This one is mainly Bella and Jasper speaking at the start. I wanted them to have a bit more of a fun relationship as brother sister dynamics, and there's a story behind it. If you're not interested, stop reading this now and go on to the story.

Okay, my friends and I all have Twilight nicknames, I'm Bella, Bad Alice is Alice, She-Emmett 101 is Emmett, LibbyCat is Jasper, and in the pretend world is Jane. We recently christened floccinaucinihilipilification as Carlisle. Because we know her. But I was texting Jasper the other day, and Jane had been calling me Bellsy, so this conversation evolved. So I wrote Bella's lines, and Jasper wrote Jasper's. Most of them, anyway. Some were later added. So this is based on a very long phone conversation we had. But altered.

I don't own Twilight or New Moon. And in saying that, sadly, I do not own Edward Cullen. It's vice versa. I do, however, own some of the phrases Bella uses, the following pennames, and the Cullen's family song. Yay me!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged on

I feel your pain has logged on

I feel your pain

Hello, Bella. Are we calmer today? Alice didn't give you caffeine this morning? Because if she has, I need to know…to defend her from your beloved Edward.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

No…Edward banned me from caffeine…or most sugars at the moment, actually. I need my red cordial…I need it now! Separation anxiety just setting in! Actually, Edward's sitting beside me. He's writing his essay, despite being a vampire and having done all this before, while I, the human, procrastinate. As per usual. See? I have talents!

I feel your pain

Oh…okay…I see. How has your day been?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

You're too casual…do you see my shifty eyes? Sigh. Bad. Charlie accidentally called me Bellsy this morning. Shudder. He's officially taken to calling me Bellsy.

I feel your pain

Bellsy! I'm surprised none of us thought of that before. I like it! Charlie's a genius! And to think, I disregarded him as a minor character in the story of our lives…or in our case, afterlife…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I'm GLAD none of you thought of Bellsy…glower. Evil eye. I'll give you Bellsy, Jazzysper, you…you…big mean vampire!

I feel your pain

Hehe, Bellsy.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Call me Bellsy one more time…

I feel your pain

You'll do what, Bellsy? Bite me? Bellsy?!?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I'll go skydiving! I'll…I'll drink a whole jug of coffee ALL ON MY OWN!!! I'll eat a bucket of sugar! I'll…I'll…I'll go skydiving!

I feel your pain

Ooh…how fun. And I wouldn't if I were you; Edward would personally ensure that you never left his sight…ever again. Meaning…ever.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I should hit you…do you know that?

I feel your pain

Naturally…but it would hurt. Me being vampire and all…you being human and all…I might break your wrist. Then I'd be dead. Because Edward would kill me.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I'm telling Edward! Do you see me telling him RIGHT now?!?

I feel your pain

Mm, and…? What will he do?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Well for one thing, he'll be…ugh. Groan. He's on your side. He's officially calling me Bellsy. Something about revenge…? Did I do anything to him…? Ooh…knew I shouldn't have called him Eddywardy. But it's too damn fun!

I feel your pain

Oh my God, does Emmett know?!?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Yes…shudder. I won't be shocked if he officially changes my name, you know. Rechristens me in the cult of Emmett's Minions as his apprentice, posts flyers…shudder again.

I feel your pain

Hehe…does Alice know?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I'm growling my answer…but yes.

I feel your pain

Oh my God, I am so telling Carlisle!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I don't care if Alice will kill me for it, and Edward will kill her, and I start a chain reaction thingy, but Jazzysper…I will happily kill you.

I feel your pain

And just how are you going to pull that off? Out of curiosity, of course…I'd love to see you kill an immortal…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Um…stake through heart?

I feel your pain

You could try. Personally, I think Emmett's exposed you to way too much Buffy The Vampire Slayer, but yeah, feel free to try. I'm curious to see if it will hurt. Or even work.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Oh, it's so on. I'll even sell tickets. Bella The Vampire Slayer. And no, I don't mean Bellsy The Vampire Slayer. The first sounds WAY better.

I feel your pain

If you must murder me, just be careful, will you? Edward will not be happy if you hurt yourself killing me.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Let me get this straight. You're more concerned about me staking myself?!? Unbelievable! You're all bloody mad!

I feel your pain

Pretty much.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Bloody mad!

I feel your pain

Yeah, well…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Masochistic, selfless, opinionated, stubborn, and mad!

I feel your pain

You do seem to have put your finger on just a few of them. But yeah, I think I've had enough descriptions of our personalities for one day, Bellsy.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Don't even get me started! I could go on all day with the description marathon. Starting with you…then Emmett…then Edward. Except, I wont even go there with Rosalie. But I will with you.

I feel your pain

Uh, Bella, as much as I hate to break it to you, uh, what you have on me, I have on you…to a more mortifying extent, mind you.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Such as…?

I feel your pain

Due to your last very opinionated outburst and the fact that Edward is sitting beside you and probably watching what we're saying, I'm reluctant to tell you.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Bring it on, fruitbat.

I feel your pain

Fruitbat?!? Bellsy, WHAT ARE YOU ON?!?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I couldn't think of anything else! But you're distracting, you really have nothing on me to a mortifying extent, do you?

I feel your pain

Whatever I have has GOT to be better than fruitbat! I mean, come on, vampire bat, yeah okay, remotely cool, but a rat with wings that eats fruit? Lame!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Hey, I'm only human…for now. But for that, you just went too far. I'm gonna stake you. Even if I stake MYSELF in the process!

I feel your pain

Okay, well, the main thing is that you believe that, it makes you happy, and that when you do stake yourself, it's not a fatal injury. And, once again, that believing you can do it makes you happy.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Staking YOU makes ME happy.

I feel your pain

Yeah, okay, well, take comfort in that…Bellsy! Actually…wait…Bellsy-Wellsy! I am so evil! For the first time ever, I am experiencing glee myself and not second hand! I like it!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Fuhciohohgwkyhfuhildjfgihyiofjhlajiyhf…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Jasper Hale, what the hell did you do to make Bella fall off the chair? Hang on…judging from the first two letters of that word, it's probably not a bad thing. Or I'd have commented on Bella's language.

I feel your pain

Uh, Edward, we have fallen from grace. You, me, and our lovely vampire family are all officially…well, rats with wings who feed on fruit.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

A fruitbat?!? Hang on, I'm reading what you were writing…Bella, you can't kill a vampire with a stake! That's it, no more watching DVDs with Emmett! Not without adult supervision. And Bella? No skydiving, do you hear me? I won't call you Bellsy, just NO SKYDIVING!!!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I will slaughter thee with thy stake! Blah!

I feel your pain

I'm guessing the supervised movie watching condition is going to be followed through? Considering last night Emmett exposed her to…sigh. Harry Potter.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Oh…Lord save us all. She's going to make me draw a scar on my head, isn't she? Wait, was it Emmett who got that obsessed he wore that cape around and had the wand? I vaguely remember him poking someone in the eye with it…

I feel your pain

Yes! I distinctly remember because it was MY eye!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Oh, you baby, Jazzysper! I poke myself in the eye all the time! No, falling is much more painful…but I doubt you've tripped over in a long time. Lucky idiotic fruitbat.

(The Good Doctor) has logged on

(The Good Doctor)

Well, it's not as if I should be surprised you're all online. At least, some of you. However, Bella, shouldn't you be working? The others have learnt this…have you?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Carlisle, hi! I have learnt all this…just, you know, in the past hour or so. I've been paying attention! I always do! Trust me, Edward ensures that I pay attention…stubborn fruitbat.

I feel your pain

Oh yeah, Carlisle, we have officially fallen from grace. As I just told Edward, our whole family are rats with wings who feed on fruit. Yes, Bella proclaimed we are fruitbats.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

No, I said you and Edward were. And Emmett and Alice…not Rosalie…shudder. And not Carlisle and Esme…they're too nice. I respect them.

(The Good Doctor)

Thank you, Bella. Hopefully you're not the only one who respects me…if only Emmett were here to read that. Oh, and Bella? Staking a vampire only works in movies. I'd go through with the movie watching condition, Edward.

I feel your pain

I'll speak for Emmett, and say Bella: you are being a Carlisle's pet.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Don't be mean! I'm going to cry now…and Emmett wouldn't say that! He'd congratulate me on successfully insulting you, and putting up a good fight in that argument. Nahaha.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged on

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to drive me. But you gotta have friends…

(Princess Rose) has logged on

(Princess Rose)

Stop singing, Emmett, or I'm getting a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Aw, crap, I awoke the monster…oops. Didn't mean it, Rose, beautiful, sweetie…aw, what's the use? I'm going to die!

(The Good Doctor)

Language, Emmett McCarty. I'll only warn you once. Shouldn't all of you be paying attention and doing work? I know you know it, but you're supposed to be acting like you don't. At least Alice is following the rules.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Carlisle, we already know everything this teacher does…multiplied by over a thousand. I've lived through what we're learning…they're actually mocking clothes just like the ones I used to wear. And Alice will be online soon; she's tossing up whether to come on now.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

I was far more fashionable in my times…Model McCarty, they used to call me…Eddywardy, stop laughing! Anyway, Carlisle, you wouldn't be procrastinating on the job, would you, dearest Father?

(The Good Doctor)

I'm on a break, Emmett. And rather stupidly, decided to see if you lot were actually paying attention in class. But I suppose I already knew the answer to that, considering I expected to see you on here. Not surprised Bella's on here either. And…uh…Eddywardy?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

That doesn't surprise me. Emmett's a bad influence on her…can we limit their time together? To, you know, thirty seconds or less? Sometimes a minute? And, don't even go there, Carlisle…

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Just because you know Bella secretly loves me…

(The Good Doctor)

There's a line behind you, Emmett.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Carlisle, Edward growled in class! Now everybody's staring…and Edward's too busy glaring at me…back, demon! Back! Aye, I will slaughter thee with thy sword! Mwahahaha!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Carlisle, are you absolutely positive he's sane? Because that's just not normal to speak fluent Shakespearean! It's actually…disturbing.

I feel your pain

Meanwhile here Bella and I wait, invisible to all…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

I don't love you Emmett! So Rosalie, you can stop snarling! As in now! Emmett, tell your wife to leave me ALONE!!!

(The Good Doctor)

I'll examine Emmett when I get home, and Rosalie, do behave yourself…I'd better go, you lot. Patients. And get off the internet when you're in school.

(The Good Doctor) has logged off

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Newton is going to die. He's murmuring Bella in his sleep. Again. I could kill him…Bella, can you pretend to faint, and distract everyone while I do it?

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Need a sword? Not that I have one or anything…

(Princess Rose)

That's it, I hate this chatroom, it's so boring! It's always Bella this, and Bella that! Mocking Bella isn't fun online…I can do that in person! Find me when you regain a brain. And Emmett…I'm so not speaking to you.

(Princess Rose) has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Somebody's in trouble…poor Emmett…aw…I am sorry, Emmett.

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha!

Nah, she'll get over it…I hope. It's always bad when she lets it last over an hour, because I generally have to buy something. Crap, teacher caught me, detention…now…bye… I'll be back! For the count always returns for his victims…

ivant2suckyourblood…vlahahaha! has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

He HAD to get in that last line, huh?

alice in shoppingland has logged on

alice in shoppingland

Hey everyone! Ooh…Rose giving Emmett the silent treatment again? Hardly surprising, like I didn't see that one coming…I probably should have warned Emmett about the teacher though. His detention job is clean every window of every classroom. I guess the teacher was just looking for an excuse this time.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

He is. I could hear his thoughts. Emmett got into a debate with him one too many times…the last debate they had was over socks, and whether there was a right or left sock. My adopted, adopted being the operative word, brother, ladies and vampires.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

You know, there could actually be a right and left sock. One always seems to go better on one foot than the other, and therefore there could be…

I feel your pain

Bella…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Bella…

alice in shoppingland

You can buy a right and left sock?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Oh my God, I have to buy more right socks!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then more lefts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel your pain

Alice…

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Alice…

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Alice, I think we're in trouble…should we leave now?

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Oh no you don't, Isabella Marie. I'm always the last one on…not this time, do you hear me? I'm logging off, and I'll be victorious!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Blink. Well…that was…remotely abnormal…I think I finally pushed Edward over the edge. Oh crap, I have a psychotic, paranoid, stubborn, masochistic, selfless, sometimes stupid vampire for a boyfriend. Sob.

I feel your pain

Uh, Bella, you do realize he's sitting beside you and can actually read what you write? As in, everything you just wrote?

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

DON'T SPOIL MY MOMENT OF RANTING, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel your pain

I'm going, I'm going. Calm, I'll know if you don't. Remember, I feel your pain.

I feel your pain has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Blink. Alice, you just joined the "I have a psychotic, paranoid, stubborn, masochistic, selfless, sometimes stupid vampire for a boyfriend" Club. Except you have a husband…suffer! You're married!

alice in shoppingland

It's actually not that bad. I use that excuse to make him go shopping with me, and he does…under protest, but he comes…every time. Gleeful smile.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged on

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Okay, it's boring not talking to anyone. So I'm back on…this time, you're not getting rid of me. And Isabella, I read that! Sigh…I love you too.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Edward…sweetheart…darling…you're insane.

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

And you're clumsy…a danger magnet…and uncoordinated. Don't we make a nice couple?!? And as I said, I love you too, Bella. You're one of a kind.

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Aw…shall we, Alice?

alice in shoppingland

I think we shall.

alice in shoppingland has logged off

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me

Don't kill me, my darling insane Eddywardy. Just think…lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. Lucky for me, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!

im not clumsy…the floor just hates me has logged off

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…?

Damn it!

a thousand pennies for your thoughts…? has logged off

Gotta just love Edward, don't you? I actually didn't like how this turned out, but I hope you do. Oh, if you have any suggestions for funny situations to put these guys in, bring it on. Like…Bella on sleep deprivation and caffeine. But I'm not having a human/teacher/werewolf join the conversation, savvy? It's just been overused.

Opinions needed, if you want me to continue, that is. I'll even write another if you all review! But I need your opinions, because while I am a sarcastic person, I am not funny, so I need to know if you all think I'm funny.

Just A Little Bit Dramatic