A/N: Wow, I honestly hadn't realized that it has been a year since I updated this. I'm really sorry that it has taken me so long. And I'm sorry if it's a short chapter. I also think it's not the best chapter I've ever written and it doesn't have too much action in it, but it needed to be written to move the story forward *sheepish smile*
I really hope that you will enjoy it and that you are still interested in the story. A comment would of course be most appreciated *smiles shyly*
.
Thank you to Lenika08, Kiba515, fireball1012, DisastrousMethods, Quiet Ryter, Stendan 4ever, tannerose5, marcallie, RogueStorm84, Gazzy8, MyownlilfantaC, Criminds, slashyfangirl, SurvivorCat, pipinheart, sweetteatwo, Dr. Monster, Heureux Eeyore, MyGuiltiestPleasure, DestinyReid, Someone In Your Fridge, Kitsune1818, Deathagramyuri, ifreakinlovefanfiction, guest, LithiumFlower13, Aelan013, ObsessiveCompulsiveWriter, Guest2, Lauren, Guest3, MikeyL0Ver, ILoveAnime89, Statiic97, PrinzessTinkerbell29, mixxi, schpc, alj0569, Time-LadyMarader, angel bun, IntoTheWilds and Lisa for all your kind words *hugs you all* I'm still a little overwhelmed and very happy that so many of you took the time to comment on my little story *smiles*
.
Warnings: non-con (mentions of rape, but not in detail)
.
Disclaimer: None of the Criminal Minds characters belong to me. I just borrowed them for this little story. This story isn't meant to offend anybody in any way... this is not for money either...
.
Kapitel 5
.
"Dr. Reid, did... did any of your team do it?"
The words hung in the air and the silence was almost physical and it felt a little oppressive for Spencer, who stared at the doctor as if he'd grown a second head.
"What? How exactly did you come to that conclusion?" he wanted to know, clutching the thin bedsheets tightly. The doctor flinched at the harsh tone of voice, but he wasn't ready to let go of his suspicions just yet.
"Dr. Reid, you're not the first patient I treat, who has suffered through this kind of trauma. And the way you've reacted to them, most of all to Agent Morgan, is typical behavior of someone who has come face to face with their attacker, but doesn't dare to tell on him or her for various reasons," the man explained patiently, a little confused that Reid hadn't understood his reason for the question. He was a profiler after all. But then again, the young man had been through an intensive trauma only days ago, so he probably wasn't thinking straight most of the time. So Dr. Lester needed to make sure that Reid wasn't lying to him about who had attacked him. He waited patiently for his patient to answer.
.
Reid's hands tightened their grip on the sheet and then he slowly shook his head, mindful of the fact that he still felt a little nauseous. He also seemed to have thought back over his behavior when his team had arrived and his anger seemed to have dissipated a little.
"I have to admit, that, thinking back on things, I see where you're coming from, Doc," Spencer started, because, yes, he could really see that, but then he continued: "But I assure you that my bad reaction towards Agent Morgan comes from an entirely different problem."
Dr. Lester raised his eyebrows, but he didn't question Reid's explanation for now, just glad that the younger man seemed ready to talk a little about what had happened.
Reid chuckled darkly and his hands finally let go of the bedsheets, looked directly at Dr. Lester to make sure that the other believed him and then he informed the other man: "Agent Morgan and I... well, we had a fallout a few days before... well... before this happened. And without that fight I probably wouldn't have gotten too drunk that night I was attacked."
Dr. Lester made a mental note that Spencer still avoided the word "rape" and he would make sure that the young man would see a therapist about that and not only for the mandatory sessions he'd undoubtedly been sent to by the FBI.
"So yeah, I partly blame Agent Morgan for what has happened, but he didn't hurt me like that..." The words came in a rush, which told Lester that this was a realization Reid had only come to while telling Lester about it. He seemed to blame Morgan for something, but the doctor also believed the younger man that the agent wasn't the one who had raped him.
.
Lester had to admit that he hadn't really thought that one of Agent Reid's team would be capable of something, but as Spencer's doctor he had to be sure. But he was glad that he was wrong. Still, that left the question, who had hurt Dr. Reid like that. So Lester decided on a wild stab in the dark to get the younger man to talk about it.
"But you still know who has attacked you, don't you?"
The way Spencer stiffened and tried to vanish into the bed told Lester that he had been right in his earlier assessment that Reid did indeed know who had done this to him. And Reid lowered his eyes, avoiding to face Lester's reaction while he explained.
"Yeah, I do know."
A short pause followed, probably Reid trying to sort out how to continue and Lester simply waited patiently, used to these conversations more than he liked by now.
"Well, at least I know what he looks like, but I don't know his name ore anything personal about him," he finally explained, his eyes following the movements of his hands, which clenched and unclenched around the part of the sheet in his hand. And when he finally looked up, tears were glistening in his eyes and he looked ashamed. Dr. Lester swallowed harshly at the raw pain on the expressive face and he was about to tell Reid that he had nothing to be ashamed of, that the attack wasn't his fault, that he was the victim here.
.
But Reid was faster again.
"And if I hadn't been such a coward then maybe Jason Smalling wouldn't be dead."
Again there was a dead silence in the room and Dr. Lester took a deep breath. He suddenly made a connection he might have made earlier if he hadn't been preoccupied with Reid's health. And it was a connection he didn't particularly like.
"Wait, what you're trying to say is, that you've been the victim of that serial rapist?" he wanted to know, disbelief coloring his voice. Spencer nodded slowly.
"The MO matches... well... except the fact that I'm still alive."
The doctor stared at the young man and Reid shrunk further back into the bed, trying to appear smaller under the almost accusing eye of the doctor, no matter if Lester intended to accuse him or not. Reid knew that he had made a mistake. He was a seasoned profiler now and he should have immediately reported what had happened to him that fateful night. But it had taken Reid a day to even really move out of his shower again, his skin tender and red, but it had helped to at least erase that smell, that smell of leather and wood that had followed him.
And to be fair, he hadn't known that there had been other victims until he had seen the case file. Given recent information, Reid was also lucky to have even escaped with his his life. And Spencer really hadn't wanted his team to find out. If they found out, then they would look at him with pity and try to make him talk about it, they would try to help him. But Reid didn't want their help. All he wanted was to forget that it ever happened. That was why he hadn't told anyone. Yes, as a profiler he knew that this was the absolutely wrong thing to do, but for one of the few times in his life he hadn't been able to think rational, he hadn't been able to be a profiler. No, he had been back to that scared child he was when he was 12 and had been tied to that goalpost.
.
But now, now he could no longer keep it a secret. This man had been out there, hurting and killing other men and Reid made a silent vow to catch the man. Maybe that would help to lay his own demons to rest. Spencer was sure that it was the same man. It would also explain why he had always murmured into Reid's ear how special he was and that he was the best he had had so far. Reid shivered at the memory and he gripped the bedsheets tightly again to ground himself and not sink totally into his memories...
But suddenly another question popped up in Spencer's mind.
Why was Spencer alive and Jason Smalling was not? His attacker hadn't been interrupted and he hadn't even attempted to kill him, or at least Reid didn't think he had tried to kill him. No, he had even helped him redress, kissing him on the forehead and then he had simply left him alone. Reid swallowed harshly, quickly pushing the memories to the back of his mind again for now. The nightmares could wait until tonight. He was finally thinking like a profiler again, at least for now and for the first time in days and it helped ground him.
.
He finally managed to look at Dr. Lester, eyes wide, but face grim and determined.
"I think I need to talk to Agent Hotchner now, but only him," he told the doctor, hating how weak his voice sounded. Lester's face softened, because he had realized that his harsh tone had frightened the young man earlier and that really hadn't been his intention. But at least it had seemed to get a reaction out Reid and it looked like he was ready to finally talk to someone. So he gave an approving nod.
"I'll go and get him," Lester said immediately, leaving the room to get Reid's team leader.
Spencer watched him go and he took a deep breath to compose himself. He knew that the doctor and Hotch would be back in no time and he needed to be calm then or he wouldn't be able to go through with things. His brain was working overtime, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. He rubbed his temple and winced a little when pain from his injuries spread through him when he moved around too much.
.
And when Hotch finally returned to the room, without Dr. Lester, and closed the door behind him, Reid flinched, but he steadily looked at his team leader and friend. Hotch's face was showing he was concerned about him. He swallowed harshly and watched as Aaron silently pulled over a chair and sat beside the bed.
"Dr. Lester said that you wanted to talk to me," Hotch finally said after he had gotten as comfortable as you could be in the hard plastic chair, one hand coming to rest on Reid's shoulder for a second. Of course he didn't miss the flinch from Reid at being touched unexpectedly, no matter how much the younger man tried to hide it. He seemed nervous to be alone with Hotch too, but Aaron decided to not comment on all the little things he had picked up from Reid's body language and from the expressions on his face. He simply waited for Reid to speak about what was on his mind, but he couldn't help but stiffen in shock, when Spencer finally did talk, voice so low that for a moment Hotch wondered if he had misheard him. But suddenly all the little things that had seemed off about Spencer made horrible sense.
"Hotch, three days ago I was attacked... and... raped..."
.
to be continued...
Again, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update this, I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter none the less *smiles shyly*
