Title: Promised
Author: KurtCouper
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Spike/Dawn Friendship, maybe more
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
Summary: Spike promised two years ago that it was her and him until the end of the world. But Spike lied and Dawn can't seem to forget that.

-----

Chapter 5

Tell me baby what's your story?
Where do you come from
And where you wanna go this time?
Your so lovely. Are you lonely?
Giving up on the innocence you left behind

Tell Me Baby- Red Hot Chili Peppers

It was a while before Dawn got enough courage to leave the bathroom. It was times like these where a good few shots would give her some balls to corner Spike and ask him what the fuck he was talking about. Liquor and drugs had become her liquid courage these few years and without it the brunette wasn't much of anything. Anxiety pitted in her stomach until she decided to leave the bathroom to fix herself up.

With a nice slab of antibacterial cream, Dawn covered the gash with a large band aid. The split lip was harder to conceal, so she just patted on a saturated lip color that hid the cut. Sliding on a pair of old jeans to hide her banged up body, she paired it with a black long sleeve shirt. Looking into the mirror she realized how ridiculous she looked. It's not as if Spike hasn't just seen all of her and there was no use hiding because Buffy wouldn't even notice or care. With the back of her hand, she wiped the lip color off of her lips and just let her wet hair tangle its way down her back.

What Spike had said to her constantly played through her mind- promises. Was he just bluffing? Or did she take a detour to Spike's crypt to claim her undying hate for him? Or maybe did he pass by her and hear her teary, drunken tirade? She wasn't too sure, but she didn't really want to think about it.

It was times like these when she craved to be 13 again and have the ability to just ignore things.

Walking down the stairs, each step was agonizing. Once the brunette reached the bottom step, she realized that it doesn't really matter. Who cares what Spike thinks and what is the worse he could do? Taking a deep breath. she turned towards the kitchen and decided to put some food in her stomach. It had been days and food would probably help settle her stomach.

As she entered the kitchen, she caught eyes immediately with Spike. He was resting against the opening of the back door, a cigarette in hand. The brunette could tell he was tense which was mutual. She licked her lips out of anxiety, dragging it through her teeth. She didn't want to have to speak first.

After a few seconds, he threw his cigarette pack at her again. "These aren't menthols, but a fix is a fix."

Throwing him a skeptical glance, she caught his zippo that he threw at her and swiftly lit the cigarette. How did he know what she smoked? While she exhaled, she sized him up. What more was he not telling her?

"Is there an apocalypse that no one's telling me about?" she asked throatily-testing the waters.

He huffed, flicking his butt out into the yard and turned to the refrigerator. "Don't think startin' a little chat will distract me, Dawn." He grabbed a two beers and slid one towards her. Giving her a pointed look, he popped off his beer cap. "We've gotta have a talk."

Not even letting him second guess his choice, she twisted off the cap and started to chug. Dawn didn't know what he wanted to say. she was sure it revolved around her falling in the shower and perhaps her walking out issue of last night. But whatever he wanted to tell her was going to be a whole lot easier if she had not only her liquid courage, but had the flippant attitude that a couple beers does to her. "Really now? A talk?"

He squinted his eyes and pointed the neck of his beer at her. "Don't get smart with me, bit. With a few words to the Big Sis, you'd be on the next bus ride to boot camp."

"Boot camp, huh?" she asked, snarling as she finished the beer. It was a bit pale for her taste, but beer is beer. "Don't talk to me like you care, Spike. It's disconcerting." She pushed him out of her way to grab another beer.

"That's the problem, Dawn! I care too much," he roared.

The brunette scoffed and continued to drown her second beer. "Are you kidding me?" she cried. "Maybe you should stop lying to yourself, Spike." Taking a deep breath, she looked him straight in the eye."You haven't cared about me since Buffy came back and you found a piece of ass that was fuck worthy enough." Maybe the beer was going straight to her head. She really did need to eat.

Growling, Spike pushed her body against the refrigerator. His body was pressed against hers, using more of his weight to intimidate her."Don't talk about your sister like that," he threatened while his fingers dug into the meaty flesh of her arms.

"Or what, Spike?" she taunted, still sipping beer. Maybe the liquid would help quell this fluttering in her stomach that she couldn't call anxiety. "Are you going to tie me up? Or is that more of my sister's game?" she grinned, hoping to disgust. He pushed harder against her arms as if warning her. "I bet it feels so good to get inside some hot flesh, huh?" She cried out when he continued to bruise her arms. Because she couldn't break free, Dawn wiggled her body around. Unsuccessful, she thrusted her hips towards his in order to get free and gyrated her pelvis around.

"Stop," he growled and moved his arm to her windpipe in order to keep her under control. She was still straining under his pressure, thrashing against him.

"See Spike," she cried, her skin tight under his hands. "You've never cared about me." Becoming tired, she rested her weight against the fridge. "You're more worried about Buffy's-"

The grip on her throat became tighter until she was at a bare whisper. Eventually she gave up and merely stared up at him. He had an incredible amount of strength in him, more so than a weak teenager who hasn't had more than beer in her stomach in what seems like forever. Closing her eyes, she let all sorts of emotions through her. It was like before in the tub when he was holding her.

"I care more than you know, Dawn," he whispered once she settled down. He ran his thumb against the crack in her lip that had opened again when she was struggling. "True, it took me too bloody long to figure it out," he admitted as he eased up on the pressure. Removing his arm from her windpipe, he took his hand to push back fallen tendrils of hair. "And I don't know why I didn't soddin' see it-how far gone you were. But it occurred to me when I saw you at the Bronze one night, 'bout six months ago. You were actin' funny, little loony in the head. Decided to follow you, I did, to see what was going on. That night...that night you od'ed on a drug/alcohol combo. Cor, love, I'd never been so scared in my bloody life. Found you passed out in some bus stop and took you to the hospital." He took a deep breath and wiped away a tear that was silently sliding down her face. "Since then, I've been keeping updates. Benny, that bartender you liked so well, was 'working' for me. Kept tabs and told me when you'd been drinking and such. I knew you had already washed your hands of me, so I had to be sneaky..."

Dawn was silent for a while, not knowing what to say. In shock, the brunette stared off into space. But he was still touching her and it made her consciously aware of him and his monologue he just gave.

"But you've ignored me..for years" she said quietly, trying to distance herself away from him. She watched him lick his lips slowly and run his hands through his hair.

Spike shook his head. "No pet, it's not-"

Interrupting him, the brunette placed a quivering hand against his chest. "No, Spike. You abandoned me." Getting enough distance, she was able to escape his hovering body and retracted towards the sink to grab herself a glass of water. "And a couple months of check-in calls with Benny isn't going to fix that!" Sipping the water to calm her nerves, she pointed a finger at him. "For two years, Spike-two years-I've been non-existent to you, to Buffy. Everyone. And this-this." She took a deep breath. "And it was horrible. All of my darkest moments were shared alone because you were too busy fucking my sister."

"Dawn," he sighed and tried to follow her across the island. "It wasn't like that," he pleaded. She locked eyes with him and he whispered, "Please."

"No," the brunette cried. She was becoming mentally worn out with him. Dawn didn't understand what he was trying to prove. "You abandoned me! You all did." Seeing that he was ready to speak, she quickly sped up. "Where were you, Spike, when I got caught shoplifting in the mall? Or when I drank a drugged drink and woke up in some stranger's bed? Or where were you, Spike, when I lost my virginity to some guy who I don't even know and cried for days and days afterwards?" Her eyes were soaked with tears, but she tried not to shed them. Dawn didn't want him to have any satisfaction. Brining up these secrets that she hadn't shared to anyone was too difficult. She felt naked, bared, and stripped in front of him. "But you were there when I od'ed? That's great. Because I still felt alone-just like any other time." Her voice was loud and strong and she was breathing heavy.

Without realizing it, Dawn had let Spike corner her against the sink. One palm was pressed into her cheek while the other was balancing his weight on the counter. She felt so suffocated by so much attention; Dawn was only used to such things when she was drunk and with boys her age.

"Love," he blew softly. "I never meant-"

Closing her eyes, Dawn ignored the way his skin felt against hers. It wasn't as cold as it was a couple days ago. Instead it seemed to heat up her face. Sighing, she said, "Where were you spike when I really needed you?" His hand traveled up into her hair. his nimble fingers twiddling in her brunette waves. She leaned into his embrace and closed her eyes. Dawn missed this; missed him. Subtle, like his care, it made her feel as if everything was okay again. Opening her eyes, she realized it wasn't "okay again" and she didn't know if it would really ever be. "But you promised-you promised that it was you and me until the end of the world."

Spike drew her into a hug, which Dawn was too weak to deny. His body echoed the heat that ran through her body and it surrounded her in an odd sense of comfort. One hand was still in her hair, massaging her scalp and touching her neck, while the other dipped down onto her back where he gently rubbed her shirt. It would be so easy, again, to just let herself cave into this feeling. But, if there was one thing she had learned during her abandonment, it was to never trust anyone.

"I know, baby, I know," he whispered into her hair. "I'm a git, pet. A true tosser."

Her body tensed from his pet names, recoiling into a tight ball. Baby? The last guy who called her that was strung out on a speedball and groping her in all the wrong places. As she slowly, almost sadly, departed from his embrace, she sighed. "Spike..." the brunette groaned.

Leaving her rest against the counter top once again, Spike went to the refrigerator to retrieve a beer. Dawn watched his movements, so sleek and graceful, and wondered why he was so intent on this confrontation. It was too hard to believe him after he continued and continued to hurt her. Thoughts pierced her mind and swam around: What if he was just playing her, to break her down more? What if she was the new dog toy and in a few days he'd run off to Buffy once he's bored? He moved back toward her and she stared at him as he did so. He still seemed old to her, tired almost. She wondered if she did this to him, but debated that it was more Buffy. She was sure she didn't mean enough to Spike to fully wear him out.

He handed the beer to her as a peace offering and pushed a few pieces of hair from her face. "I don't think it will ever be the same," she whispered into the bottle after she took a large swallow. And to be truthful, she wasn't too sure if he was worth working to get better, worth working for.

While continuing to sip at the beverage he gave her, she thought about where she was a few days ago. Depressed, angry, and hollow, Dawn was settled deep into a self-hatred that seemed unfathomably to escape from. Just a hug and a few chummy beers from the vampire would never be enough to fix this giant crack in her soul. And she really doesn't know if she could be fixed; long ago she labeled herself as broken to the point of no return.

"I just don't know what to do," she whispered to herself, torn and wary.

She guessed he sensed her inner battle and scooped her up again in his comforting hold. With an arm slung over her shoulders, their body fitting next to each other like a lock and the key, she felt more serene. This is what she had wanted from the vampire for years, what she had longed for. And it wasn't too long before she truly settled and let herself relax in his arms.

As soon as she became comfortable, he quickly flipped her body around so she was facing him. Dawn was surprised by the movement and the secure feeling of his heavy hands on her waist. This was a different sensation then their bodies fitting together. Now there was a pit in the bottom of her stomach that fluttered to and fro with the rhythm of her heart. His eyes burned into hers with an intense fire. Squealed

"Now do you know what to do?" he huskily returned. He bent his head with his lips near his ear."Forgive me, love?" she heard him whisper, his moist breath blowing past her ear and sending chills down her spine. One hand braced the back of her head as he rested his forehead against hers. They were too close, she realized, because all Dawn could see was the sincerity in his cerulean eyes. He was breathing with her like he used to when he would hold her, as if it would make them one-sharing the same essence. "I never meant to break my promise."

"Well," she mumbled against his nose as her fevered palms roamed his back, "Breaking a promise of such magnitude deserves a long, hard punishment."

He cocked an eyebrow and drew his tongue over his pink lips. "Really now? And what do you have in mind?"

Dawn gave him a wicked smile that for the first time in a while actually reached her eyes. She couldn't get over this pit in her stomach, where a million butterflies seemed to be fluttering and fluttering. But maybe it was the fact that she could actually feel it. She hadn't felt anything this intense in such a long time, hasn't really done anything in a really long time. And she wasn't sure what the whole thing with Spike was but if she could feel something, that had to account for something. Right? "I can think of something."

She squealed when he plucked her up from the floor and spun her around, his arms holding her by her sides while her legs gracelessly swung around the room. He was happy, she guessed, a somewhat grin shining on his face as she stared down from the aerial position she was in. "Put me down," she cried, but he wouldn't. She could only keep her view on him and ignored the spinning world around her. The kitchen was just a blur to her from the combination of the beer and the motion, but she knew if she anchored herself on anything but him, she would probably fall.

He gave one last chuckle as he set her back down, his arms tucked around her protectedly. It was reassuring, the brunette reasoned, to be able to stand firmly back on the ground after the flying she just encountered, even if it was with a little help from Spike.

Dipped low, his head nuzzled the side of her cheek. He felt solid and calm against her skin. "Never forget: it will always be us, baby." He swiftly ran his arm down to the small of her back and led her away from the kitchen, away from the house, away from the town. "You and me until the end of the world."

----------------
This wasn't how I saw the end to my fic, but I wanted to make the readers happy. So I'm sorry if it's awkward or unpolished or something. But I hope you enjoyed this fic and the journey it took to write it.

Thanks again and review!!