Due to popular demand, this is back, with a new chapter, new chats, etc. Hope the names aren't too confusing, but they're the same, so read on…hopefully laugh…

I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. I do, however, own some of the phrases Bella uses, the following pennames, and the Cullen's family song. Yay me!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on

alice in shoppingland has logged on

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Hey Alice! What you doing?

alice in shoppingland

I'm supposedly writing a report on the Russian Revolution, but I'm already done, so I thought I'd see who was online, and voila! I found you! What class are you in?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Class? There's classes right now? Ooh…crap…

alice in shoppingland

Isabella Marie Swan, did you skip and not tell me? Or did you just forget to go to class again? I'll tell Edward if you've skipped without me…gasp! Is Emmett with you? Did he convince you to skip?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, breathe! Oh, wait, scratch that, reverse it…no, just scratch that. Sigh. I'm in English, actually, much to my dismay. We're writing memoirs.

alice in shoppingland

What's yours called?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Dracula's Bride…lol…

alice in shoppingland

What? Edward's going to have an aneurysm if you're serious! Bella, tell me you didn't! Please, or rip it up now, before anyone sees!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, breathe! I have got to stop writing that! But anyway, I'm actually attempting to write about my abnormally boring life. Cause if I handed in something like that, it would be considered fiction. Do you know how hard it is to write about your own life? Hard!

alice in shoppingland

Poor widdle Bella!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Hey, sarcasm's my forte, honestly, are you stealing my job? Next you'll fall over a lot…and a lot…and a lot…did you know the sky is blue?

alice in shoppingland

Well, apparently not…actually the sky is blue because…wait, were you being sarcastic?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, you're meant to leave the correcting to your brother…you're meant to be on my side…or are you stealing their jobs too?

alice in shoppingland

No way, they're all too boring…well, Emmett has his moments. He can actually be interesting, but then again, you've seen that. You're like his apprentice now, did you know?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Yay, I've been promoted from minion! I used to be 'Minion A' and you were like 'Minion B'. Next up: Partners In Crime! Bonnie and Clyde!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

You got a bit further to go, Squirt, before you even get close to another promotion. I'll promote you when you prank Edward.

alice in shoppingland

Thanks Emmett, by the way, for lending her your phone! Twenty, yes twenty, missed calls! All within a minute's difference, all from a certain Isabella Marie Swan!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I never! I only did nineteen! Oh wait, no, she's right…sheepish grin.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Seriously? Aw, I'm so proud. My little Squirt is growing up…and she's taking after me…tear. So proud.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

When I grow up, I want to be just like Emmett!

alice in shoppingland

God save us all.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Bella, tell me you don't want to be like Emmett. Please.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I can, but I'd be lying…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Emmett, from now on, you only speak to Bella in the presence of either myself or Jasper. Can't trust Alice. She's Minion B.

alice in shoppingland

No, I'm Minion A now, Bella's now Apprentice.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Oh great. Even better.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, Mike's staring at me again…eww, no, he's asleep…with his eyes open. Okay, no, he's drooling…that's so not nice. Snoring…hey, he sleep talks too! Oh no, crap, he said my name…no, this is plain wrong! I'm going to be traumatized! How do you book an appointment with the psychiatrist? So they can psychiatrize you? Is that even a word?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

What's he dreaming about, I wonder? Or rather, who is he dreaming about? Oh wait, no, what is he doing?

alice in shoppingland

Or who.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Scream. Shriek. Scream.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

So, Isabella, how does that make you feel?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Unclean…unclean…no…no…help…unclean…must wash essence of Mike off…unclean!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Bella, calm. Emmett, Alice, no torturing the human! Especially not my human! And no, Bella, psychiatrize is not a word.

(Princess Rose) has logged on

(Princess Rose)

Emmett, who the hell are you torturing now?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Only Bella.

(Princess Rose)

Oh. That's okay then.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Growl.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I made up a song! You wanna hear it?!?

alice in shoppingland

You're going to tell us anyway! Go!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysteriously spooky, they're all togetherooky, The Cullen family! Dun nun nun nun…click click…dun nun nun nun…click click… dun nun nun nun, dun nun nun nun, dun nun nun nun…click click!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

I love it! Uh oh, I started singing it, and humans are staring…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Lol, I did that! Hey, if you poke a sleeping Mike, he screams. Like, girlish scream…poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Hey, he woke up! And…no, sleeping again.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Alice, what did you feed her? One day. You had to get her ready for school for just one day. All you had to do was feed her and give her clothes to wear. So what exactly did you give her for breakfast?

alice in shoppingland

Um, a baguette and…a drink…I couldn't give her cereal, it's too disgusting, and her shoes didn't match her outfit, so we did a super quick drive to the shops, and I bought her breakfast while we were there.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

What kind of drink?

alice in shoppingland

Um…a hot one…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Mary Alice Brandon Cullen, did you give her coffee? After I repeatedly told you that only an hour or two after drinking it, she starts to go hyper?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Alice, did you? Tell me you did! Hyper Bella is much more fun than normal Bella! Not that I'd know, I've never gotten her hyper or anything…

alice in shoppingland

It wasn't coffee, it was a cappuccino! And only a babycino at that!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

It was bitter, yet strangely sweet and addictive! It was like freedom in a cup!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Bella, you of all people should know not to drink coffee!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I just wanted the bubbles…pout. Sob.

alice in shoppingland

Bella, for the last time, it's called froth. Froth is different to bubbles!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

What's in a name?

alice in shoppingland

In this case? A different meaning!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Giggle. Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble, Alice in trouble!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Yes! Bella's finally done it! She's gotten drunk at school! Score: Emmett – 1089783, Edward – 1. In the rounds concerning Bella anyway.

alice in shoppingland

Emmett, you twit, can you not read? She's just a little hyped, not drunk.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Bella, you and I have some plotting to do before the caffeine wears off, savvy?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Savvy! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! Edward upset? Pout.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Not with you.

alice in shoppingland

Squeak.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

With a certain sister of mine…

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

What did Rosalie do? Oh, wait…oops…my bad…

(Princess Rose)

My husband, vampires and human.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Did you know?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Bella, over my completely dead and burning body will you ever own a flamethrower. Do you understand?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Then why aren't you completely dead and burning?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

That better be a joke.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Nope. Where is the thump thump? I gotta jar of dirt! I gotta jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it!

(Princess Rose)

The human does have guts. Who knew? Wait, I think she watched Dead Man's Chest with Emmett again.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Uh, guys, Edward's at our classroom door…ooh crap…fare thee well world, for I shall surely perish…

(Princess Rose)

Emmett?!?

alice in shoppingland

And that, dear chatters, would be what happens when the person you are annoying is online in the classroom beside yours. Bella, you'd better hide that flamethrower.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Oh, it's hidden. Trust me. And definitely not in a jar of dirt…I'm not stupid…

I feel your pain has logged on

I feel your pain

Did I miss Emmett's overdue slaughtering? And hyper Bella?

alice in shoppingland

Yes, and no. Emmett's being killed, and Bella's still hyper.

I feel your pain

Flamethrower? Is that why Edward left our class? We're looking up Ancient Greece, and I'm guessing he was online, cause he bolted. Something about threat to humanity…?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I'm only a threat to myself and my clothes. And the heart of Davy Jones. And Edward's sanity.

alice in shoppingland

Mercy on the clothes! I beg of you!

(Princess Rose)

Yeah, some of us are in health. You'd think the whole abstinence message would sink in by now, huh?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Date a vampire, when you're human anyway, or even when you are vampire, it's the best form of contraception. Ever. Nuff said.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

What was that, Isabella?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Damn keyboard typing stuff I didn't mean for it to! The power of Christ compels you!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

He lives!

(Princess Rose)

Not for long…I saw the new scratch on my car. You are beyond dead, Emmett McCarty Cullen! If Edward didn't manage to slaughter you, I will!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, I wanna go shopping.

alice in shoppingland

Say what now? Oh, crap, Edward I'm so sorry! I didn't know the caffeine would push her into insanity! I'll fix her, just get me a sledgehammer, and I'll hit her on the head. She'll see flying birds for a few minutes, and then she'll be fine.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Alice…we don't hit the human with a sledgehammer. She's not Emmett. She breaks.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I mean, Alice, I really do wanna go shopping. But not for me. For the guys. It could be interesting, and for them, educational.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Say what now?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

You know I love you, right Edward?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Not believing it at this point in time.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Sharkbait Muhaha. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do? We swim…I love to swim…escape! You know it's funny, it's spelt just like the word escape!

(Princess Rose)

Emmett, I thought I banned you from Finding Nemo!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge! I am trying not to lose my cool!

(Princess Rose)

Or Happy Feet.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Oh, crud.

(Princess Rose)

Or Open Season! Hey, wait, you got Bella quoting that too?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

You know not to watch cartoons or any movies with Emmett too, Bella! I told you!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

They're so mean to us, aren't they Emmett?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Don't worry, my little Apprentice who is no longer Squirt but now Sharkbait! I won't let us suffer separation anxiety from our beloved movies. We will find a way!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Cartoon and CG movie lovers unite! Sharkbait Muhaha!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

You see, Alice, this is what you get when you give Bella caffeine! Never again, you hear me? Ever!

alice in shoppingland

I thought you were exaggerating! But no, you'd think I gave her Percocet.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Shudder. Don't do that. She actually does go high.

(Princess Rose)

I'm off. Class is nearly over, and I wanna go have a little talk with my darling husband. Calm, human, calm.

(Princess Rose) has logged off

alice in shoppingland

Oh my God. Emmett, you'd better run. I already have to. You wont catch me Edward, I'm psychic, remember?

alice in shoppingland has logged off

I feel your pain

This is actually amusing. Bella, your happiness is setting me off. Sorry Edward, I can't calm her. It's just too funny.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Jasper!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I am calm, Jazzysper! You're funny! Edward? You're so preeetttty

I feel your pain

Jazzysper?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Preeetttty?!? Oh, Jazzysper, I'm having a word to your wife!

I feel your pain

Very well, Eddy!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Giggle. Eddy! Eddyward! Gasp! Eddywardy!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Izzy.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Emmy. And I thought I was Sharkbait!

I feel your pain

I'm going before Emmy blows up. I'll know if he has. Remember, I feel your pain.

I feel your pain has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Is that, like, his leaving phrase?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Why not? I have one! You should get one!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

It's okay. I got one now. Ew…Mike's still drooling! How do you turn it off?!?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Calmed down yet, Bella?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Of course…grin. Mwahahahaha.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Bell's about to go. Meeting you as soon as we get out, Bella. We got some talking to do, after I escape from Rose.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Assuming you'll escape.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

I'll be back! For the count always returns for his victims…

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I've got to go, Eddywardy. I have a few minutes to write a three page memoir. I'd be able to finish it properly if you only changed me…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Growl.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Thought you'd say that, Eddywardy. Cause you're mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Thought right.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Lucky for me, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Why am I always the last one left on?!? Is this some kind of conspiracy? Great, now I'm IMing myself…Bella's insanity is contagious. The world is definitely doomed.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off

What dif you guys think? Suck? Better than the first? Opinions needed, if you want me to continue, that is. I'll even write another if you all review! But I need your opinions, because while I am a sarcastic person, I am not funny, so I need to know if you all think I'm funny.

Just A Little Bit Dramatic