Title: Vanilla Soufflé 5

Author: Sorceress Fantasia

Pairings: R/S, some implied A/R

Word count: 2609

Rating: T

Warnings: AU, some romance, fluff, OOC-ness, humour bordering on crack

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to lay claim to Cloud, I'm kinda scared of Leon's gunblade. So well, I don't own Kingdom Hearts and its character, and neither do I own the various Final Fantasies and their characters.

Note: This is a series of spin-off drabbles and ficlets meant to explain some events in my other fic Vanilla. Also talks about the minor characters in Vanilla. This chappie is written on request for Zenelly, who wanted to see how Riku and the others started their tradition of visiting the ice cream parlor. Hope you'll like it!

Summary: It should have been a great day. After all, Riku had found the cutest server ever in the new ice cream parlor, and it seemed like he liked him too. Or at least thought he was hot. But the day doesn't turn out so great when Riku realizes that in order to get to the server, he would have to get through his twin. Exploding ice cream ensues.


Five gentlemen's accounts of the case of the exploding ice cream in The Ice Cream Parlor That Never Was (a.k.a. TICPTNW for short)

Sora

It was just all huge misunderstanding, really. From the look on your face, you understand how it is, right? I mean, things just always get blown out of gigantic proportions when Roxas is around and he gets over-protective.

So, it was nothing really.

…Okay, so we broke 10 chairs, 3 tables, and probably about 50 sundae glasses. Yes, and I was about to mention the 9 tubs of ice cream. Hey, but at least we found out that strawberry, mango, vanilla and cappuccino ice cream taste really good when they're put together.

Oi, together is together, right? Do we really have to go into the nitty gritty details of how /exactly/ those 4 flavours got mixed together? Yeah, I thought so. Oh, stop giving me the evil eye, Uncle Xigbar. And you're not going to report this to Xenmas, are you? Xenmas would just dock my pay and Roxas', and you /know/ just how difficult it is for us two to pay our rent and bills and still get an education on top of all that.

But it's alright. I mean, we've been through worse but we're still hanging on. It's no big deal, really. Oh, remember how you promised our parents that you'd take care of me and Roxas before they passed away? Mum says you're her only brother, so you would take care of us. And you've been doing a great job, by the way. It's just that, you know, the amount of money we'd have to pay Xenmas for this… thing today, we're going to have to eat grass for the next couple of, oh well, weeks, I guess. But it's okay. Roxas and I have experienced it before, that time when Roxas went ballistic in school after a guy groped me. It was tough paying for those ruined tables and chairs. And that chalkboard. And the bills for the janitor's visits to his psychiatrist. For the longest while then, I thought we would never finish paying off all our debts.

…You're paying for us? Really? Thanks so much, Uncle Xigbar! I knew you were our favourite uncle! Yes, you're our only uncle, but that's not important.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right. The 9 tubs of ice cream.

Actually, like I said, nothing much happened. A group of customers – and new ones too, I might add- just walked in, sat down, went through the menus, decided what they wanted, and then one of them called me over to take their orders. Nothing unusual. So I walked over, smiled, and asked them what they wanted. That was when Riku –oh, he's one of the new customers- looked up at me, got a little starry eyed, blushed, and then quickly schooled his features and gave me a confident smile. As well as his order. He was trying to impress me, I think.

And yes, from the look of your face, I see you can tell where this is going. Uncle Xigbar, you know Roxas far too well.

So apparently, Roxas took that confident smile as a leer and he marched up to us, pulled me away, ordered me into the kitchen, and took their orders instead. I just hid in the corner, just so I could hopefully stop Roxas if he decided to suddenly throw Riku and his friends out, you know. After all, that's not good for business, and me and Roxas… we already owe Xenmas so much for letting us work in his ice cream parlor, so it's only obligatory that I do a good job for him. I'm serious! Stop giving me that grin; it freaks me out. Thank you.

Ahem. So, Riku was looking rather disappointed at the turn of events, and his friends laughing at him didn't help matters. I wanted to go out there and console him and stuff, but with Roxas standing guard there, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to. You know what I mean, right? When Roxas gets mad, it's worse than an erupting volcano, an earthquake and a tornado put together. In fact, sometimes I think that it's kinda like the four horsemen of the Apocalypse rounding the corner.

What? No, I wasn't worried for Riku because he's attractive like you said. He's a customer, alright, and he was giving me the 'I'll-come-back-again-tomorrow' vibes. But yeah, he is kinda attractive. I like his hair and that megawatt smile he flashes at me.

Nooooo, I'm not! Really! Okay, I swear on your grave it's not like that.

… …Honestly, if you weren't my uncle, I would have sued you for abuse. That hurt, you know? Ow! Stop hitting my head! I have a chemistry test tomorrow, and if I fail, I'll tell my teacher it's because you insist on hitting my head and cause all that chem stuff I've already crammed into my head to fall out.

You noticed that we've been digressing a lot? Yeah, we have. No, it's not important if Riku is attractive or not and if I helped him only because he's hot. Oi, those were the adjectives you used, so stop shoving words into my mouth. Uncle Xigbar!

Okay, okay. So where were we again?

Oh yeah, we were at the part where I was hiding from Roxas, right? Right.

So Roxas was taking their orders, and Riku must have noticed that Roxas is related to me because we look alike… Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Roxas happens to like how he looks like, alright? And mum would have a fit if she heard you say that about us. Anyway, so Riku realized that Roxas and I are related, so I think he tried to impress Roxas too. You know, the old tactic of getting to someone through that someone's sibling and that sort of stuff? Yeah, so he tried that, and you can just imagine how Roxas reacted to that.

I swear there was this murderous aura around him.

Thank god Axel was there. He must have sensed something, so he sauntered over and sort of defused the time bomb and then casually led Roxas away with their orders. By the way, it's a brilliant idea to have Axel and Roxas work the same shifts. He's the only guy apart from me who is able to calm Roxas down.

And the minute they were gone, I just went back to Riku's table, to sort of placate them in case they had gotten offended by Roxas and also to check up on Riku. He just looked so down by the time Roxas was done with him. No, I won't admit I only did that because Riku looked hot like you said.

So Riku and his friends assured me that they were fine, and since there weren't a lot of customers in this afternoon, I just stayed there for a little while and chatted with them. It's called building relationships with the customers, you know? But ah, apparently I stayed there for a little too long, so when Roxas came out with their orders, I was still there. And call it bad luck. He happened to see us at the exact moment Demyx was walking by with someone else's orders, bumped into me and caused me to fall right into Riku's lap. Hey, what are you getting at? I didn't bribe Demyx! It was a coincidence, I swear!

Anyway, I'm not sure what happened after that, but when I sort of got my bearings around again, everything had already happened.

All I remember hearing is Roxas yelling something about lecherous wolves preying on people's younger brother and a lot of glass breaking.

You should probably ask Axel or Demyx for what happened during that part of Roxas' rage.

And keep it from Xenmas, okay? Just… tell him a tornado came. It's a very selective tornado, alright? And that's why we're the only shop in the entire district to get turned upside down.


Axel

I'm sure Sora's already told you pretty much everything, so I'll just make it quick. To make things short, customers walked in, one of them perked up when he saw Sora, his eyes lit up like a wolf's upon seeing his next meal, Sora got groped, Roxas saw it, things went boom and things broke.

That's about it. But don't think for one second it was Roxas' fault, because it isn't. Roxas was just trying to protect Sora's modesty.

What? You think I'm siding with Roxas because I like him? You think far too little of me, Xigbar. No, and no. He didn't promise me anything to speak up for him, and this is not going to get me into his pants, alright?

Shut up now, Xigbar. And stop laughing. Roxas does not have me whipped!


Demyx

…You're not going to fire me, are you, Xigbar? I swear it was an accident! I mean, these four girls were totally hollering non-stop for their orders, even when I already had another 3 tables to serve and there was nobody else around to serve them! So it's understandable that I walked a little faster over to them, right? And then when you walk too fast, you tend to not be able to react fast enough even when you see someone's blocking your way? Yeah, I saw Sora chatting up to the customer, but I was just in so much of a rush I couldn't stop in time! And then I just… I just walked into him! But having some dance background, I got my balance back pretty quickly, and those sundaes and banana splits on my tray were completely fine. Did you catch my great balancing act, huh? I should have gotten a place in the world records for that, you know? So anyway, I got my balance and things were fine. But nooo Sora just had to lose /his/ balance and fall right into that customer's lap.

And then Roxas came. He came, he saw, and he broke hell of a lot of things.

The timing was just… woah, perfect! It's like we're acting out some yaoi fangirl's script where the over-protective sibling walks into his younger brother making out with his boyfriend. Okay, not that Sora was making out with that guy, but still!

Uh, I'm not getting fired… right?


Riku

So you're the manager? Are you going to review your employment policies over here? What were you thinking when you gave that kid a job? He almost killed me!

What? He thinks I groped his twin brother? Hell no! If I were to grope Sora, I would have done it more subtly, not the fall-into-my-lap-and-plant-your-face-in-my-crotch type of scenario which is just too dramatic. To be honest, as hot as that is, it's a little disturbing to have that happen in bright daylight and in full view of all my friends. Do you realize how long Tidus and Leon are going to laugh at me? Okay, so Leon isn't going to laugh at me outright, but I hate that thing he does instead. His lips just twitches, and whatever amuses ice prince Leon, his fans are bound to want to find out. And then I'll become the laughing stock of the whole school.

I'm half-torn between thanking that blond server –oh, his name is Demyx, is it?- and wringing his neck.

That accident was one hell of a coincidence, I tell you. The Demyx guy, he just walked over and bumped Sora right into me. Not my fault, right?

But no, the moment overly protective big brother sees Sora with his face in my crotch, he just went ballistic. I didn't even have to chance to explain anything at all! The second I opened my mouth, his metal tray was heading straight for my face like some Frisbee. And that was my order on top of that tray, for god's sake! By the way, is that guy by any chance an Olympics athlete for shot-put or javelin?

He's not? Really?

Anyway, I ducked that tray obviously, but the next thing I know, the ice cream just exploded. Do you guys serve ice cream laced with gun powder or what? And then tables were overturned, chairs were broken, and I'm not so sure what happened after that. What? Do you honestly think I would risk my life and stick out my head from where I was hiding behind to actually /see/? You've got to be kidding me!

Yeah, I want compensation. It's only right that I get compensated for this trauma. And Tidus will be whining to me about how he didn't even get to taste a bit of his sundae, so that's going to be additional trauma.

How about on top of that money, you arrange for Sora to go out on a date with me once?

What? No? How about we forget about the money, and just let Sora go out with me?

Still no?


Roxas

Mmmmf! Mmmmf! MMMMMMFFFFF!

…What the hell were you thinking! You actually gagged me! And oof! Untie me this instant! How could you tie me to a chair!?

No, I won't promise to not break anything! I'm going to break that lecher's neck the minute I get out of this! Now let me go, Xigbar! And I mean it! Let me go right now! I said right now! Which part of 'right now' do you not understand!?

Okay! Fine! Would you please untie me/Uncle/ Xigbar? …What? There's no way I'm saying that! Grr! Fine! Would you please untie me, Uncle Xigbar?

…Pretty please?

What!? I've already said what you wanted me to! Why aren't you untying me? You liar! You did all that just to make me call you uncle! You're a sick, sadistic man, Xigbar! If you're really my uncle, you would untie me right away and help me get rid of that lecher! Didn't you see him grope Sora!? Sora's your nephew, isn't he? As his uncle, you are obliged to protect his modesty!

…What do you mean 'nuclear disaster'!?

Hey wait a minute! I didn't break everything! I wasn't responsible for breaking all those tables and chairs! I only threw my tray at that bastard! And he ducked it, alright? So it's only right that I chuck another thing at him! So what if it was a chair I chucked? That chair needed to be repaired anyway, so we might as well have gotten a new one! Right, and that table.

…How would I know? I wasn't the only one responsible for throwing all that stuff around. Axel was in it too. And so was Demyx. And that bastard and his friends. Ask them.

What!? No way. I do /not/ need anger management classes. I was just protecting my younger brother, alright? What's wrong with that?

You want me to what? Be less aggressive and destructive while I'm playing knight-in-shining-armour? I'm not Sora's knight-in-shining-armour! I'm his elder brother – yes, older by 7 minutes – and with that position come the responsibility and obligation to take care of him!

…Fine, I'll try to break fewer things next time, but no guarantees. If I see that bastard grope Sora again!

My tray? Hit him with my tray? It's okay as long my tray doesn't leave my hand?

…You're saying this just you want to keep damages to a minimal and not because you're worried for the customer, right?

Well, thanks, but I kinda figured that out myself.

Now can you untie me? What? Ohhhh! Fine! Please untie me, Uncle Xigbar!

…Pretty please.

-tbc-

Teaser for next chapter: Leon had never imagined that the spunky girl would die so young. Nor did he ever imagine how helpless he would feel when he saw Cloud at her wake.

A/N: Finally, an update! And Zenelly, don't know if you're still following this series, but if you do, this is for you. Thanx for the wonderful suggestion of a souffle dedicated to how the tradition of Riku and his gang patronizing the ice cream parlor was started. XD Hope it lived up to your expectations.

If any of you have any good ideas, feel free to leave it in your comments. And if you want to know the chances of me actually writing it, try to sign in so I'll have a way of contacting you.

In the meantime, please review if this piece tickled your fancy and made you laugh! Thanx!