A/N: The last chapter I said that this series takes place immediately after "The One With the Planetarium" series, but then I realized I renamed the series "The One You've Been Waiting For." Sorry for any confusion on that part. You don't really need to read it for this to make sense (especially since I did make some obvious changes), but they do compliment each other. The other series came after The One in Massapequa, so as far as time line references, all details after that point are totally made up by me.
It was a typical Sunday morning. Monica was in the kitchen making breakfast and Chandler sipped on his morning coffee reading the paper. Rachel then entered the apartment (without knocking as usual) holding baby Emma and Ross followed in tow. Monica was too excited to see her new niece to be upset by the fact Ross and Rachel had barged into her home once again.
"There's my niece!" Monica exclaimed. "Can I hold her?"
"Of course you can," Rachel answered.
"She's so beautiful," Monica said as she bounced Emma up and down in her arms. She was overwhelmed with maternal emotions. She looked up at Chandler I told him, "I want one."
Chandler, who was normally afraid of babies, looked down at Emma. She was so peaceful. "You know," he said, "This isn't so bad. I don't know what I was worried about."
"Here, why don't you hold her for a bit," Monica said handing the baby to Chandler.
Suddenly, Chandler panic. It was one thing when Monica was holding her and he watched from a distance. It was something completely different to actually have on-hands contact with "the creature." He stepped back unsure of himself, and Monica took notice.
"So when we have a baby you're going to stand around and look at it?" Monica asked.
"I was hoping…" Chandler said sheepishly.
"Oh, come on. Just hold her. She won't bite," Monica said as she put Emma into Chandler's arms.
"Then why is she gnawing on my arm?" Chandler retorted as he pulled her away from his arm. Upset by the suddenness of his actions Emma began to cry and Chandler began to panic further. "Take her, take her, take her!" Chandler cried handing Emma back to Rachel in hysterics. "We can never have children!" he exclaimed as he turned to Monica.
"What are you talking about?" Monica asked trying to calm Chandler's fears.
"No, he's right. She was like that even in the womb. What is wrong with you Chandler?!" Rachel responded.
Monica got defensive. "What? Nothing is wrong with him! Chandler, the baby does not hate you."
Still very overprotective of her child, Rachel ran baby-sitting scenarios to Ross. "We can never leave her alone again! I mean with Joey and Phoebe constantly making out, the baby hating Chandler, and Monica living with Chandler, we'll have no one to baby sit for us."
Like Monica, Ross was not convinced that his baby hated his best friend. Furthermore, there was no way that he was going to let Rachel eliminate all their baby-sitting options. "Sure we can," Ross told Rachel, "Emma does not hate Chandler. See?" Ross gently took a calmed down Emma out of Rachel's arms and handed him to Chandler. The moment he was in Chandler's arms Emma started crying again. "These are tears of joy," Ross rationalized.
"See! And she's related to you, which means our baby will hate me too!" Chandler rationalized to Monica.
"Oh, will you stop?!" Monica told Chandler. "Rachel, you and Ross go out tonight and have fun. Chandler and I will watch Emma, and she WILL be happy or my name isn't Monica Geller…eh, Bing!" Monica declared as she took Emma out of Chandler's arms to help stop her from crying.
"Thanks Mon," Ross told his younger sister, "I'm sure Emma will be fine."
Rachel however was less sure. "I…I'm not sure about this…" Rachel said as Ross dragged her out the door without Emma until they were both gone.
"Yeah, I'm not sure about this either," Chandler said as he tried to sneak out behind Ross and Rachel.
"Get back here!" Monica yelled and Chandler begrudgingly came back.
Ross was taking Rachel to the same restaurant they had tried attending previously. Since they didn't manage to actually consume their meal, he figured it was worth another try.
"Would you stop worrying?" Ross asked as they entered the restaurant. "I'm sure they'll be fine. Remember, Monica never loses."
"Really," Rachel said snootily, "so that means you'll give her that Geller troll cup thingie?"
"What? No!" Ross said abruptly.
"Well you should. It really creeps me out." Rachel complained.
As the host escorted the couple to their seats, Rachel asked Ross, "Do you remember the last time we were here?"
Ross chuckled. "Yeah," he said, "You were so freaked out about leaving Emma for the first time."
"With good reasoning!" Rachel said compellingly. "She was with Joey!"
"And Phoebe," Ross added.
"I think that just made it worse," Rachel said laughing lightly. Then she became solemn. "This may be the last time we ever do this; just the two of us," she told Ross.
Ross looked at Rachel concerned. "Rach, you okay? You look tense."
Rachel was in tears. "How do you expect me to look when we've left our baby with a man that she hates?"
A stranger sitting at the table next to them overheard their conversation and interrupted. "You left your kid with a man she hates?" he asked Ross. "What kind of parent are you?"
"Thank you!" Rachel said glad that someone agreed that she wasn't just crazy.
"Rachel!" Ross said surprised at her. Then he turned to the stranger behind him. "I'll have you know, I also have a son, and he happens to be very happy." Just then Ross paused and contemplated the words he had just said. "Ben, that's it!" Ross said to himself. He started to get up and clasped Rachel's hand. "Come on Rach!" he said leaving the table with Rachel in tow.
"Where are we going?" Rachel asked confused.
"To get Ben," Ross replied.
Meanwhile, at Monica and Chandler's apartment, Monica was playing with Emma as Chandler stood a few yards away looking on awkwardly.
"You know, you can get a little closer," Monica told Chandler.
"Shouldn't we call in for reinforcements?" Chandler asked.
"Reinforcements? Chandler, she's just a baby," Monica sighed exasperatedly.
Still bitter from his experience with Emma earlier, he Chandler retorted, "Yeah, well I'd like to see how you feel when she bites YOUR arm." Chandler was still too scarred by the experience to come any closer to Monica at that moment. "Can't we get Joey and Phoebe to help?" Chandler asked.
"They're visiting Joey's parents," Monica explained. "Besides, after what happened lat time, I don't think Ross and Rachel want them watching Emma anymore."
"Sure, they can leave her with someone she hates, but they can't leave her with the make out twins," Chandler said to himself sarcastically.
"Will you please help me?" Monica asked exhausted. "It's hard work."
"Okay, but if she cries, then...then...she cries!" Chandler said as he tried to make an excuse. He made a few steps towards Emma and sure enough she started crying again.
"Okay, go, go, go!" Monica commanded after seeing Emma's response. Chandler quickly ran back to where he was and started cowering. "Oh my god, the baby hates you!" Monica whined.
After a few hours drive, Joey and Phoebe arrived at Joey's parents' house. Joey knocked at the door as Phoebe stood below the steps behind him. The Tribbianis greeted Joey happily.
"Joey! You never come home anymore," Gloria Tribbiani complained.
"Love you too Ma," Joey said sarcastically.
It was then Gloria noticed Phoebe standing behind Joey. "Oh, and look," she said, "You brought home a girl. You never bring home girls."
"That's what you think," Joey's sister Veronica said snidely.
Gloria was taken aback by Veronica's remark. "You brought home girls when you lived here and your father and I didn't know?" Gloria questioned Joey.
"And when he moved out," Veronica added.
"Even your father doesn't do that," Gloria said.
"I didn't bring home any girls," Joey told them. "Veronica don't know what she was seeing," he said mockingly at her.
"Well, this one must be serious..." Joey Sr. said trying to calm Gloria down. It didn't matter what happened before; it was all in the past. "Wait a minute, I've seen this one before; she's the friend," he said recognizing Phoebe.
"Yes, dad," Joey confirmed. "Ma, you remember Phoebe."
"Yes, of course. It's nice seeing you again Phoebe," Gloria said shaking Phoebe's hand. Then she turned to Joey, "When are you gonna settle down? I wanna see you with a nice girl and I wanna have grandchildren. Is that too much to ask?"
"Phoebe and I are going out," Joey told them.
Gloria broke into a huge smile. "You and my Joey!" she exclaimed. "Welcome to the family!" Gloria grabbed Phoebe and hugged her tightly.
"No Ma, we're not engaged," Joey corrected Gloria.
"Well, what are you waiting for? It's not every day you meet such a beautiful girl," Gloria lectured Joey.
"Actually..." Joey started.
"Joey!" Phoebe said shocked. She couldn't believe that Joey had the audacity to say that he meets beautiful women every day. She knew that beautiful women consistently threw themselves at Joey, but it wasn't something she wanted to hear; certainly she didn't want to hear it confirmed by her boyfriend.
Joey was quick to comfort Phoebe. "Actually, what I was going to say was I wanted to ask you if you wanted to marry me tonight. That's why I invited you to have dinner with my parents."
Gloria looked thoughtfully at Phoebe. "Well, what do you say? You wanna be a Tribbiani?" she asked.
"Yeah!" Phoebe said joyfully. "Oh, yay! I have a family! I always wanted one of those!" she said as she embraced those she hoped to soon one day call her in-laws.
Back at Monica and Chandler's apartment, Monica changed Emma's diaper while Chandler continued to stand at a distance.
"Chandler, can you throw away this diaper for me?" Monica asked. She then realized that retrieving the diaper would mean he would have to come closer and Emma would start crying again. Exasperated, Monica sighed, "How is this ever going to work if you can't come near our children?"
"Wait, wait, wait, I have an idea," Chandler said going to Joey's place. He came back holding a toy claw (from their bachelor days). "See, I can help without ever getting near!" Chandler squeezed the handle of the toy for the claw to clasp the diaper; however, the diaper was too heavy plummeted to the floor.
"And then you can clean every mess; starting with this one," Monica said annoyed.
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again, we are never having children!" Chandler exclaimed.
Just then Ross and Rachel came rushing in with Ben
"You're back already?" Chandler said with anticipation, and then closed off with a sarcastic remark. "Come to see your daughter burst into laughter as you take her away from here?"
Monica noticed Ben was with them and greeted her nephew. "Hey Ben, what are you doing here?"
"I brought him over," Ross explained. He turned to Ben, "Now Ben, you like your Uncle Chandler, don't you?"
"Yeah, he's funny," Ben chuckled.
"See, Ben doesn't hate you," Ross told Chandler.
"You know that's right," Chandler said contemplating the situation.
"He didn't hate you when he was a baby either," Ross added.
"Huh, you know, maybe babies don't hate you after all Chandler," Rachel admitted without fully acknowledging that she had been irrational earlier.
"That's right. He didn't hate me," Chandler said reflecting on the past. "In fact, Mon, didn't Ben hate you when he was a baby?"
"What?" Monica asked surprised by Chandler's question.
"Didn't Ben used to always cry when he was around you?" Chandler said rubbing it in.
"Oh my god, yes, he did!" Monica said in a panic. "Oh my god, my baby is going to hate me!"
Chandler lost his fear of having children. He figured it was kind of like Thanksgiving. Parenthood was meant to be a miserable experience. "No it won't," Chandler said comforting Monica. "It will hate us both. Just the way God intended it. All is right with the world once again."
