Chapter 7: The Door
Anna scampered down the stairs and ran out into the gardens, laughing with delight. It had finally stopped raining! The sun was shining down on the world, and every still-wet leaf and flower was shimmering brightly in a reflection of her own happiness. She had been shut indoors for the last week, or close to it, and she was determined to make up for lost time. The royal gardens were one of Anna's favorite places in the whole castle, especially in spring. It seemed like every time she visited there would be a new flower or bush blooming that she hadn't seen the day before, each one more radiant than the last.
Anna came to a halt in a small cul-de-sac ringed with tall hedges that created a surprising amount of privacy. In the middle of the circle was a cluster of white rose bushes, and Anna felt her breath catch. Oh my gods, they're beautiful. Her hands ran over the pristine blossoms in awe. But why here? Why is such a pretty plant hidden away in this tiny corner of the garden? She looked around, but there was little else in the secluded hideaway, not even a bench to sit on. The keep rose above the shrubbery walls to the south, but only a small number of windows were positioned to look down on the hidden grove.
Suddenly Anna spotted someone standing up against one of the visible windows, and her thoughts changed immediately when she recognized who it must be. "ELSA!" She called out and waved, but to no avail. Elsa might have looked down for a moment, Anna couldn't really be sure, but she disappeared completely from view a second later. Damnit. That would have been a perfect opportunity to finally meet her. Did she see me and leave on purpose I wonder? That thought put a momentary damper on Anna's mood, but soon she perked back up. Wait, this is exactly what I've been looking for!
She retraced her steps back to the edge of the gardens and looked up. Yes, the window Elsa had been in was that one, and the rest of them were probably all part of the west wing too. There! One of the rooms closer to the middle of the castle had a balcony. And only a few feet away was the long, sweeping outdoor terrace that went all the way across the center section and bridged the east and west wings. Anna already had a plan in place to get that far, it was simple enough to exit a third floor window and slip off the roof onto the second floor terrace. But she hadn't really known enough about the west wing to go farther until today.
The first floor on that side was all servants' quarters, and didn't connect to anything above. And the interior entrances were all guarded day and night by her father's men. However, this balcony leaned in very close to the terrace, and Anna judged it to be close enough for even a young princess to reach across. The windows on the balcony itself probably have locks though. I wonder if I can get any further along? There! She was in luck, the finishing was very ornate around the balcony and there appeared to be a relatively wide sill that extended from the western edge of the balcony onward for a few rooms until it hit a turn in the wall. She could definitely scoot along that and get to the next window over, which wouldn't have a lock.
It was a bit high up though, and Anna swallowed while thinking about being out on the edge with nothing to hold onto. Hey, pull yourself together, girl! So what if it's a bit of a drop. You've been trying to get in to see Elsa for two years now. This is nothing for you. Satisfied, she glanced up one more time before reentering the keep with a freshly determined air about her.
Anna rolled her eyes as Gerda fussed over her with a knotted string, it felt like she was going back over the same places three times over! "Come on, Gerda! It's not like I need new clothes anyway, I think the old ones are fine." Gerda merely raised an eyebrow as she poked a finger through a split seam on the dress Anna was wearing. Anna blushed, "Ok so maybe not this one. But they don't all have holes, and I only need one outfit for my birthday."
"Child, there's not a thing left in that closet that isn't faded or run into the ground, and they barely fit you anymore besides. You might have started out small a few years ago, but you're catching up faster than I can hardly believe. And the king has personally commissioned a full overhaul of your wardrobe for your birthday next week, there's no use fighting it. It's high time that you looked like a proper lady, in a few years you'll be almost a woman grown."
Anna stuck out her tongue at that and started trying to think up a way to keep her favorite dresses and skirts from being thrown out. From the sound of it, if she didn't there would be nothing but lace and frills waiting for her in the morning, yuck. Well, maybe a few new things would be fine. Especially if her plan tonight worked, she was going to need a super pretty dress for her birthday party. Which reminded her, "You talked with daddy? How did he look, do you think he'll be able to make it to my party? Is he doing any better?" There was a slight quiver to her voice as she looked to Gerda.
"Oh certainly, little princess. Don't you worry about the king. The doctors have been in there with him every day, and you know they can fix anything. He'll be right as rain for your party and he wouldn't miss it for the world." Gerda looked confident, but Anna wasn't so sure. Her father had been getting steadily weaker for most of a year now, for no apparent reason. It seemed like every time she saw him he was thinner, despite his best efforts to hide it.
Finally Gerda was done and Anna dashed off to the library to meet her writing tutor. Anna knew that she wasn't the best student, but she was determined to try as hard as she possibly could to learn fast. In the last two years she had covered an immense amount of material, but far higher mountains remained ahead of her to climb. And Elsa will be waiting at the top of one of them, if I can keep going. Anna had surreptitiously felt out her tutors for information about her sister, but she hadn't gotten much. Elsa was so far ahead in most subjects that most of them just told her to focus on the basics and not to worry about the advanced concepts yet. She had found out that although Elsa was fairly studious, she almost never spoke with most of the teachers, preferring to simply hand back completed work and leave with a new assignment.
Anna herself needed the complete opposite, some of her subjects were nigh incomprehensible until the tutor had guided Anna through every detail, twice. Especially grammar. Whoever had invented that seemingly endless set of rules and exceptions to rules needed to be locked up for insanity! Even math wasn't as bad as that, if she put in the time needed to memorize the fundamentals she could work her way through it eventually. Lost in thought, Anna almost ran straight into the black-robed tutor as she slipped through the library door. "Oops! There you are, highness. I was beginning to think you were going to go missing today." He smiled gently at her quick denial of attempted truancy. "It's ok, calm down, little one. You're here now, so let's get started. Now, where's your assignment from last week."
Anna watched the full moon rise past her window, and waited for it to touch the top of the frame. Finally, when only the smallest sliver remained, she judged that it was late enough to get going. Clad in her nightgown, she slid out of bed and put on her softest slippers. The hall outside her bedroom was deserted, and she saw not a soul on the way upstairs. She entered an unoccupied room on the back side of the keep and opened a window that led out to the sloping roof. A soft spring breeze blew into the opening and Anna took a deep breath. This is it. She thought as she stepped carefully out into the night air.
Getting to and across the center terrace went just as smoothly as Anna had hoped. The jump to the balcony was another story. Refusing to look down, Anna had balanced on the railing and tried to reach across the gap, but she couldn't quite reach. Without any other option, she gathered herself and jumped as far as she could. "Ouch!" Anna bit back a yell as she landed with a crash on the other side. It hadn't been as far away as it seemed, and one of her knees had gotten scraped in the awkward landing. Upon closer inspection it didn't seem to be bleeding very badly, and Anna brushed herself off to continue.
She was about to attempt to slide along the stone trimming to the next room when unexpected movement on the other side of the balcony's windows caught her eye. There was someone entering the dark room. Oh no! Did they hear me jump? No, no no no! This can't be happening! Everyone was supposed to be asleep, it isn't fair! She blinked back tears of frustration as she ducked out of sight of the exposed window, hoping frantically that she had hidden in time.
Her heart sank when the latch started to rattle and turn. She had gotten so close, and now everything would all be for naught after the guard sent her back to her room. But then, her discoverer stepped out into the moonlight. Anna's heart immediately reversed course and leapt to her throat. "Hello, is anyone out there?" The speaker was a tall, slim blonde girl with the most beautiful blue eyes Anna had ever seen. Her hair shined silver in the moonlight. She was dressed oddly for the weather with long gloves and socks covering every inch of skin that a modest nightdress didn't reach, but Anna hardly noticed.
"ELSA!" She cried with delight and launched herself at her sister's midsection for a hug.
"Wha-aah!" Elsa stumbled backwards in confusion and Anna missed her target. The two girls crashed into each other and tumbled to the ground. Anna tried to stammer out an apology, and Elsa finally realized who had assaulted her. Her reaction wasn't exactly what Anna expected. "Anna? No, oh no!" and Elsa turned and tried to run out of the room.
"Wait! Elsa, please!" Anna reached out and caught one of Elsa's hands before she could escape. She didn't have a good grasp, and the glove started to get left behind while Elsa slipped away. But her sister froze completely the moment she felt Anna's touch and she stared silently back at the tenuous connection between them, her mind racing. Anna spoke again, "Elsa, it's me, Anna. Your sister. Please, can we talk?"
Elsa relaxed a tiny fraction, but her whole body was still poised for flight. She swallowed, gathering her words. When she spoke, her voice was soft and quavering. "I know. I know. But what are you doing, Anna? You're not supposed to be here. You should go back to your room. It's… for the best."
Anna recoiled slightly at her sister's admonishing words. "How can you say that, Elsa? We haven't talked in years. Not even once. I snuck over to see you, to try to break the silence and get some answers. For gods' sake, you never leave this hall. It's like you're a prisoner in our own house. No one will even talk to me about you, they try to pretend you don't exist. But I remember, I know you exist. All I want is for us to be friends, to play again like we used to a long time ago."
Elsa softened a bit at Anna's confession. Involuntarily she squeezed Anna's still extended hand in reassurance. But she didn't step any closer and she chose her words carefully. "Anna." She began, "I want so bad- I mean, we can't be. You don't understand now, but maybe when you're older I'll be able to tell you." She raised her free hand to wipe across her eyes. "Just, one thing, before I go. It's not you. It's me. It's always been my fault. And I can't change that yet. I can't stop it. I can't." She pulled free of Anna's grasp and her forced smile was the saddest thing that Anna had ever seen.
Anna didn't move at first when Elsa began walking to the door. But as Elsa reached for the handle, she suddenly called out, "Elsa! My birthday. It's next week. We're having a party. I- I want you to come." Her eyes were pleading as Elsa paused and looked back. An almost endless moment stretched between them. But then Elsa shook her head and a second later she was gone. All Anna could do was fall to her knees and sob quietly, alone in the moonlit room.
Much later, she had somehow managed to retrace her steps without getting caught, and Anna sunk into the warm embrace of her bed, but there was no comfort in it. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Why? Why can't she let me in? I'm her sister! I just don't understand what's going on. The impossible had come true, she had met Elsa face to face. She had finally engineered the reunion that everyone else in the castle had thwarted for so long. That was supposed to be the hard part! But everything had gone wrong, and Anna was at a loss to explain it. Maybe I did something to make her hate me? Maybe… Sleep was a long time coming, as Anna wrestled with what had happened deep into the night.
