The End of Hedgehog's Dilemma, Part I: Evolutionary Angel (Written for Gob Hobblin)
NGE characters belong to their respective owners.
Chapter 3
'This is not about me; to him, it is never about . . . me . . .'
"At last, we shall be together again . . . Yui."
Deep within the Egg –- currently shaken to the core by the violence of men - was the man-made structure termed Heaven's Door. Beyond Heaven's Door was the bleeding giant crucified; beyond the giant's vast pool of spilled blood stood a man and a girl; the man was voicing his excitement; the girl was crumbling inside.
'Soon, I shall be no more; yet . . . he is happy.'
"It is for this that I've persisted on living till now . . ."
Being void of memories, of the emotions such memories would induce in her, Ayanami Rei the Third could only grasp at straws about what she should or should not feel at this moment.
"Our reunion is enough to justify everything done," murmured Commander Ikari, thinking aloud as if trying to convince himself of what he thought; he was clearly uncaring of her reactions to the words spoken. "And the world where we meet again shall be . . ."
Rei III knew she was about to return to nothingness –- as was her designated purpose –- for the benefit of another; had known, since long ago, of her pre-designated fate. Yet, now that the moment had arrived, she found herself uncertain as to whether she should feel sadness or joy . . . or dread.
" . . . hopes shall be realized by this imperfect doll bearing your image . . ."
'Doll . . . ?' Rei III tensed up at the term without fully understanding why. Something . . . something beyond the scope of her conscious mind was sending her upsetting signals, shaking her conviction right when she needed it the most.
"And when that happens, Yui . . ."
'What path should I, Ayanami Rei, choose? Can even I have choices? Is this feeling . . . anxiety? What should I do? Tell me, someone . . . anyone . . .
' . . . Fifth?'
Overseeing the troubles of all from where he remained in tune with the Seed Avatar's (Rei II) spirit – currently spread out in multitudes as she diligently go about reuniting the deceased with the dying – the Angel, too, found himself beseeched by anxiety.
There would only be one moment to strike - to realize his plan. While the Angel had little to fear from the Lilin Rulers, Fate –- the uncontrollable turn of events –- was something that even a celestial being like him had no power over.
Should things go wrong, should the Seed's final incarnation still decide to side with the NERV Commander in the end . . . all the suffering the Lilin Messiah was being put through would be for naught-
*Flap . . . *
Startled by the new presence, the Angel took note of this one specific soul out of those many currently getting 'recalled' by Rei II.
'I thought this one would still be alive at this time.'
'He was,' replied Rei II, 'I had to dissolve his AT Field to bring him here with me.'
'His current keepers must've been quite startled when it happened,'
commented the Angel. Rei II appeared un-contrite.
'They were,' Rei II replied in her matter-of-fact manner. 'They and everyone shall be startled by much more as this day progresses.' Holding onto the recalled soul, the Lilith Avatar turned to another spirit since hovering near her. 'We are going to her now.'
Giving an affirmative sign –- the Angel saw it as a nod of the head - the other spirit too joined with her, as the trio then headed off towards one of those numerous death scenes currently taking place within NERV HQ.
The Angel, for his part, focused the majority of his attention on the Terminal Dogma –- on the potentially game-changing drama about to unfold . . .
"No one is perfect.
"People make mistakes, and then live on regretting those mistakes . . .
"That's all I've ever known: empty happiness, and self-loathing.
"But still . . . still I feel like I did manage to grow from these experiences!
"Listen, Shinji-kun: pilot EVA once more and find yourself.
"Pilot Eva to face these questions:
" 'Why did you come here?'
" 'Why are you here?'
"Find your own answers.
"And then . . . after finding yourself . . . come back to me."
There, she had done it.
Shinji-kun had at last gotten sent off towards Unit 01's cage, towards the one battle that would give him –- and the world –- a chance for survival.
Mortally wounded as she lay dying on the ground, Katsuragi Mistao knew that she, herself, had since lost that chance.
"If I knew it would end this way . . . I would've done like Asuka said . . . and changed the carpet . . ." Through her rapidly blurring vision, the woman saw something resembling flapper-ed feet and a white tummy stopping right in front of her. Right . . . people 'see things' before they die, or so she had heard.
"Right . . . Pen-pen?" she addressed her (strangely soulful-eyed) pet penguin, uncaring that this could only be an illusion, a mere side effect of oxygen depletion in her brain. Thus, when she then noticed Kaji and Rei standing hand-in-hand behind Pen-Pen, the woman also considered them to be mere figments, and little more.
"Hey, Kaji . . ." gasped the dying woman (who knew she was speaking only to herself), craving approval . . . and a sense of closure. "Did I . . . do all right?
To that, this Kaji she saw offered her not one of his trademark rakish grins, but rather, this rather solemn expression, one semi-obscured by the unruly fringe falling over his eyes.
'Katsuragi, I-'
A split second of something - a flash of white light, a blast of deafening sound –- cut Kaji's (strangely insubstantial) sentence, along with the entire scenery, right off . . .
. . . and before Misato knew it, she now found herself seated at a large movie theatre of sorts, where the lights were low and the seats sparsely filled. Odd how she felt like she had been there all along, seated in leisure and comfort, instead of having been running and shooting and getting shot and dying-
'. . . squawk!'
Glancing to her right, she saw Kaji now seated beside her, with Pen-Pen on his lap feasting on a large cup of popcorns.
' . . . have found the truth,', murmured the man, whose hardened gaze remained upon the movie screen upfront. 'Or rather, that it had found me instead.'
'Kaji . . . what're you talking about?' asked Misato, increasingly alarmed by how disoriented she herself currently felt. 'Where are we? Aren't you . . . already . . .' Voice wavering from dread, she nonetheless forced herself to complete the sentence. '. . . dead?'
'That . . . won't matter for very much longer,' said Kaji, still not quite facing her. 'You can feel it too, can't you? How the line between dying and living is blurring as we speak. We are now one with the Seed, and the Seed one with us. Very soon, those still alive will be crossing over to our side, before all of us are to become one.'
'Kaji . . . !' Alarmed, Misato stood up with such abruptness, that she unintentionally knocked Pen-Pen's cup of popcorns over, much to the creature's distress. 'What're you saying? Instrumentality hasn't begun yet . . .' Her words trailed off as she caught the gigantic red logo glowing upon the side wall of the (improbably colossal) theatre.
The logo read ROOM OF GUF.
' . . . or has it?'
'. . . don't need a mother who would choose a man over her own daughter!'
Whirling around at the voice - familiar to her ear even in its current rage-distorted state – she saw none other than Ritsuko curled up at the seat behind hers in apparent pain and anguish. The sight of the one currently beside Ritsuko, however, stunned the NERV Misato into a moment of stupor.
'Ritchan, it isn't like that,' said the late Dr. Akagi Naoko –- who should have died years ago –- in a quiet voice taut with tension. 'I made the decision I did so you may survive what is to come.'
'What is to come . . . what the hell could possibly come of this, but the annihilation of humanity, now that you've allowed Ikari to initiate the Third Impact with Lilith?!' Unafraid, and clearly angry, Akagi Ritsuko lifted her head to snarl right in her dead mother's face. 'He never loved you, you stupid hag! Just like he'd never loved me! Even if you gave him the world, the only one that man would ever care for is . . . that . . .' And she stopped upon noticing just who had now spontaneously appearing beside them.
'Dr. Akagi Naoko-san was not acting out of partiality towards Commander Ikari when she made Casper reject your program command,' said the pale figure, glancing down upon the blonde from where he stood with his hands in his pockets. 'Rather, she is acting in unison with me and Ayanami Rei, to ensure that it is our plan –- and not those of the Lilin power players –- that shall come to pass.'
'You . . .' started Ritsuko, before getting cut off by Misato's outraged exclamation.
'Nagisa Kaworu?!' The NERV Major fumbled for her gun, but could not find it with her. 'This . . . this is all your doing?'
The Angel kept his red eyes on the wary Chief Scientist (whose mother let exhaled softly as if in stealth relief). 'I cannot have you blow up Terminal Dogma and destroy Lilith, not when Instrumentality is the only thing that can repair the Lilins' flawed existence.'
'What do you care about our existence?' snapped Misato at the Angel –- that which she held accountable for the loss of her father. 'You're not even human!'
'I fell in love,' replied the Angel, finally meeting Misato's accusing glare with his calm, even gaze. 'And I've decided to save the one I love from his accursed existence.' He then pointed up ahead, thus drawing her attention towards just what had been playing on the large movie screen.
'Shinji-kun!' She gasped at seeing a footage of Unit 01's cage, where its young pilot was seen crouched down in front of the bakelite-enveloped EVA, hopeless as he was helpless. 'So, they've even sabotaged Unit 01.' Grim-eyed, the NERV Major rapidly accessed the situation. 'No good, Unit 02's battery can't hold out much longer . . . '
'The movie is such a powerful Lilin invention,' commented the Angel, 'it engages the audience while conveying specific messages to them at the same time. Do you like movies, Katsuragi-san?' His words had the effect of further enraging the frantic woman.
'You . . .!' Her anger did not deter the entity from speaking on.
'Do you know? Even without a pilot, the soul in possession of a EVA still could have activated it at will. Unit 01 could have easily broken out of the bakelite, and take Shinji unto itself, such that he could go aid Unit 02 in battle against the Mass Production Evangelion Series.' Even as the Angel spoke, the camera gradually panned out to reveal a ghostly apparition semi-lucent from within Unit 01. Feminine of appearance -an appearance of great familiarity to Misato and others - she had her sad eyes glancing down upon the despairing Shinji, who seemed unaware of her presence. 'The reason Unit 01 is not moving now, in spite of the dire situation, is because I've since communicated with the spirit in possession of it, and given her the reason not to help Shinji-kun just yet.' His face darkened even as Misato's paled. 'Not until Pilot Soryu and Unit 02 are both to perish at the hands of the MP Series, anyway. Only then shall Unit 01 bring Shinji-kun out, so he can witness the carnage and-' He was then cut off by Misato leaping over to his roll and strangling him.
'Katsuragi-' cried Ritsuko in warning, before stopping at Naoko grabbing her hand . . .or rather, merging hands with her, thus revealing that both women now were fluid of form here in this place. Slowly, a look of understanding came to dawn upon the blonde's face, as she now regarded her sad-eyed mother with far less animosity than before . . .
'You FREAK!' Missing the telling detail in the Akagis' exchange, Misato focused herself with trying to break the boyish Angel's slim, vulnerable-seeming neck. 'Damn you! Damn all of you frigging hell spawns for showing up in our world! Why'd you even have to exist?! Everything was fine before you all appeared, before Father . . .' Stopping herself from revealing such personal thoughts in front of everyone, the emotionally scarred woman forcibly turned the conversation back on its former tangent. 'You, just because you freaks think you're stronger than us, you think you can just . . . just . . .' Against her will, her seething rage gradually came to cool under the Angel's steady, somber gaze. 'Why . . . why aren't you stopping me?' A laugh, bitter and hollow, escaped her throat. 'Of course, I can't possibly hurt a thing like you, can I?'
'You have no force I need to fear,' replied the Angel, 'but those words hurt me nonetheless.' The frank honesty in his words and expression worked as magic to loosen Misato's grip around his neck. 'Katsuragi-san, it's fine if you want to hurt me: I've prepared myself to be hurt the moment I've decided to make contact with you. When two individual wills make contact, they will crash as per their conflicting wishes; pain is an inevitable side-product of interaction.' Clasping onto the woman's tembling fingers, he gently pried them completely off his person, revealing the red marks upon his pale skin. 'This is what differentiate between the Lilins and the Angels. Angels understand that pain – sensory or emotional – is but a sign of warning; they will not let it deter them from doing what is necessary.' His ethereally pretty face came to harden with steely determination. 'That is why I must have Shinji-kun go through this pain.'
The cryptic statement only served to further confuse and agitate Misato. 'What the hell are you talking about-'
/"Shinji!"/ Ibuki Maya's desperate voice, coming through the COM LINK, could be heard blasting through the EVA Cage's harrowing space. /"Unit 02! Asuka! Asuka... she's...!"/
' . . . no . . . ' Fully understanding that the inevitable had already happened to Unit 02 and Asuka out on the battlefield, the NERV Major collapsing to her knees in cold, hope-lacking despair. 'Not her too . . .'
"But I can't pilot EVA . . ." whimpered Shinji on screen, still curled up in a small, pitiful-looking ball on the cage's bridge. The camera zoomed in to show the tremors shaking up his frail form –- a telling sign of the self-loathing currently wrecking his psyche. "There's nothing I can do . . . !"
'Shinji . . .!' exclaimed Misato, currently overwhelmed by the same sense of helplessness she knew her charge currently felt.
'Do you feel what Shinji-kun feels, now that you see him suffer on screen?'
The Angel's seemingly cruel question impacted the woman like an abrupt slap. She would have attacked the entity anew, had she not then begin to understand just what the enigmatic entity had been doing all along.
'You . . . are you trying to . . .?'
'Emotional resonance is the best way to connect individual minds,' stated the Angel, 'and a movie has the power to reach and affect vast multitudes of individuals at the same time. There is hardly any metaphoric symbol better suited to displaying Shinji-kun to the Lilin souls - all of whom are to be gathered here in this Room as per Instrumentality' mechanism.'
'You're doing all of this just to 'display' Shinji-kun to all mankind?' asked Misato, incredulous. 'Why?'
'Because Humanity needs to learn from its Messiah, before it can evolve with him.'
'Messiah? Evolve? What do you-'
Startled by the presence of someone from behind her, Misato turned around, only to have Kaji's lips claiming hers . . . before their faces were to merge together with malleable ease. 'Urmmm. . .!'
'Words take too long, and will only get in the way,' said Kaji, his voice coming through a mouth that used to belong solely to Misato. 'It's easier for me to just share my knowledge with you by joining together as one, like this.'
'Kaji . . .' murmured Misato, succumbing into the man's fluid embrace while watched by Pen-Pen's beady, inquisitive eyes. Onscreen, EVA 01 could be seen breaking free from the bakelite then clutching at a startled Shinji.
The Angel was no longer present in the theatre.
'There is no time . . .'
Eyes on the embryo of Adam – now fused into the Commander's ungloved right hand – Rei III could feel indefinite things within her giving way; her increasingly fragile vessel had began to melt, resulting in the falling off of an arm.
"There is no time," stated the Commander, eager for what was to come. "Your AT Field can no longer hold your shape. Let's begin, Rei. Release your AT Field, the barrier of your soul. Complement your imperfect heart . . ." Urging on, he then pushed his embryo-bearing hand right through the fluid matter that used to be Rei III's chest.
'There, you got him.'
Jolting from the psychic message abruptly touching upon her mind (the Commander would likely think she was convulsing from his intrusion), Rei III saw, in her mind's eye, none other than the Fifth Child; he was 'holding hands' with two spirits of great familiarity to her.
'Fifth, are they . . . ?'
'Hold, Sister.' The Fifth Child –- currently in spirit form - then pushed Rei I and II up and towards the bewildered clone. 'Before you're to do anything further, heed thy 'selves'.'
Thus was 'imperfect' Ayanami Rei at last complemented back up to her full set of memories, her full self; she now had regained her capacity for conscious choice.
Just in time for the Seed Avatar to make her biggest decision yet.
To be continued . . .?
Note: Yes, the Room of Guf Theatre is totally inspired by the real theatre shown during Instrumentality in the EoE Movie.
