A/N: Okay, I know you'll probably hate me for it, but I've started a new story *nervous smile* I'm not entirely sure which direction this is going to take, but the story starts after "Exit Wounds" and well I guess there are spoilers for "The Internet is forever", well actually only Hotch's boyband comment, but after that it will take a different direction than the show did... and it will be a totally different case than the one in "The Internet is forever".

Oh and just so you're warned: This is going to be SLASH and will probably deal with other sensitive topics, but I'll put a warning in the chapters when that happens *nods*

And I'm really sorry that the first chapter might be a little confusing, but I promise there won't be that many POV changes in the following chapters as there are in this chapter *nods*

I really hope you will like the new story, even though the plotline is probably not the most original, but the plotbunny just wouldn't leave me alone *sigh* and comments would be most appreciated *big Reid-Puppy-Dog-Eyes*

And please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so I hope the grammar mistakes aren't too bad...

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Summary: When Reid comes to work with his hair short, the team doesn't think much of it. When he stops with the random statistics at any given opportunity, the team starts to notice the other little changes in the genius. When Reid explodes when Derek calls him Pretty Boy, they all realize that something is seriously wrong with him. The question now is what? (SLASH!)

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Disclaimer: None of the CM characters belong to me… I just borrowed them for this little story… my OC'S do belong to me though… this story doesn't mean to offend anybody… this is just for fun… and not for money either...

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More than I deserve

Chapter 1


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"I'm not sleeping with Reid."

Spencer Reid still couldn't believe that Derek Morgan had said those words.

The man he considered his best friend, the man he had had feelings for longer than he could really remember.

The words had stung, more than Spencer cared to admit.

And that was why he was now sitting here in that bar, nursing his third beer of the evening.

Sure, he knew that alcohol was never a solution and his mind provided him with all sorts of statistics to underline that fact, but it at least helped to numb the pain for now.

And maybe the alcohol would help him sleep tonight.

"I'm not sleeping with Reid."

There had been so much force in those words that Reid had had a hard time holding back the tears.

How he had managed to continue functioning throughout the case... Reid still didn't know but somehow he had.

/Why did I have to tell Derek how I feel? Everything would be okay if I hadn't told him./ the young genius mused, ordering his fourth beer right now.

But Reid had thought that Morgan would let him down gently if he told him and he would finally be able to breath a little more freely around the other profiler when the feelings were out in the open.

There had even been the small hope that Derek might return Spencer's feelings.

He called him "pretty boy" after all.

That had to count for something, right?

But obviously it didn't.

Morgan had only stared at him when Reid had finally gathered enough courage and told him on their usual movie night right before that case in Franklin.

Derek hadn't said a word, he had just gotten up from Spencer's couch and left the apartment.

At first Reid had thought that Derek needed some time to clear his mind and to digest what Spencer had just told him and then they could talk about this again.

And they could at least continue to be friends and teammates.

But Derek had never said a word, he had barely talked to Spencer at all, unless they had to.

And then he had said those words and the team had actually grinned at them, none of them hearing Reid's heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

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"I'm not sleeping with Reid."

The young genius had immediately realized that this was Morgan's way of telling Spencer, that he didn't return Reid's feelings and it was his way to tell him to stay away from him.

Spencer's hand tightened around the glass that was half empty again and he could finally feel the effect of the alcohol, because the room was spinning slightly hand he felt tired and dizzy.

Maybe it was time to go home.

Sure, they had a few days off, but the last thing Spencer needed, was to have to call Hotch, or, god forbid, Morgan, because he needed a ride home and was too drunk to call himself a cab.

But merely thinking of Morgan made Reid's heart ache and the young genius, against better judgment, decided that he hadn't had enough yet and ordered another drink, this time something much stronger than a simple beer, because evidently his body might look drunk, but his mind sure as hell wasn't drunk enough yet.

Brian, the barkeeper, a nice man in his mid-forties, kept shooting him worried glances, but Spencer pointedly ignored them.

He wanted to get drunk for the first time in his young life to forget about the rejection and the probably destroyed friendship.

The barkeeper put his new drink in front of him and asked: "Don't you think you've had enough, kid?"

Reid glared at the man and slurred: "'m not a kid... and wanna get drunk."

He bent forward to reach the drink and nearly fell off the barstool, hadn't a hand from his left steadied him.

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"Easy, kid, I know you want to get drunk to drown your sorrows, but I'm pretty sure you're plenty drunk, so I think I'm going to call you a cab to take you home," Brian insisted after shooting the man, who still had his hand on Reid's shoulder, a thankful glance.

He took the drink he had been about to serve Reid back.

Normally he wouldn't care if the people in the bar drank themselves into oblivion, but somehow that kid was different and Brian had kept an eye on him ever since he had walked into that bar, looking so dejected and like he carried the world on his shoulders.

And now he decided that the best thing for the young man would be to go home into his bed and sleep and not have another drink.

The young man, Spencer, as he had learned during the night, kept glaring at him, well it wasn't really a threatening glare, but more an adorable one, but the message was clear.

He wanted that drink.

But Brian had been a barkeeper long enough to not give in. He quickly called a cab, ignoring the angry looks of the young man.

Then the barkeeper turned to the man, who had been sitting beside Spencer for quite a while, nursing his own drink without talking to the young man.

It was one of the bar's regulars, so Brian knew him quite well.

"Larry, will you please put Spencer here in the cab and make sure he gets home okay?"

Larry, a man about fifty with grey hair here and there, and a friendly smile, nodded immediately.

"Of course Brian," he informed.

It wasn't the first time Brian asked Larry to take care of someone drunk.

Brian would have taken the young man home himself, but his shift only ended in two hours and he didn't think it was good for Spencer to be sitting here for another two hours.

"Thanks Larry," Brian smiled and watched as Larry started to help the young, still protesting man from the chair, steadying him and leading him out of the bar.

The barkeeper shook his head and wondered who the idiot was that had hurt this charming young man so much that he had almost drank himself in a coma.

He was glad that Larry was taking care of the kid and would make sure that he got home okay and Brian really hoped that Spencer would be able to get over whoever had broken his heart so badly.

He didn't anticipate that he would see Spencer again so soon and he surely would never have guessed why Spencer would walk into his bar, this time followed by his team, including the man who had broken his heart.

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"God, I needed those days off."

Derek Morgan stretched in his chair in the conference room of the BAU.

The whole team, minus Reid, were already gathered in the conference room and waited for the briefing on the new case.

Penelope Garcia, who was sitting right beside him, nodded with a small smile on her face.

She too had needed those days off, especially after that case in Franklin.

That had really gotten to her and the days she had spent with Kevin and without cases had helped her a lot.

Emily Prentiss, who was sitting on Morgan's other side, turned her head towards Hotch and JJ.

"So, what's the new case?"

She was eager to get back to work, because her free days hadn't been too good and she needed the work to get over it.

JJ was just about to begin the briefing, when suddenly the door to the conference room opened again and the last member of their team entered.

"Hello," she said with a smile in her voice when she got a good look at Reid.

Her words caused the rest of the team to look at the young genius, who was clearly uncomfortable with that.

Hotch merely raised an eyebrow and asked, only a small hint of amusement in his voice: "Did you join a boyband?"

Morgan noticed how irritated Reid looked while he sat down in the chair.

"No, why?" the young genius questioned, pulling on the sleeves of his shirt nervously and then ran a hand through his hair and Morgan got the distinct feeling that there was a specific reason why Spencer had had his hair cut all of sudden.

JJ took pity on the young man and finally started the briefing.

"Jason Smalling, 25, found in a park not far from here, raped and then killed. He's the third victim of a serial rapist in the last six weeks, even though he's the first one the man killed."

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Derek tried to concentrate on the briefing, but he couldn't really do it, because his eyes always traveled to Spencer.

Morgan had tried his best to ignore the young genius after that disastrous night when Reid had told Derek that he liked him as more than a friend.

Derek honestly hadn't expected those words coming from the young genius and his first instinct had been to run and that was exactly what he had done.

And since then he had avoided talking to Reid, needing to come to terms with everything and most important, he needed to figure out what exactly he felt for Spencer.

Morgan had even gone as far as refusing to room with the young man on their last case in Franklin just so that he could keep him on arm's length.

But now Derek couldn't really keep his eyes from Reid.

He had to admit the new haircut suited the young man, but then his eyes narrowed a little, because when Spencer moved in his chair, the young man winced slightly as if he was in pain.

Derek was about to ask Reid if he was okay, but obviously the briefing was over for now, because Hotch gathered his stuff and told the team: "Gather your things. We meet in the garage in ten minutes."

And before anyone could react, Reid was out of his chair and out of the room.

The team watched him go, all a little confused.

"Um, was that just me, or was our baby genius awfully quiet during the briefing?" Penelope questioned, looking pointedly at Morgan, who could only shrug.

Prentiss, however, nodded.

"Yeah, he didn't even tell us statistics about male rape victims," she replied, looking a little concerned.

Morgan sighed a little.

"Maybe I should go and talk to him," he suggested, because they probably all expected him to go and talk to Reid, because he always did.

But Derek didn't really know if he could handle being alone with the young man right now.

So he wasn't really unhappy, when Hotch shook his head.

"Not right now, Morgan. We need to get to the crime scene and to the bar where a witness last saw Jason Smalling alive. The barkeeper, Brian Wilson, is already waiting for us. Maybe he can tell us, who Smalling left with."

The team nodded, because they all knew they would get a chance to talk to Spencer during the case.

And they all left the briefing room to gather their things and meet in the garage where Reid was already waiting for them.

Reid was looking nervous and he even jumped a little when Rossi put a hand on his shoulder.

That alarmed the whole team, but as Hotch had said, they needed to wait until later to ask Spencer what was wrong.

Right now they had a case to solve, but every time Morgan risked a glance at Reid through the rear view mirror of the car, he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was seriously wrong with the young man.

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to be continued, if you're interested...