Chapter 3
They buried Leonardo out at Casey's farm.
Donatello meticulously removed every bloodstain from Leo's gear and mask while Splinter tended to his fallen son. Raphael's chest hurt watching his Sensei – looking so much grayer and older than he had the day before – carefully removing the shrapnel from Leo's body and washing away the blood and soot. His clawed hands eased Leo's limbs back into their combat gear and replaced his mask.
Leonardo was laid to rest with his katana in a sheltered grove of ancient evergreens that Mikey found a short distance from the farmhouse. Casey had offered to help dig the grave, but the turtles wouldn't let him. Instead, their burly friend was forced to stand aside, shifting his feet in helpless sorrow as April cried softly against his shoulder.
The only other person the family allowed to share their grief was Usagi. Mikey had been the one to remember the ronin and mention his name to Splinter. Usagi watched silently as Leonardo's brothers filled the grave with earth. The light from the setting sun touched his stricken face and turned his white fur a bloody shade of red.
Don let his shovel fall to the ground and turned away, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. April took a deep breath, lifting her head bravely, and crossed the clearing to put her hand on his arm. She gave him a little tug and he came unresistingly into her arms, hiding his face against her shoulder.
Raphael hurled his shovel away. The metal blade sank halfway into the ground and stuck, the handle quivering for a second or two before going still. He could feel more than one pair of eyes on him but he didn't look up. He turned away, dragging his forearm across his blurred, stinging eyes.
The silence shattered as deep, hoarse sobs shuddered from Splinter's chest. The sound sliced into Raphael like a blade. His hands clenched into fists, and he started to shake.
He couldn't stay there any longer. He started walking, but after less than a dozen yards, he started to run. He ran as fast as he could, ran until night fell and his lungs burned and his body ached. As the moon lifted itself over the towering trees, he stumbled to a halt. Raph bent over with his hands propped on his knees, chest heaving. His breath hissed between his clenched teeth, floating in steaming clouds around his head in the chilly autumn air. His mask was wet and cold where his tears had soaked the crimson fabric.
Leo's absence was a savage ache in his heart. Every time he looked down, he expected to see a gaping hole ripped in his plastron, but the scuffed shell was solid and whole. He didn't understand how it could be that way when he hurt so damn much. His chest felt so tight and stretched with pain that he thought he would fly apart.
Raphael screamed. He dropped to his hands and knees and dug his fingers into the cold earth as all his rage, all his grief, and all his love for his brother came pouring out. He screamed again and again, until his throat felt shredded and his lungs ached for want of air. He knelt there for several minutes, catching his breath, skin prickly and cold beneath a sheen of drying sweat. The mournful call of a great horned owl echoed through the trees.
He listed to the side, turning a bit so his carapace thunked to rest against a tree in a barely-controlled fall. The stars above him blurred and ran together as his eyes filled again – but he gritted his teeth and held his breath, and he did not let the tears fall. A soft breeze rustled in the canopy overhead. He shivered a bit, sensing the falling temperature and the scent of frost in the air. It would be a cold day tomorrow. At least the hard freeze had held off for one more day so they could bury their brother.
The wind died down, leaving him in utter silence. His chest was still achingly hollow. It no longer felt as if it would tear him apart, but he felt as if he'd never be able to draw breath normally again. His body still felt the burn of exertion, and although he felt indescribably weary, he knew he had to get moving before his muscles grew cold and stiff. He sighed, rose to his feet, and began the long trek home.
By the time Raph made it back, the farmhouse was dark and silent. The front door was bolted, but April always left one of the upstairs windows unlocked for them. He climbed the oak tree that stood beside the house, opened the window without making the old frame rattle, and slipped inside. He took a quick shower to wash off the worst of the sweat and dirt, then crept into the attic room that he and his brothers shared. He found his way to his bed in the dark and folded onto the mattress, sinking gratefully beneath the black forgetfulness of sleep.
Raphael shuddered awake out of a dream of fire and blood. The first gray light of dawn was creeping in the narrow windows, and he sat up in bed, rubbing his face wearily. Donny was still dead to the world on the other side of the room, maskless face weary and sad even in sleep. And Mikey...
Raph frowned. Mikey's bed was empty, and the blanket was gone. His frown deepened as he realized he'd never checked to make sure his brothers were actually there when he'd returned. He climbed out of bed and crossed the room on silent feet to stand next to Don's bed. He reached out and very lightly rested the back of his hand against his brother's face, relieved when the skin beneath his hand felt cool to the touch. Don had recently begun spiking fevers at night – an issue he'd made them aware of in passing, but he tried not to draw too much attention to it. It hadn't interfered with his ability to function and they all trusted Don to tell them if he was truly sick, so Leo had given him some leeway in how to deal with the slow-healing injury the mutant had given him.
Raph brushed his hand across Don's forehead again in a fond gesture he'd never make if his brother were aware of him. Despite the fact that all four of them were independent, highly trained ninjas, Leonardo had always taken the role of protector for his brothers. His efforts had been met with everything from gratitude to amused tolerance to fond (or, in Raph's case, not so fond) exasperation – but they had still let him, because even though they didn't really need a caretaker, they knew that Leonardo needed to care for them. A desolate, hollow feeling settled in Raph's chest as he realized that it would be his job to keep tabs on Don and Mikey now. Speaking of Mikey... He sighed sadly and went in search of his brother.
Feathery white frost glistened on every blade of grass and every leaf. He moved off toward the woods, suppressing a shiver as a chilly breeze caressed his shoulders.
He found Mikey right where he knew he'd be: sitting at Leonardo's grave, huddled against the marker that Casey had made. Usagi had asked permission to have a proper headstone made and Splinter had given his assent, but none of them had wanted to leave the grave unmarked, even temporarily. But Casey had surprised them all – he hadn't slept, but had stayed up in the barn all night before the burial, carving Leonardo's name in a wooden marker in plain, strong letters, and polishing the smooth wood until it gleamed.
If Michelangelo heard Raphael coming, he gave no sign. His blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, but Raph could see him shivering as he approached. The thick frost had coated the folds of the blanket and the tails of his mask in shimmering crystals.
Raph released a breath, a long sad sigh that floated in front of his face like a cloud. "Aw, Mikey," he whispered. Mikey didn't look around as his brother pulled away the cold-stiffened blanket and wrapped the second blanket around his trembling shoulders. After a moment of thought, Raph lifted the edge of the blanket again and sat down beside Mikey, pulling the warm fleece around them both. He wrapped his arm around his brother and pulled him close against his body, clamping his teeth together on the involuntary gasp that struggled to escape as he felt the chill from the ground and from Mikey's skin.
Michelangelo didn't resist, ducking his head to rest it against Raph's chest, shaking even harder when he broke into quiet sobs. "I d-didn't want him to be alone." His voice quivered both from tears and the cold.
Raphael shut his eyes, breathing carefully around the pain that filled his chest with jagged edges. "I know," he said softly. He sat there with his grieving brother, tracing the outline of Leonardo's name with his eyes over and over again, wondering how in the world they were going to manage without him. Leo had been gone for months while training with the Ancient One. His absence had been difficult, but they'd never doubted that he'd come back when he could. But now...
The soft sound of frozen grass bending beneath careful footsteps made him lift his head. He wasn't surprised to see Don approaching. Don's eyes flicked to Mikey's shaking form in concern, but Raph just shook his head a little and mouthed, He's all right.
Don sighed. "Mikey..."
"Don't say it," Mikey forced out. "I know what you're gonna say, Don, but just don't."
"No, Mikey, you don't know what I'm going to say." Don braced a hand on Raphael's shoulder for support as he knelt beside them, reaching out to rub Mikey's head with his other hand. "I was going to say that I understand why you came out here."
"I just want him back," Mikey said brokenly.
Don's hand clamped on Raph's shoulder so tightly that it pinched a nerve, sending a streak of pain shooting up his neck. Raph winced and lifted his head to give his brother a half-hearted glare, but paused when he saw the faraway, thoughtful look in Don's eyes.
"What if we could?"
Raph scowled. "Donny, what - ?"
"Hush, Raph. Think. What if we could get Leo back?"
Mikey lifted his head. "What do you mean?"
Don swallowed hard, hesitating, but after a moment, he ventured: "The time scepter."
Raphael froze. Pain of loss and a sudden surge of hope threatened to wrench his soul in two. He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. He couldn't allow himself to hope – couldn't believe there was a chance only to fail and lose Leo again – but...the time scepter...
Mikey was holding his breath. "Do you really think we could?"
Don's hand trembled against Raphael's shoulder. "I don't know. But...we have to try, don't we?"
Mikey sat up, pulling off his mask to palm the tears away from his eyes before replacing the orange band again. "But how? We've never been the ones to contact Lord Simultaneous before. It's always been him or Renet showing up out of the blue and causing chaos."
"The Daimyo might know," Don answered slowly.
The faintest glimmer of hope began to dawn in Michelangelo's eyes. "I can remember the drawing to open the portal," he said hesitantly, "but...Leo's the one who knew the chant."
"Usagi knows it." Raph's voice was deep and rough, as if he had swallowed rocks. His heartbeat thrummed heavily in his veins, nearly shaking him with its intensity.
Don looked at his brother, noticing the tension stringing through his frame. "Raph, what are you thinking?" he asked quietly.
Raph lifted his head, jaw firm. "It's Leo. We have to try."
"Is Usagi still asleep?" Mikey asked.
Don shook his head. "I saw him out behind the barn on my way over here."
Raph stood and reached down to give Mikey a hand up. "And how exactly are we gonna ask him to get us to the Battle Nexus?"
Don's brown eyes held a keen, distant look behind his mask. "Let me do the talking."
Raphael and Mikey fell in behind Don as he led them back toward the farmhouse. The sun rolled up over the horizon, causing the frost to glimmer with cold fire. Usagi was still dressed in his mourning clothes, a black and white statue sitting on a weathered wooden bench on the far side of the barn. His sheathed sword lay across his knees. Both hands were curled around the weapon, and his back was ramrod-straight as he stared ahead into the woods.
Despite his appearance of being lost in thought, his ears twitched the moment the turtles came into view. He stood, returned his sword to its place on his belt, and bowed to them as they approached. "Hello, my friends," he said quietly. The three turtles returned his bow. Raph and Mikey stayed just behind Don, waiting for him to take the lead.
Don paused for a beat or two before he spoke. "I don't think we've said it, Usagi," he began, "but...we're grateful that you're here."
Usagi nodded. "I am honored that you asked me. There are many who will mourn Leonardo-san's passing. I am...glad to pay my respects." His hand clenched a little tighter on the hilt of his sword and a spasm of pain flashed across his whiskered face. "Donatello-san, there is a question I must ask you. The last time I saw Leonardo, he was struggling with some personal demons. I need to know...was he able to make peace with himself?"
Guilt coiled hard and heavy in Raph's gut. Usagi had made a brief visit at Splinter's request earlier in the year, during one of Leonardo's darkest times. He had attempted to reach out to Leo, but Leo had been too far gone to listen. Leo had parted coldly from his friend, and even though it had been months since he'd returned from his journey to the Ancient One, their lives had been in upheaval ever since. Between the destruction of the lair by the Foot, the mutant outbreak, and the period of three months when Renet had stranded them in the Cretaceous period, they hadn't taken the time to contact Usagi.
Raph could see the regret on Don's face as well. "He did," Don answered, managing a thin but sincere smile. "It...it wasn't easy, but we got our Leo back."
Usagi's face brightened a little. It wasn't exactly a smile, but some of the pain receded from his eyes. "I am glad to hear it," he said softly.
Don paused for just a moment before taking a short breath and saying, "Usagi-san, I was wondering if you could help us. The Daimyo and Master Splinter have been friends for a long time, and I don't want him to hear about Leo from anyone else. Would you be able to help us get to the Battle Nexus?"
Usagi blinked at them in mild surprise. "Now?"
Don nodded. Raphael was careful to keep his face neutral. Don hadn't said anything that was untrue, but it still had felt like a lie. Raph almost felt guilty for a moment – but then he thought of Leo bleeding out in his arms, felt the cold vacancy where his brother should be, and he shoved the doubts away where they couldn't touch him, ignoring the very Leonardo-like voice in the back of his mind that said, "The ends don't justify the means."
But Usagi sighed a little and nodded once. "I will help you."
"Thanks," Don said, trying to smile.
Mikey jogged back to the farmhouse, returning a few minutes later with a piece of chalk. It only took him a moment or two to sketch the drawing for the portal on the side of the barn. Usagi lifted his folded hands and closed his eyes, chanting deep in his throat. The chalk lines glowed blue-white before the arch filled with undulating waves of light as the portal opened.
"The doorway is ready," Usagi said. "I will tell Splinter-san where you have gone so he will not worry."
"Thanks, Usagi," Mikey answered. He squared his shoulders and slipped through the light, Don close behind. Raphael took a deep breath and stepped forward, the sensation of stepping through a cool sheet of water washing over him as he followed his brothers through the portal.
