Journal,

I saw Raoul today. It was quite unexpected.

Christine had been living with Mamma Valerius in France for some time now. She still had hopes of entering the Conservatoire at the opera--more to please Mamma and her father, since she no longer had the passion for singing that she once had. However, for the time being, she needed to work since the money left to them from the late Prof. Valerius would not last forever and Mamma's mind was not as sharp as it once was. Luckily, there was an inn nearby that was looking for some help with meals and housekeeping.

I was at the inn at suppertime when a group of young men came in. Apparently they were spending a few nights out before starting their service in the navy. I imagine they had some other, less-honorable activities in mind and needed a place to stay for the few hours that weren't spent drinking and… well, I imagine it is improper to speculate on such things, so I'll leave it there. Anyway, none of that is of consequence to this story. The important part is that Raoul was among them.

"Christine?" called the young man. He saw a pretty young woman busily flitting about doing little chores here and there. He almost didn't recognize her. Her light blond hair was tied up high and out of her face--she had traded her twin stick-braids for a much more mature hair style. Her skinny, uncoordinated arms and legs were replaced with soft, feminine curves. She was no longer the awkward thirteen year old girl she once was. But, when she turned around, he saw her eyes--the same stormy blue eyes that he remembered three years ago… the same eyes he saw in his dreams every night. It was then that he recognized his Little Lotte.

She looked up from the pot she was stirring and smiled widely when she recognized her old friend.

"Raoul!"

"How have you been? What have you been doing?"

We talked a little bit before dinner. He is looking well; he is going to be a junior in the navy. I'm happy for him.

They only had a few minutes to catch up since Christine was busy with the guests and with dinner, but Christine did her best to give him a quick run-down of the last few years. Her eyes darkened slightly when she told him of her father's death, but then she smiled in a weak attempt to cover it up. As she turned back to her work, she promised him that she'd come talk to him again as soon as she had a free minute.

At some point during dinner, a few rowdy guests (which I gather were some of his companions) started to argue. I stepped in and stopped the fight before it got out of hand.

As Christine was serving bowls of stew to the guests in the dining room, a young man was standing beside the table talking animatedly about some recent bar fight. Most of the men listen attentively, shouting words of encouragement at high points in the story. However one man--a large, burly character--was not so easily convinced.

"James, you liar! You couldn't take on one man let alone three. Quit your bragging and go back home to your mother!"

At this point, both men were standing and glaring at each other dangerously. The other men, hoping for a fight, just egged on the two. Threats ensued on both sides and it seemed the men would resort to blows. Raoul moved to break the men up, but one angry look from the two of them was enough for him to back away. Noticing that Christine was still in the room, he made his way towards her to usher her out the door before things got out of control. She shrugged him off, handed him the pot she was holding, and boldly walked up to the unruly gentlemen.

Walking first to the smaller man, she put her small hand to his arm and laughed, "Oh James, do sit down. Is this really something worth fighting for?" Then she leaned closer and said so only he could hear, "You know what really happened, and its obvious that everyone else here believes you. Can't that be enough? Be the bigger man and don't let him get to you." He looked at her uncertainly and, after a growl and glare in the direction of the other man, he sat down.

Seeing this, the larger man began to taunt him.

"See how the coward backs down to a woman?" he said loudly. James stood again but Christine placed a reassuring hand on his arm before confidently moving towards the larger man.

"And you!" she shouted pushing him roughly on the chest. Though he was a giant, she caught him off balance and he fell into his chair. Stunned that the little woman had knocked him over, it took him a few seconds to retaliate. A few seconds was all she needed as she continued her tirade.

"You should know better! Sit back down, drink your ale, and mind your own business!" Red faced, he opened his mouth to speak when she beamed her most charming of smiles… seemingly to let him know she was only joking.

"Besides," she teased coquettishly , "I'd hate to have to throw you out!"

His arm snaked around her waist and he made some suggestive innuendo towards her. She smacked his arm playfully and squirmed out of his grasp. Raoul's fists clenched--whether out of protectiveness or jealousy he wasn't sure.

"Now, now. I want nothing to do with a man who can't behave himself," she said as she floated gracefully out of the room. The men roared with laughter and the meal continued as if nothing had happened.

It seemed the natural thing to do to put out a fire before it got big… but, for some reason, Raoul was amazed. He's a charming guy, and easily impressed.

Raoul was utterly flabbergasted by the scene he had just witnessed. He followed her out of the room as she made a beeline towards the sink.

"Gross, gross, gross, gross…" he heard her saying to herself as she furiously washed her hands.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Go let some disgusting sailor put his grimy paws all over you and then you tell me!" she snapped. Then, realizing the harshness of her words, she softened and looked back to him.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to take it out on you. I'm fine, really."

"Would you care to take a walk?"

"I'd like that"

They strolled through the gardens, hand-in-hand, enjoying the sunset.

When they reached a stone bench, Raoul turned to her and asked the question that had been on his mind since they left the house.

"How did you do that? I mean… Pascal is always looking for a fight and James is constantly on everyone's nerves. I figured he was a goner for sure!"

Christine stood and cocked an eyebrow at him. "What would you have me do? Let them destroy the dining room? I had no desire to clean up that mess."

Raoul stood up and held his hands out in a placating gesture. "Don't be offended, I'm just impressed, that's all."

We took a walk, which I enjoyed very much. I think I upset him when I explained how I read people. I hope it didn't change his opinion of me too much. I really like him.

She shrugged and crossed her arms. "It wasn't hard really. I couldn't just command them both to back down like you were about to do." He blushed, aware that she had seen that embarrassing display. She continued, "You see, you can't touch all people the same way. Everyone wants something different… it's just a matter of figuring out what that something is. Then they'll do whatever you say."

Raoul's eyes widened. This was not the shy girl he remembered.

"Just think about it… it took all but five seconds to figure out that James just wants to feel competent. He probably feels insecure around men his age and feels a need to constantly prove his masculinity by making up stories to impress his friends."

He was surprised… she had gauged James' personality perfectly. He crossed his arms and continued to listen to her.

"Pascal, on the other hand, is ornery and arrogant. He needs someone who is direct with him; but, at the same time, he doesn't like to be told what to do. So, the trick with someone like him is to tease them into surrendering."

I hate to admit it, but she's two for two. "So, what you are saying is that you learned to read people, and now you use that to your advantage by making them do what you want?"

I probably should have been more guarded with my words, but it's been so long since I had someone I could really talk to.

She shrugged again and leaned against the back of the bench. "I suppose you could say it that way."

"Does that not sound manipulative to you?"

"It does." she answered with more confidence than she felt. I must sound like an awful person…please don't hate me…

I know it's wrong to manipulate people. I wish he understood that it is necessary. I have no one… nobody to look out for me but myself. This is not at all how I imagined my life to be. I am all alone, and I don't wish for anyone to know how scared I really am.

Something about her attitude disturbed him. This was not his Little Lotte. What happened to the sweet little girl that kissed me for fetching a scarf? She still retained that innocence that he adored, but she was no longer carefree. Christine seems… darker. She was not like this when her father was alive. Her father… Oh, Christine, I want you to feel safe… let me protect you… my Christine…

It's just that, one morning I woke up and realized life wasn't a fairytale like I thought it was. No Prince-Charming is going to come rescue me and a happily-ever-after ending is not guaranteed. A pity, because I so long for happily-ever-after. But no, life is more like (how would Mamma Valerius say it?) a game. Yes, a game. The ending and the winners are not certain and all I can do is play my hand as best as I can. Does that sound depressing? Possibly, but I am resigned to it. I'm not sad at all, really. I think that if I take everything in with a bit of humor, I'll make it just fine.

Feeling the sudden need to lighten the mood, Raoul leaned against the bench and teased, "So, does it work with everyone… your mind games?

This made Christine laugh. Smirking, she answered, "Well, I've had you copying my body language all evening."

Raoul looked down to see that he was leaning on the bench in the exact same manner as Christine. He opened his mouth to speak but he was interrupted by Christine's high pitched squeal. She jumped back from the bench and shook violently. Raoul was baffled.

"What? What is it?"

"A spider! Look, right there on the bench! Oh, Raoul, I hate spiders!"

He laughed genuinely and swept the spider into the bushes. "Are you to say that you just confronted two sailors three times your size and you are scared of a little spider?"

She put her hands on her hips in mock indignation. "I'll handle the large, angry men if you will handle the spiders. Deal?"

"Deal!" he chuckled and led her inside.

I expect, in the end, Raoul wasn't too upset with me. He did get rid of a spider for me. My hero! Maybe there is still hope for us. Look at me, I sound like a little girl. Maybe I still have a little crush on him. It's too bad he is leaving tomorrow. Perhaps I'll see him again soon. One can hope, right?

Until next time,

Christine