Soon Rodney would forget, soon he would never know that Sam adored him

Soon Rodney would forget, soon he would never know that Sam adored him. Most people wouldn't understand how a beautiful, intelligent woman like Sam could love the angry little man with the sharp tongue. Sheppard understood because to understand was to know every layer of Rodney.

To know that first impression's of Rodney were his protection against being hurt. If you got past the anger then you discovered the humour next, his second layer of defence which he used with skill to push people away, to belittle them and insult them. Next was his intelligence which he would use to intimidate you, which was the only part of himself that he not only liked but that he held a fierce pride for. If you got past this layer then you started to see how scared and vulnerable he really was. Just when you thought that was all he was you discovered the real Rodney, underneath all these layers, he was braver than anyone else Sheppard knew because he was scared of everything and yet he would stand and face anything to protect you. He was loyal and would pay any price for a friend without a thought. He was sensitive and would accept someone's pain as his own. He took guilt into himself with every breath and allowed it to consume him for the slightest inflection on a friend. He would lay down his life for anyone, thinking anyone's life was worth more than his own.

Rodney was the best and most valuable friend Sheppard had ever known. To know every layer of Rodney was only for the privileged and patient few, those who accepted him in all his layers, his friends. It was only then that you realised that you would die for this man in an instant and that you would protect him at all costs, defend him at all costs that you would become another layer for Rodney, another layer of protection against any hurts the world could bring. They were here, his most loyal friends, doing just that. Protecting Rodney from himself, from a pain his guilt could not contend with.

Sheppard couldn't help but hear as Sam told Rodney the things he needed to forget. He now knew what it sounded like when your heart broke because he heard it again and again as she laid bare her soul and every time hers broke he felt his break to. That Rodney would have to lose her in order to keep his sanity, in order to live, was wrong on every level. He heard the love in her voice, so clear and passionate. He knew that this love could help Rodney to dissolve the layers he shrouded himself in, it could help him believe in himself but he would never know of its existence. His saving grace would be his downfall and so he would have to live his life never knowing that Sam loved him beyond measure.

Rodney would never know but Sheppard would never forget and inside he felt Rodney's loss. Inside his heart ached with pain as he heard the love that Rodney would never know and he could feel waves of remorse and regret flow through his body as he realised what Rodney longed for most would be denied him because of fate and he knew now that Rodney must be cursed to have this taken from him.

He heard Sam's final words that Rodney had agreed to forget their love and guilt consumed him because he had talked Rodney into this sacrifice, would I have been able to do that if I had know the true cost? I didn't have a choice. It was love and death or life. Sam looked up at him and again he saw the eyes of a broken soul and his heart clenched in sympathetic pain for the both of them and as waves of sorrow flooded him he felt tears in his eyes for their loss and his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. Sam had sacrificed everything for him again.

As he watched Sam whisper the falsehoods he struggled to control his emotions and then he heard her give a painful, mournful sob that pulled at his soul and he was nearly undone. He struggled again when he heard gun fire outside and as he turned to look outside, he heard Ronon's shouts and he heard Radek scream and then above all these noises he heard a whisper "John?" Rodney. He turned to see Rodney and suddenly that was all he could see and hear was Rodney, tossing fitfully in his sleep. "Where are you?" He knelt by his shoulder and squeezed his shoulder, "I'm here Rodney, by your side," where I always am.

Rodney nodded and drifted into a peaceful sleep. He looked to Locti to see if this was normal or if he should be alarmed. She was grinning broadly, chuckling to herself as she nodded her head. "Yes, yes, you are a guardian." He realised it was quiet outside. Ronon. "Is the ceremony over, I heard gunfire," he said.

"No gunfire, Test. You risked sacrifice of guards to save him. You guarded him and no-one else. You passed test. He will live," said the old crone gathering up some things and then started to bustle out of the tent.

"Live, you mean there was a chance this could have killed him?" Sheppard said whilst shock, fear and anger all climbed inside him.

The old crone cackled, "always a chance of life and death," and then she turned to him with an intense stare, "but nothing will touch this man, I hear the secret keeper and his guardian, I hear the guards stand to the last, nothing will ever touch this man while you stand at his side, he is a lucky man to be loved so," and then she bustled out of the tent without another word. Sheppard shook his head and looked back toward Sam and Rodney. I can't let the others see her like that. He moved to the tent flap and steeled himself he stepped outside. "It worked so far, give us a little longer and then we will move him. I will shout you when we are ready," They all nodded and he moved back into the tent.

Sam was kissing Rodney, one final kiss and as she leant back on her heels she gripped her arms around her waist and tears flooded down her cheeks as sobs racked through her. He looked at her with saddened tears in his eyes because it hurt just to look at the amount of pain blatant on her face. She had ripped out her heart to keep Rodney safe. You can't leave her to suffer alone.

He unclipped his gun and put it to one side and then he went to her. He pulled her up to him and looked her in the eyes. "There are no ranks here Sam, inside this tent there are only Rodney's friends standing together, you're not alone here," and he opened his arms to her, she fell into his embrace, gripped onto his tactical vest and buried her head against him and he felt her body shudder as her sobs came, from a tortured soul in pain. Thank you Sam, I know it cost you but thank you for giving him back to us all.

He didn't know how long they stood there while he watched Rodney over her shoulder unable to come to terms with Rodney's loss. Finally she broke away, wiping tears from her eyes. "Thank you, John." Then she raised her face and he could see in her eyes the pain of love lost. "I'm glad he has you, it makes me fell better to know he's not alone anymore."

She wiped her eyes and he could see her compose herself. She placed a hand on his chest. "Keep him safe for me, Colonel," and then she left the tent without another word, without looking back. I will keep him safe for you and I will never forget the sacrifice you gave today for him and for that anything you ask of me is yours. I swear.

He looked at Rodney. He had his friend back but he had just witnessed the sacrifice Sam had made and now he thought about Rodney's. He had given up Sam so he could continue Carson's work, so he could keep Atlantis and all in her safe. He walked over to Rodney and knelt by him and he whispered, "It won't be for nothing, if it costs me my life I swear, Atlantis will stand till the end of time and this balance will be met."

He wanted desperately to stop. He was emotionally drained and in pain. He didn't know if he could take much more and he could already feel his eyes filling again. He just kept getting flashes of Sam as she looked up at him in so much pain and he saw Rodney again when he remembered his love, how at peace he seemed until those last minutes. His arms hadn't danced, his wrists hadn't twitched and he hadn't retaliated in anger or sarcasm between the balcony and here. With her love in him he had finally been at peace with himself and now that was gone and he would never know what that felt like. They were running out of time, they had to move. He pushed his emotions down and dried his eyes.

He called Ronon and when he came in he asked him to carry Rodney. He wanted to do it but they couldn't risk him waking up now and the Satedean could carry him easily without risk. They carried him to the jumper. As they walked back he spoke to Radek, "You're sure you can do this Radek, you have the hardest job of all because you will have to bluff him for the rest of the day. You can't let your guard down for a second and you have to watch him, this is the test Radek. Everything rests on today."

Radek pushed his glasses back up. "I am friend to Rodney and I will not let him down, I not let you down. I will not let him see that I worry, he will know nothing. Today will work. Rodney come back to us." He said as he nodded. "It will work Colonel Sheppard."

Sheppard nodded and then walked past to join Ronon in the Jumper and helped him put Rodney down and as he did he took a minute to look at Rodney and he thought inside, as he squeezed his right shoulder, no matter where I am, my place is always here, and then went to the pilot seat. Teyla and Carter were already in the front of the shuttle. Ronon sat down next to Rodney in the back and when Radek entered he sat opposite them.

Sheppard dialled the gate and when it initiated he went through. They flew to the village and landed just outside. Then they sat and waited. Eventually, Rodney started to come round and everyone jumped into action. Radek was outside in a moment with his bags and Ronon was beside him. Sam left and headed to the village Teyla stood in the door way. Sheppard stood and took a deep breath, looking at each of them in turn. Then he nodded. Act one Scene one.

He strolled over to Rodney and clapped him on the shoulder, "come on, up and at 'em McKay." He watched McKay furrow his brow and flinch away from his touch. "Come on, sleepyhead, time to go," Sheppard saw a slither of blue as Rodney inched open his eyes. "What?"

"We're here, jeez, how many those headache tablets you take McKay? Come on, time to go. Carter's already left for the village," he said as he started to help McKay up.

"Are we still going," Ronon growled from outside.

"Bags are heavy, yes," Radek added.

Rodney got up and followed Sheppard, still trying to get his bearings. They walked straight to the classroom and by the time they got there Rodney was fully awake. Ronnon and Teyla dropped off the bags they had been carrying and left without a word. He seemed to know why they were there so it was working okay so far. He set up everything with Radek.

"Right Radek, try not to embarrass me too much today, we're in public so try to keep any idiotic views to yourself."

Radek let go with a run of Chezch, waving his arms and then started muttering in English. "Come to do job, get insulted, I have degrees," and with his back to Rodney he looked up at Sheppard and he gave a huge smile and then he carried on in Chezch. Sheppard smirked.

"Yes, degrees of idiocy, lets try not to see too many of them today," Rodney interrupted. "Come over here and let me show you the database first." Sheppard beamed inside. Now that's the Rodney I know.

It seems days since he heard this and all he wants to do is sit down and listen to Rodney berate Radek, listen to his wit and sarcasm and the underlying respect he has for Radek but he couldn't. This had to be a normal day, a common day, an everyday sort of day and so he left and as he walked outside he saw Ronnon and Teyla waiting for him. "Rodney's back," he said with a smirk as he met them and he saw the relief in their eyes and in the way their bodies relaxed and as they walked into the village to speak to Sam, Rodney's team breathed a united sigh of relief.

Sheppard knew the whole secret and from that day on every time he saw Rodney with a child or they saved the city he shed a tear, inside where no one could see, for the sacrifice it cost and he wondered if there would ever be a time when it balanced out. If there would ever be a time when he soul didn't whisper to him that this isn't how it should be, that two people who loved each other as those two did shouldn't be apart.

THE END!!