoha could feel the muscles in her jaw tightening. "This isn't about Yuuno, this is about Fate."
"Exactly!" Hayate huffed, throwing her arm up. "That is your issue, right there. Have you even told him about how much you've seen Fate lately, or have you kept that to yourself?"
Direct hit.
The ace sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling as though she had gotten very, very small. Guilt rushed through her at Hayate's implication, and she struggled to regain her footing. "He's distrustful of her. I didn't want to start any fights…"
"…by lying?"
Nanoha slumped forward and pushed a shaky hand through her hair. When it was put that way, in such black and white…
"Look." Hayate tried, covering Nanoha's hand with her own. "Getting married, it's supposed to be the happiest time of your life. But, Nanoha, when I look at you, you're not happy…"
"It's just stress." The ace argued weakly, her voice shaky and foreign, even to her own ears. "He's a good man, and I'm comfortable with him. Besides, he was there for me when, when I…"
"And you're okay with being just comfortable, for the rest of your life?" the commander asked softly.
"Hayate." Nanoha replied, her voice barely over a whisper. "You don't understand. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it."
"Is that love?"
"I love him."
"But are you in love with him?"
Stormy blue eyes wavered, uncertain. "Isn't it close enough?"
Hayate shook her head and gave Nanoha a wry grin. "That is for you to decide."
"I figured you'd say that."
Nanoha chewed at the inside of her cheek, her mind working overtime. Was Hayate right? Or was it all just stress, brought on by both bad timing and Fate's sudden reemergence? Her thoughts had become such a jumbled mess, and her emotions were bounding all over the place. Looking at Fate could make her so angry and then so deliriously happy that she was even back in the first place, and no one could possibly hope to understand how worn out it all made her feel, added to the stress of Yuuno looking just so hurt every time her name came up and the fights that almost always followed and…
"Would it help if we cuddled?" Hayate offered, opening her arms wide.
Nanoha blinked at the gesture, drawn out of her scrambled thoughts. "…seriously?"
"What?" the commander pouted. "Fate always cuddles after one of our talks."
But Nanoha was most certainly not Fate, as evidenced by the pillow that whipped across the couch and nailed Hayate in the face.
Notes!
I almost feel like I'm going to need a shield after posting this one.
But hey, look at that! Another update! That makes it okay, right?
Anyway, I'm off on another adventure across the country for work, so I'll try to get the next bit hammered out as quickly as I can.
As always, thanks for all the love, enjoy, and let me know what you think!
