They walked through the stargate

They walked through the Stargate. Ronon came through first, looking annoyed and moved straight to the infirmary for his check up. Teyla next, shaking her head, smiling to herself and followed Ronon. Rodney came next, followed closely by Sheppard. Rodney was talking and he hadn't stopped since the end of class, he seemed to be enjoying some kind of euphoria.

Sheppard was grinning inside. Yes, it was damn annoying but considering the potential alternatives he could talk as long as he liked, besides he had stopped listening before they had even reached the gate. He would have to make it up to Ronon later. He could give him his dessert, which normally did the trick. He followed Rodney to the infirmary to get them-selves checked out. He noticed Sam stood on the balcony, God she looks worried. He waved to her with a grin. Hopefully she got that he's okay from that, I will have to go see her next. He saw her close her eyes and give a sigh of relief as he passed underneath out of view. I know how you feel, Sam.

Ronon gave a heavy sigh when Rodney came in and Sheppard could not help but smirk. He shared a grin with Teyla who was also having trouble keeping a smile from her face. However, when Sheppard tapped Rodney on the shoulder and indicated that he should take a seat on the bed to get his physical he soon trailed off as he realised he was in the infirmary. He still has trouble being in here without Carson. Sometimes I don't think he will ever be okay here. He used to refer to all doctors and medicine as Voodoo but I haven't heard him mention that word since Carson, like it's too painful to joke without Carson here to hear it.

He saw Ronon look over at Rodney with a worried glance. He smiled to himself. Ready to kill him because he wouldn't shut up, and within seconds he's worried because he has, because he knows why. Theirs had to be the weirdest relationship on Atlantis. Most the time he wants to kill Rodney but he would kill anyone who hurt him. Sheppard knew how he felt. Weird how the little scientist got under your skin, spiky on the outside, heroic and loyal on the inside, if you were willing to stick around and find out.

As Ronon completed his physical he nodded towards Rodney and then locked eyes with Sheppard. He nodded in response, Yes, Ronon, I will take care of him while you're gone. He smiled to himself again and inside he gave a little chuckle, Weird. He looked at Rodney who hadn't noticed anything as Ronon left the infirmary. The Doctor moved to Teyla and started her physical, which would take a bit longer, given the pregnancy. Sheppard felt sad as he watched Teyla. Nothing, we've heard nothing of any of them. How many where there? So many to just disappear. We will find him Teyla, your son will have a father at his birdh if I have to scour every corner of this galaxy he will be returned to you.

He realised Rodney was leaning towards him and refocused his attention. "Are you going to ask Sam, you know, about me not having to go, to be with you know, to teach again," Rodney whispered, his eyes apprehensive. Talk about windows to the soul, you could see everything in them eyes.

"Relax Rodney, you wont have to go back and I won't say another word about it," Sheppard said, smiling, and patted his shoulder with his hand. I'm just so glad you're okay. When I saw you rush back to the classroom. He couldn't even complete the sentence to him self as his heart clenched and fear fell heavily inside him. He had really panicked then that they had lost him.

Rodney nodded in response as if he already knew that, as if it was obvious with a slight smile on his face, and visibly relaxed.

As Teyla nodded and left the infirmary the doctor moved over to Rodney and started the physical and he saw the smile disappear and Rodney already trying to pull into himself, trying to shut out the fact that this doctor was not Carson. It made him sad to watch it but there was nothing he could do. He had tried to talk about it once, thinking it would help Rodney, but he wasn't ready.

He had backed off straight away and he had seen how grateful Rodney was that he understood, without saying a word, everything Rodney felt had been there in his eyes. Sheppard would wait. One day he would be ready and one of the team would be there when he was or Radek, he worried just as much as they did.

You have no idea do you Rodney, you're surrounded by an army of people who do everything they can to protect you from yourself and from the bad things in this world. Me, Ronon, Teyla, Sam, Radek and I think Lorne is starting to think that way too and you have no idea do you, no idea you're not alone anymore. He smiled to himself.

The doctor had checked him out. "Still got the headache?" the doctor asked. Sheppard saw Rodney jump at the question and when he looked at him he saw panic in his eyes. He started to feel a certain dread seep through his bones. He asked tentatively, "You've been having headaches Rodney?"

"Erm, yeah, you know, just a little headache, nothing to worry about," He said.

Liar, Sheppard said inside. Damn you Rodney, not today. Talk to me damn you.

"You insisted on a scan before you left his morning?" the doctor said confused, looking at Rodney's notes. "Maybe we should give you another scan while you are here – just to make sure."

"No," Rodney said nervously, definitely ready to run. "Erm, I'll come back later, I er, I need to get to the labs, see what they've managed to mess up while I've been gone," and he attempted a grin.

"Rod-ney," Sheppard said darkly. "Just get the damn scan done so we can all move on." So I know you're okay. Damn it! Inside he listened to his own heartbeat as Rodney sighed heavily and moved over to the scanning table without a word. He watched him hesitate, looking at the scanner briefly before he got under it.

The doctor moved over and started the scanner. Sheppard watched the doctor as he watched the results. When the scanner was done Sheppard watched Rodney sit up silently and look at his feet. You know something is wrong don't you? You know and you didn't say a word. Damn you Rodney! When will you learn you don't have to carry everything yourself anymore.

"Well everything seems fine, you're free to go Dr McKay," the doctor said

"Really? Well of course, I said it was just a little headache," Rodney said but Sheppard had seen the shock in his face, the same shock he felt. He watched Rodney rub his hands together, "well I'm off to spread a little happiness in the labs," he said with a grin and walked out. "See ya later Sheppard," he said raising a waving hand in the air as he went.

"See you later Rodney," Sheppard said deadpan to his rapidly retreating back. You can bet on it.

The doctor moved over to Sheppard and began the physical. When he was done he went to Sam's office. He had been looking forward to this, to say that everything was okay and now he dragged his feet as he thought things through. Eventually, he reached her office, she was alone so he entered and took the seat she had indicated when she looked up. She was smiling, relaxed, unfortunately she had read his signal correctly. I only wish it was correct he thought to himself.

He sighed heavily and he noticed Sam's shoulders droop and her eyes focus on him entirely. He decided to just dive in, deliver the facts as quickly as possible and then he would argue for Rodney never to return to the planet.

"Rodney was okay to start with, nervous and agitated but for Rodney that's normal. He got through the morning and then we went to meet the rest of the team for lunch. I had a hand in his back, steering him through the villagers as we neared Ronon and Teyla. I felt him tense and I followed his gaze to one of Ronon's charges. He was looking at a young boy with a nose bleed. Then he became more and more agitated and then said he had forgotten something in the classroom and he was gone, quick as a flash he was gone," Sheppard shook his head. When Rodney wanted to he could disappear faster than smoke.

"I told Ronon and Teyla I would go see too Rodney and they should carry on and then I followed him back to the classroom." No need to say that I hesitated outside, dreading that I would see the things you've seen, dreading I would see Rodney broken.

"He was in a state, pale, breathless and his eyes were everywhere. He told me the truth, that he was scared of children and that he didn't know why. He said he remembered a time when he wasn't." He watched as Sam moved back slightly, move in on her self slightly. "He told me about a head injury he had got when he was supposed to go on a mission with you. I presume that's when you," he waved a hand in circles vaguely at her, "you know". He wanted to say messed with his head but he could see how tense Sam was and he figured she was probably fragile too.

Her voice was dead and heavy as she asked, "And what does he remember?"

"He believes he had the accident, but he thinks it was caused by a child. Logical explanation as to why he suddenly can't stand them. He thinks on a subconscious level he remembers that a child caused the accident but you never told him in case he went nuts. Which as it turns out is not so far from the truth, but he also thinks he's grabbing at straws. Looking for any answer that will explain why he changed, he's troubled. He thinks maybe a child spilt something and he slipped in it, or something just as innocuous. What did you tell him?"

Sam looked down at the tabletop but he didn't need to see her face to know there was guilt there. "We told him a soldier had gone nuts and was lashing out and that he had started by hitting Rodney over the head, told him we got him quickly but not before he got Rodney. Just in the wrong place and the wrong time, told him he was lucky the soldier was not armed. He didn't know one soldier from another so we just made up a name and as he always thought he was cursed he just accepted that it would be him who got hit over the head and no one else".

Sheppard nodded and continued. "He told me that he had short term memory loss from the accident and that he had tried to remember but he couldn't. I figured that if he had tried and couldn't and nothing had happened that morning that he was going to be okay. I know the nosebleed was worrying but that was the only incident, so I told him he wouldn't have to come back tomorrow. I said I would speak to you when we got back and he thinks I'm here now to save him from going back. Colonel, you should have seen his face when I said that. He visibly relaxed just at the thought and he handled the afternoon better than he had the morning. You saw how happy and relaxed he was when he came back through the gate. Respectfully, I don't think we should push this, I seriously think if he goes back to that planet you are putting his life at risk."

Sam raised her eyebrows. "And that's how you felt when you first came back, but something has happened since. In the infirmary?"

He had thought he had closed his face. He presumed all those years with O'Neill had taught Sam how to read the unreadable and he was going to have to remember that. I tried Rodney.

"Firstly, everything is fine. The doctor gave Rodney a clean bill of health. It seems our little Rodney has been having headaches for four days now. Considering we found the planet eight days ago that's a coincidence worth watching. The doctor gave him a scan and everything was fine."

Sheppard paused. She told me everything when she didn't need to, you should tell her everything. She is doing this for Rodney's benefit after all.

"The thing that worries me is that Rodney looked shocked when he first heard the doctor give him the all clear. He had been expecting something and that worries me. He's not telling me everything but I could see it in his eyes. He is very easy to read when you know him but I don't know if this is his usual paranoia or if there is something specific he was expecting."

Sam looked at him and nodded. "So what do you suggest?"

"I think if we keep him here for three days and observe him. I can watch him. If there is nothing else in three days then everything is okay"

"Do you think it is likely to resurface?" Sam asked.

"I was ready to say no, but now I need to know what he is not telling me before I can decide," Sheppard said.

Sam nodded. "Okay, I'll take you off mission list for three days and we will see. And Sheppard, I would just like to reiterate that I am your commanding officer and you will tell me everything in regards to this situation. You will hold nothing back and that is a direct order, is that absolutely clear?"

Sheppard dropped his eyes briefly. Damn! and she will know too, she has just proved that. He raised his eyes to her face. "Yes Colonel, I will report everything and I will hold nothing back. I was going to go see him now, if there is nothing else?"

Sam nodded, "I'll see you later, Colonel," and Sheppard stood and left, heading for the labs.

He walked into a silent lab. Rodney was nowhere to be seen. He walked over to Radek and asked where Rodney was. "Oh, he's hiding in there," Radek said, nodding towards Rodney's office.

"Hiding?" Sheppard asked.

"I was hoping you could tell me," Radek said, pushing his glasses up his nose as he turned to look Sheppard in the face. "He came back an hour ago, he didn't rant, he said nothing, went in there. Making everyone more nervous, what happened?"

Oh its just that he might be remembering that he killed an entire race of children, failed to kill himself and someone he trusted addled his brain – I think he's overreacting myself he thought sarcastically to himself. "I don't know," he said to Radek, "I suppose I had better go find out."

Radek just looked at him with a look that said he wasn't buying it. "Hmmmm," Radek said and turned back to his laptop.

Oh Yeah, and I betrayed him he thought to himself as he walked over to Rodney's office and walked in.

"OUT!!" Rodney shouted and pointed at the door without looking up. Sheppard closed the door and stood quietly. Rodney must have presumed that he had scared a lab assistant out without looking up to check. He sat rubbing his temples with his brow furrowed.

"Rodney?" Sheppard asked quietly

He watched Rodney jump ten feet, which he would normally find funny, but not today. Today it was not funny at all.

"Oh," he started rearranging things on his desk. "What are you doing here?" he asked, very casually for Rodney, giving the fact of how nervous he was. I'm here to find out what you know Rodney. I'm here to find out if we're losing you.

"I thought you might like to know how my talk with Sam went," Sheppard said with a grin which he couldn't feel.

"oooh, well?" He waved his arms around vaguely.

Sheppard smirked. "We've got three days off missions list and she says at the moment you don't have to go back"

"At the moment? What the hell does that mean?" Rodney asked, arms frozen in mid dance.

"She says that if everyone is allocated elsewhere and they need someone urgently then we will have to go if we are the only team free but what are the chances of that?" Sheppard asked.

"Yeah, you say that. You're forgetting. I'm cursed. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen to me. The law of averages do not apply to me," Rodney said vehemently. Sheppard wouldn't be surprised to find out that Rodney had actually developed an equation to prove that.

"Yeah but they work in my favour so it evens out," Sheppard said with a smirk, opening his hands in a 'there you go' gesture.

"Doesn't surprise me in the least," said Rodney depressingly.

"So," said Sheppard, looking around vaguely, "You got anything you want me to turn on." He won't be able to say no, he always has something and it means I can stay here and watch him.

"Well, I'm all out of ascended bimbo's so I'm afraid you'll have to settle for ancient technology," he said as he got up and walked past Sheppard and out into the lab. Oh very droll. Jeez, it's only two…or is it three….it's not as if I do it on purpose, I don't exactly go looking for them per say.

They worked through some things till dinner and then went to the mess hall where they met up with Ronon and Teyla. Sheppard remembered to give Ronon his dessert, much to the chagrin of Rodney, which in fact increased Ronon's enjoyment of it, so all good.

Sheppard walked with Rodney back to his quarters with some lame excuse of needing to visit something or other near his quarters but obviously had to leave him there, which was a shame as it turned out.